by Lucy Clark
‘One-minute Apgar?’ he asked.
‘Five for Sarah. Four for Ellie,’ Ray reported.
‘Let’s get them moved to the NICU.’ Miles was firm, determined, completely in control of the situation. Janessa was as much in awe of him as before. He had knowledge, he had understanding, and as Ray and Kaycee worked with the orderlies to move the girls and the equipment they were attached to out of the delivery suite, Miles quickly crossed to Sheena’s side.
‘You did good. I’m so proud of you for carrying them for so long. You’ve given them an incredible start in life.’ He brushed some hair out of Sheena’s eyes and smiled at her. Janessa came up and kissed her friend on the forehead.
‘Miles is right. The girls are doing very well. Rest now.’
‘Good advice,’ Sheena remarked, her eyes closing. ‘Think I’ll do just that.’
They were only a few steps behind the girls and once they were settled in the NICU in a room off to the side, enclosed by a curtain to afford privacy, the observations and checks began again.
‘They’re both in much better health than I had hoped,’ Miles remarked after the ten-minute Apgar score on both babies was a nine. They stood there, the two of them, looking at the little girls, tubes and wires attached to them, lying on their backs, arms and legs spread, the specially made cloth nappies fastened in place.
‘Yes.’ She nodded, looking at the little girls who were her goddaughters. ‘And they’re beautiful.’ The instant she said the words tears welled in her eyes, but where before she might have walked away from Miles in the hope that he wouldn’t see her exhibiting such raw emotions, now she didn’t bother.
He knew the truth about her past. He knew she’d lost a baby of her own and he knew, first-hand, the pain she’d suffered. Even though time had moved on, even though the world continued to revolve around them, the pain and the memories and the burning need to be a parent still continued to pulse through both of them.
‘So incredibly beautiful.’ She said each word slowly, carefully and with the utmost meaning. ‘I love them both so much.’ She smiled through the tears that were pricking at her eyes and when Miles placed his arm around her shoulders and drew her close, she didn’t even think of pulling away.
He could feel the emotions coming from her, the love radiating from her for these beautiful babies … babies that weren’t her own.
It seemed right and natural that he should comfort her. It seemed right and natural to stand there with her, the two of them alone for the first time since they’d arrived back at the hospital earlier in the day. The two of them, looking at two little miracles lying joined at the hip. Ellie and Sarah. Both of them breathing rapidly in the oxygen-controlled environment, the machines around them beeping and displaying their vital signs.
‘It’s definitely good,’ he murmured.
‘I can even tell them apart,’ she said with a small smile. ‘Look, Ellie’s face isn’t as round as Sarah’s.’
‘Where?’ Miles peered closer but still didn’t remove his arm from around Janessa’s shoulders. He was offering her comfort, true, but he was also a red-blooded male who was powerfully attracted to this woman. The last time he’d offered her comfort he’d been able to find the strength to pull away. This time, though, he wasn’t finding it easy. Was that because he couldn’t stop thinking about her? Was that because she was becoming incredibly important to him? Was it simply because he’d given in to the burning desire to kiss her? Now that he knew the flavours and sweetness of her lips against his, of how her plump pink lips seemed to have been designed to fit so perfectly against his own, he wanted to keep her as close as possible.
Although she might not want to talk about their kiss, about the sensations and emotions which had been evoked, awoken as though from a long and weary sleep, Miles couldn’t ignore the way he felt for Janessa any more. Where he’d thought he’d never be able to move on from Wendy’s death, here he was, desperate for some sort of signal from Janessa that she felt the same way, that she’d enjoyed the kiss, that she wanted more.
Instead, he used the excuse of leaning forward to peer more closely at the baby girls, to shift his body nearer to hers, to settle her within the circle of his arms, to have the curves of her body pressed to his, moulding as though they were meant for each other.
‘Just there.’ She pointed, not wanting to move away from the strength of his arm about her shoulders and angling her body towards his in order to fit more snugly against him. She knew she shouldn’t. She knew she should find some sort of self-discipline to ease herself away from him, to draw back, to create distance between them because it would be far too easy to continue to snuggle in closer, especially now she knew how powerful and masterful he could be when his mouth was pressed to hers.
As though his thoughts mirrored her own, Miles angled her even closer and when she glanced up at him, it was the easiest thing in the world to lower his head a fraction, close the short distance between them and capture her lips once more in a kiss.
This time there was no initial surprise, his senses recalling with perfect clarity how she tasted. This time there were no flying goggles to distract them so they could focus on the powerful explosion of desire that existed between them. This time it was even more perfect than before.
She almost sighed into him as he once more brought her body to life. When she’d dated in the past, when she’d been interested in other men, she’d always managed to stay in complete control of her emotions. Not so with Miles. He seemed to have burst into her life, strapped her to a seat and taken her for a ride she hadn’t known existed.
She’d been a pilot for many years. She’d competed in aerobatic competitions and done a multitude of extreme sports, such as parachuting, hang-gliding and para-sailing. She loved the sensation of being up in the air, of losing herself to the experience and exhilaration of such activities, but none had prepared her for the way she felt when being this close to Miles Trevellion.
