The Lies I've Told

by J. L. Berg

  Another lie.

  Unfortunately, lies were easier to tell when you were on the phone, and your sister wasn’t staring you down.

  “Try again,” she said, her face deadpanned. “And, if you don’t tell me the truth, I’m taking away the baby.”

  I looked down at Ruby, my face scrunched in agony. “Okay fine, but that’s just dirty, using my niece to get me to talk, only minutes after I’ve met her.”

  “Still waiting,” she said, not even messing around.

  “I’m getting there!” I said sternly. Well, as sternly as one could be while whispering to avoid waking a sleeping baby. “I lost my job.”

  “You what?”

  “You heard me. I lost my job,” I reiterated as Ruby began to fuss in my arms, making me instantly panic.

  A sleeping baby was one thing. A needy, crying baby was another.

  “Give her to me, and start talking,” she said, handling Ruby like a damn pro.

  If I didn’t know better, I would have sworn my sister had done this whole parenting thing before. I watched in awe as she cradled that tiny little newborn in one hand and disconnected her bra with the other. Within seconds, Ruby was latched and feeding like a champ.

  “Wow. Is it always that easy?”

  “What? Breastfeeding? No,” she explained. “Every woman is different. Every baby is different. It’s always a mixed bag. Thankfully, everything has worked out pretty well so far, and the hospital had an amazing staff to support me. But enough of that. Stop stalling. Your job?”

  “Right. Well, the gist is, I had a job, and now, I don’t.”

  “Millie,” she nearly growled.

  “Fine,” I growled back. “I was up for a major promotion, and then someone sent an email around to the entire company that had some pretty incriminating information about me. And…well, instead of being fired, I resigned.”

  Her eyes widened. “What kind of incriminating evidence?”

  I tried to look away, but her tractor-beam gaze caught me first. “That I slept with my boss,” I said, sort of slurring it all together.

  “You slept with your boss?”

  Of course she’d understand my mumbled speech.

  “Yes, okay? I am a horrible person. I’m the office slut who let her emotions get the best of her and slept with her boss.”

  A moment passed before she spoke again, “Do you love him?”

  I took a deep breath. “I thought I did.”

  “But you don’t anymore?”

  I found myself looking down at the hardwood floor as I wrung my hands together. The only sound in the room was the sweet, comforting noise of my newborn niece nursing.

  “No,” I answered finally. “Not anymore. Honestly, I’m not even sure I know what love feels like.”

  “So, what will you do now?” she asked, placing a gentle hand on top of Ruby’s head as she looked at me with warmth and compassion.

  I should have known my sister would be there for me.

  “Well, work my way back up, obviously. I have my own contacts, my own resources. I can do it. But, first, I want to find out who sent that email.”

  “Why?” she asked.

  “What do you mean, why?”

  “What difference does it make?”

  “Molly, that person ruined my life. That email literally ruined my life.”

  She turned her head and looked at me without saying anything, and then she gazed down at Ruby and smiled. “You lost your job, Millie. Not your life. Learn the difference.”

  Before I had the chance to offer a rebuttal, the doorbell rang, and the dutiful Jake came running to answer it. From the living room, Molly and I could see Cora enter with a large bouquet of flowers and a gift basket full of baby items.

  “Dean sends his love, but he had a fishing tour this afternoon. Weekends are a busy time for them,” she said, handing over the basket to Jake, who took it along with the flowers and headed for the kitchen.

  “Yeah, especially this time of year,” Molly said. “Where’s your little one?”

  “Oh, Lizzie’s at a friend’s house. I wasn’t sure you wanted kids around the baby yet, but she’s dying to meet her. She’s already told me at least a hundred fun facts about babies since we got the news—and some of them were definitely not PG-13.”

  That caused us all to laugh as Cora took a seat on the large couch next to us.

  “She looks like she’s doing well, latching,” Cora said, a professional tone to her voice, as the resident nurse in town.

  “She is. I think Lizzie might have a run for her money in the smarts department. This one is turning out to be a young Einstein.” Molly laughed, making Cora grin.

  “Hey, how is Lizzie doing in school?” I asked. “I remember Molly mentioning in one of our conversations at her wedding about there being some issues?”

  She nodded. “There was. Being in such a small area, there were some concerns that the school wouldn’t be able to keep up with her. But Dean and I are working with them. She takes some classes at a school on the mainland, she’s done some work with a tutor, and she’ll be skipping a few grades in the fall.”

  “Wow, that’s a lot,” I said.

  She shrugged. “You do what you have to. She loves it, so that makes it all worth it.” She gave a short pause before her eyes locked back on mine. “So, tell me about the hot British guy from yesterday. Did I totally embarrass you when I geeked out over his accent?”

  “What? No. Why would you worry about embarrassing me?” I asked, feeling like all the attention in the room had suddenly shifted to me.

  “Who’s the hot British guy, Millie?” Molly asked before her eyes widened. “You mean, the artist who’s staying in the inn?”

  Cora nodded her confirmation, but the way her eyes widened told my sister there was more going on to this juicy story.

  “Oh, man, I’m gonna need a couple more details,” Molly said, shifting a very milk-drunk Ruby from one side to the other.

