Arranged Love: An Indian Boy's Search in Amrika To Find A Suitable Girl

by Ajay Patel

  “No comment,” Rocky said, with a grin.

  “But that’s no good!” Megha said, “This only lists the women!”

  “Not to worry,” Komal said, taking out the pages listing the male attendees at the convention from her purse.

  “You too!” Megha laughed.

  Rocky looked to Komal, “These amateurs just don’t understand like us veterans, do they?”

  “Obviously not!” Komal said with a smile back at him.

  Rocky spoke to Vijay, “Maybe someday, when you’re older and wiser and hopefully better looking, you’ll understand, that in order for love to work you need to be focused. You need to take things seriously. You need to plan.”

  “Okay, enough! You sound just like my parents!” Vijay groaned. “I just find it ironic that on the first day my parents were telling me to carry the list around and to check people off as I met them and I thought it was so ridiculous, and here I find you and Komal have been

  doing the same thing this whole convention.”

  “Like I said, I’m taking things seriously,” said Rocky.

  “I totally agree,” Komal said. “But looking at my sheets, I think I’ve done all that I can.”

  “That can’t be right!” Vijay exclaimed. “Let me see. I’ll find you your man in these pages right now.”

  Komal surrendered her sheets to him accepting his challenge. “Okay,” Vijay said, turning past the front page. “First thing. Rocky, you could learn from her. She even has a rating system down next to some of the names.”

  Komal started suddenly, not realizing she had done that. “I wonder if I did that last night while I was drunk because I sure don’t remember rating anybody on the sheets! Hey! Give me that back!” She made an attempt to pull them back, concerned that other embarrassing information might be on the pages. Vijay, however, was too quick.

  “Sorry, I’ll give these back to you when I’m done,” Vijay said laughing. “Komal, I’m going to help you find your guy, remember?” Vijay persisted. “Now let’s see. How to begin? I assume you’re looking for someone at least your age or a few years older, right?”

  “Yes!” She agreed with a sigh, realizing that she wasn’t getting back the sheets anytime soon until the exercise was over.

  “Okay, so nobody under the age of thirty-five…” Vijay grinned. Megha punched him in the arm on Komal’s behalf for accelerating her age by five years.

  “That’s right!” she said.

  “Wow! Going through this, the age criteria of yours alone cuts out most of the guys listed in here. But there’s still some available ones. Okay, next category, no relatives, right?”

  “Of course,” she grinned.

  “All right, let me take Milan off the list,” Vijay laughed. “How about minimum height?”

  Komal responded, “I’m 5’7” which makes me taller than the average Indian man let alone woman. So factoring in high heels, let’s say the guy has to be at least 5’11”.”

  “Okay, that sounds reasonable, but again severely cutting down the list,” Vijay said nodding his head as he ran his pen through a number of names crossing out guys too short for Komal as if he were an accountant fixing numbers in a ledger.

  “Okay, what village can they be from?” Vijay asked.

  “Caste no bar,” Komal said in an auntie accent, laughing.

  “Good. What about education or career criteria?” Vijay asked.

  “My only criteria is that he be employed,” said Komal.

  “Yeah. She’s not holding out for a doctor,” Megha replied with a playful grin. “Those days are probably gone!”

  “Good!” Vijay said. “That makes it easier.”

  “Back to age, I assume you don’t want anyone, say, more than five years older than you, do you?” Vijay asked.

  “No, ideally I wouldn’t,” she agreed. Vijay crossed out names.

  “Nobody that’s been divorced, right?”

  “No,” she said. Vijay crossed out more names.

  “All right. I’ve narrowed the list down. Are you ready?” he spoke to her but the whole table was interested in Vijay’s results.

  “I’m tingling with anticipation,” Komal joked.

  “Okay, in no particular order,” Vijay started from the first page. “Amit?”

  “Too big,” Komal replied.

  “Too fat,” Vijay said out loud, crossing out his name.

  “I didn’t say that!” Komal yelped.

  “Please!” Megha said. “Stop trying to be polite! I heard the jokes you were making about what it would be like to have him on top of you!”

