Chasing Forevermore

by Rivera, J. D.

  “It happened a week ago, I think,” Trey stated. “He was cremated.”

  Well, that was good. I had no plans of going to a funeral for him—at least, that was what I told myself. “I guess the world is a better place,” I said, surprising myself when those words slipped out.

  Trey nodded and chuckled. “Yeah. I’ll agree with that.”

  My head was starting to ache and my thoughts were running rampant. And as much as I hated my father, I didn’t like what I had just admitted aloud. I stood. “Look…can you leave your number with Hayes? I’d love to talk more…if you want. But right now, I just need to absorb all of this.”

  “Of course. It was great seeing you, Mackenzie.”

  “You, too.” I started to leave the room, but stopped when he stood. “Maybe we can grab dinner soon or something?”

  “I’d love that.” He stepped next to me and hugged me awkwardly. “I’m really sorry for running out on you.”

  I pulled back and smiled. “It’s okay. Just give me some time to process everything.” I turned to look at Hayes. “Can you get his number for me? Or give him mine?”

  “Yeah.”

  I headed toward our bedroom and sank down on the edge of the bed, trying to calm my thoughts. My breathing was becoming uneven and I didn’t understand why. Why the fuck did I care about what happened to my parents?

  “Trey, get in here. I’m going to kick your ass, you little shit!”

  “Merry Christmas, sunshine. Come see what Santa left you.”

  “Nobody will hear your screams or care!”

  My dad’s voice rang in my ears, making me remember every bad memory mingled with my one good Christmas memory.

  I was trying to calm my racing thoughts when my phone lit up with a text. I grabbed it from the nightstand.

  Miranda: Why did Hayes take Baylee home yesterday?

  My eyes burned with tears as I read and re-read the text. Hayes had taken Baylee home yesterday? That was why he was late? And probably why he was acting off.

  Me: I didn’t know he did.

  She immediately texted back.

  Miranda: According to her FB, he did. And she had a great time.

  I tossed my phone on the nightstand and staggered into the bathroom, tears blurring my eyes as images of Hayes and Baylee making out on a couch surfaced. His tongue down her throat, hands running over her back…

  I locked the door and turned the shower on, drowning out a loud sob escaping. Those horrible images were memories, not my imagination. Why would he take her home?

  I knew the answer even as I asked myself the question. Regardless of what he had been telling me, he missed his old life. Those were the good ol’ days. He missed going out and having absolutely zero fucks to give, fucking any girl he wanted. And I couldn’t be mad at him for it.

  He had stupidly knocked the trailer park girl up, and now he was paying for it. I knew Hayes loved me, loved Harley, but love wasn’t always enough. And who had I been kidding anyway? We were from two different worlds. My dad was a dead drunk and Mom was in a psychiatric hospital or something, while his dad was a district judge and his mom volunteered at local hospitals.

  Two completely different worlds.

  “Mac?” Hayes’ voice asked from the other side of the door as he knocked. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

  I sucked back the tears and cleared my throat. “I’m fine. I just need…” What the hell did I need? “I just need some space to absorb all of this.”

  He was silent for a moment. “Okay. I’ll be in the living room if you need anything.”

  “Thanks,” I muttered. “Why don’t you take Harley to that indoor play place or something?”

  “I’d like to be here for you.”

  “Please,” I begged. “Please, just go.” I wasn’t sure if I could look at him when I did decide to come out of the bathroom.

  “Fine,” he huffed. “Just remember how much I love you. How much Harley loves you, and all your friends.”

  “Thanks.”

  I heard his retreating footsteps and I let my head fall back against the wall as I slid down. I knew what he was saying was true, he did love me, and I didn’t think he’d cheat on me. But what if I was making his life miserable and he was just sucking it up for Harley’s sake?

  I closed my eyes and flashes of Hayes with Baylee and his ex, Kennedy, flashed through my mind. Maybe he was wrong about me being the better choice. Maybe Kennedy would have made him happier in the long run.

  The thought brought fresh tears to my eyes and I felt sick.

