Flirting With Magick

by Bennett, Leigh

  Moments later, Troy appeared at my open door carrying a box, his dark hair still ruffled from sleep.

  "I just saw Josh heading out; he said you were upset. What's wrong?"

  Tears pricked the corners of my eyes as I threw the cups into the sink. "I just never thought that trust issues would come up, and now I'm wondering if we're doing the right thing." I forced a smile for him and wiped up Josh's spill. "What's that?"

  "I'm sorry. This is just some of Josh's stuff he wanted from my place. Just some books and shit." He sat it down near the front door and put on his best 'concerned big brother' voice. "What's he done?"

  "It's nothing. It was all to do with when we weren't together, anyway— just a stupid overreaction." I brushed it off with a wave of my hand. Troy didn’t need to know the ins and outs. "You want a coffee?"

  He furrowed his brow. "You weren't together? Is that what he fucking told you? It was before then."

  "No, it was when he was in Sydney. I would have thought I was a free agent by then."

  His face paled, and just as quickly grew crimson. It was really rather extraordinary. He backed away.

  "Oh, fuck."

  "Troy?" Panic surged through me as I watched him. There was something else. "Troy, I was talking about me. What happened before then?” I felt the blood drain from my face but tried to keep my voice controlled. "Oh my god, you thought I was talking about Josh. What did he do, Troy? Talk to me."

  "Oh fuck." Troy started walking in circles, pulling at his hair, his tall lanky frame almost comical in my tiny living room. "Oh shit. Oh crap," even his bad language was retreating. He sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands, still tugging on his hair.

  "Troy," I said sternly in effort to keep my voice from breaking. "What's going on?" I sat down next to him and waited, my breath coming out in short bursts. I was terrified, but this was obviously something I need to hear.

  "Fuck." He looked at me for a long time before continuing. "Okay. Josh cheated on you. With Jemma."

  "What?" My voice broke and all that came out was a high pitched squeak.

  "Before he went to Sydney." Troy rubbed his chin in agitation. "He hasn't seen her since. She's called my house for him, but he was hell bent on getting back with you. He moved interstate because he felt guilty every time he looked at you." He frowned thoughtfully. "I think he loved you, but he felt pressured with you and, I don't know, he fucked up." He finished with a deep breath.

  I was so shocked I hadn't realised the tears had returned and made their way to my jawline. Troy wiped them away before hugging me as I sobbed into his chest. "I'm so sorry, he muttered, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, and I'm sorry I'm telling you now. I honestly thought he'd fucking man up and admit it after he tried so fucking hard to get you back."

  "I think he only wanted me back because he didn't want me with anyone else," I concluded, still sobbing as it all suddenly dawned on me. Our first furious night of lovemaking was only that intense because he was jealous. It was as though he was trying to pound away evidence of any other man on me. He must have thought that if he could cheat, then so could I. Now I understood why he was so hung up on whom I was out with and that Sean was back at work... "Then this whole jealousy thing, I guess it was more to do with him than with me. Why the hell did he bother coming back?"

  "He wanted you. Work reasons. Fuck, I don't know. So he can get back to the life he knows. Josh likes things to be easy." Troy let me go and took me by my shoulders, turning me to face him. "Abby, you don't want someone who only wants you because it’s convenient. He's my best friend, but that's what he does. He slept with Jemma because he felt pressured to make a commitment to you. Then he moved to Sydney because it was easier than facing up to what he'd done. He wasn't happy there so he came back, and now he's figured moving in with you is easier than owning up to you about Jemma. You should be with someone who wants you because they can’t fucking live without you. That's what you deserve."

  I swallowed, nodding. I could see what he was getting at. And here I was thinking my avoidance issues were bad. Josh told me I'd changed, but he had said it like it was a bad thing. Then here I was, slipping back into my routine with him. How long had it been since I’d gone out for after work drinks?

  "Fuck!" Troy ran his hand through his hair "Do you want me to stay until he gets back?"

  "No, it's okay, thanks." I wiped the tears away with my sleeve. "And thanks for telling me, really."