  “Okay, next name, Bhavin?” Vijay went down the list.

  “Too skinny.”

  “Weakling,” Vijay said out loud while crossing his name off.

  “The guy had a waist thinner than mine! On top of that, he had a belt on that was too big so he had poked extra holes in it! It practically looped around him twice!” Komal defended her answer.

  “Okay then! Remember, you don’t have to defend every answer!” Vijay said, crossing out his name. “Baptu?”

  “He has a kid,” Komal replied.

  “But wait, are you sure? It doesn’t say he’s been married before,” Vijay said looking at the sheet.

  “I know. He hasn’t been married before,” confirmed Komal.

  “Ooh, interesting,” the rest of the table responded in unison.

  “Chet? It says here he’s a doctor!” Vijay said.

  “First, he’s a chiropractor not a doctor. Second, he’s a jerk shopping for a trophy.”

  “Well, we know you’re no trophy so let’s move on,” Vijay laughed. Megha hit him on behalf of Komal again. “What about Dev?”

  “Ugly,” Komal replied.

  “Now come on!” Vijay protested. “You have to imagine potential as well.”

  “No,” Megha spoke this time, “I met him with Komal. Take our word for it. He’s ugly with no potential.”

  Vijay said, “Okay, next, Atul.”

  Komal said, “He was really cute.”

  “He’s a hunk,” Megha agreed.

  “Well? What’s the problem?” Rocky asked.

  “I know, he’s got three stars, and then they’re crossed out. Why’s that?” Vijay asked.

  “My luck being what it is, it turns out that he just got engaged,” Komal said.

  “Been there, done that,” Vijay said, recalling Atul was the one going out with Sonal from his table the first night.

  “Me too,” Rocky commiserated, no doubt thinking of Tejal.

  “Okay,” Vijay flipped the page, “Hitesh? You have no marks next to his name. You need to meet him.”

  “Actually, from what I’ve heard, he’s not at the convention. Believe me, he looked good on paper. I tried.”

  “Bijal?”

  “Bijal is a girl, not a guy. There was a mistake in listing her on the men’s side. Needless to say, she didn’t meet a lot of guys from the sheets.”

  “Kanu?”

  “Bald.”

  “Karan from Detroit?”

  “Balding.”

  “Karan from New York?”

  “JOJ and wants to go back to India in two years.”

  “Shilpam?”

  “Really bad skin.”

  “Mani?”

  “Slimey.”

  “How so?” Rocky asked.

  “It was all in his approach. He came up to me and asked me if I could be his garaam garaam masala girl,” Komal replied. “I told him I was not going to be any kind of spice girl for him!” Komal said with attitude.

  “Fine. How about Manish?”

  “Tree stump.”

  “What?” Rocky interrupted again.

  “I met him at the human bingo and talked to him for a while. He’s very boring and had nothing to say. He just seemed like, you know, a tree stump.”

  “You never know though!” Megha broke in. “He might just have been nervous or something. Maybe once you got to know him, you would see a side of him th
at shows he’s got a sweet personality.”

  “Okay, I amend my tree stump comment and will use the ugly exception.”

  “You’re impossible!” Vijay said, shaking his head. “No wonder you’re single! What’s wrong with Naishad?”

  “Dress pants, tennis shoes.”

  “Parth?”

  “Dress shoes, white tube socks.”

  “Vikram?”

  “Tattoo. Big and ugly.”

  “The tattoo or him?” Megha asked.

  “Both,” Komal replied.

  “Okay then,” Vijay flipped through all the pages.

  “I told you. There’s nobody here for me,” Komal sighed.

  “Wait a minute!” Vijay said going through the list. “Wow! I think I found your man!” he said excitedly.

  “Yeah, sure,” Komal said, doubtfully.

  “No really. He’s six feet tall,” Vijay read off the sheet.

  “Awesome,” Komal said.

  “Engineer.”

  “Great.”

  “Thirty.”

  “Perfect.”

  “Single.”

  “So far so good. In fact, he sounds too perfect. Why don’t I like him?” she laughed at Megha, to see if she knew the answer.

