by Lucy Clark
‘Uh … how about we have breakfast together?’
She nodded. ‘Sounds great.’
‘I have fresh fruit and bagels.’
Her smile increased. ‘I’ll make fresh coffee. Your place or mine?’ She giggled a little and it was all Miles could do not to gather her up and close her door with him firmly on the other side of it with her. He shoved his hands into his pockets and balled them into fists.
‘Yours.’
‘Set your alarm clock for the usual time. I’ve been relying on it to wake me up for the past few weeks. Tomorrow morning shouldn’t be any different.’ Her smile was now wide, sleepy and inviting. He clenched his jaw so tight, his head began to ache.
‘Until then.’ And before he could be affected by her any more, he reached forward and pulled her door closed, effectively shutting her in and himself out. Quickly, he opened his own door and went into his apartment, being mindful to be as quiet as possible as he walked straight to the bedroom and fell onto the bed, burying his face in the pillows.
Janessa was incredible, gorgeous and driving him to distraction. The last time he’d felt this way about a woman, the last time he’d allowed a woman to get this deep beneath his carefully groomed exterior, he’d married her. He and Wendy had enjoyed a few wonderful years together but then she’d been taken from him, leaving him all alone.
Now, out of the blue, he’d found Janessa. Funny, clever, evocative Janessa, and he knew he was in real danger of losing his heart.
CHAPTER TWELVE
THEY met for breakfast the next morning, enjoying coffee, bagels and fruit whilst deciding to spend as much time together as their schedules would allow.
Ever since the safe delivery of Ellie and Sarah into the world, the planning for their first operation of inserting the tissue expanders had accelerated. The different specialists Miles had requested to assist him with the surgery would be arriving in the next few weeks. However, the major surgical procedure, the actual separation, wouldn’t take place until Miles deemed the girls healthy enough to endure an intense anaesthetic.
Until then, there were still several planning sessions and extra scans to be completed. The planning for a surgical procedure for separating conjoined twins was extensive. Of course, this extra workload also meant that any free time Janessa and Miles might previously have enjoyed was sucked away by meetings and paperwork.
They also had to juggle the press, to ensure that no one from the media could sneak into the NICU to take photographs of the twins. Charisma, the hospital CEO, was controlling this as best she could, but it meant that Sheena and the girls were often hidden away in a corner of the NICU where even the other young mothers weren’t able to pry.
Official photographs had been taken of mother and daughters and Sheena had given a few interviews earlier on, and once that was out of the way they were able to focus completely on maintaining the health of the twins.
Throughout it all, Janessa and Miles tried to eat at least one meal together every day, and as they didn’t keep conventional hours, sometimes they found themselves sitting in the hospital cafeteria at three o’clock in the morning, quite content to talk and share with each other.
The fact that Miles knew of her past, knew of her heartbreak and the inner turmoil she’d experienced only made it easier for her to talk to him. He understood. He’d been in a similar position and by the same token she found herself wanting to know about his life, wanting to know where he went to medical school, how often he saw his parents and siblings.
Sometimes he looked as though he was about to clam up, to not give a straight answer to what she wanted to know, but every time he would take a breath and talk. He was so generous and it also showed Janessa that he really was invested in the ‘us’ that existed between them.
Still, they continued to take things one step at a time. They enjoyed spending time with each other and they enjoyed working together. The more they talked, the more they understood that this attraction, which seemed to have existed between them almost from the instant they’d met, was only intensifying with each passing moment.
Still, she knew their time together was limited. Miles was a man of great skill and importance in the world of conjoined twins. His expertise would always be in demand and she had no idea where or how she would fit into any plans he might make. It was the only thing that worried her but she tried her best not to show it, putting on a brave face, being happy whenever they were together yet always waiting for that axe to fall.
‘This is my favourite and worst part of the day,’ Miles said one evening as he stood at Janessa’s apartment door, drawing her into his arms.
‘Well, that’s not at all ambiguous,’ she drawled.
‘It’s my favourite because I get to kiss you, but the worst because we must part.’
‘You’re so poetic,’ she remarked as she brushed her fingers lovingly through his hair, pulling out a piece of confetti. ‘Can you believe the girls are already one month old?’
‘The time does seem to be flying by at the rate of knots.’
‘It was so sweet of you to organise that little party for Sheena in my office.’
‘Sweet?’ He quirked an eyebrow at the adjective.
‘Thoughtful?’
He raised the other brow.
‘Masterful?’ she tried, but only caused his expression to turn more quizzical. ‘Stroke of genius?’
‘Ah, that’s better. Genius. I like the sound of that one.’
Janessa laughed, unable to believe she could be this happy as he brought her closer and captured her lips with his. She gasped a little, just as she did every time when that first electrifying contact was made. Then she would sigh and lean into him, loving the slow and perfect movement of his mouth on hers.
Miles listened to her, supported her, argued with her—when it was warranted—and held her so securely in his arms whenever he said goodnight. They were a couple and they didn’t hide it. Everyone knew, and was very pleased, about this latest development between the two neonatologists.
