Dark Trade

by Miranda Kavi

  He unclipped his badge from his collar and pressed it into her hand.

  “Be back in a sec!” she chirped.

  She hurried to the stairwell and down one floor. She flashed his badge in front of the scanner. After a heart-pounding pause, it turned green and popped open. She slipped inside, moving down the narrow hallway until she was in front of the contracts archives.

  This door opened with an old fashioned metal key, one that she had on her chain. It took about five tries to get it, but soon she was inside.

  Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw.

  The narrow shelves were normally stacked with boxes and file folders, floor to ceiling, stuffed as far as the eye could see.

  They were empty. Completely empty. But the room wasn’t. In the middle of the room, several large clear plastic bags were filled to the brim with shredded papers. The bags were at least six feet tall, and all full. She looked at the mountain of docs that stretched up to the ceiling in front of her and then backed away until she hit the door.

  They shredded every fucking contract? How could they do that? They were required by law to keep certain types of contracts.

  They were getting desperate. Crazy. Trying to cover their tracks. This scared her more than anything she’d seen so far.

  She backed away, slowly closing the door behind her. She got out of the records area, then back to the cold stairwell. She dropped off the badge with Bill, not even bothering to smile or pretend.

  She returned to her office and laid on the couch, legs crossed.

  She let it all hit her. The lying. The violation of trust. The sickness. The darkness.

  She wondered how many laws she’d already broken. She’d lied. She’d failed to report a crime. She’d accepted a bribe to remain quiet. She’d taken proprietary information from the company. She’d lied to a federal agent.

  The lies stacked on top of each other and made her feel sick and defeated.

  She almost let it overtake her then. She almost let the blackness wash back over her and take her away with its soothing darkness. She would have welcomed the numbness. She would have loved to not care anymore.

  But she wouldn’t. She wasn’t that person anymore.

  She stood up, smoothed her hair out, and returned to her desk.

  Chapter 15

  Sophia strapped on her running shoes and slipped outside. It was dark and shadowy by the bayou, but she wasn’t afraid of muggers. Not anymore.

  She ran and ran, letting the miles run under her feet. Running kept the darkness away and let her mind process things. Her strength came back and fortified her body and mind.

  The miles distracted her. Made her think of things other than Dmitri. Made her happy. Made her focused.

  She’d gone back to work, pretending nothing had happened. She reported to her secondment, working diligently. Three weeks had gone by.

  She’d started running. Started taking care of herself. She fought back the darkness. She was different now, in many ways.

  She’d accepted the coldness buried deep in her chest. It was who she was before Josh came around and who she was now that he was gone.

  She was a survivor. And survivors do what they must.

  She went on all the interviews that Andrea scheduled for her. She had five companies interested in her now.

  She moved forward. Always forward.

  She didn’t break. She bent and went with the flow.

  She returned to her condo, drenched with sweat and hungry and thirsty. She paused in the doorway, putting her key on her small entry table.

  She saw the picture of Josh and Landon. She picked it up, her fingers gently stroking their familiar faces. She kissed the picture, very gently. “Goodbye,” she whispered. She carried the picture to her bedroom, opened her closet, and packed it away in a box where she’d put Josh’s things.

  When it was gone, she felt lighter.

  Energy surged through her. She did a quick internet search on her smart phone for realtors and called the first one she pulled up. It clicked into his voicemail. “Hi. My name is Sophia. I would like to sell my condo. I know these go fast around here. I look forward to speaking with you.”

  She hung up and smiled. She could leave this place. Josh and Landon weren’t here anymore. There was nothing here. Nothing for her at all.

  She made another phone call to secure an appointment with her hairdresser. She was booked, but she cleared her schedule when Sophia offered to pay triple.

  Sophia jumped in the shower and rinsed off. She changed into comfortable jeans and a low cut, sleeveless linen blouse.

  She drove to the Heights and parallel parked in front of her favorite salon. Her hair stylist, Betsy, greeted her with a warm smile and a glass of champagne. Sophia sat in the chair at her station and was quiet while Betsy draped a smock over her tank top.