  “No in fact, you’ve got four stars next to his name,” Vijay said holding the sheet so only he could read it.

  “I put four stars down?” Komal said, scrunching her eyebrows, trying to figure out who she had done that for. “I must have done that while I was drunk last night.”

  “Yeah, it looks like that. These are some pretty shaky stars,” Vijay said.

  “So I’m curious,” Megha said. “Who is the dream guy for our Komal.”

  “Let’s see. His name is…Rakshit Patel!” Rocky and Komal both blushed and turned away from each other. Megha just smiled discretely, happy that Vijay somehow had brought the idea to the forefront so that there wouldn’t have to be a whole lot of feeling around on the subject. Vijay too smiled. If anyone was going to be serious about helping to find love today, it was going to be him…even if it wasn’t for himself but instead for his friends.

  After lunch Rocky and Vijay visited the hotel gym. Vijay, in addition to wanting to get some exercise, was curious to know if there would be any women working out. So many women in their bio-data said they enjoyed exercising, but Vijay had come to learn so few actually meant it.

  Rocky, although still recovering from the hangover, agreed to accompany him. Vijay appreciated the company, but he knew Rocky was really coming to talk.

  As they were stretching, Rocky opened with a, “I’ll admit. I’ve had fun hanging out with Komal and she seems great. But how could you have pulled that stunt earlier today at lunch!”

  “Oh just relax! Don’t tell me that rush to go sit next to Megha and Komal wasn’t so that you could get close to Komal. You like her and it’s just painful to watch how hard you’re trying to hide that!”

  “No. I just think I might like her. There’s a big difference!” Rocky said after finishing his set. “I don’t even know if she likes me or anything.”

  “Look,” Vijay said while lying on the bench and talking to Rocky while he was spotting him. “Its fairly obvious that there is interest on her end.”

  “You don’t know that!” Rocky said.

  Vijay finished his set and then said, “What the heck is the matter with you? Why don’t you think she would like you? All the signs are there. You got four stars, remember?”

  Rocky insisted stubbornly over Vijay’s interruption, “Those four stars were when she was drunk. I have no idea what she is thinking, despite what you say.”

  Vijay softened his tone, realizing that Rocky probably did not want to get started into thinking along the route Vijay was taking him because of Tejal and all that had happened the day before. “Okay, I have an idea.”

  “What?” Rocky said between a rep on his set. He too was laboring, having added forty-five pound plates on both sides.

  “I can just ask Megha what Komal thinks about you,” Vijay said.

  “I don’t know,” Rocky said with some hesitation. He then thought about it for a minute while completing his set and perhaps realizing the limited time left said, “Okay, but whatever you do,” Rocky laid down on the bench, “don’t tell Megha I like Komal or anything. Just ask her what Komal thinks of me. Or maybe you could just kinda casually mention, ‘hey, you know, those two look good together. I wonder if anything could ever come out of that…’” Rocky said trailing off, “You know what I mean.” Rocky began his set.

  “What do I look like to you? Your seventh grade classmate?” But then he didn’t say anything more than that. Vijay knew how much it meant to Rocky.

  They had taken a half-hour nap to recharge before the big night and were getting ready now. After putting their jackets on, Rocky went down the routine. “Breath good? B.O. okay? Zippers up? All right, do you have your badge? Let’s hurry! I want to go now.”

  “Why? What’s the rush? Dinner doesn’t start for at least an hour from now.” Vijay asked.

  “I know, but this is the last night. There’s nothing like a final night to get people out and willing to talk to and meet you. Besides, all the women will be decked out. You’ll swear that there were not nearly as many cute girls earlier in the convention as there will be tonight, just because Indian women clean up even better than us Indian guys. So let’s go!”

  “Okay,” Vijay agreed, putting his badge on and locking up the door as they walked out, wondering what the evening would hold for them.

  “Wow, forty-five minutes early and there are a lot of people here already!” Vijay said once they had arrived.

  “I told you,” Rocky said.

  “And I’m planning to meet every woman I’m interested in tonight,” Vijay set himself a goal for the evening.