‘It’s about time,’ Sheena had said, happy for both her friends. ‘I could tell the instant I saw the two of you together that you were meant for each other.’ She’d clapped her hands. ‘So? What happens next? Will you be staying in Adelaide, Miles?’
‘Um …’ Miles had looked at Janessa, at the woman who had the ability to fill him with the strongest sense of belonging. ‘Charisma has approached me about extending my contract here at Adelaide Mercy.’
‘Wow.’ Sheena had been surprised. ‘Charisma will no doubt do everything she can to secure your services.’
Miles had smiled and it had been then Janessa had noted that the smile hadn’t reached his eyes. Was he possibly considering staying here at Adelaide Mercy? To be with her? She couldn’t help but think that he’d miss the travel, miss the excitement of helping other sets of conjoined twins. He had so much expertise and knowledge it almost seemed a waste of talent to hold him to just one place.
Even now, as he held her in his arms, as he kissed her so completely, so passionately, she couldn’t help but wonder if he would stay because it was what he wanted to do, or if he was considering staying because this was where she was?
‘Well, my genius,’ she murmured as she closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest, not bothering to hide the fact that his kisses had made her breathless. ‘I was looking in my diary and noticed that on Friday afternoon both of us have a block of two whole hours where there are no meetings, no scans, no ward rounds, no anything.’
Miles frowned but there was a twinkle in his eyes as he eased her back a little to look into her glorious face. ‘Really? Can that be possible? You don’t actually mean we might have some … leisure time?’
Janessa laughed. ‘It does look that way.’
‘Hmm.’ He smiled. ‘What did you have in mind and does it involve your car?’
‘Well, well, well. A genius and a mind-reader.’
‘Airfield?’
‘Airfield,’ she agreed. ‘You can drive the car and I’ll fly the plane.’
‘Sounds like a plan.’
‘A plan for five days in advance.’ Janessa grimaced. ‘Here’s hoping that nothing—’
Miles pressed a kiss to her lips, effectively cutting off her words. ‘Don’t even say it. Let’s just hold on to the dream of Friday.’ He kissed her again, then put her from him. ‘Sleep sweet, my Nessa.’
‘See you in the morning,’ she replied as she reluctantly eased from his arms. Leaning against the door after she’d closed it, she hugged her arms close, feeling bereft of his touch. She loved him so much and she wondered if she had the strength to give him up.
A fax had been sent through to the NICU for Dr Trevellion and it had arrived on her desk along with all the other faxes for the NICU. The letter had been from a hospital in the UK, requesting his valued expertise with the case of another set of conjoined twins that were due to be born around Christmas.
When she’d read the letter—purely by accident at first—her throat had gone dry and her stomach had churned, making her feel instantly ill at the thought of Miles leaving. He hadn’t said a word to her about the offer and she wondered whether he was going to accept.
How could he not? He was a man with such an incredible skill and thanks to him and a team of highly skilled professionals, he was able to provide a healthy and separate existence for babies who were born conjoined. How could she possibly ask him to stay? To turn down the job in order to be with her?
How was she going to face not seeing him? Not holding him? Not being with him? Not kissing him? He was her joy, her elation, her happiness. It had taken her so long to find him and now … now that she had … she was supposed to let him go? It wasn’t fair!
Hearing him shuffling around next door, she put her hand up to the wall, knowing she would do her best to be happy, to enjoy the time they had left together. She desperately wanted—no, needed—to be close to him. Her Miles. Her life. Her love.
Miles pressed his hand to the wall, desperately wanting to be with Janessa. So many times during the past few weeks he’d wanted to pick up a sledgehammer and smash a hole in the wall that separated them. He wanted to be with Janessa, not just for now but for ever.
The knowledge had stunned him and it was then he’d finally admitted that his feelings for Janessa were those of love. He loved her. He’d fallen in love again and that in itself was a miracle. For far too many years his life had been lonely and empty and he’d worked hard to fill it and be satisfied within his professional life at least. Everyone in the neonate world knew of Miles Trevellion but Janessa was the only one who knew him.
The discussions they’d had, not only about the twins but about the advances in medical technology, the memories they’d shared of their past, of their babies whose lives had been cut so short and the painful hurt that had followed, bonded them closer. He recalled the quiet, reflective moments when they’d been flying in her Tiger Moth, looking at the calm scenery below, relaxing in each other’s company.
All of these moments, such as holding her close, offering comfort when they’d been unable to save little Philip or after their first meal together when she’d turned her head and his lips had been pressed to hers in a glorious tantalising accident … they were all perfect and wonderful and he wanted so desperately to stay, to be with Janessa, to make more memories, to move forward with his life rather than going around in circles.
Earlier that day, he’d received a phone call from the hospital in the UK, the same hospital that had faxed over an invitation for him to lead a team of neonatologists in separating the next case of conjoined twins, which had only just been diagnosed. The hospital director had been insistent for Miles to accept as soon as possible. The sooner planning could start, the better—but for the first time in seven years he’d hesitated, and he’d hesitated because of Janessa.