  "Are you sure?"

  I gave him a hug; he'd always been such a good friend. "I promise I won't put you in the shit."

  "Don't worry, I've dealt with him in worse situations than this. Tell him I said he can stay with me tonight." He picked up the box; there wasn’t much point in him leaving it here.

  "What about Melinda?"

  "Uh, Melinda and I are cooling it for a bit."

  "Oh, I'm sorry, are you okay?"

  "Yeah, it's fine," he shrugged. "I take it you're going to break up with him?"

  "Yes, I have to." I sniffled.

  Troy left me with a peck on the cheek and a promise to call.

  When Josh returned, he crept through the front door and put his arms around me from behind as I tidied up the dining table.

  "I'm sorry. I've been an idiot. If you say nothing's going on, then nothing's going on." He buried his nose in my hair and kissed my neck.

  I ignored him and concentrated on the table, wiping every inch with the sponge and depositing the crumbs into my hand.

  "I thought Troy would still be here." He let me go and wandered around the room. "Did he leave the box here?"

  "He took it back. You're staying there tonight."

  "Abby, I said I was sorry." He complained.

  I took a deep breath and faced him, narrowing my eyes, "Or I'm sure Jemma might have a bed for you."

  "What?" A wave of panic swept over his face.

  "You know, the bed of hers you were in before you went to Sydney," I spat, throwing the sponge down, the crumbs flying everywhere and dropping like snowflakes to match the fresh chill in the room.

  "But..." He started to object, but the look on his face said it all. "Did Troy say something? Fuck!"

  "It was an accident. Don't you even think about blaming him for this." I swallowed hard but started crying again. "He's not the one who cheated!"

  "Abby..." He moved towards me, his arms reaching out.

  I dodged his grasp, "It's over, Josh."

  "You don't mean that," he said weakly, his eyes becoming glassy.

  I stormed past him, avoiding the wounded look on his face, and into the bedroom. I grabbed his overnight bag and threw it at him. "You said I was keeping stuff from you?" My voice rose. "You lied to me, too. I have to work with someone I went out with, that's not my choice, but I have to deal with it the best way I can. Whoopee-fucking-do if it took a week to tell you! I had sex with a guy I'd just met, and I still see him around. Does it matter? We were broken up! I'm not banging him anymore! What matters is that I wasn't fucking anyone when we were together, Josh! Can you say the same thing? If Troy didn't tell me, were you ever going to?" I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door, gulping in air to alleviate my sobbing.

  I was tired of arguing. I was tired of the heaviness in my chest when things weren't exactly perfect between us. I was tired of his jealousy and accusations. And now, I wasn’t prepared to grow tired of anything else. Was there anything else? I didn’t want to know.

  I sucked in a breath and walked back out calmly.

  He didn’t look at me as he shoved his clothes into the bag, but I could see a tear running down his face. Was he upset about being dumped or was it because he was found out? Yes, I loved him once. I knew he had loved me, too, but it was different now. In the months he was gone, I had moved on. Besides the fact that he had cheated and kept it from me, he wasn’t what I wanted anymore. Months ago, I would have stayed in every weekend if he was there. I might have even changed my job to make him happy. Now, I liked my job regar
dless of who I worked with. I liked going out with my friends and supporting my cousin's band. My life wasn't the way I wanted it to be while Josh was in it. But the thing that stared me most in the face, as I watched him, was that he was definitely not 'the one'.

  "You know," I said to him as he got up to leave, "the whole time we'd been back together you said a lot of things, but you never once said 'I love you'."

  He turned to me, his face streaked with dry tears, his voice controlled and quiet. "Neither did you."

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  TROY CALLED ME LATER that evening. "Josh is in the shower, I just wanted to see how you were."

  "I'm fine," I assured him. In all honesty, the situation was upsetting, but not as much as the first time we split up. This time, an optimistic buoyancy accompanied the sadness.

  "Have you spoken to the girls yet?" I smiled, Troy knew what the three of us were like.

