Rock Notes (Book One of the Heartbeat Series)

by Renee Lee Fisher

  His response seemed apologetic –

  I’ll be here and I am looking forward to seeing you and holding you…near me.

  That did it for me, just the thought of him holding me once more I weakened. I would actually prefer to not have another around us but then again I was too uncertain about being with him alone, I guess something was imbedded in my head telling me that Rand could possibly break my heart, just at Thomas suggested. But I had missed him and was looking forward to it being tomorrow already. As my head hit my pillow, not knowing where my life was heading again, I was feeling torn in my relationships. I drifted to endearing thoughts of Thomas and then to sexual thoughts of Rand and I; wet, hot sexual thoughts where I slept well, very well.

  What a crazy afternoon and wow, traffic to all the malls was horrible as I drove and drove and tried to take back roads instead of the main ones to avoid the crazy shoppers on this unspoken holiday. So many women venture out all day to shop their hearts out for bargains for the kick off to the Christmas season. My arrival to the barn was filled with excitement as I did not see any other vehicles there except Rand’s Hummer. Checking myself in my car mirror once more before heading in to see him I adjusted my scarf around my neck. I had chosen to wear one this morning thinking about how he tied my wrists together the last time I wore one. Before I could get the handle, my door opened and it was like a vision, the sun glowed behind this truly awesome looking man. I was mesmerized by the way his hair hung messy and his blue eyes penetrated right through me.

  “Madison, let me help you.” He spoke as he started to gather my bags of food in one of his strong hands. It looked like I was a food delivery person with an order he had placed. But before we even got past my car, he took hold of me with his empty hand and tilted my face up. He was smiling so blissfully right before he stole a kiss from my longing lips.

  Without ever even getting out a hello to him we had placed the food carriers down and took over each other’s bodies, hands roaming everywhere. He licked at my lips, but obviously wanted more. We held onto each other so tightly that I could feel his heart beat even through his jacket. I could not believe I was here with him, this striking looking man of such physical perfection. I wanted to eat him up. I had such a desire to take his clothing off slowly, one piece at a time. I felt his tongue so deep into my mouth and my lips pressed against his not wanting to release. We could have stayed like this, but he broke apart from my lips and tossed his head back shaking his hair and said in a low tone, “I wanted this so bad and here you are. I have missed you.” My eyes started to tear in the corner as I leaned down and picked up the food bags.

  “I missed you too, I missed not spending yesterday with you” I spoke but began to choke up and didn’t want him to see me cry. I was so afraid to scare him off and have him slip away.

  “Did you really?” The way he asked made his doubt clear. I was wondering why I felt that way. I had so missed him yesterday, if he had only known how I longed for him.

  We had laid out the food picnic style on the floor on a woven blanket in the rehearsal studio near The Wall. I took several of the pillows from the couches to the floor. Rand said all their music equipment was coming back here today and tomorrow from their trip and he had some business to handle with Maxwell. But just sitting with him now and enjoying his company, seeing his body in front of me was enough.

  He caught me up on most of the West Coast trip. He told me funny stories about each of the band members’ crazy behavior. I took a few notes on a nearby notepad as he spoke wanting to capture some of the visuals of the band that he described. He told me about the place they stayed at in California that it was awesome and they had a great panoramic view of the ocean. Each morning he would rise, look at the view and think about me all the way here on the other side of the country. I smiled and my belly fluttered as he spoke and I found myself studying his features with every breath he released.

  As he got up to go grab us a beer, I watched his back and just past him I caught a glimpse of something on The Wall. It was a new addition on Rand’s corner, there were many new photos of him with female fans from the California shows, each one had written across it the city…but then there was a large photo of one woman in particular. A fan looking bright eyed at Rand from the very front row, she was staring at him, so consumed in her thoughts, so reined in, and lost in thought. It was a photo taken without the person knowing it and so it captured her raw and real and you could draw a dotted line exactly from her lips to Rand’s eyes on stage. There was no missing the smile on his singing face and the endearing look from hers. It was a picture of me. I don’t ever remember it being taken. How could I as it looked like I was in a trance, focusing on the stage? It had been taken on the very first night that I went to see them play in Philly.