For the first time he had been unsure of what to do, of what was best—not for his patients—but for him. Spending time with Janessa, holding her, being with her, kissing her … If he left, if he accepted the job offer, he wouldn’t be able to do any of those things.
She’d once asked him what he was running away from, why he travelled so much. At the time he’d been unwilling to give her an in-depth answer but now that he’d had some time to really think about it, he realised he hadn’t been running away from anything but rather running towards her. He hadn’t known it at the time, of course. Travelling and being busy had most certainly helped his mental thought processes to deal with the loss of his wife and child, but after seven years he was ready to start living again and he wanted to do that living with Janessa.
On Friday, Janessa tiptoed her way gingerly through the morning, almost waiting for something to go wrong, for the block of time she and Miles had set aside to be eaten up with something else—but it wasn’t.
‘Go and enjoy,’ Sheena said as she finished expressing some breast milk. Both of the girls were starting to put on weight and soon the first of their many surgeries would begin. ‘We’re all doing just fine here. It’s time you and Miles spent some time away from the hospital.’
‘Yes.’ Janessa frowned.
‘Something wrong?’ Sheena asked as she buttoned up her shirt.
‘Nothing. Everything.’
‘Oh. Is that all? Come on. This is me, Nessa. Don’t you think that I can’t see straight through you?’
‘I love him, Sheenie.’ The words came out on a sigh, a sad sigh, filled with resignation.
‘You don’t sound too happy about it.’
‘We can never be together.’ She spoke as though there was no hope for tomorrow. To even contemplate a life without Miles made her heart constrict with pain, it made her stomach twist into knots and it made her want to sit all day and do nothing. Without Miles, she felt her life would lose all meaning.
‘What?’ Sheena sat up straight and glared at her friend. ‘Why ever not?’
‘He’s been offered another job.’
‘Great. He’s a man of talent and skill. It’s not an uncommon occurrence. What’s the problem?’
‘What’s the problem?’ Janessa sprang to her feet, needing to pace, but there was no room—the small NICU cubicle had no room. ‘The problem is that I want him to stay here in Adelaide, with me. I can’t let him do that.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because there are other little babies out there who need his expertise. He’s so brilliant and incredible at what he does that I can’t let him stop doing it just because I want him to be with me. That’s a little selfish, don’t you think?’
‘So … go with him.’
Janessa paused. ‘What?’
‘Go with him.’
‘But … uh … what about you? The girls? My friends? My job? My house has almost finished being built. What about that?’
‘Oh, nonsense. All of that is irrelevant. Now that you’ve met Miles and fallen in love with him, he should be your first priority. Not me.’
‘But, Sheena, I promised I would always be here to help you.’
‘And you will. It doesn’t mean that you can’t do something else for a while. Why not go with Miles? Help out as part of his team of experts. You’re more than qualified and now, because of Ellie and Sarah, you’ll have had experience in this elite field.’ Sheena laughed. ‘Nessa, the girls are going to be spending the rest of this year, at least, in this hospital. They’re going to be well cared for and we both know I’ll be fine. First I was their incubator. Now I’m their snack machine.’ Sheena rolled her eyes and laughed at herself before standing and crossing to Janessa’s side.
‘If you love Miles—really love him, Ness—then you do what you need to do to be happy. Don’t you go thinking about me or the girls or the hospital or your house. None of us are going anywhere and we’ll always be here for you, just as we know you’ll always be there for us.’
Janessa listened to what her friend was saying and sighed. ‘OK. Let’s say, for a star
t that Miles does want me to go with him to the UK, to be a part of his team. What happens when that case is finished and he gets offered another case? You forget. I’ve been following this man’s career for years. I’ve read the articles he writes for the leading neonate journals, I know he likes to move around. It’s who he is. It’s what he does.’
‘It’s what he did.’ Sheena’s smile broadened. ‘I’ve seen the way you look at him and I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and I have to say that both of my friends have been bitten by the same bug. The love bug.’ She wiggled her fingers at Janessa as she said the words but Janessa just couldn’t smile at the action, her insides churning with confusion and indecision. Sheena instantly sobered and gave her friend a hug.
‘This isn’t a bad thing, Ness. It’s a good thing. You’ve fallen in love. For real this time. You’re not an impulsive teenager any more. This is real and good and right and everything else that’s wonderful.’
Janessa stood there and processed Sheena’s words, realising that true happiness might well be within her grasp. That if what Sheena said was true, if Miles cared for her as much as she cared for him, there might be the slightest hope that they could work things out.
‘I have to go find him.’
‘Atta-girl,’ Sheena said with a wide grin on her face. She watched her friend blow a kiss to the sleeping twins and race out of the NICU.
Janessa had arranged to meet Miles at her car, and after quickly changing she headed to the old shed behind the residential wing. He’d already opened the double doors in order to drive the car out and for a moment she couldn’t see him.
She paused, her gaze searching frantically for him. Was he here? He had to be here. They were supposed to meet here. And then she caught sight of him, bent down low next to the car, rag in hand, giving the paintwork a polish. Her heart turned over with love for him.
