Captain Haven tasted delicious, of roasted peanuts and potent red wine. It was an intoxicating, heavenly blend of salt and spice, berries and a hint of vanilla. His lips were soft yet commanding, and as I reached up to touch his tanned cheeks, I could feel the stubble on his jaw under my palm. A sharp scent of citrus, and a deeper more primal scent that was all his own, musky and heady, intoxicated me… more than the wine ever could.
I knew I should’ve pulled away, but I couldn’t. I was lost, drowning in a sea of instant pleasure like no other I’d ever experienced. Every bit of me felt fully alive, yet utterly made of jelly.
A huge cheer went up behind us.
The drinking contest! The shapes that were once blurred sharpened; outlines of the partially intoxicated camp staff and army personnel came back into focus.
Oh my God. I’d lost complete control of myself in public. What if everyone had seen that disgraceful display of horniness? I had clung to Robert like some kind of crazed limpet not wanting to give up its place on the hull of a formidable frigate. My safe harbour.
I jumped away from him, suddenly feeling completely ashamed and utterly mortified. I could feel my cheeks flushing, the heat was rising up from my chest, and I would be red as a beet in no time.
“I knew it would be amazing,” he said quietly. “But that was more than amazing… That was—”
“Crazy,” I finished for him.
My entire body felt like it belonged to somebody else; to him. I could barely keep my balance, but I knew that right now, I needed to be anywhere but here and let more air come between us as I stepped farther away.
“Not the word I was looking for but…” He frowned, dark crease lines appearing on his tanned face. “Penny? What’s wrong?”
With my fingers on my sore but tingling lips I shook my head, unable to communicate my feelings.
“It’s okay. Don’t go. We can talk about it if you want?” he said as he put out his hand. No doubt wanting to pull me into another unforgettable kiss. Another experience like that and I’d be a goner. There was no two ways about it.
How could I tell him that only after one kiss that I was scared, without him thinking I was mad? Scared of falling for him, scared of losing myself and giving him everything… But most importantly terrified of it all going wrong. Again.
“I need some air,” I stuttered and weaved my way back into the crowd, praying nobody had seen just how pliant I had become in his arms, how he could have taken me right there; taken whatever he wanted and I wouldn’t have been able to stop him.
Amy had been right, I’d fallen hard, allowed my heart to open. Desire was a dangerous thing. But actually capturing what you craved was even more so. I knew I wanted him, and if the proudly jutting cock I had felt pressing up against my belly was anything to go by, he wanted me too. But I didn’t know if I could cope with the speculation, the teasing that would be sure to come if we gave in to our longings, and not to mention the inevitable heartbreak that would undoubtedly follow if I let it go any further.
Angel caught my eye as Amy rose her hand in triumph. She nodded at me with concern, and I fled, knowing that she would make sure that nobody came after me.
More to the point, now I’d enjoyed a taste of what might be to come, I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to give it up when he had to leave.
He would ruin me. I was only just putting the pieces of my life back together. Painstakingly gluing them one by one, desperately trying to repair the vase and all its fractures.
Four
Robert
What a kiss!
I hadn’t been expecting fireworks, a few sparks perhaps, but I sure as hell got them. A whole display of pyrotechnics and bright explosions illuminating my mind’s eye, sparking a desperate desire within me. A need I’d buried long ago because the right woman never seemed to present herself.
But, I had absolutely no clue what I’d done to have her disappearing off into the night so quickly. Had she not experienced the same show? Did the sparklers fizzle out too soon. Or alternatively did she get burned?
Maybe I came on too strong. I shook my head, puzzled, and considered going after Penny. Predominantly to make sure she was okay, though it was clear I was the cause of her sudden departure, so it probably wasn’t the best idea…
Damn Claire for going down in flames so suddenly; the roar from the crowd had popped the bubble Penny and I had been sheltered within, and caused her to bolt.
When you needed your team to hold up the army’s pride, I hadn’t expected Claire, of all people, to collapse so early in the contest. Angel had her on her knees, quite literally, vomiting the twenty shots of tequila she had downed in the space of fifteen minutes. Angel however looked as though she could carry on through the night. Fresh as the proverbial daisy.
“Remind me never to challenge you on anything!” I teased Angel, striking up a conversation and desperately hoping she’d know why Penny had run off. Had she said something to Angel on her way past?
“I won’t need to, sugar,” she grinned back. “Now explain to me where is my protégé? What on earth have you done to have her rushing off like that?”
I blushed. I knew there would be little point in trying to keep anything from her, and if I was going to get some sort of answers or insight, honesty was going to be the best policy.
“Just one amazing kiss, Angel. At least it was for me.”
“Hmm, I wouldn’t go doubting yourself. From the look on both your faces I’d say it was a little more than that, but if you insist.”
“Why would she run like that? Penny has never really come across as that shy, a little quiet maybe… or have I misread everything?”
She twitched her nose and looked at me carefully. I’d say there has only ever been one other woman in my life who could reduce me to feeling like a naughty child, caught with my hand in the biscuit barrel. My grandmother, the Duchess of Cambridge, had a way of making you feel utterly wonderful or totally terrible all with a steely look from her keen blue eyes. And I was now finding out that the delectable Angel Lebeau could reduce me to my infancy just as easily.
