Three Stages of Love: Attraction

by T. Anthony

  Grinning, Alexander kissed me on the cheek and said, “Don’t be too long.”

  A man bothers to take himself to the restroom merely to relieve a urinary need. A woman takes time to go to the ladies’ room to make friends, catch up on gossip, and make plans or to tell secrets.

  “So tell me, Eva, what is the deal with you and Mr. Gorgeous out there?” Leila snickered her way through her question, but her intrigue was evidently self-serving.

  I hid my uncertainty well but made it clear that I was no fool. “Mr. Gorgeous, huh? Are you asking purely for informational purposes, or do I hear some excitement in your question?”

  Leila giggled softly as she leaned into the mirror before her and applied a thick layer of red lipstick. She looked at me through the mirror. “Being married doesn’t make you blind, my dear; one can appreciate the same or opposite sex without being a threat. Now, I highly doubt that you are the insecure or jealous type, so should I assume that you are purposely dodging my question?”

  “You are correct. I am neither the jealous nor the insecure type, but I am also not dodging your question.” How will I answer this, I thought. My deal is actually a contract that includes sexual, kinky satisfaction, and our goals are to advance our relationship through the forces of intense sexual gratification. Yeah, I’m sure that would go over well with my new friend and Alexander’s new partner. “There is no deal. We are taking it slow. I care for him, he cares for me, and we are just allowing the relationship to navigate its own way.”

  “OK. I’m a little confused. Agreeing to move across the country with a man doesn’t exactly say, We’re taking it slow. I don’t mean to prod, but I honestly thought you two were on the verge of wedding bells.” Leila’s look turned more confused than mine.

  And my expression merely turned to anger. “I’m sorry, what did you say? Who is moving across the country with what man?”

  Leila looked like the cat that ate the canary. With the feather hanging out of her lips, she stuttered, trying to recall her statement. “Eva, I didn’t mean to stick my nose where it didn’t belong. Perhaps we should get back—”

  “Perhaps you should continue talking and fill me in on what you obviously already know.” I growled my request quietly so as to not cause a scene and also not be too rude to Leila, as she wasn’t at fault for what I was about to hear.

  “Eva, I assumed you knew. When Tom got the call today and he said we were going to be having dinner with you, my understanding was that we were meeting to get to know each other so that when you moved out, you had someone there who was familiar.” Leila’s expression was filled with apologies. Sorry for knowing what she knew and sorrier that she knew what I didn’t.

  “Moved out where exactly?” I asked.

  “Los Angeles. Alexander has been out in LA getting the merger together with Tom, but his intentions were to have a full partnership instead and base himself there,” Leila added.

  I lowered myself onto a cushion-top stool by the vanity in the restroom, trying to grapple with an understanding. “He was in LA while we were separated. I have heard nothing about any move to LA. Perhaps those were his intentions before we got back together.”

  “I”—and Leila took a breath before continuing with what she was going to say—“I overheard their discussion yesterday before we left for New York and again today when he confirmed dinner.” Leila took a step toward me and reached out for my hand. “Come on, and let’s get back. I’m sure I misunderstood, and let’s not spoil such a nice dinner and newfound friendship.

  We walked lightly and at a slow pace back to our table, where Alexander and Tom sat with serious glances and square shoulders as they discussed their plans and possibly our move to LA.

  “Are you boys done with the boring stuff yet? Can we get some dessert?”

  Leila was trying desperately to keep the mood light and to keep me from blowing up her spot. She let the cat out of the bag, and the cat turned me into a lioness ready to pounce.

  The ride back to Alexander’s apartment felt long and tension filled. Alexander knew that there was something bothering me, but he dared not ask. We even rode silently in the elevator up to the penthouse. I had to get my words and emotions together before I let all my steam out, directly injuring Alexander.

  It was past midnight when we finally got back, and as we passed the entrance to the apartment, my vocal restraints let themselves loose. “Where would you like to begin in your explanation of our move to LA together?” I blurted out loudly, causing Alexander to freeze in his movements.

