Outbound Lane An Unspoken Truth Novella (Unspoken Truth Series)

by Renea Porter

  “Come in,” she shouts.

  “Alexis, it’s so nice to see you. Please, sit.” She motions toward the chair, while she sits at her desk.

  “I really hate to bother you when it’s not group time,” I say nervously, placing my bag on the floor next to my chair.

  “You can come anytime. And obviously something is on your mind. So why don’t you start?” She smiles, assuring me.

  “Well, you know my story, all of it, and the fact that being touched totally freaks me out and I really want to get over that fear. There is this guy…”

  “A guy, huh?” She smiles brightly. “Any guy would be lucky to have you, Alexis. We know this condition stems from your childhood and your abuser. If you concentrate more on the person you’re with and not think about the past, it would be a start. Just focus on what is in front of you in that moment,” she says with a soothing voice.

  “His name is Cole, and we’ve been friends for a while, and our feelings are growing for each other and he is being really patient with me. We did hug twice and it felt nice, but there is always that fear in the back of my mind. I want to move forward and be all in love and experience all that. I’m just scared,” I tell her in a rushed tone.

  “Being in love is scary enough you wonder if they’ll break your heart, be too vulnerable and all that comes with it. Plus, with some added baggage, it is scary. Just take things slow, and just take some deep breaths and focus on who is in front of you,” she tells me.

  “I really appreciate you taking the time to talk with me. I feel a lot better about things now.”

  I stand to leave.

  “My door is always open, Alexis. Come in any time.”

  “Thank you,” I offer a smile as I exit her office.

  Leaving her office, I have a smile plastered on my face, and I know I am not crazy after all. It just takes time to let my fears go. My next stop is the police station to file a restraining order on my abuser, so he can’t come near me ever again.

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  I make my way back to Cole’s after having a productive day. I walk inside and plop on the couch.

  “Rough day?” Cole asks, plopping next to me on the couch.

  “I just went to talk to my counselor and I went to the police station to file a restraining order.” I give a weak smile.

  “You should have told me; I could have went with you,” he says, stretching his arms out.

  “I’m a big girl; it was fine.” Why do people constantly think I need my hand held, like I’m not capable of doing anything myself?

  “I know you are, but I could have been there to support you,” he says, as his eyes crinkle.

  You were still asleep when I left and I didn’t want to wake you. Besides, I went to see my counselor first thing. I go to a support for my eating disorder and Leah, my counselor, is really helpful with everything.”

  “That is good. It’s like you have your own safe place makes sense,” he says. “Would it be totally weird if I told you I wanted to kiss you right now?”

  I bite my lower lip and smile shyly. “No, it’s not weird.” I look at his luscious lips and imagine if they will feel like they did the other day. And he slides closer to me, and watches my reaction. I wait with anticipation. Normally at this point the couple would be having sex; isn’t there like a three date rule or something? But I’m just slower at doing this.

  His lips are within an inch of mine, and I slam mine onto his. He slips his tongue into my mouth and I’m not grossed out at all. He pulls me closer, our bodies pressing against each other. His chest feels hard against mine and he doesn’t move any farther than just holding me and kissing me, and it feels amazing.

  I pull away so I can catch my breath because the air evaporated from my lungs. I take a deep breath and just look into his eyes.

  “God, that was amazing,” he says, as his chests rises. “I only have one complaint.” He smirks.

  “Oh my god, do I have bad breath?” I cover my mouth.

  “No; now I won’t be able to stop kissing you.”

  He pulls me close again and his lips find mine as I let out a giggle. Our tongues entwine and tangle and I feel ballsy enough to straddle his lap because I don’t feel close enough, so I swing my leg over him and position myself on top of him. My heart is beating so fast that it feels like it might burst out of my chest and explode. He wraps his arms around my waist and rubs his hands up and down my back. I rest both my arms on his shoulders. Could this get any better? I can’t imagine it being better than this.

  Chapter Six

  COLE PULLS AWAY and looks into my eyes. “I feel drunk just from kissing you.”

  “I feel like my heart might burst out of my chest.” I swing my leg back and sit next to him. “You were my first kiss; the first kiss that actually meant something,” I tell him, resting my hand on his thigh. I can’t get enough of touching him, his lips, his chest, and his thigh.

  “I hope it’s the first of many things, Lexi.”

  “How did someone just not scoop you up; you are so nice and gentle. And I can’t imagine why someone hasn’t yet. It just doesn’t make sense,” I tell him. Cole would be an awesome catch for anyone.

  “I’ll be honest sometimes nice guys finish last. It seems girls are attracted to the bad boy types, who are rough and rugged. And that’s just not me. I just like to take my time with someone, and it’s hindered me a lot. I don’t rush into things. But with you my mind goes crazy, like I want to do everything at once,” he says.

  “I think those are all great qualities and if someone can’t see that, than there is something seriously wrong with them. And it’s my gain,” I tell him. “And while we are talking, I’m only trying to get better because of you, and because I think we are worth it, and I’d be stupid to pass up such an opportunity. So, nice guys don’t always finish last.”

  “You’re getting better because of me?” he asks in disbelief.

