Apophis

by Eliza Lentzski

  “Please, Sam,” she croaked. “I need this.”

  I pulled back and inspected her features. Her bright aqua eyes bore into me. Her face, neck, and collarbone looked flushed.

  “Why?”

  “Because there’s a fucking hole in my heart,” she choked out, “and I need to feel something that’s not ugly or cruel.”

  I sucked in a deep breath. I was suddenly back in high school and the girl of my dreams wanted to be with me, if only for the night.

  “I don’t know if we should,” I hesitated again.

  “It’s not like it’s going to cause an apocalypse,” Nora assured me. “I’m pretty sure Apophis already took care of that for us.”

  We stared at each other for a moment before Nora subtly leaned forward and into my personal bubble again. I leaned forward as well, but I was determined to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. Nora closed her intense, penetrating eyes and I followed suit as we continued to lean forward. Her breath felt warm on my face as we narrowed the space between our lips. Her nose slid along the side of mine as our mouths inched together.

  I softly pressed my lips against Nora’s warm, inviting mouth. A low growl rumbled out of her throat when I dug my nails into her arms, unthinking. My own aggressiveness surprised me, but there was also desperation and sorrow lingering in the air.

  This time, Nora as the one to pull away first. “See?” she slightly panted. “That wasn’t so bad. And the world didn’t blow or up anything.”

  “N-no,” I stuttered. “Not bad at all.” Although Nora had ended the kiss, I wasn’t ready to lean away from her mouth just yet. It was as if she had magnets in her plump lips and my mouth possessed the opposite charge.

  Nora looked down, and her face revealed her surprise when my hand fell on her knee. Encouraged by her lack of Running Away, I slid my palms along her upper thighs and up her tiny waist, lingering at the hem of her light thermal top. The bandage on my palm, the one she had made for me when I’d cut my hand, caught and rolled. I was acutely aware of how I needed to see more of her and how much I wanted my mouth on her. In my frustration I tore the bandage away.

  Nora looked at me, puzzled by my actions.

  “I just want to feel you,” I explained. “I don’t want anything between us.”

  “Not even a Band-Aid?” she lightly teased.

  The answer was obvious enough so I didn’t waste time with a reply. Instead, I pressed my mouth against hers once again, darting my tongue into her mouth. She moaned throatily, a kind of approving hum.

  I slid my hand under her light thermal top and beneath the elastic band of a sports bra. There’d be no sexy lingerie tonight. It was a little disappointing because she had a body built for lace. I’d have to save that imagery for my daydreams. I couldn’t justify making a Victoria’s Secret run on our way to Eden.

  I cupped the slight swell of her breast in my palm and gently squeezed. I raked my fingernails down her breast, making sure to let my short nails scrape against a rapidly hardening nipple. I tugged at the bottom hem of her shirt. “Need this off,” I grunted like some sort of Neanderthal.

  She immediately reached for the lower hem and pulled her shirt off. I didn’t allow her the moment to feel self-conscious about her partial nakedness. I grabbed the straps of her racer-back bra and yanked them down her pale shoulders until her breasts fell free of the restrictive material. I immediately dove for a nipple, tonguing and nipping at it with my teeth. Her fingers snaked to the back of my head and she pressed me more firmly against her chest. I ran my palms flat against the smooth planes of her back. Her skin was impossibly soft.

  When my fingers curled beneath the waistband of her spandex pants, her hands fell on top of mine, stilling the motion. I looked up questioningly, confused as to why she wanted me to stop.

  Her eyes, large and unblinking, studied me. “Have you…done this before? With a girl?” she clarified. I could practically see her self-confidence fading in front of me. The way she shamelessly flirted and tempted me had had me under the impression that she was a pro.

  I sat up slightly, but kept my fingertips just under the elastic band of her pants. I could feel the soft swell of her stomach and the heat of her skin. “Just once,” I admitted. “Have you?”

  Her gaze cast to the side. “No. Not-not this far,” she admitted.