  “I knew I should have discussed that with you before we went to dinner with the Nests—” Alexander said, having figured out that there was only one secret Leila could have shared with me that would have turned me into a beast.

  Interrupting his lame excuse, I shouted, my voice growing in crescendo, “Should have discussed with me? More important than what you should have discussed with me is the fact that you should not have told other people that I was aware of your plans and that I had agreed to move across the country with you.”

  “Evangeline, listen,” Alexander pleaded.

  But there was very little Alexander could say that would calm me down. “Don’t Evangeline me. I would never agree to move to LA, not with you or anyone else. I am a New Yorker, born and raised, and I will not leave everything I have known and made for myself for anyone. We have been back together for a minute, and here you are moving me across the country? Boy, do you fall fast and hard!”

  “Well, I guess that puts me in my place. The trip to LA was a getaway-slash-business trip. I thought it would be good for us to get away, and I also had business to do there.” Alexander paused, walking toward me as I braced myself against the dining table. “Why are you here with me? I thought I made it clear to you that if you are here physically but not wholeheartedly, then you are better off leaving. I am doing what I said I would do—what the contract stated I would do: I accept the keeping of your body for the fulfillment and enhancement of our sexual, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual needs. You gave me your body for safekeeping in every way, shape, and form, and I am trying to do just that. I know I was wrong for telling someone else before I even discussed it with you. But in reference to you not leaving everything for anyone, well, I assumed that we both had willingly come into this agreement for love. I guess I was wrong.”

  It was rare that someone could talk circles around me, but Alexander had just run a marathon in his few words, and I felt like a hypocrite. “Alexander, I—”

  But Alexander was on a roll and refused to let me speak.

  “The fact that you would come at me spewing this horseshit concept of what you’ve known and what you’ve built is mind-numbing. I don’t get you. You can’t live without me, but somehow when you have me front and center, you have no problem telling me that it is everyone else you cannot live without. But me, you have no problem letting go.” Alexander’s shoulders stiffened as he faced me, only inches apart and with so many mixed feelings reeling between us both. “It’s funny how the minute you are asked to explain yourself, you become mute. Let me put it this way: this life that you’ve built is suddenly not working out the way you planned. You have fallen for a man who will not allow you to hurt yourself and those around you for fear of the outcomes that lay ahead. You’ve also fallen for a man who, if you didn’t already know, is madly in love with you and who has, yes, fallen fast and fallen hard!”

  Alexander wrapped his large arms around me, embracing me enough so that I couldn’t move but leaving enough room between us so that I could stare into his hypnotic eyes.

  “So, I’m going to ask you to wrap your head around the fact that in three weeks we are going to go spend some time in LA for business and perhaps a little bit of pleasure. My business ventures will require that I spend time in LA for at least part of the next year or two. I am taking you with me. And since Marcus, your boss, does not want you back at work for a while, I don’t foresee anything or anyone other than mys
elf occupying your time.”

  I was somehow processing everything he was saying and taking all things into consideration. Through all of that I couldn’t actually find anything in his request that I could or would contest.

  “I see the wheels in your brain turning; don’t overthink this.” Alexander huffed through his psychoanalysis of me. “If you want to be with me, you will come with me despite your notions and fears. When you are ready to start packing, you can have Brant take you to Long Beach to get the things you’ll need, or I will gladly take you shopping and get whatever you need before we leave for LA. Again, I do apologize for having heard this information from a source other than myself, but that is all I will apologize for. Is there anything else you wanted to discuss, Evangeline?”

  Yes, I want to discuss all of it, I told myself. But no words made it out of my mouth. Instead I pushed his arms down, releasing his grip on my waist, and slowly strolled past him, never saying a word. I needed a moment to think about the choices that were being made for me. I never looked back at him; I just walked out the apartment’s entrance and into the elevator and pressed the button that read L for lobby.