  “What are we doing?” Betsy asked, running her fingers through Sophia’s long hair as they both faced the mirror. “Trim? Highlights?”

  “Brunette. I want to go Brunette. And cut it shorter, up to my shoulders.”

  Betsy spun her around so they were face to face. “Are you sure? That would be like, six or eight inches gone. Especially with the hair color, that’s a huge change.”

  “That’s what I want. A huge change.”

  “All right. If you’re sure.”

  She showed Sophia color swatches. She picked out the darkest, blackest brown she could find.

  Betsy held the swatch up to her face. “I think it will work with your coloring, but you’ll have to re-think your make-up.”

  “No big deal,” Sophia said.

  Betsy smiled. “I like this new you. Let me go mix that color up.”

  Sophia smiled and it almost felt real. She watched the other women around her, easily smiling and flipping through magazines and chatting with their stylists about husbands and babies. She swallowed back a lump in her throat. She wasn’t wallowing any more. She was moving forward.

  Betsy came back and used a brush to coat her hair with the thick dark dye. The dye was cool against her scalp. She left it for about twenty minutes while Sophia flipped through a girly magazine filled with stupid articles on sex written by women who’d never had a fuck like Dmitri and pictures of celebrities she didn’t care about.

  When the timer was up, Betsy rinsed her hair and led her to the mirror. When she removed the towel, Sophia sucked in her breath.

  It was dark. Very dark like she wanted. Even though it was the exact shade she picked, it was a shock. It made her blue eyes stand out like pale fire. She looked so different, like a new person.

  Thirty minutes later, she walked out with brunette hair that swung around her shoulders in beautiful, textured layers and easily made her lunch date with Andrea.

  “Whoa!” Andrea said when they met in front of the restaurant. She hugged her and then ran her fingers down Sophia’s hair. “Freaking gorgeous! I had no idea you would be so hot as a brunette. I barely recognize you!”

  “Thanks!” Sophia said. She beamed at the compliment.

  They stood in line to order their burgers, grabbed their beers and then took their number placards to a picnic table style table outside.

  “Sooo. You seem better,” Andrea said. She waved down the waiter carrying their burgers, then handed the order number back to him.

  Sophia took a bite of her bison burger. “Yeah. I think I am. I’m making some big changes.”

  “Good.” Andrea took a swig of her beer. “I’m assuming you haven’t heard from Dmitri, then?”

  Sophia shook her head back and forth. “No, and that’s fine.”

  Andrea flicked her hair behind her. “Is it?”

  “Yes. I’m doing things differently now. This is the new me.” Sophia tossed her hair back for emphasis.

  Andrea smiled, but it wasn’t completely genuine. “Good, Soph. I was worried.”

  “Worried?” Sophia said.

  “Yeah, I was. I was worried you’d try to get back wi
th him. He’s a powerful man. Hard to resist.” She tapped the label on her beer absentmindedly.

  “I’m not power hungry,” Sophia said. She played with the ends of her freshly shorn hair. “That’s not what that was.”

  Andrea ignored her defensive tone. “That’s what it was all right,” Andrea said. “You’ve experienced the most disempowering thing that can happen to a human being: death. You lost your family. You learned the very hard way that life is not in your control. Then you meet Dmitri, who has power in spades, even over things he shouldn’t.” She tilted her head to the side. “Not a coincidence you were so attracted to him.”

  Whoa. That was a little too close to home. It hurt because it might be true. She hid the pain with a swig of her beer, but Andrea watched her with an unmovable gaze. “Maybe. Maybe not. It was more than that.” She put her beer down harder than she intended. “It doesn’t matter now anyway, because it’s over. He’s gone and I’m moving on with my life. I’m selling my condo. I already have people looking at it.”

  Andrea smiled. “You’re finally selling your condo? Thank freakin’ God. I told you that you needed a fresh start.”