  I started to pull my hands away from her waist. Her eyes widened, looking almost panicked. She firmly held my wrists, pinning my hands against her. “But I want to,” she breathed.

  I didn’t want to draw out this conversation and figure out labels and sexual identities. I had never labeled my own sexuality, so I didn’t expect her to either. Besides, I wasn’t going to fool myself. This wasn’t about love or romance or a burgeoning relationship. This was about convenience and the need to distract ourselves from loss and life.

  I tightened my grip on her pants and began to shimmy them down her slight hips. She lifted her backside from the bed to help. I pulled her pants down her slender legs, past trembling knees and ankles, and down over her feet.

  She grabbed fistfuls of my shirt and yanked me back up to her face. “You don’t have to…you know…”

  “Eat you out?” I posed with a small smirk. She was so bossy and controlling all of the time. It was more than nice to be able to take some of that control back.

  Her eyes darted to the side. “It’s just that I haven’t gotten to shave since we left Hot Springs,” she lamented.

  I reached between our bodies so I could trail my fingertips over her naked sex. My fingers were met with nothing more than a soft peach fuzz, sparse and fine. I ran a single digit along her outer folds and she let out a soft sigh. She arched into my touch, but continued to hold her body rigid, clearly anxious that she wasn’t impeccably groomed.

  “I want to taste you, Nora,” I encouraged. I made eye contact while I continued to stroke my fingertips along her soft, swollen lips. Her legs twitched beneath me when I swiped the pad of my thumb over her clit. Her breathing had become uneven, short little gasps every time my thumb made contact with her clit.

  I wanted to say more. I wanted to tell her how long I’d wanted to touch her like this, but I kept my confessions to a minimum. I didn’t need to give her any ammunition to use against me at a later time. I worried that if I shared too much of myself that she’d throw it back in my face at the next available opportunity.

  When I pushed my middle finger inside her, her hips jerked upward to meet me. Her legs spread wider for me and a small groan escaped her mouth when that single digit turned into two. She writhed on top of the mattress as I sank deep into her. She reached for me and pulled me up to her so she could kiss me while I continued to slide in and out of her in solid, rhythmic thrusts.

  She tilted her head back and made a guttural noise, so I took the opportunity to drop my head to one of her bare breasts and take a pert nipple between my teeth. Her fingers thread through my hair, pulling me at the roots. She pulled me back up to her mouth and gasped into my mouth, trying to kiss me, but unable to without making those sexy little noises.

  I could hear the sound of her sex click with every thrust. Her face was beautiful, frozen in a half smile, half moan the entire time. She rocked against me.

  Her breaths came in shorter pants now – sharp, punctuated breaths followed by small mewls. She tightened around me and even in my inexperience, I knew she was close. She made a noise like a mix between a swallow and a pant and sat straight up in bed. “Oh my God,” she managed to gurgle out as her sex squeezed around my fingers.

  She pushed me back on the bed, forceful but not rough. “Your turn,” she panted.

  The mattress creaked noisily as we shifted positions and my clothes joined hers on the floor. She raked her nails down my stomach, and I couldn’t help the embarrassing moan that leapt from my throat. My body arched off the mattress and she looked pleased with herself.

  “I’ve been thinking about your abs since we took that first shower at Hot Sprin
gs,” she told me with heavily lidded eyes. “Who knew you were hiding this tight body beneath all those layers?”

  I had always kept myself pretty fit in high school playing team sports, but my body had only hardened to this extent because of the desperate situation in which we were. Malnourishment and daily treks through snowy forests had transformed my body so it was nearly unrecognizable to myself. When we’d showered, I’d been uncomfortable, feeling emaciated and unfeminine while she looked soft and sweet in all the right places. Knowing that she actually liked the flat plane of my stomach and the tightened curve of my lean biceps, however, emboldened me.

