RequiredSurrender

by Riley Murphy

  She didn’t want it. She wasn’t going to take it.

  “Whoa, damn, you’ve got quite a grip on you.”

  She told herself she’d only hug him for a moment. Just until the tears dried up and she could think of something bitchy or glib to say to him. Surely she’d be back to her old ornery self in a few minutes.

  While she searched for words he adjusted her clothes. She’d almost forgotten she was still partially dressed so she was grateful when he pulled her close and gathered the duvet around them.

  It felt good to be wrapped in strong arms. Wonderful to have her nose pressed against all male skin. He was so warm and smelled like clean laundry.

  Holy hell, she was crushing on him. She sniffled and hiccupped. Crushing? Worse she was crying all over him. She brought a hand between them and wiped the wet spot she’d made on his shirt.

  “I n-never c-c-cry.”

  He pulled her closer.

  “I swear, I don’t.”

  He rubbed her back.

  “I’m just-just up-upset.”

  “Talk to me.”

  She closed her eyes and inhaled deep. By the time she exhaled she felt infinitely better. And when he continued to stroke her she relaxed in the embrace.

  “I can’t.”

  “Tell me what happened.”

  “No…I can’t.”

  “Tell me.”

  She closed her eyes because she knew where this was going. Just as he’d done when she was swearing at him, he was going to continue to press her until she gave in. Could she tell him? The only other person in the world who knew besides her and the one who did it to her was her mother.

  “Tell me,” he gave her a gentle squeeze. “Tell me.”

  The sudden sense of calm that came over her surprised her. She kept her eyes closed while she focused on his body language. If he stiffened or tensed she was going to stop. “On my sixteenth birthday I was raped.” Nothing. No hiss or gasp. No change whatsoever in him to indicate shock or repulsion. She let out the breath she’d been holding and continued. “My dad arranged for me to go to a cultural dance with my older cousin. Well, he’s not a real cousin, you know? His family has been friends with my dad’s side of the family for decades. My dad’s into customs and ancestry. The only thing he ever did to break tradition was marry my mother. Anyway, this friend of the family’s came here on a student visa and stayed with us. He was amazing. Better than amazing, in my eyes. Like the awesome big brother I never had. That’s why…well.” She refocused. “After the dance when he drove us home he stopped at one of the nearby parks and…”

  He held her close. “Go on.”

  “He said he didn’t want to go home just yet. That he wanted to talk to me about future plans. Then he took a bottle out of the glove box and said it was vodka. I told him I didn’t want any. I didn’t.” She hadn’t realized she was twisting his shirt in her fist until she heard the threads crackle. Letting go, she whispered, “Sorry.”

  “Finish telling me what happened. Exactly how it happened. What he said, what you said and what he did. Tell me.”

  “He called me a baby. He said I was too chicken to drink with him, so I got mad and decided to prove him wrong. I took two big gulps. After I swallowed things became fuzzy. Everything moved in slow motion and I didn’t have the strength to fight him off when he pulled me into the backseat. I tried. I did.”

  He was stroking her again, only this time it felt vital and heartening and when he spoke, something inside her melted. “I know you tried. You were caught off guard and in a position for him to take advantage of you. Where did he do it? In the back of the car?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did he say anything to you when he did it?”

  “No, that was the worst part. If he was angry or if I’d done something beforehand I would have had some warning but the whole thing was surreal. It was…”

  “Talk.”

  “I couldn’t breathe, that’s the most vivid memory that plays over in my dreams. I’m suffocating.” She opened her eyes and stared at the crinkles she’d made in his shirt. This was the first time she’d said it out loud. She’d never told her mom, nor had she admitted this to herself even, but the truth was she’d thought she was going to die that night. “He pressed against my neck so hard my face was forced into the bucket part of the seat. The itchy fabric smelled like wet dog, rough against my skin and when my hair slid over my face and got into my mouth I couldn’t breathe. I struggled. I had to and because I did, he used his jacket to muffle my cries. He pushed it over the only small space I’d been drawing what little air I could from. It’s a wonder he didn’t kill me.”