  “You look beautiful in that photo,” Rand said returning with his drink. “I wonder when I look at it what you were thinking at that moment.”

  “Rand, I think maybe I was hoping this singer takes me on to write about him, and I am sure I was thinking about how that would be. Look at us now, who would have thought we would be like this…” I stopped speaking as I didn’t know what to call us. There was an undeniable passion but what else did we give to one another.

  “Yeah look at us, hungry for food and one another,” he said as he sat down next to me and started to feed me.

  After we ate the Thanksgiving leftovers, we settled in each other’s arms on the sofa for long nap as the turkey surely tired us out. Or was that just a myth? He was on the sofa and I was lying between his legs with my chest resting just across his stomach. I could feel my body rise and fall with his every breath. He played with my hair, twisting the strands and tugging softly at them and then he began to stroke the lightest touches across my throat with the pad of his thumb. He undid my scarf and slid it away from my neck exposing my skin further to his touch. Like an artist with a delicate paintbrush going over and over an area of the canvas, he continued to work his fingers sensually until he reached the edge of my sweater.

  He slid his thumb down over my nipples going back and forth under my lace bra, over and over in an up and down motion. Rand releases an intense moan and it feels like he is playing air guitar across my nipples hardening under his touch. Without even moving I could feel his chest move as he sighed, and I could feel him hardening against my hip. Rand splayed his fingers out across my stomach. His hand pressed harder to my belly as it stimulated my every nerve ending. He passed his hand down over my music note charm and circled my belly button with his thumb, and then he lowered his hand into my jeans and pressed hard to my abdomen.

  I moved with his rhythm, still lying on him but letting him continue to travel down my body, enjoying all this pleasure from the ride. His hand was now the lowest it had ever been on my body and I felt like I was going to explode just at the thought of him touching me. I wiggled turning onto my side, trying to encourage him to continue. I wanted to feel his fingers deeper. I was unbuttoning the fly of his jeans and slowly taking my hand to him to pleasure him as well. The door to the rehearsal studio flew open and we looked down to see a smiling and well feeling Maxwell.

  I caught myself first wanting to scream as Rand was on the verge of taking my body further, and that again, we were interrupted. I hated that our timing was off and that we never completed what we started. I sat up fixing myself. I just wanted Rand to take me and finish touching me and release all this pent up lust I was carrying. I was frustrated to have this moment end. But then I was happy to see Maxwell, just wish it was an hour later. I shouted down an invite to him to come up and join us saying how much food I brought up here and made him feel comfortable as I told him I knew he would be joining us. Up in the loft area near The Wall, Maxwell was unable to see what moment in the making he had just cut short. We both sat up and held each other, arms and legs entwined as Maxwell climbed the stairs to us.

  I enjoyed the rest of the afternoon with Maxwell and Rand. I had fed these two fine men and they enjoy
ed it. As much as I wanted their company, especially Rand’s, I could tell that they had some work to get to. I didn’t want to hold them up so I told Rand I would see him soon. He walked me to my car.

  He said, “I hope, soon we will be alone together.” There was a moment of hesitation in his voice and I was uncertain what brought that on. I had hoped his words would come true. I only wished it was today and that I could feel him touching me again, finishing what we started. I pulled at his shirt collar to tip him toward my face and kissed his nose and then had to kiss his lips again and again.

  As I drove away, I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw him returning to the studio. I watched every step of his walk until he wasn’t visible anymore, and then what I did see was my neck. It was red from his kisses and exposed as I had left my scarf on the sofa. I wasn’t cold though as a different kind of warmth tingled through my body like that of a furnace igniting. My heart burned and pumped and I knew this heat I felt was entirely caused by the memories of what was interrupted on that couch.