  Sophia toyed with the rim of her bottle. “Yeah. You were right about that. I wasn’t ready until now. I felt like if I lived there, I would remember them better, almost like I needed to stay there to honor them or something. But it’s okay to move forward. I even put their pictures away. For now.”

  Andrea smiled wide, flashing her perfectly straight, white teeth. “I’m so happy for you, Sophia. This all sounds good.”

  Sophia took another bite of her burger, enjoying the flavors of the avocado, tomato, onion, and meat all mixed up. It was little moments like these that gave her hope—where she could simply enjoy something—it meant she was living in the moment.

  “What are you going to do about...the stuff? The papers.” Andrea glanced around them as she spoke.

  Sophia smiled. “I wanted to ask you about that. If I talk to an attorney, retain them, there’s a privilege. They couldn’t tell anyone, right?”

  Andrea frowned. “Right. It’s privileged, but there are exceptions. They are required to disclose information if it will prevent serious bodily harm or death of an individual, for example.”

  Sophia nodded. “That’s fine. I’m not planning on killing anyone. I’m going to hire an attorney and tell them what I know about Red Bluff International. I’m going to ask them to help me whistle blow with minimal damage to me and to protect me from prosecution.”

  Andrea tossed her half-eaten burger back in the basket. “Are you sure? Can’t you just take a new job and move on?” She bit her lower lip. “You’re doing so well. I’d hate to see you get bogged down in an investigation and the litigation. These things can drag on for years.”

  Sophia took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. “I know,” she finally said. “I’m still thinking it over. They kicked me off the network and wiped my computer. I went looking for hard copies of records and found a big of pile of shredded stuff instead.”

  Andrea’s mouth dropped open. “What? Holy shit. That’s bold. They know you know.”

  “They definitely know, though nothing has been said to me directly. That’s why I have nothing to lose about turning them in.”

  Andrea stared her down. “I don’t know, Soph. I’m worried about this.”

  “I know. Which is why I’m hoping you could recommend an attorney to me. At least let me talk to someone. They can help me decide what to do without risk to me or anyone else.” Sophia reached across the wide table to put her hand on Andrea’s arm. “Please.”

  “All right.” Andrea pulled out her purse. “I know a guy. He used to work for the Securities Exchange Commission and has held some major appointments at the White House. Now he’s the head of white collar investigations and litigation group at a big firm.” She pulled out a business card holder and started flipping through it. “He definitely knows his stuff. He’s the best, but he’s not going to be cheap.”

  “That’s fine. I have money.” She had a large amount from the insurance payout on Joshua’s life policy. She’d never used it. Just shoved it in a couple of accounts. She felt guilty about having the money. She hadn’t ever planned on touching it, until now.

  “Ah. Here it is.” Andrea handed her the card.

  Sophia scanned the name. Reginald Joshua. Of course his name would be Joshua. She tucked the card into her wallet. “Thanks, Andrea. What would I do without you?”

  Andrea smiled. “We’ve got each other’s back. The shitty-parent club, right?”

  “Right,” Sophia giggled.

  “Come. Let’s go to a wine bar. The night is young and you look hot,” Andrea said. They both chugged their beers and left together in Andrea’s car.

  Chapter 16

  Sophia chugged her coffee, then downed a bottle of water. She threw the empty bottle in the little white trash can in her EBCasp National office. She had a slight headache from her and Andrea’s unexpected late Sunday night wine fest, but she was better because of it. She’d actually had fun, and it was nice for her and Andrea to spend time together without wallowing in Sophia’s problems.

  She took the business card for the attorney and flipped it over in her hand, running her fingers over the smooth texture. It was a big decision. Not one to be taken lightly.

  Andrea was right. The easiest thing to do would be to walk away and move on with her life. It might even be the right thing to do.

  She put the card back in her wallet and stashed it in the drawer of her desk. She glanced at her watch—she had a meeting with the accounting heads in five minutes. They had several big positions they wanted her to fill during her short secondment.