  She was silent for a full minute thinking back on that night. Not reliving it, just processing it in the comfort of arms that offered protection. “I should probably be grateful that with all the worry over getting air into my lungs I didn’t pay much attention to what else he was doing to me. I don’t know how, but I barely remember any of that. Maybe it was the vodka.”

  “You told your parents.”

  “My mom.”

  “What did she do about it?”

  She wanted to scream “Nothing.” She couldn’t have done anything even if she knew the truth it wouldn’t have changed things. “We kept it from my father.” That wasn’t a complete lie as half of it was the truth.

  He didn’t say anything, he just drew her up tighter against him and freaking hell her lip started to quiver. “I,” she cleared her throat, “I n-never cry.”

  “I know, princess. I know.”

  Ted must have dozed off too. After Jo had finished another crying bout she’d fallen asleep against him and he’d thought to leave her, but he couldn’t right then. And now? He tilted his head and looked down. Noticing how nicely she was wrapped around him like a little octopus, he frowned. The unmitigated pleasure he got from the sight of her on him had absolutely nothing to do with sex and everything to do with wanting to protect her.

  He slammed his head into the pillow. Fuck.

  Coming up here with her tonight had been a monumental mistake because he’d felt the crazy pull between them. This was why he’d kept his distance from her over the last two months. She had something he wanted. The kind of needs he wanted to fill. And he had something she was drawn to. He was sure of it. He’d noticed her covertly watch him when she could, but he’d endeavored to ignore it. His life was simpler without the ties of a full-time sub and she’d be a full-time sub, that’s for sure.

  He stared at the ceiling and thought about her. She was dangerous all right. When one broke through the swearing, the hissing and spitting she was a pussy cat in need of a pet. Or to be a pet. That got him rock-hard and ready to tame, but he couldn’t do that with her.

  She needed someone who would take care of her completely and he wasn’t up for that. Not now and maybe never, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t find her a mentor. Someone who would help her through until she had her emotions in check and could be trained.

  Damn, she’d make a fine sub for any man willing to step up and take the reins with her. It wouldn’t be easy. It would require finesse and patience. But the end result would be worth it. He was sure of it.

  “What are you thinking?” She snuggled up against him all warm and cat-like. Best to get to the reality before they had a huge mess on their hands.

  “I was wondering who would make a good Dom for you.”

  There was silence and then she sighed, “Oh.”

  Hm. She didn’t sound very upset by the prospect. Maybe he’d been wrong about her wanting him. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He should feel great, but oddly he didn’t. He brushed a hand through her hair and said, “I think you really should take those karate classes. We have a dojo. I could set you up.”

  “Why, so I can kick the bastard’s ass the next time I have to see him?”

  His hand stilled and he grinned. “No. I don’t think it would be wise to confront a guy like him. Let someone else do it. He’ll get his. I w
as thinking more along the lines of you needing to know how to protect yourself, is all.”

  “Why?” She shot up on one elbow. Her beautiful face illuminated in the dim light, looked softer than ever. The stunning transformation took his breath away. “You think I’m a victim now?”

  “Never that.” He stroked her cheek with the back of one hand and said, “I just think you need some legitimate props to back you up. That mouth of yours is going to get you into serious trouble one of these days.”

  God, those huge eyes went all glass again. He was hard-pressed to take more of her tears. He was drowning in them when he shouldn’t. They weren’t his to own. They would be some other lucky Dom’s to gather and protect.

  “I didn’t always used to be like this.”

  He took hold of a thick curl and rubbed it in his hand. Satin. Softer than satin, this was silk. “There’s nothing wrong with the way you are.”

  She tilted her head and reminded him, “You called me a guttersnipe.”

  “True.” He let go of her hair and stuffed his hands behind his head, lacing his fingers together. Otherwise he’d be tempted to drag her back up against him until her hair lay like a curtain over his heart and her breath heated the skin of his neck. “I had no choice. You were on quite the profanity roll earlier.”