  “Yes. Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve said?” I laugh.

  “I’ve listened to you. It’s just… I didn’t know it was because of me.”

  “It’s only because of you, because I know we can be more than this. And you can’t keep living in the past if you want to move forward,” I tell him.

  “You have a point.

  “What are you doing today? Any plans?”

  “You mean besides kissing you?” He smirks, causing me to laugh. “I need to eat. What do say to me treating you out for lunch and maybe a movie or something?”

  “Sounds good to me. I’m actually hungry,” I tell him.

  “Yes, I worked up an appetite.” His grin tells me all I need to hear.

  Just as we are about to leave, Cole opens the door and I see a blonde standing on the other side of the doorway getting ready to knock. “Oh hey,” she says, smiling and showing off her bright teeth and a space in between her two front teeth.

  “What are you doing here, Charlotte?” Cole asks, and I see his jaw clenching.

  “I was wondering if we could talk.” She looks from me to Cole.

  She looks like one of those small town beauty queens. Ugh, I hate her already. I can already tell they have a history. One I know nothing about.

  “How about I let you two talk, and I can catch you later, if you want?” I look over to Cole and give him an obvious fake smile. I don’t wait for an answer; I just walk past him and make it to my car. Before I enter my car, Cole is on my heels. “You don’t have to leave.” He shoves one hand in his jeans pocket and one hand is on my car door as we are standing face to face.

  “It’s kind of obvious you two have history, and you need to get it sorted out. Call me later, if you can,” I tell him.

  “She and I have been done for a while and I have no plans to get back with her,” he tells me while she watches us.

  “You should hear her out and call me later,” I say, patting his chest. “I should go,” I tell him, sitting in the driver’s seat of my car.

  “Don’t leav
e,” he whispers.

  “Call me later, okay?” I start the car and pull out of his driveway and I have a sick feeling in my stomach. I try to not think about her with him and how they are alone and who knows what the hell is going on. So I drive into town and find myself at a quaint little restaurant. I wander inside and sit in a booth, by myself. An older lady approaches me, as even her eyes smile.

  “What can I get you, dear?”

  “How are your cheeseburgers and fries?” I ask.

  “It’s a popular item and the locals seem to love it,” she says.

  “I’ll have that then,” I say to her, closing the menu, “and a coke.”

  “Coming right up.” She places her pen behind her ear, and makes her way to the back.

  I get my phone out and watch out the window as people walk by as they are shopping at the boutiques. The waitress brings me my soda and I thank her. Cole creeps back into my mind; I can’t help but wonder what he is up to and what “Charlotte” wanted. My food arrives and I eat it, even with my nervous stomach. Surprisingly, I manage to eat all of it, I pay the bill and walk back outside as the humidity slams against me, causing sweat beads to form on my forehead. I slip into a shop and browse around. I try on a few summer dresses and torment myself if I look good in them or not. I’m not usually a dressy type kind of girl. I buy on the notion that if I change my mind, I’ll just return them.

  While I’m walking to my car, my phone buzzes. Once I get inside, I put my bag in the back and open my phone screen.

  It’s a text from Cole. Where are you? You’ve only been gone for two hours and I miss you.

  Did she leave? I ask.

  Yes. Come back, please.

  On my way now, I text back.

  I make my way back to Cole, as my stomach twists in knots at the anticipation of what he might say. What if he and Charlotte are getting back together? But then why would he say he missed me? So they are probably not back together. My nerves will be completely shot if I keep thinking these thoughts before I even make it there.

  Finally, I make it and it seems like it took forever. I slowly make my way and notice her car is gone as I walk into the house. The minute I walk in, he grabs hold of me and wraps his arms around me and I wrap mine around his waist.

  I pull my head back and look up at him. “So she’s an ex, I take it.”

  “Yes, and she is staying an ex. You didn’t have to leave. I didn’t want you to.” He looks down at me and kisses my forehead.

  “It seemed like you two needed to talk, so I left. I wasn’t going to stand aside and watch,” I tell him, pulling away and moving onto the couch.

  “Listen to me,” he takes my hand into his, “there is no one I’d rather be with than you. Is it really that obvious?”

  “All I know is that you two have history. I could tell. And I wasn’t sure how it was going to turn out. My stomach has been in knots since I left. And I care about you a lot. I’m afraid my heart might get broken and I won’t be able to recover from it. You are the one and only guy I have let get close to me and the only one I want,” I tell him.

  He gives me a genuine smile. “We do have a history; we were high school sweethearts. She was captain of the cheer squad and I played football. Even our parents thought we would get married. But like I said earlier, she decided she wanted to be with one of those bad boy types and dumped me. Once you screw me over once, I’m done.”

  “I’m sorry she hurt you,” I tell him as he still holds my hand into his.

  “And so it seems they have split up and she wanted to get back together. I just couldn’t do it. Not after she shattered me the way she did. I was depressed for the longest time because of it. I know I probably sound like a pussy just saying that. But it’s the truth and I would never lie to you. So there you have it.” He sighs heavily.

  “I appreciate you telling me, and you didn’t have to.”