  Chapter Ten – Where We Began

  The remainder of my holiday weekend passed very quietly. I was glad it was finally Monday. While most people dread the beginning of the week, for me, the mere fact that Jillian would be returning from her weekend in Atlanta put a pleasant smile on my face. I was also meeting with Cecile this week and I was looking forward to the distraction from my feelings. I couldn’t wait to tell her that I got us tickets to a very small gig at the 2nd Street Coffee Café where the band actually started playing together. Maxwell had set up a one night limited ticket engagement for the pre-holiday season. It was definitely going to be a tight fit in that coffee house.

  It was only nine in the morning and my phone started jumping, first Jillian –

  Hey Maddy, I’m getting in later today than expected, let’s definitely hit the gym tomorrow and catch up and ask Cecile if she wants to tag along too, I have a guest pass. Missed you and hope you had turkey and all those Rand trimmings…

  She had no idea what actually happened but tomorrow I would fill her in. I sent her –

  Jillian you can’t go away the next holiday, I missed you. Mine was different, I’ll fill you in. Hey keep Saturday night open the boys are playing in Philly.

  Jillian was quick to reply –

  I’m on that guest list thanks to none other than my new man Raeford…I really missed him over the holiday. I can’t wait to see him this week. Oh, yeah and you too! Ha-Ha.

  I finished up our conversation letting her know that I was going to reach out to Kent to give him a heads up that Cecile would be joining us. She really seemed to like him and I hoped the interest was mutual.

  My phone sounded again before I could get a message typed out to Kent. It was Rand.

  Good morning beautiful! I woke this morning again with visitors coming up my sidewalk. They weren’t intrusive, just a few deer hanging out. They probably feel safe here on my property from the hunters. Well, have a very busy week with Maxwell. I like the holiday season. I like to play Santa, and give people presents they would never ask for. Have you been a good girl this year? The guys usually go home for their holiday. I’m staying here and will have some professional help to decorate. I want you to come, and you can be Santa’s helper.

  Rand I have been a very good girl this year and would love to be your helper. As for your the holiday invite, I will check my calendar as it usually is so very full…but I will adjust it and I would certainly love to be there. Thank you,

  Madison, the holiday party will be at the rehearsal studio before everyone heads out of town. Isaac usually can’t keep his mouth shut but has about what they got you. I play host on Christmas day with an open house. I would really like if you could come then too. It starts at noon and ends whenever the food or alcohol runs out. I’m planning to have a New Year’s Rocking Eve in the barn complete with a dropping ball. It’s a lot of fun since we normally don’t play cover songs; we all pick a favorite and perform it. Since I missed Thanksgiving I want you to ink me into your calendar and also voice me into that recorder of yours for these dates. Hey I will see you this Saturday at our show. Hope we can get some alone time, wouldn’t that be nice? I’m thinking of you right now as I can smell your lovely scent.

  I love it when he calls me beautiful because he is beyond handsome. I paused a moment, how can he smell me? My mind flickered to thinking how it would be wonderful to spend Christmas with him, and replied –

  Good morning Deer. I’m really looking forward to Saturday and was just sending a message to Kent to let him know about Cecile. Maybe you can put in a good, nice word about her. You have given me many holiday invites to think about, they all sound fun. I miss you.

  We ended our conversation and I finally was able to send a message to Kent –

  Hey Big Guy, haven’t seen you in awhile but will see you on Saturday. I’m bringing along my adorable agent, who has her eyes on you. Her name is Cecile. You cannot miss her, she will be the bubbles in the champagne, the fizz in the soda pop, she is very outgoing, so cute and shapely. I think you may just like her; unless that is you already have someone you’re seeing?

  Kent slammed a reply – I could practically feel it through the phone.