  She pulled out her mirror and retouched her lipstick. It was too light of a color with her darker hair, but she hadn’t had time to get new makeup yet. It would have to do.

  She grabbed her notepad and pen and made her way to the elevator bank. Several of her new coworkers smiled and waved. They’d all noticed her hair and the compliments had been flooding in. She caught a glimpse of herself in the elevator mirror and almost didn’t recognize herself. The brunette hair gave her an air of sophistication. The snug navy blue skirt suit she’d chosen set off the color nicely and brought out the blue in her eyes.

  She got off on the fifth floor and began scanning the door numbers for the conference room. She glanced down at her watch. Crap. She was going to be a minute or so late.

  She got flustered as she walked down the long hall. Finally, she saw it. She pushed open the door and strode confidently into the room. She expected a room of four finance workers, but that wasn’t what she found.

  Instead she found something she couldn’t have ever prepared for. The air flew out her lungs, and the room compressed around her.

  Five people sat around the conference table. Including Dmitri.

  He was wearing a suit which clung to his broad shoulders. Next to him was a woman in a red suit, her curly black hair cascading down to her elbows. Three other suited men she didn’t know sat around the table. Gram was there too, standing in the corner.

  When the door opened, Dmitri’s eyes flew up to her. She couldn’t tear her gaze away from him.

  She saw the moment that recognition fluttered in his eyes. She saw the shock register on his face. Then it was gone. His face was neutral again. He broke her gaze and focused back down at the table.

  Her heart sank deep into her chest. It hurt. It hurt to see him. It hurt that he wasn’t even acknowledging her. It all hurt, and she wasn’t ready for it. She honestly believed she’d never see him again. Now that he was in front of her, all her feelings bubbled up. She had to confront them; she couldn’t pretend anymore.

  She composed herself. “I’m sorry. I made a wrong turn.”

  The pretty woman smiled at her. “What room were you looking for?”

  “Um...” Sophia cleared her throat. “A-twelve.”

  “One more door down,” the woman said. “Yo
u were close.” She offered a warm smile.

  “Thank you. My apologies,” Sophia managed to say calmly. She left the room quickly, not daring to look back. She stopped in the hallway and leaned against the wall. Her face was flushed with heat, her fingers shaking.

  Fuck. She gasped for air. He wasn’t in custody. He was free. And he hadn’t called. But that’s what she wanted.

  She was jealous of the woman sitting next to him. And angry. And hurt.

  It had all been a lie. He hadn’t cared for her. He just wanted to fuck her. She’d always had a hard time telling the men that wanted to sleep with her from the men that actually liked her. She’d really messed it up this time. Maybe Andrea was right. Maybe she’d just been drawn to his power.

  Her conflict raged within her. She half expected Dmitri to come after her. But of course, he did not.

  She pulled her feelings inside and tucked them away. She didn’t realize how fragile she was until now. How many lies she’d told herself. She smoothed her hair and stood, walking into her meeting.

  “Sorry, I’m late,” she said. She slid into her seat and pretended to listen. She asked the right questions. She jotted down answers. She smiled and made eye contact, but she was far away.

  She could feel the blackness encroaching again. She reeled with shock that she’d seen him. That he had been so close. That she hurt so badly. She shouldn’t be feeling anything at all, but she felt so much.

  She excused herself when the meeting was done and walked quickly down the long hallway. She kept her eyes forward as she passed the room where he still might be. Her body yearned to see him again, but her mind wanted to run and hide.

  She obeyed her mind. She ran to her office, shut the door, and took deep breaths until she was calm again. She couldn’t believe how undone she’d become.

  Then she got mad. Mad at herself. Angry at Dmitri. Furious with Red Bluff International. She shut down her computer and left early, not bothering to explain to anyone what she was doing. What were they going to do—fire her from her secondment?

  She drove home, fingers clenching the steering wheel. She felt it all now. Everything that had happened caught up to her and it was painful. Her feelings for Dmitri. The lies she’d told. All of it.