  “Enough of this depressing crap. What did you do when you left?”

  “I went and got a burger and fries in town, and I went shopping and bought two dresses. I think we should go get some ice cream. What do you say?” I slap his leg.

  “Sounds good to me. I’ll drive. And you will have to model those dresses for me later.” He smirks and wiggles his eyebrows up and down.

  “We’ll see.” I playfully shove him and laugh at his comment as we walk to his truck. He laughs as he opens the truck door for me and I jump in. He shuts the door and slides in behind the wheel, flashing his ever so wicked smile at me. He grabs my hand and kisses it, causing me to blush. Another first.

  For some odd reason, there is just something sexy about the way he drives his truck. I don’t know if it is a manly thing or what, but damn. He pulls into a new ice cream place and we walk inside. The ice cream shop is the equivalent of heaven with its colorful interior and the assorted flavors of ice cream and toppings as you make your own. I put birthday cake flavor ice cream in my bowl and top it with sprinkles, gummy bears, cookie dough balls, and Oreo crumbs. Cole gets strawberry flavored ice cream and tops it with cheesecake bites and some other toppings. We take a seat in one of the booths and he slides in next to me.

  “Here, try some,” he offers a spoonful of his ice cream and he hits my nose with it.

  “Oh, so it’s like that, huh?” I pull back and wipe my nose with the napkin.

  “How could I resist? Okay, seriously try it.” He holds his spoon out again and I put my hand on the spoon so he doesn’t pull another sly move like he just did.

  “Mmm, here try some of mine,” I say. He is hesitant and I pay him back by smashing it into his face like he did me.

  He laughs. “You are going to get it when we get home.”

  “Oh, I’m so scared,” I say, joking.

  Cole pulls into the driveway and I immediately run in to find a hiding spot, since he said I was going to get it. I slide into Layne’s room, the one Cole sleeps in, and I slip behind the door and try to slow my fast beating heart.

  “Oh where is my, Lexi?” he echoes through the house as he continues to look for me. I try my best not to giggle, and I wonder if this is what couples do. Or are we just being childish? And before I realize it, Cole catches me off guard and pulls me out from behind the door. He throws me on the bed and I giggle uncontrollably.

  He climbs on top of me. “How is this? You have no control and I can do whatever I want,” he torments. “Like I can do this.” He kisses me and slides his tongue in my mouth and I crave his kiss. My breathing kicks up as he towers over me and he stares into my eyes. “And I can do this.” He kisses a trail along my neck. But my body clinches on its own accord, even when I will it not to. My mind takes me back to that dark place and all I see is him on top of me and I start to cry uncontrollably. My nails dig into Cole’s skin, and I think I draw blood.

  “Alexis, snap out of it; it’s me Cole.” He shakes my head from side to side. I blink my eyes, and I realize it is Cole that is on top of me. My body loosens as I hear the pain in his voice. But grief overtakes me and I cry because I haven’t gotten past this pain like I thought I had.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say through my tears after seeing the blood on his arm.

  “I’m okay. How are you?” Cole sits me up on the edge of the bed and kneels on the floor in front of me. And his worried eyes search mine.

  The guilt stays resided in my heart from hurting him, and I know I should just break things off with him now because I’ll only hurt him.

  “I’m okay now. Maybe this is just hopeless; maybe we should just ends things now, before one of us gets hurt. I already hurt you.” I point to the blood.

  “No! Just because things don’t go as planned, doesn’t mean you get to run away from your problems. This was just once that something like this has happened. We’ll take it slow just as we have been and work our way up to it. Do you hear me?”

  I nod in agreement. I wouldn’t be able to stay away from him, anyway.

  “We’ll get through this” He sits on the bed and
brings me into his arms, my personal safe haven. I just have to keep reminding myself it is Cole. He brings me into him, close, and exhaustion takes over as I let my eyelids close. But before I let the dreams take over, I hear Cole whisper that he loves me and a tear rolls down my cheek, because I love him, too. I want so desperately to say it back, but I’m too exhausted to even think.

  Chapter Seven

  IT’S BEEN ONE MONTH since I came to live with Cole for the summer. July crept up and now we are celebrating Independence Day. Cole is taking me to see the fireworks on the riverbank. We have a blanket to take along with some snacks. As we eat lunch that Cole prepared, he points something out to me.

  “I have an idea; something that might help you,” he says, waiting for my reaction.

  “Help me how?”

  “Look; the school is offering self-defense classes for the community. You should totally do that. I think it would help you. And the classes are cheap. Looks like it is a six week program. What do you think?”

  “I think you might be on to something here.” I take the paper from him and read the article and I agree to do it. Maybe this is something I should do, and I’d know how to defend myself if the need would arise. I lean over and kiss his cheek. I grab my laptop and sign up for the six week program while Cole watches me with a smile.

  “It’ll be good for you,” he says as I close the laptop.

  “I’m really excited to see the fireworks and spend some time with you. It feels like I have been working a lot more than I normally do.” Work has been crazier than normal so I picked up some extra shifts so I can make some extra money. Cole is driving us to the site that the fireworks are going to be.