  Chapter 8

  Hayes

  Leaving Mackenzie crying in the bathroom was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my life. It made me sick, actually.

  Once in the Jeep, I pulled onto the street and called my dad. I needed answers and he’d be able to provide them for me.

  “Hello?” he answered after a couple of rings.

  “Dad. Hey, I have a question,” I said as I changed lanes, heading toward the indoor play place.

  “Okay,” he answered cautiously.

  Anytime Mac’s parents came to mind, I had to reel in my temper. I took a couple deep breaths, then asked, “Why didn’t you tell me Mac’s dad died? Not that I’m not happy about it...”

  “I wasn’t aware he had. I quit checking on them when they moved a few months ago.” He paused. “He’s dead?”

  “Yeah. Her brother just stopped by to tell her. And her mom is in a psychiatric hospital or something similar.”

  “She was probably only there for a couple of days, so depending when it all happened, she could’ve been released.”

  “Any way you can check? See where she is?”

  “I can do that. How is Mackenzie?” he asked, genuinely concerned. My dad had never disliked Mac, just her family. And he had been really pissed when I brought Mac and Harley home with me one weekend without telling them Mac was back in my life and they were grandparents. In fact, he had voiced his opinion pretty loudly while we were alone in his office. With that being said, he had pretty much been wrapped around Harley’s finger since he had laid eyes on her, and had come to love Mac. He would do anything for her.

  “She’s a…mess. I’m giving her some space and taking Harley out. I didn’t want to leave, but she begged me to.”

  “I would imagine. And the brother?”

  “I have no idea how he found out, but someone called him to let them know about their parents and he found Mac. I wanted so badly to punch the shit out of him for leaving her behind. And for never looking her up until now.”

  “I’ll see what I can find out. Just take care of Mac and Harley.”

  “Thanks, Dad,” I said, then disconnected the call.

  I knew I couldn’t, but I really wanted to punch something. Punch all of Mac’s family for everything they’d done to her, but considering most of my rage was directed at a dead man, I obviously couldn’t.

  “Daaaddyyy!” Harley squealed from the backseat as we pulled up to the indoor play place.

  “You wanna go play?” I asked after getting out and opening her door.

  She pointed and squealed some more. At least one of us was happy.

  We went inside and I helped Harley take off her shoes before finding a bench to sit on. The place wasn’t packed, which I was glad for, but I was bored. I knew exactly who could come kill time with me.

  Me: Get your ass down to the indoor play place Harley loves. I’m bored.

  Five minutes went by before he texted me back.

  Carson: Why isn’t Mackenzie with you?

  Me: Long story. Just come hang. I’m sure you’ll find some hot nanny to look at.

  Carson: Give me fifteen.

  Placing my phone back in my pocket, I glanced at Harley, who was jumping up and down on a small trampoline area that looked like a bunch of air pillows. She looked so happy, I couldn’t help but wonder what Mac looked like at Harley’s age. Was she carefree and happy? Or was she sad?

&n
bsp; How I fucking wished she’d had a happy childhood like I’d had. Like Harley would have. I’d do anything, anything, to make Mac forget her childhood, but I couldn’t. It would always be in the back of her mind, stealing her joy.

  “She is really cute,” a female voice came from beside me.

  “Huh?” I asked, glancing to my right. A girl in her early twenties with brunette hair had sat down, biting her lip in a flirty way. What the fuck? I looked around to make sure I really was in an indoor playground for kids.

  “The little girl you came in with.” She pointed toward Harley. “She’s adorable.”

  I looked back at Harley and couldn’t help but smile. “Yes, she is. Thank you.”

  “Is she your niece? Little sister?”

  This girl wanted to chat, and I had no desire whatsoever. “Daughter,” I answered, not taking my eyes off Harley.

  “Wow. I wasn’t expecting that.” She slid closer, and I moved farther away. “But now that I look at her, she looks just like you.”

  I didn’t reply, just looked to see if I could find any place else to sit. Alone.

  “I’m actually here with my niece. Maybe we could exchange numbers and they could play together sometime?”