“Sugar, Penny is a complex woman. Brighter than anyone I have ever known, but she has no street smarts to help her apply it all. Never met anyone out here so naïve. My guess is she is still the kind of girl who is waiting for Prince Charming to come along and sweep her off her feet.” She giggled. “Though, I do suppose, you already did that! You aren’t a prince are you? You’re certainly handsome enough.”
“Are you trying to seduce me, Miss Lebeau?” I said in jest, all the while being extremely cautious, attempting to lead her onto another track. I’d stifled a small chuckle at Angel’s choice of words; neither she nor Penny knew how true her words were, and though my team would never let that little nugget of information slip, I also doubted if anybody here had the chance to read the society sections of Hello! or OK magazine, so at least my secret was safe for the time being. But I started to understand what she was saying.
“I’m sure all those shots you downed have something to do with making me out to be more handsome than I actually am.”
“Nonsense!” she bellowed. “But seriously, Penny isn’t after—”
“She’s not yearning for some casual one night stand is that what you’re trying to say?” I said, interrupting her.
Angel grinned a knowing smile and tapped the end of her nose, then continued. “Bingo. So affairs or quick rolls in the hay are not her thing. She is an ‘all or nothing, forever and always’ kind of a girl.”
“I had a feeling that might be the case,” I said ruefully.
I couldn’t deny that I really liked Penny, and she was definitely the hottest, sexiest, and most fiercely intelligent woman I had ever met, who somehow managed to push all my buttons in the correct order—but I knew I wouldn’t be able to deliver on the rest of her dreams.
That was just one of the ways in which my life was most definitely not my own. If history was anything to go by, I would hav
e to marry someone that my family deemed to be suitable, regardless of my own personal feelings about their choice and match. I may be a lowly third in line to the throne, inevitably dropping further down the chain once Frederick and William married and had heirs, but apparently that was close enough that whom I married was a matter for political debate, and it was essential that I married well.
Even if I wanted more from a relationship with Penny, I was in no doubt that the family would all decree an American from a humble family such as hers to be quite unsuitable.
Occasionally when conversation or scandal was lacking at the palace, around the lengthy dinner table, the past was dredged up, everyone loved rehashing what happened the last time an American inserted themselves into the family. A disaster from day one and the fallout and vulgarity of the situation even though it all occurred in the previous damned century still had a profound effect on opinions today.
The Royal Family—my family—God love them all, still had their feet stuck firmly in the past, where tradition was almost akin to religion and was never to be questioned or doubted.
So even if I wanted to make Penny’s dreams come true, there wasn’t a hope in hell of it happening.
Angel raised her voice over the music. “So, if you can’t offer her more, then don’t set her up for a fall.” And although she said it with kindness, I could hear the warning in her tone. She would go into battle for her cub if need be, and woe betide anyone who hurt someone she loved. I took note of it, and gave her a mock salute.
“Yes, ma’am. I don’t want to hurt anyone, let alone Penny.”
I sighed and wished to disappear into the shadows to lick my wounds; the night had not turned out at all like I’d thought it would. From the moment I’d seen her I knew I wanted her, needed her even. But I wasn’t about to break her heart just so that I could satisfy my selfish desires.
“I know, sugar, but tread softly, okay? Penny is an old-fashioned girl, though she would deny it until she turned the colour of the sky. It still surprises me that somebody like her made it out here at all, let alone has stuck it out and become so good at coping with everything we go through. But still like the majority of us, her emotions run deep. Maybe deeper than most.”
I nodded and vowed to not cause her any more heartache; I would try and keep out of her way. Give us both some distance, especially if it was a non-starter anyway. I didn’t want to cause her any more pain than she had to go through by being in her face.
For her own safety, the camps, as well as all the other personnel, I was prevented from explaining to her why I couldn’t offer any more than a hot and passionate fling. No one could know, apart from those in my squad who were all sworn to secrecy under the official secrets act, who I was.
It was in everyone’s best interest that I walk away from her.
The less people who knew my true identity when I was out in the field, the safer it was for everyone, and those around us. And the last person I wanted to come to harm was my sweet Penny.
My vow was pretty short lived… but not for want of trying.
Though I knew I should’ve kept my distance from Penny, for her sake as much as mine, I found it impossible. It was as if the universe was conspiring to throw us together.
A chain of her patients needed surgery, and I seemed to be the only surgeon available to consult with. She looked no happier about it than I was, but was utterly professional about it, bordering sometimes slightly on the cold side, which I was not enjoying one little bit.
Where her smile normally would’ve been, there instead was serious straight line, her lips firmly pressed together, and all I wanted to do was forget about my foolish vow and make her grin again.
Though I did appreciate working with her so closely, even having her on hand to assist in surgery when needed, I got to see what an incredible physician she truly was.