  Once she was back in place, both sets of eyes came right back on me, and I swore they blinked in unison.

  Creepy.

  “There is nothing to tell,” I said, gulping back saliva in my throat perhaps a bit too loudly.

  “She’s lying,” Molly said in sort of a sideways conversation to Cora. “You can always tell she’s lying because she refuses to look at you.”

  Cora glanced over at me. “Isn’t that a telltale sign for most people?”

  “What?” Molly replied. “I don’t know. But, when we were kids and she was trying to lie to Mom and Dad, they’d sit her down in one of those wooden chairs in the kitchen and kneel down, so they were eye-level with her. It would be the funniest thing, watching her head bob around, trying to avoid their gaze. Decades later, nothing’s changed.”

  I rolled my eyes at her. “Oh, like you’re any different.”

  She rolled them right back—a real mature move for a brand-new mother. “That’s right because I wouldn’t lie in the first place.”

  Letting out a laugh, I just shook my head in disbelief. “Right, because you didn’t spend twelve years lying to yourself that you were over Jake.”

  She scowled and made a disgusted sound deep in her throat. “That’s different,” she said.

  “Oh, yeah?” I pushed. “Why?”

  Her face turned to the side before she finally met my gaze. “Because that happened to me.”

  Silence fell between the three of us as I processed it, and finally, I couldn’t help it. A chuckle tumbled from my lips and then one more.

  I met my sister’s eyes, and then the dam broke.

  And, soon, the room was filled with laughter.

  Quiet laughter.

  Because we were not about to wake the baby.

  We weren’t that crazy.

  I stayed at my sister’s long after Cora had come and gone. I picked up dinner for all of us and cleaned up the kitchen after we ate. It was nice to feel needed now that the inn was in the capable hands of my parents, althoug
h I’d offered to help if they needed it.

  But who was I kidding? They didn’t need it.

  It was nice to spend time with my sister without having to rush out the door somewhere.

  Because, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t have anywhere to be.

  “So, you’re just driving him all the way across the state?” Molly asked.

  Oh, right. That.

  Well, I guessed I did technically have someplace to be.

  But that was tomorrow.

  Tonight was all about me and my sister.

  Molly and Jake had finally put Ruby down for a nap. We were enjoying a little quiet time, because, in no time, that kid would be up and crying again, and that would be my cue to leave.

  “Pretty much,” I said, answering her question as we sat on the couch once again, but this time, it was just her and me.

  Jake had gone upstairs to catch a quick nap himself while Ruby slept beside us in the bassinet.

  “Is there more to this story you’re not telling me? Because that’s an awful big thing, and you aren’t usually the person to—”

  “To what? Do nice things for people?”

  “Go out of your way,” she said. “Ever since you left for school, it’s been all about Millie and her career. I’m not knocking that. Everyone has a passion, and you’ve made a fantastic life of yours. But, when you’re suddenly jumping in the car—my car,” she corrected, giving me a pointed look, “and driving a perfect stranger nearly across state lines, you can’t blame me for being a little interested. So, fess up.”

  I let out a sigh, knowing it was a lost cause, trying to keep anything from my big sister, and honestly, deep down, did I want to? I could put on a mask and pretend to be okay for the rest of the world, act like I had it all together in front of my parents and even Aiden, but at the end of the day, I needed her.

  I needed this.

  “I don’t know,” I finally said. “It’s complicated.”

  “What could be so complicated? He’s only been here two days.”

  She looked at me, that staring-in-the-soul look that sisters did, and I watched as her eyes widened. “You didn’t?”

  “I think I did?” I replied, taking a sip of wine.

  “What does that even mean?”

  “Well, there was a lot of alcohol involved.”

  Just as I was about to take another sip of the fruity pinot grigio Jake had poured me at dinner, it was whisked out of my hand.

  “Okay, no more of that for you. Clearly, you are not old enough to handle it.”

  “What?” I said, appalled. She set it on the coffee table, her eyes meeting mine in a clear challenge. “You’re mean as a mom.”

  “You’re slutty as an unemployed drifter,” she countered.

  “See? Point made. Mean.”

  “Okay, so let’s start with the easy stuff,” she suggested, leaning her elbow on the back of the couch cushion. “Tell me what he looks like.”

  I mimicked her movements and rested my forehead against the palm of my hand. “You know Tom Hiddleston?”

  Her eyebrows rose. “Like Thor’s younger brother, Loki? That Tom Hiddleston?”

  I laughed. “Yeah.”

  “Damn.”

  “He has this wavy black hair and intense hazel eyes. And did you know sculptors are buff? Like, why did I not know this information sooner?”

  An amused expression tugged at my sister’s lips. “Anything else?”

  “He’s an unimaginable flirt,” I went on, remembering the flashback of our night together. “That is exactly why I need to stay away from him, Molly. I just had my heart crushed by someone exactly like him.” I turned away, inhaling deeply into my lungs.

  “Then, why take him on this trip? Why put yourself in that position? You’re not the only person on the island who could drive him.”