  I studied the area around Harley, noticing she was only playing with a little boy. “I don’t think so, and I don’t think my daughter cares about playing with your niece.” I gestured to the area to prove my point. Whoever her niece was, she was nowhere near Harley.

  “Oh, I’m sure they would play well if we got together sometime.”

  How fucking desperate.

  “Look,” I began, “I’m engaged. To the mother of my daughter. I don’t want to get our kids together. Ever. And you should really learn when someone isn’t interested.”

  Her mouth hung open and I got up, moving to another area. I knew I had sounded like a jerk, but I just couldn’t muster up any energy to care. I went back to watching Harley, lost in my thoughts.

  “Hey,” Carson said, sitting down at the table next to me.

  “Thank God,” I said. “What took you so long?”

  “Well, dear, I got here in fifteen, so nothing.” He studied me for a moment. “What climbed up your ass and died?”

  I shrugged. “I have no idea where to even start. Let’s go with this…” I started, filling him in on everything.

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah. She was pretty upset, and basically kicked me out of the house in the nicest way possible.”

  He placed his elbows on the table. “So, that’s why you are here?”

  I nodded and stared off into the distance. “I wish her family would just leave us the hell alone.”

  “I think her dad will.”

  I tried really hard not to laugh, but couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped. Leave it to Carson to say the most inappropriate thing. “Your parents never taught you manners, did they?”

  He shook his head. “Nope. They were more of the say whatever is on your mind type of people.”

  “Well, you’re still wrong. This—him dying—just brings them back into our lives.” I stared at Harley. “It’s that bastard’s fault I missed out on Harley’s first year and Mac and I weren’t together.”

  “I know. So, he basically brought Kennedy into our lives if you really think about it. Let’s not forget that horrible time.”

  I slowly turned my head to glare at Carson, who was wearing a shit-eating grin. “Let’s not ever bring her up. I’d like to forget that mistake.”

  “Okay.” He shrugged. “You said her brother came out of nowhere, too?”

  “Yeah,” I answered. “Her brother, who she hasn’t seen in eight years, just showed up and dropped the bomb about her dad and the fact that her mom had a breakdown.”

  “Shit.”

  I nodded. “You can say that again.” I was tired of thinking, so I changed the subject to something else. “Have you talked to Austin lately? I got a text from him like a week ago, but I forgot to reply.”

  “I think I talked to him two or three days ago. He’s dating some chick he met at community college. I have no idea what her name is though.”

  “That’s good. I’m glad he’s out of Candy’s claws.”

  “I thought we weren’t talking about your past mistakes.” He smirked at his little jab.

  “Do you really want to talk about mistakes? I can think of a shit load.”

  “That’s the thing,” he said, “I don’t care about mistakes. You live and learn.” His eyes narrowed in on the girl who had talked to me earlier. “I think I’m going to go get a drink. Be right back,” he said before moving toward the line she was now standing in to order food.

  If I had been a nicer person, I would have told him to stay away, but I didn’t. I just sat back and watched, knowing the girl was slightly desperate.

  My phone buzzed and I pulled it out of my pocket.

  Mac: I’m going to take a nap. But we need to talk.

  Something about the “we need to talk” didn’t quite sit well with me. I knew she was upset about her family, but that wouldn’t be why she had texted that. No, it was something else. But what the hell could it be?

  Me: Okay. Have a good nap. I love you.

  “That girl was a little weird,” Carson remarked as he sank down on the seat with a drink in his hand.

  I shoved the phone back into my pocket. “Yeah. I could have told you that, but that wouldn’t have been any fun.”

  “I said hi and she was immediately trying to give me her number, then she got pretty persistent.”

  I laughed and we both became silent. Carson was more than likely debating over whether he should give that chick his number and I was thinking about Mac.

  I worried the entire time we were there, and by the time Harley and I arrived home three hours later, I was beyond concerned. All I wanted to do was hold Mac and tell her it would be okay, and that she had Harley, me, my family, and all our friends. She didn’t need her parents. I realized Mackenzie knew she didn’t need them, but knowing she would never get the opportunity again, had to be bothering her.