Her breathing increased, her heart pummelled a wild rhythm against her chest, her mouth ardently seeking his, wanting to match him moment by moment, her knees beginning to weaken as he continued to create havoc with her equilibrium.
She was vulnerable. She was emotional. She was becoming too close to a man who would one day leave her world. She’d thought she’d been in love with Bradley all those years ago but she’d been a young and naïve teenager. She hadn’t listened to the advice of those closest to her and then disaster had struck. Her son had died, her marriage had ended and then her mother had been taken from her.
Control had been her answer. To gain control over her life, she’d set off on a career of medicine, determined to specialise in the neonatal field to be able to help others. She’d worked hard, keeping any possible romantic connections strictly under control … until Miles had burst into her life.
Earlier today, this man’s mouth had been wreaking havoc with her senses, just as it was now, and she was loving every moment of it. Kissing Miles, having his mouth on hers was like a dream come true, and it was a dream she’d had every night since he’d first arrived, since that first accidental kiss.
She was enjoying, far too much, the way he made her feel, the way his mouth seemed to know exactly how to tease and elicit a response. She could feel the way he appeared to be straining to keep himself under control, to keep things slow and steady, but it was there … the powerful, hot and heavy need to draw her even closer, to take the natural chemistry that existed between them out for a spin.
That was why she had to pull back. That was why she needed distance from him. He was starting to break down the heavy protective wall she’d built around herself, to keep her safe from ever giving her heart to another. The way he made her feel wasn’t just physical attraction—it was an attraction of their souls. Miles understood her, appreciated her, respected her, and those special qualities would be able to completely expose her heart if she wasn’t careful.
When she’d accepted the position as head of NICU
years ago, Sheena had been adamant that it had been time for Janessa to start dating. Reluctantly Janessa had agreed but after about a year of the odd date here and there, her father’s illness had required her attention and she’d split her time between caring for him and working round the clock at the hospital.
And now she had Ellie and Sarah. Two beautiful, precious, wonderful babies to help care for. It wasn’t going to be an easy road. She knew she’d have to be there to support Sheena, to be strong for her friend, but when Miles held her like this, kissed her like this, when he touched her, held her hand, offered comfort, she wanted this to last for ever. She would be there to support Sheena and Miles could be there to support her. Couldn’t he?
She knew that he would leave—eventually—and that if she did rely on him to renew her strength, she would run the risk of being even more hurt than she had been all those years ago when her marriage had failed.
Miles was kissing her. He’d opened a part of her she’d thought she’d locked securely away, and she knew, she knew full well that if she didn’t start finding a way to distance herself from him, there was a fair chance she’d fall in love with him before she’d realised it.
Dangerous. The man was dangerous. Dangerous, powerful and overwhelmingly addictive.
Even though the kiss felt as though it had lasted an eternity, in reality it had been less than a minute. Janessa eased back, resting her head against his chest for a moment as she allowed her breathing to return to normal. She looked at the girls. The two darlings lying there, sleeping, their machines beeping in a steady and controlled rhythm. Thank goodness their eyes had been closed and they hadn’t seen their Aunty Janessa kissing their Uncle Miles. It took another moment of gathering her strength before she pulled back, turning away from him.
‘Everything all right?’ Miles asked, his deep tone filled with desire.
‘We need to monitor the girls.’ Her tone was more brisk than she’d intended but even though the kiss hadn’t lasted that long, she felt guilty at giving in to her weakness for Miles when she’d been supposed to be monitoring the girls.
‘The girls are fine. In fact, they’re better than fine.’ His voice was calm but his words were insistent. ‘They’re about the healthiest set of conjoined twins I’ve seen delivered in quite a few years. Janessa, we need to talk.’
She glanced at him. ‘We can’t, Miles,’ she said softly, surprised at the huskiness of her own voice.
‘Can’t?’
‘You know what I’m talking about.’
‘Do I?’
‘Please? Don’t do this.’
‘Do what? Question you? Comfort you? Hold you? Kiss you?’ He raked a hand through his hair, knowing full well that what she was saying was the right thing to do but not wanting to do it.
‘All of the above.’ She spread her arms wide, shifting around to the side of the humidicrib, putting a bit more distance between them. She pretended to check the machines, to be doing anything other than standing there, looking at him. Especially when the pull to return to his arms, to press her entire body against his, to run her fingers through his hair, to urge his head down until their mouths met in hot and hungry passion were becoming the only thoughts in her mind.
‘We can’t.’ She kept her back to him, knowing that if she looked at him, she would give in. She wasn’t as strong as people thought. ‘We’re colleagues and we have a busy few months ahead of us with the girls and getting ready for their many surgeries.’
‘Do you know how many women I’ve kissed since my wife died?’
‘Miles.’ She looked at him, even though she’d just told herself not to. ‘Don’t.’ She shook her head, definitely not wanting to know the answer. Even the thought of him with another woman made her insides twist with distaste and jealousy, and that was precisely the reason why she needed to keep her distance from him.
‘One. You. That’s it. Wendy passed away seven years ago and you’re the first woman I’ve been really interested in since.’ He gestured at the distance between them. ‘This sort of thing, this instant attraction, doesn’t happen every day, you know.’
