I traveled back to the hotel with Maxwell and we shared a drink in the hotel lobby. I hung out there after Maxwell went up to his room, hoping the band and Rand would come in but it got even later, I headed to my room.
The Rolling Isaac’s never returned to the hotel that night, not until the morning. All of them wearing the same clothes, and very tired eyes. They chatted about their very, very long night.
On our travel back, Rand leaned his head softly on my shoulder and fell asleep but in his napping he spoke here and there, saying, “No I can’t…oh, I really do want you, we could be great.” I shuttered and could only imaging where they all went and what happened. I glanced out the airplane’s window into the sea of clouds; I was floating on top of the wispy, white puffs, but could see the squall colors brewing below. Was all this wonder I felt with Rand just the calm before our storm? I looked out into to the vast open sky beyond the wing of the plane, we would be home soon. With Rand now quietly sleeping, I lightly touched my stomach and felt the jewel underneath. I pulled open my notebook, not disturbing his sleep and I began to write him another love note.
Rand:
As I dangle my little music note from my belly, I get yet another rush. I have to pause to breathe and I keep my eyes closed and see you as clearly as you touched me so gently, so seductively. I feel this little gem on my navel sparkles like a little hidden secret between us. I want to be your musical note, one that plays a tune in your heart endlessly. I see in the darkness of my lids, you barely touching my body and yet it instinctively moves toward your touch, craving that nearness. I feel you and want that touch again; I want you to continue with the course your finger tips were heading. I don’t know what is occurring in me but there has certainly developed a hunger like no other.
I want to tell you in just this short time we have spent together that it has all been such a different feeling for me from my past. I know in my heart that it will probably go no father than my travels with you and the band, but it’s intriguing and unknown and perhaps that is part of the pull that draws me near, but I know that I can’t seem to get enough of you right now. I hope you don’t know my fears – the fear of never feeling your touch again. I tread lightly not to speak out to your actions for you have given me both the opportunity to write again and to feel again. Until you came along I was uncertain I’d feel such emotion once more. I know you won’t read this, you won’t know my innermost thoughts but that is fine as if this is to be it will, if we are to be one we will. Somehow our two different worlds may collide and I await that. I will wait and hear, feel the hairs on my skin prickle sensing your presence.
Maddy xo
Chapter Four – Heartfelt Friends
Our time back in Philly surely grounded us all. The band kept up with their rehearsals. One evening when I called Raeford to get some detailed information about his musical upbringing, he told me that the band was really working hard on some new material, and that Rand was finally getting around to writing. I got caught up on my home stuff, all my phone messages, my writing notes and I tried to make sense of them and organize them. I had to open a huge pile of mail and all those things that stack up whenever you’re away. Rand and I still talked and texted one another but hadn’t seen each other for a week. Jillian and I set a date night tonight for the two of us to catch up and for me to reveal any and all details to her of my first travels with the band and everything about Rand.
With a big hug like life itself, I wrapped my arms around Jillian as soon as she crossed into my doorway. “God I missed you and it’s only been a few weeks,” I spoke as my eyes filled up.
“I missed you too girl, how was it? And don’t keep out any juicy details,” she replied.
Well I couldn’t say enough, I told her I thought I was falling for him and that I couldn’t believe this could be happening to me. I told her that we shared quiet time, fun time and very exciting time as I pulled up my shirt to display the dangling music note that hung from my navel. She laughed so hard, her shock apparent that I let myself get talked into a body piercing. I continued to tell her how I drank so much, braved my bikini (thanks to her) and was asked to cover up. I told her I had times my heart was so happy, but then I recalled her phone conversation with me about Thomas and those moments saddened with my reflecting on the past. I hadn’t forgotten that he really wanted to talk to me so I told her I decided to return a call to him even though it was against my better judgment. I wasn’t sure I could face him, but something in me still wanted to hear what he had to say. I had to stop feeling so conflicted.
We were talking at each other so rapidly, she was asking me all about Atlanta and she was excited that she would see her brother Jason. She told me she had looked up the information on the band and she had a spiked interest in Raeford. This was odd as he was the quietest of them all and Jillian was the polar opposite. She said his photos on the website showed him in a great light and he was very handsome. She asked if he had a girl in each town. I told her he was a sweetheart and really watched over me, and as for girls in each city, it was me that he mainly stayed near. I made a promise to her that I would definitely tell him about her in advance and introduce them both when we all would be traveling to Atlanta in a few weeks. Jillian said, “You promise?” I said, “Absolutely!”
I promise, oh I remember those words. I had promised my love to Thomas so long ago. In my whole life I never broke any promise. I remember Jillian coming to the front door of my condo and leaning on the outside and talking me through my tears and crying voice that she promised if I just let her in she would make it all better, that she would be by my side and she would make it all right. It had taken every ounce of my strength to open that front door and allow her to come in and join me on the floor and comfort me. At first she reached over to me to offer a hug and I flinched and pulled back.
Thomas had broken my very soul. Slowly she gained my trust and as she promised over and over that this would, one day, be much better. I felt somewhere deep inside that there was a part of me that may have believed her. “Maddy, are you still having wet dreams about Rand?” She broke into my thoughts.
