The Daughter He Wanted

by Kristina Knight

  Dot stood, hands fisted at her sides and all traces of the headache she’d pretended to have a few moments before now gone. “You’re allowing him to walk all over you. Just like every loser you’ve brought home before.”

  Paige’s skin paled but she stayed steady and Alex’s anger level rose on her behalf.

  “You can leave. Now,” he said.

  “I will finish this conversation. You had us both fooled, Paige Julia Kenner. You made all these proclamations about how great a mother you would be and we truly hoped having a child dependent on you would help you change. But you’re still the spoiled brat who ran off to Texas on spring break and who nearly ruined the career of a second-year law student. You’ll never change and if we have to, we’ll be the proper parents that Kaylie deserves.”

  Paige gasped.

  “Get out.” Alex had had enough. He grabbed Dot’s slim clutch from the outdoor sofa and pressed it into her hands. “You have no idea the kind of woman your daughter is. She’s an amazing mother with an infinite ability to love and care.” Alex looked from one parent to the other. “You can’t scare her into shutting me out of her life or Kaylie’s. And if you follow through on your threat of a lawsuit, you’ll lose.”

  He took Paige’s trembling hand in his again. Together they watched Hank and Dot stride across the yard, backs straight and shoulders tense.

  “I’m sorry.” Her words were barely a whisper but they stabbed against Alex’s heart. How could parents be that cruel?

  “I’m sorry, too.” He wasn’t sure if he was sorry for causing the ruckus or for the hell she’d obviously experienced growing up. Maybe both.

  His parents weren’t perfect but hers were so much worse than he had ever imagined. And yet, here she was, standing beside him. Raising Kaylie on her own, holding down a job. With a full life, friendships, and she’d welcomed him into her life, too.

  Alex tilted his head against hers. “What do you say we go play with our kid?”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  “I SHOULDN’T HAVE spoken to my mother that way.” Paige sat on the lounger beside Alex, looking at the starry sky. She’d put Kaylie to bed a few minutes before but asked him to stay. “I pushed her buttons with that whole ‘he wants sole custody’ thing. That’s what pushed her over the ledge into hysterical country.”

  “I don’t know about that.” Alex put his arm around her shoulder and the warmth of his embrace was welcome in the chilly night. “I think she was gearing up for a fight from the moment she got out of the Caddy.”

  “The Cadillac is her transport of choice when she has a mission in mind.” Paige shook her head. “Still, I shouldn’t have goaded her. I should have kept my head, kept things calm. You didn’t deserve the things she said about you. Neither did John and Sue, who seem like really nice people, by the way.”

  “They are really nice people. John’s a bit more steady than Sue, at least over the past few years. As for goading your mother, she was spoiling for a fight. You stood your ground, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

  Still, Paige knew better than to engage. She’d learned the hard way that when Dot was on a rant the best defense was to say nothing. Maybe she could have said nothing if her mother hadn’t snapped at Kaylie or been downright insulting to Alex and his family.

  In a couple of days Dot would call, Paige would cave and apologize and their relationship would return to the status quo.

  No, that wasn’t happening. Not this time. Not when Paige’s intentions with the barbecue were to forge a new path for her family—Kaylie and Alex deserved better. They deserved a path of unconditional love and support. Caring. There would be disagreements, Paige wasn’t fooling herself, but there would be no accusations or throwing a person’s past in her face. Speaking of, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea for Alex to only know about post-Kaylie Paige. New leaf, starting fresh. She didn’t dwell on the mistakes she made in the past, but it wasn’t fair to him to pretend nothing had ever happened.

  “Those old boyfriends my mom brought up—”

  Alex held up a hand. “I didn’t expect you’d never dated anyone. It isn’t important.”

  “Thank you for that. But I think it is.” Paige took a deep breath. She hadn’t thought about the events leading up to the spring break fiasco for a long time. “When I turned sixteen, I was attending a day school in St. Louis. My mother hinted there would be a big celebration, but at the last minute a law school cocktail party came up and they canceled. Literally, the last minute. The limo hired to pick me and my friends up didn’t show. We sat on the curb for over an hour waiting. One of the girls finally called her mom. I was so embarrassed and, of course, when the parents started calling, the blame was put on my shoulders. My birthday was the inconvenience, not my parents’ choosing a Halloween work party over standing plans from weeks before.”

  “Your birthday is October 31?” Alex asked.

  “We haven’t talked about birthdays, have we? Yes, I was born on Halloween at midnight, which is a cool birthday for a kid because, dress up. Anyway, they’d stood me up before, but never in front of my friends. I got mad and I swore I’d embarrass them as badly as they’d embarrassed me—which is where the mom in me now winces. They decided we would go on a family cruise for spring break and I was still spoiling for that fight. I had visions of the Caribbean or Hawaii or some Greek islands. They chose a spring tour of New England so we could see the trees and flowers blossom.”