  “Hey, babe,” I announced as I carried Harley inside. “We’re home.”

  Mac didn’t respond so I laid a sleeping Harley in her bed and then strolled into our bedroom, looking for Mac. I found her curled up in a ball on our bed, facing the window.

  As quietly as possible, I walked toward the other side of the bed to face her. To my shock, she was awake, staring out the window with a glazed look.

  “Babe…” I trailed off, squatting down in front of her and brushing a hand through her hair. “You okay?”

  She stared at me for a moment, pain radiating from her eyes. “So…you took Baylee home yesterday?”

  Fuck.

  Chapter 9

  Mackenzie

  I had no idea why that was the first thing that popped out of my mouth, but it was. Actually, I did. It had been bugging me since I received Miranda’s text and had festered the entire time Hayes had been gone.

  Hayes’ eyes went round and guilt filled them, which made me uneasy. “Mac…” he started, trying to touch me.

  I batted his hand away and scooted to the end of the bed. “It’s a yes or no question, Hayes.” I stood up and turned to look at him, blinking back the tears threatening to spill over.

  “Yes, but I can explain.”

  “Did you cram your tongues down each other’s throats this time?” I asked, but I had no idea why. Hayes would never cheat on me. I knew that.

  “You know I’d never, ever, cheat on you!” He stepped around the bed, and cautiously cupped my face, which I reluctantly allowed. “How could you ever think that?”

  I couldn’t stop the tears as they cascaded down my cheeks. “I know. But how could you do this? Take her home? I’m not even sure I want to know what happened to put you in that situation.”

  Hayes pulled me closer and wiped the tears from my face with his thumb. “I promise it was nothing.”

  How the hell c
ould he say it was nothing? If he hadn’t been cramming his tongue down Baylee’s throat at that party, we wouldn’t have missed over a year with each other. I would have talked to him and stayed in Maverick. But he did, and I left. “It was nothing,” I said slowly, letting his words settle between us.

  “Mac…” his voice cracked and tears began filling his eyes. I wasn’t sure I had ever seen Hayes cry before. Maybe this was worse than I’d thought.

  “Just explain to me what happened,” I whispered, and pulled out of his grasp to walk to the other side of the room. “Because my mind has been coming up with all sorts of reasons why you, my fiancée, were with Baylee. And apparently, she had a great time. Did you?”

  “No, fuck no,” he replied, appalled I’d even ask. “Just listen, okay? I promise, it was nothing.”

  “Okay.” I leaned against the dresser and crossed my arms over my chest, feeling like I needed protection.

  Hayes sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. “You know how it was raining yesterday?” I nodded and he went on. “I was walking across campus toward the parking lot and she called out my name. I stopped and she told me her car wouldn’t start and she needed a lift home. I told her to call her friend, but she said the friend wasn’t answering. Anyway, I decided I needed to try to be nice, so I agreed to take her home since her car broke down in the pouring rain.”

  “You couldn’t have suggested a towing company? Or told her to wait in the union until her friend answered?” I asked, tears spilling down my face once more. I hated listening to this, hated that he had even spoken one word to her.

  “I guess I could’ve, but I didn’t think about that. What flashed through my mind was Harley—”

  “What?” I shouted. “Harley ran through your mind while talking to one of your old fuck buddies, not me? I get it, Hayes.” I bent over, trying to stifle it, but a loud sob broke free.

  Hayes was in front of me in an instant, wrapping me in his arms. “Don’t touch me!”

  “It wasn’t like that.”

  “What was it like? Please, enlighten me.”

  “I thought about how I would want someone to treat Harley if she were in this same position. That’s why I agreed to take her home. No other reason.” He grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me once more, placing kisses on the top of my forehead as I cried. I knew I was probably overreacting, but with everything I had learned today, I had no emotional control whatsoever. “I promise you that is all it was. I took her to her apartment in the city and drove straight home to you.”