  “I know,” I acknowledged. “But there’s something about him. Something not right.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s a bunch of little things, but like yesterday, at lunch, Dean asked him about England, and Molly, the look on his face, it was haunting. He told us he didn’t miss it in the least. Isn’t that sad? So, when I got back to the inn, I naturally looked him up. His bio on his website says he’s from a prominent family in England. It sounds like he had a very nice upbringing. Why would he never want to go back?”

  “Maybe he didn’t.” She shrugged. “Have a nice upbringing, I mean.”

  I let out a sigh. “Maybe not.”

  With her head to the side in a look of total apathy, she took my hand in hers and asked, “But, sis, even if you do go on this trip with him tomorrow and he does happen to open up to you, what then?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know, but I need to find out.”

  I awoke the morning of my big road trip with Millie to the sound of my phone vibrating on the nightstand next to the bed.

  With bleary eyes and a weary outlook for the hours that followed, I grabbed the phone and tapped the home screen to read the incoming text message. It was from James.

  Aiden, please call me. Don’t shut me out like you do with everyone else. I can help.

  Another one came in almost immediately afterward.

  Also, where the fuck are you? You remember what the date is?

  I sat back in bed, my head resting on the borrowed pillow that wasn’t my own, as I contemplated what to write back.

  Or if I should even write back to begin with.

  I’d ignored a dozen other calls and texts already. But no, this time, I had to reply, and he knew it.

  Because, this time, he’d brought up the date.

  Yes, I know what date it is. I’ll be back for Ben.

  I hit Send and headed for the shower as memories of a past life flooded my mind.

  “It’s going to be all right,” the brown-haired woman with the pink coat said.

  She’d told me her name last night when she came to take me away from my foster house, but I didn’t remember.

  She was nicer than the last one though.

  And the one before that.

  “This family has two other boys around your age. You’ll have brothers.”

  I gulped loudly. “Brothers?” I managed to say.

  She nodded happily in the driver’s seat next to me as I slouched down, trying to become invisible.

  I’d had a brother once. His name was Rufus, and just like the lady with the pink coat, the person who’d placed us together was so delighted to make a happy little family of orphans.

  But then she’d left.

  And that was when Rufus had laid down the law.

  “Listen, kid,” he’d said even though we were less than two years apart, “I don’t want anything to do with a brother, and don’t think for a second, I’m sharing anything with you.”

  And he hadn’t. He’d eaten all the food and blamed me for everything, and when he saw kids beating on me in the schoolyard, he’d turn his head and pretend he didn’t know me. I’d never been so happy to get out of a place.

  And, now, the lady in the pink coat wanted me to do it all over again?

  If I had the guts, I’d pop open this car door and jump right out.

  “Ah, here we are,” she said, looking more optimistic than I’d ever seen anyone look in my life. Maybe it was her first week. Hadn’t she seen the place she pulled me out of?

  We got out of the car and I followed her, my feet dragging behind me. We stepped up to the front door. As usual, we were greeted by smiles, and I found myself rolling my eyes. Those smiles would turn into frowns soon enough.

  They always did.

  I was nothing more than a paycheck to these people.

  Even the lady in the pink coat.

  I tuned out as introductions were given. I didn’t care.

  I truly didn’t.

  Soon, the smiling couple and pink-coat lady were escorting me toward the back of the home.

  “This will be your room. Boys, do you want to meet
Aiden?”

  Their request was met with nothing short of a few murmurs, but as I entered, I found myself face-to-face with my so-called brothers.

  One of them curiously eyed me, his glasses falling to the bridge of his freckled nose as he stood to greet me. “Hi, I’m James,” he said.

  And the other was a short, pale boy with red hair and a small smile, who followed suit. “And I’m Ben.”

  Although I hadn’t seen Millie since our lunch the other day with Dean, we’d communicated via text on our departure time.

  I’d been sort of surprised to see her name pop up on my phone the day before, considering our rooms were literally inches apart, but I’d answered her questions and gone about my day.

  But, as the evening drew to a close and there was still no Millie, I began to wonder if she was indeed avoiding me.

  And if so, why agree to this trip?

  Although I guessed I hadn’t given her much of an alternative.

  And why was that, Aiden?

  I shook my head as I closed the door to my suite and made my way to the kitchen.

  Stepping into the kitchen, Millie was the first thing I noticed. Dressed in a simple black slip dress, she looked casual and elegant at the same time. Tan sandals adorned her feet, and I couldn’t help but smile at the flirty pink polish on her toes, nor could I tear my eyes away before soaking in every last inch of that gorgeous tan skin.

  The inn was still quiet as Millie and I took advantage of the late breakfast hours on Sunday morning to grab a quick bite to eat before we got on the early morning ferry.

  “Good morning,” I greeted her before she noticed me standing in the entryway, checking her out.

  She started a little, turning around to face me. “Good morning.” She blushed, caught in the middle of shoving a bear claw in her mouth. With frosting on her thumb and pointer finger, I couldn’t help but laugh. “Sorry. I swear, I gain, like, a million pounds every time I come home. My sister is a genius.”

  I nodded in agreement, heading for the coffeepot first. “I must agree. Although I didn’t grow up having them, I’ve grown fond of them since arriving here. They’re quite splendid.”