  When I reached the ground floor of the building, I stood right outside the elevator doors for a moment. The blank stare on my face was the mirror image of the blankness that existed in my head.

  “Can I help you, Mrs. Mason?” asked a familiar voice.

  And that snapped me right out of it. “I’m sorry. I’m not Alexander’s wife,” I said.

  It was the bellman who was trying to assist me. He had seen Alexander and I stroll in and out of this building together dozens of times. “Accept my apologies, miss. I meant no disrespect; please excuse my assumptions.”

  “Please, Andrew, no need to apologize. Can you tell me, does this place have a bar that’s open or a kitchen that serves alcohol? I need a stiff one, and I don’t mean one that comes with a body and a mouth.” My bluntness even made strangers laugh. Though with me, you either love my sense of humor or you hate it. Andrew obviously loved it.

  Smiling from ear to ear, Andrew escorted me to the lounge on the bottom floor of the complex. “The Premier is open for another hour, miss. Is there anything else I can help you with? Anything at all?”

  But there was nothing at all in that moment that I wanted more than to get wasted. “No thank you, Andrew. This is fine.”

  Andrew walked off, and I made my way to the desolate bar. The room was set with tables for two. The tables held dim lit candles and a single white rose. Outside the courtyard were workers collecting chairs and cleaning up remnants from the people who had been there earlier.

  The bartender approached me and leaned onto the onyx bar counter. “Well, hello. What can I do for you?”

  Oh God, I need to get hit on like I need a hole in the head. I sighed, “The only thing you can do for me is get me a drink. Patrón, Rose’s lime juice, and a slice of lime—please,” I said.

  The bartender nodded and proceeded to make me my drink.

  There were so many things that occupied my mind in that moment but nothing that stood out clear. So as my thoughts raced, I begged myself to find clarity. And I did—at the bottom of my first drink. And then my second, and by the third drink, nothing was any clearer, but I also had no thoughts in my head.

  “We are going to be closing soon. You sure I can’t do anything else to turn that frown upside down—darling,” the bartender annoyingly asked.

  “You can turn around and get the fuck out of her face,” said a voice behind my head that would have startled me had I not been so sloshed. Instead it made me laugh.

  “Mr. Mason, I apologize. I didn’t realize she was with you,” said the bartender.

  “She is with me in every way you can possibly imagine. So the next time you see her, you will address her as miss, and you will say nothing more than hello. Is that clear?” And with that added tidbit of information, I recognized that the irate and protective tone Alexander was speaking with; was the same he had used when he stood over Michael and threatened to kill him. He was in protect and defend mode.

  “Oh, hush up, cranky. He was just being nice and maybe a little hopeful that I would jump over the counter and blow him.” Laughing loudly, I shoved Alexander jokingly. But he was far from amused.

  Flushed and embarrassed, the bartender nodded to Alexander and hung his head awkwardly as he tiptoed to the back of the bar and went out of sight.

  “What exactly do you think you are doing?” Alexander barked at me. “You’re so drunk you don’t even realize when someone is being inappropriate with you. And this is, what? Supposed to teach me a lesson?”

  I have always been a strong-willed woman, but when alcohol fills my veins, I’m invincible. “I don’t think I’m doing anything. To be honest, I’m not thinking at all; that was the point of this. I can handle myself, Alexander; I don’t need you to come to my rescue. I’ve done just fine without you for the last thirty-two years of my life. I don’t need you making my decisions for me or running my life. This wasn’t the deal.”

  “Is that what this is about? You not being the one to make the decision to go to LA? I’m not tying you up and dragging you there, Evangeline, and I’m not trying to run your life.” Alexander sighed deeply. “I’m just trying to keep me in your life.”

  Even in my inebriated state, I managed to hold myself back from telling him that I understood what he was saying. I was grasping at straws, trying to find things to be angry about. But deep down I knew that he wasn’t doing anything that wasn’t full of love.