  As Nora’s lips expertly moved against mine, I couldn’t help comparing kissing her with kissing Andrea. For one, Nora’s mouth felt more assured than Andrea’s, as if she knew what she wanted and knew she possessed a talent for it. There was a natural confidence and ease that radiated off of Nora, even if she couldn’t start a fire, and it seemed to spill over into the realm of kissing as well. I had certainly enjoyed kissing my best friend, but thinking now about our awkward coupling was enough to make me blush.

  Nora left my mouth and traveled further south down my naked body. Her fingers dug into my hipbones. She rubbed her hand flat against me, separating my lips so she could concentrate on my clit. She held tight onto my hips and licked hard against the spot where my tattoo was. Ever since I'd gotten it, that spot had been extremely sensitive. My hips bucked, but she only held me tighter. She sucked on my clit and I saw stars. I practically sobbed when her finger swirled around my entrance and pressed inside to the second knuckle.

  God. I had no idea it could be like this. Andrea hadn’t done that with her fingers, and she certainly hadn’t done that with her tongue.

  I heard Nora clear her throat. “Who’s Andrea, and why do I suddenly feel jealous?”

  Oh God, no. Did I actually say that out loud?

  I slowly opened just one eye. Nora was positioned between my thighs looking slightly amused.

  “Is she the girl in the photo?”

  I nodded after a moment of hesitation. I didn’t want to talk about Andrea, especially not with Nora.

  “Was she your girlfriend?”

  I shook my head no.

  “But you wanted her to be.”

  I sighed and nodded again.

  Nora pulled herself up and wrapped a sheet around her torso. I wanted to tell her not to stop. I wanted to tell her how close I had been, but I knew that I’d ruined the moment by saying another girl’s name. I was pretty sure I’d broken the cardinal rule of lesbian sex.

  “Spill it, Sammy.”

  I bit my bottom lip. “I’m sorry I did that.”

  “Don't worry about it. You’re not the first person I’ve been with who’s said someone else’s name,” she said flippantly, “and I’m sure you won’t be the last.” She paused, sobering. “Actually, you might be the last. Who knows how many other bi-curious girls are still alive.”

  “I'm not...” I shook my head, trying to collect my thoughts. “I don’t think of you as a replacement. You’re nothing like her.”

  “Remember that I don’t know anything about this girl, so I don’t know if I should be offended or charmed,” she deadpanned.

  “Neither. It’s just a fact. You’re different.”

  Nora and Andrea weren’t exact opposites, but I struggled to find anything – besides that they were both beautiful – that they had in common. Even in their beauty they were different. They had similar builds, but Andrea was a little taller and leaner and Nora was proportioned in ways that no one would mistake her for a boy. Andrea was tan skinned with dark eyes and even darker hair. Nora's pale complexion rivaled even mine with glossy strawberry-blonde hair that I longed to run my fingers through again.

  Nora flopped onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She released a loud sigh. “So now what?”

  My brow creased. “I don't know. Are we, um, done?”

  She rolled over and regarded me. The sheet had slipped from the movement and I forced myself to stare at her face and not the rosy caps of her nipples. “You screamed another girl’s name, Sammy.” As if I could have forgotten.

  I felt my cheeks redden. “I didn’t scream,” I lamely protested.

  She wet her lips. Her gaze never broke away from mine. “You’re right. Challenge accepted.”

  She pounced on me.

  +++++

  CHAPTER THirteen

  I was having a dream. It was the kind of dream where you know you’re dreaming, but the dream-world is so much nicer than reality that you don’t want to wake up. The sound of the ocean crashing onto the sandy shore reverberated in my ears and when I opened my eyes, I was forced to squint and hold my hand over my eyes to block out the glaringly bright sun. I sat up on my elbows and languidly took in my tropical surroundings.

  I was sitting on a sandy shoreline, feeling muddy sand squish between my bare toes. I wiggled my toes freely and felt the dirty grit of the beach. Rolling waves, not quite whitecaps, dotted the horizon. They traveled closer to shore where they tapered off and licked at the tips of my toes. Even the water was warm, not the surprising chill of most of the bodies of water I was used to.