  “Not that exciting for a teenager.”

  She shook her head. “So the night before we were to leave, I left. This guy at a local bar we always snuck into invited me to South Padre with him. He was supposed to be on his college’s spring break. I didn’t tell them where I was going so God knows how they found out, but they found me in a seedy motel in Texas with a twenty-five-year-old mechanic. The flirty guy had lied about his age, his school. And I know now how dangerous what I did was. At the time, though, I just wanted them to...”

  “Come after you? Take you home?”

  “I wanted them to see me. I was angry and once I figured out the guy was a liar I was terrified of the mistake I’d made. And why? Why did I do that, anyway? Because my parents were flakes? I was mad that I let them get to me. I’ve worked hard to stop being angry and stop taking the bait they throw at me and this afternoon I took it. I’m sorry. And I’m not that girl anymore.”

  “I know.”

  Paige blinked. “You do?”

  He nodded in the darkness and pulled her body closer to his. “Everything about you, from your job to your friends to the way you treat Kaylie, screams that you’re a competent, complete, caring woman. Every kid makes a mistake now and then. What happened when they got you home?”

  The compliment made Paige glow. “They shipped me off to another boarding school, this time in Switzerland. I was the only one who didn’t speak French or German so I was automatically an outsider. They didn’t let me come home for summer break. But I guess the joke was on them because I met Alison there the next fall. Her parents were going through a nasty divorce. My mother has never let me live that trip to Texas down. It’s always her first strike.”

  For the first time, though, it didn’t hurt to tell the story. Uncomfortable, definitely. But her parents’ dismissal of her didn’t hurt this time. It was merely a part of her past.

  “Thanks for listening.”

  “Thank you for telling me about it.” They were quiet for a long time, watching stars twinkle to life in the night sky.

  “What about you? Tell me why your parents weren’t perfect. I dare you,” she joked.

  “They were more Dan and Roseanne Conner, from that sitcom. Sarcastic and a little scary.”

  “Scary? I think Hank and Dot have that emotion cornered.”

  Alex shook his head. “They heckled school plays.”

  She slapped at his shoulder. “They did not. No one heckles school plays.”

  “My parents were the first of their kind.” Alex nodded. “They yelled at um
pires and referees, usually on behalf of the other team.”

  “Nuh-uh.”

  He held up his hand in the Scout salute. “Swear. And they made me swear, every Christmas, that Santa was real.”

  “Every Christmas?” Paige laughed along with him.

  “Until I was eighteen. The end of childhood meant it was okay to believe in only the spirit of Christmas, not the big man in the red suit.”

  “That Santa thing must have been hard when you hit puberty.”

  “You have no idea.”

  “They don’t sound so bad.”

  He smiled in the darkness. “They don’t, do they? I had a good childhood. I guess you realize that more as you grow up.” He pulled her into his arms and she went, willingly.

  His lips were warm in the dark and he tasted of dark chocolate from the cake they’d eaten after dinner. Paige thought she might nibble those lips all night, but there were more questions to ask. More things she wanted to know, and after declaring their relationship status to both sets of parents this felt like the right time to ask.

  “What else? Have any deep, dark secrets you want to share? I mean, swearing about Santa is one thing, but I hopped on a Harley and disappeared for spring break.” Funny, that was the first time she’d been able to joke about that night.

  Alex reached for a light blanket at the end of the bench and covered their legs. “I’m an open book. Ordinary childhood. My parents were different but not terrible, and then they died. I think I might have more anger toward them, but...” He trailed off.

  “But?”

  “But I started seeing Deanna soon after their deaths and her family pulled me into their circle without any drama. I think that helped me come to terms with their not being around any longer, even though there had been times I wished they weren’t around.”

  Paige settled against the bench seat and pulled the blanket over her arms. “You still love her, don’t you?”

  He was quiet for a long moment but Paige didn’t feel him pull away. Not physically or emotionally as they watched the night sky and he considered his answer. Finally he said, “I think I’ll always love her. I don’t want that to scare you.”

  “It doesn’t.” Relief washed over Paige as she said the words. She wasn’t scared, not about his feelings for his former wife. She wasn’t upset about the barbecue with their parents and she wasn’t nervous about what might happen down the road. It all felt normal. Like life, and wasn’t that what she wanted? A real life with real people and real emotions? “What was she like? Not the kind of work she did or her bad driving. What did you love about her?”

  “You can’t want to hear this.”

  But she did. Paige needed to know what made him love his wife. What kept her in his heart. Not out of jealousy or a need to quash his feelings, but to understand him. She loved Alex. Love meant accepting every part of the person, not just the easy things. “She was important to you. You’re important to me. That makes your past important.”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down when he swallowed. “She played the piano, mostly when I annoyed her. I think I annoyed her a lot, at least in the beginning, because the first few nights we lived in our home she banged on the keys for hours.”