“I wish I was, no I was just recalling the importance of promises.” I said to her as I pulled her into another hug.
We had ordered Chinese delivery, and requested they send plenty of fortune cookies. After the food arrived we girls did what we do best and we talked well into the evening, sitting on the floor with an array of white take out containers and then we ripped through all the fortune cookies to select the best fortune for each of us. I found one that I liked and claimed it, it read: A wish for true romance will happen in your life when you dream rose petals. Jillian selected one she liked and it said: Your smile brings happiness to everyone you meet. We were laughing and I got paper and pens and suggested that we write our own fortune cookie saying. Heck I am a writer, how hard could it be? We wrote the following, mine read – Hold on to the past but eventually let the times go and keep the memories and move oneself into the awaiting present.
Jillian wrote – No distance is too far for true friends bonded together. I was really happy to have spent this time with her and told her we would hit the gym this week because I had missed too many days lately. Her schedule this week was going to keep her a little busier than normal but we could work it in, we hugged it out and I had just shut the door to her and my home phone rang. Thank god for caller ID, it was an incoming call from Thomas and I really didn’t want to start in on this with him at the moment. I let it ring and he did not leave a message.
Being back here had me missing Rand and I wondered if he was missing me as well. I decided to text him –
Just wondering if you’re awake? I had a nice evening with Jillian; by the way she has taken a liking to none other than Raeford! Believe that? We had Chinese food and rummaged through fortune cookies to select the one we wanted, we don’t play that fair.
Seconds later he replied:
I’m up, and I’ve been thinking about you. Hey,
can you pick through your fortune cookies and choose one for me? Wow, Raeford that’s good news. He keeps his whole life quiet. I know he’s not into any one girl right now. Maybe in Atlanta they can get to know each other. Maxwell told me you asked for some passes.
I went back into my kitchen and there remained the opened Chinese containers and many fortune papers lying on the counter and I looked through them.
Rand, here’s one for you: Listen to the music in your heart and your happiness will dance and be intertwined with your outlook on life. I thought that was fitting for you.
Rand didn’t reply back, then my telephone rang again on the home phone and I didn’t want to pick it up thinking it was Thomas, but then I saw the caller ID and it was Rand. I picked it up, “Why are you calling?” I asked.
“Madison, I just had to hear your voice. I wanted to feel you speak to me.”
Our live conversation lasted for a long time to follow. I remember trying to end it.
“Rand we should hang up, I should let you go now.”
“I’m not letting you go, I don’t want to.”
“It’s late, we’ll talk soon, I’m getting very sleepy.”
“Don’t hang up, just put the phone next to your pillow and that way I will hear you breathing while you are sleeping.”
“You’re a crazy man.”
“Maybe crazy about you, but I will feel like I am there with you, so go to sleep now Madison, take me with you as you dream.”
As I closed my eyes to sleep I was content, first I had hugs from Jillian earlier, and then comfort through the open phone line from Rand that held me tenderly as I slept. I dreamt in color and it was so vivid. His blue eyes were upon me and he was lying next to me in thought, he began to admire my body, mentally taking it all in. I was so caught up in his look of desire that I inhaled him as well taking in his purely awesome body and sensual mouth and, oh how I wanted to be kissed in my dream. My fortune was coming true as in my dream I felt the touch of soft rose petals that were falling down and spreading on my bed. I leaned in toward him only to find my extra pillow in my face on the other side of my empty king sized bed. I really needed to get it together. I was falling for him like a high school crush and although I know he enjoyed my company he also backed away, keeping me at arm’s length.
I slept well and felt refreshed this morning. I had to recharge my phone as it spent the entire night on my pillow. I hoped I didn’t talk in my sleep or snore through the phone connection to Rand. I was proud of myself as I had gotten all caught up from the previous traveling and knew I could handle this next journey to the Atlanta concert. I never heard my phone as it must have gone off while I showered, and Rand left a message:
I don’t like separation, what can we do about it?
I was about to return a text, and my doorbell rang. I looked out and there was a delivery truck and as I opened the front door, there was the delivery man standing in front of me with a huge wrapped item marked fragile.
“What’s this? I haven’t ordered anything.”
“Are you Miss Tierney?”
“Yes, I am but…”
“Miss, I just need you to sign this delivery slip.”
“Is there an address from who sent this?”
“Miss it’s just my job to deliver this to you this morning and it was noted high priority.”
“Sorry, can I use your pen?”
The delivery man handed over his pen so I could sign for the package.
Just as I was signing the release slip, I saw a black Hummer pull into my driveway.
“Thank you Miss and have a nice day.”
Rand walked up the driveway, stunning in his everyday, simple appearance, in his jeans that fit his hips perfectly and a tight black tee shirt as usual. He stopped first to talk to the delivery driver and I saw Rand tip him. I was really confused. As he came up to my door, he was smiling and said again to me, “I didn’t like being separated, I missed you.” I melted inside, and hoped he wasn’t playing with me. I, for some reason, couldn’t help myself from reaching out and hugging him like I hadn’t seen him in months.