  I watched a small hermit crab scuttle across the sand. Its detached eyeballs seemed to dart around nervously, cautiously taking in its surroundings and staying alert for potential enemies. The small creature’s claws worked busily and efficiently as it rummaged through the bits of rock and sand, scrounging for food.

  When my eyes finally fluttered open, it took me a moment to remember where I was. I turned my head on my pillow to find Nora staring back at me. I gave a start, not expecting her aqua eyes to be the first thing I saw in the morning. Although I have to admit, I wasn’t mad about it.

  Rather than averting her gaze in embarrassment or offering up some explanation for why she’d been watching me while I slept, her grin widened. “Good morning,” she greeted. She stayed in the same position, lying propped up on her side with her head resting in her hand.

  I cleared my throat and ran my hand over my face. “Morning.” My voice sounded raw.

  “Sleep well?”

  “Uh huh,” I confirmed. “A little too well.” I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the mattress, intending to get out of bed. I wasn’t sure what to say or do now that it was the morning after. She’d said she didn’t want things to change between us, so I assumed that meant I shouldn’t cuddle with her, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. Not that I wanted to do that.

  The top comforter slipped off my body as I sat up. I’d nearly forgotten I’d fallen asleep naked. With a fire blazing in the nearby woodstove and Nora’s body heat to compliment my own, I hadn’t bothered to put on any clothes after we’d exhausted ourselves. Now though, the fire should have long extinguished itself. I should be feeling the bite of the early morning cold, but instead I was still warm. I twisted just my waist to look back at Nora.

  “Did you make a fire this morning?”

  Her grin was so wide and her dimples so deep I was worried the rest of her face was going to fall into those dimples. I imagined an avalanche where her nose and eyebrows and lips would just slip into those twin craters.

  “When I woke up earlier, the fire had gone out,” she explained. “You’d left all the fire-starter things out, so I thought I’d try. I figured worse case scenario, I’d burn down the house. But at least we’d be warm.”

  “You did it, Nora,” I breathed reverently. I momentarily forgot my nakedness and turned around to fully face her. “And you even remembered to open the flue so the room didn’t fill with smoke.” I didn’t know how many times even my dad had problems with that.

  She pursed her lips, which made her look a little like a duck, and shrugged her thin shoulders. “I paid attention. I noticed all the little things you did to make the perfect fire last night.” Her eyes dipped a few inches and her top teeth bit into her full, bottom lip. “I've also noticed that you’re missing your shirt.”

>   My eyes dropped down to my chest area as well. Yep. No shirt. They were okay breasts, I suppose as far as those things went. I usually had them bound tight beneath a sports bra though and with the temperature drop I didn’t anticipate being in a bikini all that often.

  I was a tomboy growing up. I played Little League instead of softball, Peewee Football instead of gymnastics or ballet. I’m sure my dad loved it when I even took an interest in helping fix up his old Cadillac. To say that he’d been disappointed I was born a girl would have been unfair to him. I knew he loved me. But I also knew he had always wanted a son. So when I hit puberty and all the boys on my sports teams could run a little faster and hit a little harder, and I grew out of my training bra, I stopped playing “boy” sports. Since then, my breasts had just been a reminder that I wasn’t exactly who my father wanted me to be. Being gay had never been part of the equation either.

  I didn’t know if I liked the way she was looking at me. It was different last night because it had been dark with only the fire in the woodstove and the moonlight lighting our way. Now, under the unforgiving light of morning, I felt vulnerable beneath her scrutinizing gaze.

  I turned away from her and started to look for the clothes I knew were somewhere on the floor. “We should probably get going.”

  Daylight was limited, making early starts necessary. We still had many miles to travel before we made it to Eden. We needed to find a sports or a camping store and find a new tent since we’d been separated from our old ones at Hot Springs. Luck had found us this cabin last night, and I wasn’t going to continue to roll the dice. If we didn’t find dependable shelter, we’d never survive.