‘I know. Do you think I don’t know that? But you’re in my head, Miles. You’re clouding my thought processes and right now I need to keep them focused on the girls. They need me. Sheena needs me. Being around you, when you touch me, hold me, comfort me … kiss me …’ She’d said the last words softly, looking away from him, unable to continue to look into those hypnotic blue eyes of his. ‘You mix things up.’ She took another half-step away.
‘I don’t know what it is that exists between us and quite frankly I don’t want to know because I don’t have the time for it. And neither, for that matter, do you. We’ve run out of time and now we have a job to do. You came to Adelaide Mercy for a very specific reason.’ She pointed to the small little girls. ‘Two very specific reasons, and you have the knowledge and the know-how to lead this team forward so that these little darlings can enjoy happy and normal lives. Then you and I will go our separate ways. You’ll head off to the next set of conjoined twins who need your expertise and I’ll stay here to help Sheena in every way I can.’
‘And we’ll never know what this frighteningly natural chemistry that exists between us means?’
‘Exactly.’
‘And what if I’m not happy about that? What if I don’t agree to your terms?’
‘Then that’s tough.’
Miles couldn’t believe what she was saying and neither could he believe how much her words were hurting him. He’d grown close to her, he’d been intrigued by her, he’d come to admire her, and yet, as she stood on the opposite side of the small private room from him, it felt as though she was skewering his heart with the sharpest scalpel in the world.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
TWO weeks later, as Janessa and Kaycee finished returning the twins to their special crib after Sheena had finished cuddling them, making sure all the tubes and wires weren’t twisted and everything was in the right places, Janessa came and sat by her friend. It might be two o’clock in the morning, but being here in the NICU meant she didn’t have to be in her apartment, listening to Miles, thinking about Miles, dreaming about Miles.
Since the day the girls had been born, both of them had ensured that they were never left alone in a room, that they sat as far away from each other as they could during the continued meetings pertaining to Ellie’s and Sarah’s separation operations.
‘They’re so incredibly beautiful,’ Sheena said, looking at her daughters with complete awe. ‘I look at them and can’t understand why Jonas wouldn’t ever want to have children and how he could possibly disown his own daughters.’ She shook her head.
‘He wasn’t strong enough. Not like you,’ Janessa answered.
‘Probably. You know, lying there in that hospital bed, being an incubator, definitely gave me a lot of time to think.’
‘And?’
‘And a lot of the pain and heartbreak and disbelief I felt when Jonas left isn’t worth dwelling on. He was weak, selfish and stubborn. Definitely not the sort of father a mother would want for her special girls.’
‘And they are special.’ Janessa sighed as she looked at them. ‘You’re right, Sheena. It’s not worth dwelling on.’
‘I know I have my work cut out for me. Single mother. Raising twins. On her own.’
‘You won’t be alone,’ Janessa protested strongly. ‘You are not alone.’
‘Oh, I know I have everyone’s support here at the hospital, but people come and go, they have their own lives, their own problems. The bottom line is these are my girls. My girls. Isn’t that amazing? They’re my babies. No one can take them away from me. Not ever.’ Sheena sighed and looked at her babies with complete adoration. ‘They’re mine.’
A lump sprang instantly to Janessa’s throat at Sheena’s words. No one can take them away from me. Sheena had her babies and while Sheena would share and need help and support from Janessa, the fact still remained. They were Sheena�
�s babies. Not hers.
‘Anyway.’ Janessa said, pushing the pain away, determined not to intrude on Sheena’s wonderful moment. Her friend deserved so much happiness, so much love, so much joy and now she had it. ‘Now that the girls are fed, changed and sleeping, I’d better go do a round of the nursery and get caught up on some of my paperwork.’
‘Nessa? Are you all right?’ Sheena asked, yawning a little.
‘I’m fine. Make sure you don’t stay too long. You need your rest, too, Mummy.’
Sheena smiled at the title. ‘I will, but I’d like to stay a little longer and just watch them sleep. They’re such angels.’
‘OK.’ With that Janessa headed out into the NICU, checked on a few other babies and then headed to her office, and throughout the entire time Sheena’s words were in her mind, repeating themselves over and over, niggling at her.
Ellie and Sarah were Sheena’s babies.
Janessa didn’t deny her friend the happiness of saying those words but at the same time they pierced her soul, dredging up her painful past. She hadn’t been so lucky.
Pressing her hands to her temples, she could feel the beginnings of a bad headache coming on … a migraine. She hadn’t had one in well over a decade. Terrible, stressful, debilitating migraines. If she didn’t take care and head straight to bed, she’d be useless in the string of meetings scheduled to start at nine o’clock next morning.
Knowing it was the right thing to do, she ignored her paperwork, said goodnight to Kaycee and the other night-shift nurses, pleased to hear that Sheena had just returned to Maternity, before heading out of the NICU.
They’re my babies. No one can take them away from me.
The closer she was to the residential wing, the more Sheena’s words seemed to turn in her mind. It was as though hearing them had unlocked the past, unlocked the memories of her son, memories she didn’t want to remember.