  Hell yeah I’d love to meet her! We’ve all been missing you Maddy. I thought you left to go back to your husband. I wanted to stop you like a big overbearing brother. You looked sad. Sorry about your dad, I found out later. Raeford led us in the prayer so he gets the credit, but we said it with him. See you this weekend! I will look for this Cecile chick.

  Finally the morning was moving along with all the conversations. I thought I was done on the phone when I heard a ring, but it was my doorbell. Now who? I was thinking as I opened the door. Standing there was a floral delivery truck with a large Rosemary Christmas Tree. It smelled wonderful. I thanked the driver and brought it in to read the card.

  Madison, I want you to remember this smell. You once had one in our condo and seasoned the holiday with it. Please join me this holiday for a Christmas Brunch. I think we really reconnected on Thanksgiving and I wanted to give you some space so I haven’t pressed you. You don’t have to let me know now, just come Christmas Day and I’ll know your answer. Please remember, I don’t want you to be let down yet another holiday. Love Always, Thomas.

  I stood in my foyer for so long, trying to take in these invites from two totally different men, two very adoring men each in their own way. I was going to have to choose where to spend the holiday. I wanted a better holiday for myself this year than what I last had. I would make it better, I was determined. I smiled as I took the tree into my kitchen and gave it some water, within minutes the house was filling of the scent of Rosemary and a smell of the holiday season ahead.

  I didn’t want to be on the phone again with Cecile at this moment, as her conversations could get lengthy so I sent her a quick message asking her to join us tomorrow at the gym to catch up and we would chat. She quickly sent a yes message back.

  The rest of this day I was shifted into great holiday memories, from the delivery that Thomas sent. I remembered my mother putting me in my red pajamas before going to bed for Santa Claus and saying he would see them and know I was one of his helpers. I would put out plenty of cookies for him and his helpers and always sneak one for myself under my pillow. I remember, being an only child, how my mother and father made Christmas special for me and that way I didn’t feel I was missing anything. They always made the comment I was their best gift ever, that Santa need not bring them anything more.

  When I got older and married Thomas, we continued to include my father in any festivity that we had whether a dinner in the city or the holidays themselves. With my mother not here, and not reaching out to us, we made sure he was never alone. Thomas would always make the holiday grand by buying expensive presents and always letting you know that they came from the finer stores. We were very different as I would make some simple gifts for some that came more from my heart. Like a written
piece in a frame, or a photo taken that was memorable. All in all, grand or simple, my holiday memories were filled and fun.

  We all met at the gym the next morning. It was like a chat session rather than an actual work out as we sat three in a row tying up the stationary bikes for over an hour and a half when the allotted time is thirty minutes per person. We didn’t pay attention to that rule today. Jillian was happy she saw her brother and was more excited to be seeing Raeford this weekend. Cecile was excited when I told her that I’d told Kent how cute she was and that I wanted them to meet. She almost fell off the bike. She did actually miss the pedals, but regained her stride and was thrilled. She asked dozens of questions about him and I only knew some of the answers but told her to find out the other answers so I could include it in my writings of him.

  We all decided that we would go together like a girl’s night out on Saturday. I told them it would be best if we met and drove together. I invited them to come to my house and offered to be the driver to the show and they jumped on that idea. We left the gym much later than planned and hugged each other looking forward to this weekend out.

  Well here it is already Saturday afternoon and my closet is thrown all over my bedroom floor. I cannot decide what to wear. This is a really small venue and I want to look nice. I picked up a sheer blue top that I knew matched Rand’s eyes and a black cami from the pile of clothes I pulled out. I put that on along with a pair of low rise black jeans and boots. I added hoop earrings that had a few diamond chips in them that sparkled and complemented my heart cuff bracelet. I looked at the mirror, walked away, ran back and looked in the mirror again and then looked over at the mess I would have to deal with in the morning. I never spent this much time deciding what to wear while married to Thomas; I would just put something on and be done. I was always ready in no time at all. Today I think I spent three hours getting ready and changing outfits.