  Being a woman is hard. And maintaining one’s strength and a little control in a relationship is the key to not ending up as a doormat, but explaining that conviction was proving difficult. “I am not a child, Alexander. I know I have made mistakes, but who hasn’t? What I don’t need is someone telling me what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. I have worked all my life to live this life, and it is my own. No one can take credit for it or say that they gave it to me.” I felt my eyes begin to burn with emerging tears. “This is not a decision on where to make reservations for the evening. This is my home and my life we are talking about. You deciding and announcing to strangers that we are moving to LA is not something that I can just lay down and take.”

  Alexander looked surprised at how poised and precise I spoke, considering I could barely stand on my own two feet. But when the heart speaks, the brain has no involvement.

  “I was wrong for telling Tom about the trip before I informed you, but I won’t apologize for trying to plan for the continued existence of our relationship. The fact is that I have to stay in LA for a while. I don’t want to leave you behind, and besides, you have the time coming to you at work.” Alexander cradled my face with both hands and centered me so I would stare deep into his hazel eyes where there lay no maliciousness, just love. “All I am asking is that you take a chance on me, and on love. Don’t set us up to fail; neither of us does well without the other. Try it out for a day, a week, a month’s time—whatever you can handle. And when you can’t handle it, home is just a flight away.”

  I was great at bargaining, but Alexander? Just amazing!

  “I will consider it. I can’t promise you anything,” I softly replied, having come down from my alcohol-induced anger trip.

  Alexander stood and reached for my hand. “Can we go home now?”

  And the word home made me realize that my next decision would change my life forever, causing me to freeze where I sat.

  “Evangeline,” Alexander let out harshly, “get up off the stool, and follow me upstairs. I am not asking you.”

  And my body moved as he commanded, with no words and no contentions.

  I awoke to find darkness still surrounded me and my drunkenness. The clock on the nightstand read 2:00 a.m. I turned to find nothing beside me, although it was apparent that I was in fact still at Alexander’s. I slightly recalled our argument about LA, my drinks at the bar, and Alexander’s stern talking to as he forcefully and a
ngrily escorted me back to the apartment. Though I couldn’t recall going to bed or where Alexander had disappeared to, I wanted nothing more than to find him and bring him back to bed beside me.

  I had a plain white T-shirt on and panties as I rose from the bed and entered the hallway to go find Alexander. There are so many damn rooms in this house! I yelled in my head. But, down the hall, in the last guest room—the bedroom where we first were intimate—lay Alexander in the center of the bed, wearing nothing but black, skintight boxer briefs. I strode toward him with an ease in my step, trying not to disturb the perfection that lay almost completely naked before me. And as I slipped onto the plush mattress, Alexander’s eyes opened and peered at me through the darkness.

  “What are you doing in here?” he asked coldly.

  “I want to be with you. I want to lie with you,” I responded.

  And after a brief pause, he responded, “No. You can’t be with me when it suits you. You are either always with me or you can begin to get accustomed to the feeling you have inside when you are without me. Now go. Go back to your room and sleep.”

  Turning his back to me, Alexander shunned me and sent me away.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Alexander and I were like strangers those early morning hours after our first official argument as a couple.

  We sat across from each other at the table as Brant served breakfast. I had little to say. For one, I was battling a looming hangover. And two, I was trying since last night to organize my thoughts and weigh the pros and cons of going to LA with Alexander. Not to mention the fact that Alexander had turned me away from being at his side through the night.

  Till now, my biggest fear had been the idea of diving into a married-like scenario and not being able to escape it afterward. And there were other things. Staying in the penthouse with Alexander didn’t fell like I lived with him. It just felt like I was sleeping over a lot. Going across the country for a few months—that’s a whole other ball game. But I knew all too well the consequences of not being with Alexander and the dreadful pain that I felt without him, and last night was a torturous reminder of that.