  "I'm heading down to Kate's for dinner, and I'll be seeing Di tomorrow. And we’ve organised to get together for Christmas and New Year."

  "That's good. He wants to know what you want to do with the flat." So Troy was messenger boy now.

  "He can have it. He can afford it anyway until he gets someone into the other room."

  "That's what he said, but he wanted to check with you first." That was decent of him, and I was still going to be homeless in a few weeks if I didn’t start looking. "There's a room here after he leaves if you need it to give yourself some extra time to find somewhere." Or there was that.

  "Thanks, Troy."

  "He's pretty cut up about it all," Troy revealed, "I think he was really hoping it would work out."

  "Yeah, I guess I was, too."

  "So that's it then?"

  "Did he put you up to this?"

  "No, the only thing he wanted me to ask you about was the apartment." I heard him shuffling around. "Listen, Josh mentioned he's got a few work things on next week in the evening so I'm on my own anyway. Want me to pop around and keep you company?"

  "Sure that would be nice. Thanks."

  ***

  At seven on the dot, the time Troy told me he would be over, I was disturbed from my tidying by a dull thudding on my door, followed by the sound of stumbling and a muffled curse. I opened the door to find Troy standing there, pizza boxes in hand, a paper bag from the bottle shop, and a DVD case crammed into his mouth.

  "I had to knock with my foot," he explained when I took the DVD from his mouth "and I lost my balance." He deposited the bag of alcohol into my arms and followed me inside. "Maybe I should have tried headbutting the door somehow."

  I laughed and took out the bottle of wine.

  "The preferred wine for my eff eff eff," he said, asking for glasses with a sipping motion.

  "Eff eff eff?" I asked. "Fucked fucking fucker?" I had no idea what it could stand for, but his number one word must be in there somewhere.

  He reached up to the cupboard I indicated and gave me a look as though I was completely nuts. "Favourite Female Friend," he stated.

  "Oh, thank you." I giggled, less bewildered at the lovely sentiment than I was at the lack of curse words. “Hang on, isn't Dianne your Favourite Female Friend?"

  He thought for a moment as he poured the wine, "Okay, favourite female friend who I haven't..." here it came, "had sex with."

  "Troy, why aren't you swearing?" I picked up the pizzas and headed to the couch. "You're scaring me."

  "I just thought you'd appreciate it, seeing as it's just us." He set up the DVD and sat down next to me.

  "Thanks, but honestly, I don't mind."

  Halfway through the movie, he turned to me. "Josh is really sorry, you know."

  I shook my head. "It wasn't going to work anyway, Troy. I think he knows that."

  He sighed heavily, "I feel for him. I think what he really knows is that he had the most awesome girlfriend in the world and messed it up. I think any other guy would kill to have someone like you, and now he's opened up the floodgates."

  I looked up him and smiled, biting my lip. "Thank you, Troy. That's really nice, but I hardly feel like guys are falling over themselves for me at the moment." That was for sure, if the last few months were anything to go by.

  He gave me a small grin then concentrated on the movie.

  "Thanks for being here, by the way. You really don't have to, with Josh being your best friend and every-"

  "I'm your friend, too, Abby," he assured me. He didn’t swear around me for the rest of the week.

  ***

  "Troy's been saying some weird shit to me lately," I confided in Dianne.

  "What do you mean?" She walked behind me into the next boutique.

  "Well, yesterday he asked me what 'a guy should do'..." I made quotation marks with my fingers for emphasis, "if he likes a girl, but thinks it may be too late to resolve past mistakes."

  "Geez, that's rather ambiguous." Dianne pursed her lips thoughtfully as she held a top to her chest and raised her eyebrows in question. "What did you say?"

  "I just said what anyone would, talk to her."

  "Do you think he's talking about Josh?"

  "I was wondering that afterwards and hoped Josh wouldn't try and talk to me." I scrunched my nose at the top and swapped it for one in a different colour. "But wouldn't he just say, 'Josh doesn't know how to make it up to you now because he's lost any chance of ever getting back with you?' Especially since he said earlier in the week how sorry Josh was."