We walked in, his arm draped across my shoulders and mine wrapped around his waist and he said, “So let’s see what this is, shall we?” First, though he walked around my home curiously taking it in since he’d never been past my doorway. He didn’t come in before when he dropped me off to meet Jillian. He was humming and walking around.
“Do you want a tour?” I asked.
He said, “No, I’m just trying to figure something out.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Well, where to place your package that just arrived” he stated. It was then that I knew exactly what it was before even opening it. It wasn’t an autograph he gave to pretty artist’s agent; it was an order, an actual sale. He had bought me “Separation.”
We decided to place it right over my bed. I had a large open wall there and the colors of the painting popped against the light yellow walls. We stood in front of the bed and were admiring our successful handyman work in hanging it and Rand nuzzled into my hair. He smelled so good. It wasn’t a particular cologne, just the scent of Rand. I was getting so drawn in and used to his smell. I thanked him for the gift and I knew going forward every time I looked at it I would think of us. Was there even an us?
If I had even a slight doubt at this very minute, it escaped me as he cupped my chin and pulled me in slowly laying me down on the bed. Here we were in my bed, I never would have thought I would have kissed another man, much less in my bed, but that is what we did. We remained wrapped in one another’s arms and he gently stroked my face and we passed the morning into the afternoon quietly, sensually and beautifully, only taking a break to eat some leftover Chinese food.
My home phone rang and I chose to let the caller leave a voice message. I did not want to take a call and interrupt this warmth of our being together.
“Maddy, pick up if you are there, please I just want to talk to you, we need to talk. Maddy, I still love you. I know I messed up but I miss you, I miss us. I’m sure you miss us. Don’t give up on so many years we had together,” Thomas pleaded. My body tensed, I was shocked the message sounded so loud in the quietness that had absorbed Rand and me.
I sank into his chest, did not know how to cover that up, how to handle that, how to respond. Rand simply leaned up, took both his hands and pressed them to the sides of my face in a capturing way and took my lips to his once more. He did not speak about the message, but did tell me it was getting late and he needed to escape this beautiful afternoon and head to meet the band. He said he would talk to me later.
As Rand was pulling away from my driveway I cursed Thomas and cursed his timing. I knew I would have to call him to get him to stop this. I reached out and began to dial his cell phone.
“Maddy, thank God you are returning my calls, I know I have no reason to worry about you but I miss you and I actually called Jillian when I was unable to reach you,” his voice happily sang.
“I know, she told me. Listen, I want you to know that we will talk, perhaps we need that.” What I wasn’t saying was that I hoped the talk would be the closure I needed if I had enough strength to follow through with that. “Right now though I am deep into a concert schedule with the Rolling Isaac’s, but you already know about that.”
“Yeah, I looked up their schedule and I have a business convention in Austin, Texas the same time they have a show, I’ll meet you then. I think this will work and it’s a change of scenery for us both.”
He just invited himself. I guess I now had to finally meet up with him to be able to move forward. I think I heard in his voice that he thought this might mean reconciliation, he sounded so hopeful. I told him I would get passes to the show and I knew without saying to him that with the loud music we would not get to converse too much.
I spoke without emotion, “Thomas, I’ll call you when I have the passes and let you know where we can meet for the show. Take care, I really have to g
o.” I did not say goodbye only hung the phone up and started to cry, this was my first conversation with him since we sat across the table with lawyers going through our assets, although even that went smoothly as our lives parted. I wasn’t sure what tears I was shedding. Upset that Rand heard the earlier voice message, or upset at the wanting in Thomas’s voice that I had longed for the months after he left?
As I tried to clear my head with a workout at the gym, I found myself sitting on the stationary bike and pedaling for so long that I could have reached another state. I had called Jillian and left her a message about my conversation with Thomas and also for her to get packing since next week we were heading to Atlanta. Maxwell was great. He had already sent me confirmation that he was having Jillian fly with us to Atlanta and he had bought her ticket. To date, I hadn’t paid out any of my money for all the traveling with the band. Jillian and I had agreed and confirmed with Maxwell that we were going to stay at her brother’s so there would be a cost savings for that. I had the VIP access passes on Rolling Isaac’s lanyards for her and Jason and me to enjoy the show.
Today had been like a salad for me why, after what started off as a lovely day, was then mixed with some awkwardness in between and then a dash of self pity and dressed with intimate thoughts and naked images of Rand. I was exhausted. My phone sounded, it was Rand, and I smiled –
Glad I got to see you earlier today, I’m writing new music and keeping busy but my thoughts keep taking me to you. I’ll talk to you soon.
Rand did not call me after that nor did he the next few days. As I had gone over to their rehearsal studio toward the end of the week to take some notes and a few photos to inspire my writing about The Wall, I ran into Ron who was working on some notes. Ron filled me in that Rand was out late every night and still hadn’t returned yet this morning from last night when they all were at a club. Ron said, “I don’t know how he does it. Rand is like that bunny commercial, he just keeps going. He parties all night long, and rarely makes it to his bed and…” He stopped speaking as he looked at me and could tell he probably had talked a bit too much already.
Rock Notes (Book One of the Heartbeat Series) Page 7