  “I was scared.”

  He shifted to look at her. Her admission surprised him. He didn’t see one bit of fear in her. Not one. “Of what?”

  “You.”

  That hung between them like the proverbial noose. And he let it swing. He wasn’t ready to explore all the implications in that one word. Not now. Not ever. If he did, he’d probably never leave and right now the warning sirens were blaring in his head for him to get the hell out of there.

  “Well, no more scaring. That wasn’t my intention. I think you’ll be able to find the right Dom to Top you now that there’s no sense of urgency. Do you agree?”

  She nodded, but in such a way that he knew she really didn’t. “Sure.”

  Sitting up, he ran a hand through his hair and eyed her. “But no more ‘full Monty’ consent forms signed, got it?”

  “Yes.”

  He stood and tucked his shirt into pants. “And I am going to set you up for those karate classes. Cameron will be in touch about those.”

  “Cameron?”

  “Yes, Jo.” He twisted around to stare down at her. “He’s my assistant.”

  She looked crushed and so disappointed all he wanted to do was open his arms and invite her in, but he couldn’t because he knew she’d accept and then they’d both regret it. “Trust me, princess. We’ll find your prince. And when we do, you can thank me.”

  “Hey, where are you going?”

  Stopping at the door, he turned back. “I’ll make sure Cameron is ready to see you home whenever you’re ready to leave. Goodbye, Jo.”

  He wasn’t surprised when he reached the bottom of the stairs and Cameron got up from one of the wing chairs in the lobby. “Sir.”

  “Sorry to keep you up so late,” Ted spoke as he made his way to his office. He knew Cameron would follow him, so he didn’t turn around. “I’ve got a purse in my office that belongs to a guest. You need to give her a ride home.”

  “Tell me it’s not that Indian chick.”

  “What?”

  “That woman is a class-A bitch, that’s all I’m saying.”

  Ted turned on him. Unlike Cameron, he didn’t need to say anything. With one look his message was read loud and clear.

  “I’m sorry, sir. Of course.”

  “I also want,” Ted took a moment to make out a list, “you to give her this. Then tomorrow I want to have a talk with you. There’s a man I want you to track down. She didn’t tell me his name, but he’s a friend of her family’s. Find them and you’ll find him.”

  “I’ll come in early. How’s noon?”

  “Good. Oh, and Cam? Make note of Ms. Nehr’s address too. I’m taking a personal interest, you understand?”

  “Interest in the Indian chick? The one with the big eyes and the mouth that could make a pirate—”

  “Yes. Just do it.”

  “Yes sir.”

  Ted threw himself into his leather chair and rocked. What the fuck was he doing? He needed to stay away from her. No, he needed to find her someone else fast before he was tempted. That was what he needed to do.

  Chapter Four

  “If anyone can seal the deal, it’s Blake. She won’t turn him down.” Even as Ted made the prediction to his friend and partner, Ethan White, his stomach churned into knots. The thought of Jo being Topped by Blake bothered him. Almost as keenly as he’d experienced pleasure over the month and a half of her turning her nose up at every one of his other Dom choices for her.

  Today was different though. She’d signed a consent form again. Thankfully, not the “full Monty” variety, but a liberal enough one to get him thinking. And when he’d gone over her spelled-out requirements, he’d been surprised.

  “This reads like a movie scene,” Ethan said and handed the page back to him.

  Ted nodded. It read that way because this was Jo trying to re-create some of what happened to her. A dangerous thing to do with a Dom who didn’t know her history. Oh sure, she’d glossed over a matter-of-fact version in the emotional heads-up part of the questionnaire, but that wasn’t going to cover anyone’s ass if she dropped. “There’s a reason she needs this release.”

  Her desperate need to have this specific scene now indicated something was stressing her out. Was her rapist back in the picture? Unfortunately, when he’d put Cam on finding the guy weeks ago, he’d come up empty. Maybe it was time he put Cam back on the case.