  "Maybe he's checking your reaction, seeing if there is some chance."

  "Maybe. Maybe he just wants a female opinion for his own reasons."

  "I do know there was this Melinda girl he was seeing, but I'm not sure what's going on there. I've been out of the office all month, so you've seen him more than I have. You'd know more about what’s happening in his love life."

  "Hmm... he did say they were cooling it for a bit. Maybe it's back on. But surely he would have just told me all about it if he wanted my opinion." I flicked through the rack, but was not overly impressed by the range. The current fashion didn’t really suit me. "Or he might just be being sensitive and not wanting to mention it too much, now that I don't have a love life and all."

  "Oh my god." Dianne's eyes suddenly lit up, and her voice went up a few notches in volume. "Maybe it's you." The woman behind the counter raised her head in alarm at Di's loudness as we approached.

  "Huh?"

  "Think about it. He hangs around at your place all the time—"

  "Only in the last week," I corrected her. "He was home alone because Josh was at work functions." It was nice to just sit and flake out with Troy and watch a movie. We didn't even need to talk much except for when he asked me the odd ambiguous question or made a statement about Josh's trauma. "And that's because he feels responsible for telling me about Josh and Jemma, and he's just making sure I'm okay." I picked up Di's purchase off the counter and thanked the sales girl.

  "Yeah, but maybe, he did that on purpose." Dianne nodded smugly, seemingly pleased to think she had worked it all out. She pulled open the shop door, and we stepped out into the street. "He probably wanted to tell you so you wouldn't get back with Josh so he could step in. Cuppa?"

  "Right." I humoured her, gesturing towards the nearest coffee shop further down the road. "Okay, so what was the past mistake he was talking about then, smarty pants? As far as I'm concerned, Josh is the only one with past mistakes."

  "I think Troy was interested in you long before Josh came along"

  "What? Like four years ago?" This was news to me. "But you were going out with him then."

  "You know that wasn't serious." Di rolled her eyes and dismissed my argument with a wave of her hand. "Maybe he wanted to ask you out, Josh got in there first, Troy being the good friend cut his losses, and Josh hurt you so now Troy feels responsible."

  "Oh, yes. Of course. I should have realised." I didn't hide my sarcasm as I opened the door to the very cafe where Scott and I had first conversed over coffee and sidled th
rough towards a back table. "So you're saying that he feels responsible now, because he didn't ask me out before Josh, so it's his fault Josh and I got together in the first place?" I scoffed at her elaborate tale and sat down, placing my purchases on the seat beside me.

  "You and Troy were pretty chummy before Josh came along. If he had asked you out, you'd probably be happily married by now. Would you even consider it?”

  “Marrying him?” I knew I was being facetious, but her question threw me a little. I’d never really thought about it. He was nice, funny, cute… swore a bit, though… wait, how could I even contemplate this.?

  Her face curiously dropped before I could continue pondering. "Oh my god. It's my fault."

  "What?"

  "If he and I hadn't slept together, I wouldn't have asked him out. We wouldn't have been going out at the work party and, instead of agreeing with me that we would each bring a friend, he probably would have asked you to go with him."

  "Or not. We were just friends, Di. We still are. That's all. Besides, he had all that time when Josh was away to do something. Why would he do it now when it's more complicated and risk losing Josh in the process?"

  "Maybe to get back at him."

  "I don't think so. We've both known Troy for longer than Josh, so you know he's not that type. It was an accident. He thought I knew by now. He thought that was why we were fighting."

  Di shook her head. "Does it make you wonder what would have happened if Troy hadn't told you?"

  "Yeah." The realisation was saddening. "It was pretty dumb of me to go back to Josh in the first place." I rubbed my temples. "So much for telling myself I wouldn't be naive and trusting."

  "Don't beat yourself up." Di soothed, "You were hurt and vulnerable and he was comfortable and familiar. I would have done the same thing. You expect the best from people, and he didn't live up to his promises."

  I was thankful when a waiter arrived to take our orders and saved me from dwelling on it. "So..." I attempted a slight subject change. "Tell me about Melinda."