  Rocky rolled his eyes. “You sure talk a big game,” he said joking.

  “Hey. I might talk more than I do, but I do more than most talk,” Vijay said profoundly, however, the words were lost on Rocky because no sooner had they turned around that they saw Megha and Komal walk through the doors.

  “They’re here! Let’s go talk to them!” Rocky insisted excitedly. Gone was all pretense of trying to act calm, cool, and collected in front of Vijay. He then followed it with a “Please. Come on.”

  “That’s all I wanted to hear,” Vijay said with a grin. “Throw in a ‘I’ll owe you one’ and I’m on my way with you to do some information gathering.”

  “I’ll owe you. Big-time,” promised Rocky. He then pushed Vijay towards them. They too, had evidently been looking for them specifically. Vijay could tell although Komal and Megha were trying very hard not to look in their direction.

  As Vijay walked towards them with Rocky, he was surprised at how right Rocky was about the women in the room. It was if a transformation had taken place. The women looked so grown up. So incredibly attractive. This was certainly true about Megha and Komal. They had both put their hair up showing off beautiful gold earrings and matching necklaces. Komal was wearing a rose colored lengha and Megha was wearing a forest green lengha, each with interlaid gold and mirror work.

  “Hi Komal,” Rocky said clumsily, his eyes locked on her as they approached them.

  “Hey Rocky,” Komal said shyly, looking at Rocky. Vijay and Megha just looked at each other indicating with grins how amusing they thought the two of them were acting.

  “Okay, how about some drinks?” Vijay broke up the trance that seemed to have come over Komal and Rocky. “What can I get you Komal?” Vijay asked politely.

  “Red wine would be great,” she responded.

  “Me, too,” Rocky said, implying he would not be going with Vijay to get the drinks.

  “And you?” Vijay asked Megha with a grin.

  “An Indian girl? Drink? Not me! But I could go with you and help you to bring them back though,” she laughed.

  “That’s just what I was hoping!” Vijay said with a smile.


  As Megha and Vijay walked towards the bar, Megha started laughing when her back was towards them, “Ohhh! How pathetic are they?”

  “Oh good! I thought I was the only one who was feeling like they were our kids and we were setting them up on a blind date!”

  “It’s cute though,” Megha said.

  “As my dad would say, ‘its progress.’ So we have some talking to do. Well, at least I do at the request of Rocky,” Vijay said.

  “Oh really? I have some words that I wanted to share from Komal too,” Megha said matter of factly. “But I’m under orders to hear what Rocky might have to say first.”

  Although not a full room yet, the line to the bar was already long, giving Megha and Vijay time to talk before ordering. “Okay bottom line, is the idea of Rocky and Komal a good idea or a bad idea?” Vijay

  asked.

  “A good idea, at least from what I know,” Megha replied vaguely.

  “So if I were to talk to Rocky, would it be appropriate for me to advise him to ‘bust a move’? Would there be proper reciprocation?”

  Megha laughed. “I would say that, as you have asked, if Rocky makes the first move, that is if he wants to, then he probably will be pleased with the results.”

  By then they had reached the front of the line. Rather than ordering wine, Vijay instead ordered four glasses of champagne. After ordering, he looked to Megha, “We might as well celebrate something, don’t you think?”

  “I agree,” Megha said with a smile.

  “Okay then,” Vijay nodded his head, and picked up two glasses of champagne. Megha picked up the other two glasses and they rejoined Komal and Rocky.

  “Vijay and I were talking in line and we thought since we were close to the end of the convention, we should have champagne instead,” Megha announced.

  “Why don’t we each take a crack at a toast?” Vijay suggested.

  “All right,” everyone agreed.

  “Here’s to possibilities,” Komal said starting the toasts, raising her glass, and looking intently at Rocky where the possibilities were most likely to exist.

  “Here’s to old friends…and new ones,” Megha said, raising her glass, looking at first Komal and Vijay and then Rocky.

  “Here’s to possibilities,” Rocky said, raising his glass, returning Komal’s gaze with one of his own.

  “Wait, that one’s already been used by Komal!” Vijay complained, interrupting the flow of toasts.