Penny had dexterous and nimble fingers that I was sure would make her an excellent surgeon if she ever chose to take the leap. She thought fast and had the ability to devise solutions that didn’t come straight from a textbook. Penny took risks, which at first seemed unlike her, but as I studied her I realised they were always calculated and had her patients’ needs at heart.
“What a day!” I exclaimed, trying to be as casual as possible, as I ripped off my surgical cap and gown and threw them into the bin.
We had undertaken six appendectomies, as well as setting two displaced leg fractures, one bowel resection, and an emergency caesarean.
Penny looked up at me, only briefly I noticed, before returning her attention to the bundle in her arms. The baby was small, but it seemed to have a strong pair of lungs on it. The two of them looked perfect. Penny was a natural with the baby and my cock ached at the thought. Wanting what it could not have.
“You were incredible,” she said as she clucked and fussed over the little one.
I moved to her side. I’d barely had the chance to even notice whether it had been a boy or a girl as I rushed to staunch the postpartum haemorrhage that the mother had suffered. Sadly, it had been so bad that I was forced to perform a hysterectomy too, and so the mother hadn’t even been able to hold her little one yet. Mark was still with the patient, waiting for her to come round from the anaesthetic. She was in good hands, as was her little one.
“For a non-surgeon you held your own, you know?” I said admiringly. I could feel the heat of her body as I was standing so close, and it was suddenly very distracting.
The memory of her lips upon mine and her hot rapid breath played over in my mind as her sweet scent drifted towards me. You would’ve thought I’d be used to it after spending hours with her in close quarters in surgery, but she was unwittingly able to turn my head to the dirtiest of thoughts.
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “I have to admit, it seems so much more important here to have the full range of skills.”
She edged away from me, clearly uncomfortable by my proximity.
I cursed under my breath.
I didn’t want her to feel that way and I longed to take her in my arms, to kiss her, to show her just how amazing I thought she was. But I’d made Angel as well as myself a promise, and so I politely backed away, like the annoying officer and gentleman I was.
In that moment, I wished I could be anyone else other than who I really was. Wished I was just another squaddie or medic, no ties to anyone in particular, to do what I pleased. To take her, push her up against a wall for everyone to see, and kiss her like she’d never been kissed before.
To strip her bare and bury my cock within her tight little pussy, filling her with my seed.
But that was all just wishful thinking. Back to reality, I thought, though my cock was still firmly stuck in the fantasy world I’d just created. I coughed, trying to distract myself, and hoped no one would notice.
“Hey, Amy, can you take little one through to her mom? I’m sure she’ll be awake by now and will want to meet her.”
The feisty nurse nodded and took the tiny girl from Penny’s arms. Amy’s face suddenly softened and went all gooey just as Penny’s had, and crooned to the baby.
“Amy, careful, you’ll have me thinking you have a heart after all,” I teased. She grinned back at me then stuck her tongue out as she passed by.
“Only for the little ones, Captain. Mark, however, is a total other kettle of fish.” I gave her a shrug; let Mark have his fun. At least someone was, I thought with a slight hint of jealously.
I’d noticed that all too often Mark would disappear at sundown, and it had been clear at Claire’s birthday party that the two of them were attracted to one another. Though not strictly sanctioned by the military, I wasn’t worried about either of them; both were veterans of the short and torrid affair. And it seemed that theirs was burning pretty hot.
The rush of jealously reared its head again; the ease with which they had hooked up and were just getting on with enjoying one another while they could was maddening.
I gazed longingly at Penny
as she walked off towards the shower block, wondering if there was any way at all that I could convince her to take a shot on me, even if it would only be a short time. But no, I knew that would be unfair and selfish. Yet, being out here may be the only time in my life I got the chance to have such a no-strings opportunity, and heavens knew I needed something to help me to feel like life was worth living.
Being here so easily sapped every bit of hope and light from your heart. I knew we were doing good work, but it wasn’t enough and we lost too many lives every day. Add to that the knowledge that my time in the military would possibly be over at the end of this current tour of duty, I could feel everything closing in around me. “Fun time is over,” my father would say, as if equating the time I’d spent in the army as purely recreational. A young man’s folly. Maybe I could squeeze in another tour, but eventually he would require me to go back home and take up my role in the family, assist Frederick on occasion, and ultimately stay put.
I closed my eyes; the fury, longing and lust building up inside, wanting and willing me to ignore my rational side. I imagined a little devil dancing up and down upon my shoulder, daring me to take a chance.
Suddenly I knew I couldn’t be polite and professional about it all any longer. I wanted Penny, I needed Penny, and dammit, I would have her.
She wanted me too, I was sure of it, and it was crazy that she was making us both go without ever knowing what could be. I raced after her and grabbed at her arm, spinning her round to face me.
“Penny,” I said as she tried to pull away from me, startled at the sudden contact.
“Captain Haven, what the hell is wrong with you?” she yelled, her eyes flashing with fire. But there was something else, not brought on by my sudden appearance that was causing the tears in her eyes that fought alongside the anger.
“Penny, whatever is the matter?” I asked. Suddenly all of my selfish needs disappeared, and all I could see was her need to be comforted. I took her in my arms before she could protest and held onto her for dear life, soothing the length of her curvy back.
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