  “You can tell by her brisk and thorough request she needs this. If I didn’t believe that, she wouldn’t be here having this special session today.”

  “Is that why you’re here? You know I already committed to stand by in case there’s a problem.”

  “Yeah.” Ted eyed him, gauging how much he should say, if anything at all.

  “What’s with the look?”

  “You don’t know her as well as I do.”

  Ethan laughed and looked away. After a few seconds he turned back, only now he was frowning. “You do know that’s absurd. Jo visits with Colin on a regular basis. My wife treats her friends like family. Fortunately, I like most of them, but I especially like Jo. She’s got pluck and she can beat me at chess. For that alone I’d be here and for those reasons as well, I’d say I know her better than your, what, half a night with her?”

  “I wouldn’t bet on it.”

  “Have you seen her since or something? Other than the few functions you’ve both attended because of me and Colin?”

  “No.”

  “Well then…”

  The door in the mock interrogation room opened and Ted sucked in a breath as he watched from his vantage point behind the glass. His heart thumped against his rib cage and his pulse quickened.

  “This way,” Blake said while he held the door for her. When Jo walked in Ted started to stand up but caught himself. He shot a sidelong glance at Ethan who was staring at him with Dom-heightened intensity. Fuck.

  “Have a seat.” Blake indicated to the lone, ladder-back chair in the center of the room.

  Jo walked toward it. Her gait was slow and elegant. This was the first time Ted had seen her dressed so regally. Today she was dressed in a crisp white blouse that had a larger-than-normal collar and cuffs. It was tucked into a tighter-than-tight, charcoal pencil skirt and when she turned her back to the mirror he noticed the matching gray stockings she wore had a perfectly straight black seam that ran the length of her shapely legs from thigh to heel. Folding in nicely to her four-inch black patent-leather stiletto heels that shined in the dimly lit room.

  She grasped the top slat on the back of the chair and tilted her head to look up at Blake. That silky hair of hers swished and danced over her blouse in stark contrast. “Ask me nicely.”

  Ted co
uldn’t hide his smile. She was a nervy little thing.

  “Have a seat please, Josephine.”

  “Aaaand that would be mistake number one,” Ted muttered under his breath. Too late he realized he’d spoken loud enough for Ethan to hear.

  “Why? She sat down.”

  “Trust me, you give that one an inch and she takes the yardage of a football field. Watch.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and pretended to be semi-interested when in truth he was riveted. She was gorgeous. More gorgeous than he remembered and she was wired for sound. Despite the barrier between them he felt her energy. It was palpable.

  “What’s your safe word?”

  Now, most women in a position like this, being questioned by a prominent Dom who most definitely intended to put his hands on her naked flesh, tended to be nervous. Maybe with hands stuffed under her thighs and her shoulders hunched forward while she kept her eyes downcast and answered short and to the point. Not Jo. She leaned back in the chair, crossed her legs—worse, she rocked one of them impatiently even— while examining her fingernails. “Snow.”

  “Uncross your legs.”

  She stopped bopping but didn’t move to do as Blake ordered. Ted sat forward in his seat and searched the lines of her face. She was wary but not scared. Amazing.

  “Why?”

  “Because I want you to.”

  Ted sat back. “Annnd that would be mistake number two.”

  Ethan sighed. “Cut it out. We all have our methods.”

  “Yes, but his stink. She’s going to be running him around in no time.”

  When Ethan looked at him funny, he shrugged. “Hey, I feel sorry for the poor bastard.”

  “It doesn’t look that way to me.”

  “No.”

  He wasn’t sure whose head snapped around faster at Jo’s curt reply, his or Ethan’s.

  “No?”

  Blake’s voice was quiet. Too quiet and Ted knew why. It wasn’t just the matter of her outright defiance that angered the guy. It was the fact that Blake knew other Doms were watching this exchange. Now he was going to have to save face and the only way to do that was to rein her in.