  “Annoyed her about what?”

  “I wanted a man cave. You know, leather furniture, sports posters and trophies. She wanted pink and flowers and roosters in the kitchen. God, I hated those roosters. On the backsplash and the tile floor and the freaking pot holders. I still use the pot holders and I hate them.”

  “But you can’t get rid of them?”

  “They were her, you know? We watched foreign films—subtitles, the whole nine—and I never knew what the hell was going on, but she liked them so I watched because being with her was more important.”

  Paige’s heart pinged as he talked about Deanna, how she loved the summer sunshine and being on the lake. The way she shoveled the walk sideways so that the piles of snow made a kind of fort leading to the mailbox. That she worked out to Lady Gaga and Van Halen and that no matter what she cooked for breakfast, it always burned.

  “That’s why you’re such a good egg chef.”

  He squeezed her hand. “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

  “I’ve heard.” They were quiet for a long time, but Paige didn’t mind. The Monday-morning rush would begin by seven the next morning, but she was content to talk with Alex. Sit with him.

  Be with him.

  “Thank you for telling me about her.”

  He nodded and after a moment said, “So Halloween. What a birthday.”

  She chuckled. “It was more than awesome when I was a kid. Who doesn’t want more candy and chocolate? Now it gets lost in the shuffle of costumes for Kaylie, but I don’t mind. Speaking of, I need to make a trip to the costume store in St. Louis sometime this week. Kaylie’s still stuck on Snoopy and none of the local stores have him in stock.” Alex’s heart thundered beneath her cheek and Paige sat up. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I just... I can maybe help with that. If it isn’t overstepping the new-dad bounds?”

  “What, you have a Snoopy costume in your truck? SuperDad to the rescue?” Paige joked but Alex didn’t smile.

  “On the counter at my house, actually.”

  Paige had trouble computing what he was saying. “You have a Snoopy costume?”

  He nodded. “Kaylie mentioned it, and I saw them online. Then I decided to send them back because you didn’t ask for my help, but—”

  “You bought a Snoopy costume for Kaylie?” Why were tears pricking at the corners of her eyes? He had overstepped. She hadn’t asked him to swoop in to the rescue with a Halloween costume, but Paige couldn’t muster even a hint of anger toward him. Because he bought Kaylie a costume.

  “And Sally and Lucy and Charlie Brown, too, in case we all decided to go together.”

  The tears spilled over. Of all the overstepping, thoughtful things anyone had ever done for her—for her daughter—this was at the top of the list.

  “It’s okay, I’ll send them back.” He swiped his thumb over the tears streaming down Paige’s cheeks. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Halloween is your birthday, your time with Kaylie. It’s not a big deal.”

  Paige could only shake her head. She pushed his hands away from her face and swiped the sleeves of her jacket over her eyes. Put her hands on either side of his face so he had to look at her. “Don’t you dare send them back. Come trick-or-treating with your daughter, in a Charlie Brown costume. Please.”

  “Really?”

  Paige nodded. “Other than Alison and me, no one has ever thought about what Kaylie would want.” Tears threatened again and Paige cleared her throat. “These are happy tears. Stupid, crazy, happy tears. Please, come with us.”

  “Okay.” He put his arms around her, pulling Paige into his lap. He dropped a kiss on her cheek.

  The happy tears were dwarfed by her response to the simple gesture. Paige wanted more than a chaste kiss from Alex. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his, feeling his immediate response to her. Her heartbeat thundered between them as he tasted her, as she inhaled the sandalwood scent of him.

  Alex tested her boundaries, teasing the tip of his tongue against the seam of her mouth. Paige opened to him, allowing him entry. His hands at her hips urged her forward a hair, until she was seated over his hardness. Paige dug her fingers through his short hair as his hands worked over her ribs close, so close to her breasts. His knuckles teased the undersides of her breasts, and heat pooled between her legs at the near contact.

  Then he was gone, leaving her cold and shivering on the bench seat. Alex paced to the railing, running his hands over his head as he bent at the waist. “We can’t. Not on your back porch. Not with Kaylie a few feet away in her bed. Not when she still thinks I’m the guy who comes to her swim lesson and gives horses a tomato bath.”

  He was right. Realization of what they’d nearly done washed over
Paige, chilling her to the bone. They couldn’t make love on her deck.

  She’d nearly made love with a man in her backyard.

  “We need to figure out how to do this when a toddler is underfoot.”

  “I think the basic rules still apply.” Paige couldn’t stop her smart-aleck half from saying the words.

  Alex’s laugh was loud in the dark. Rich and inviting. He took her hand. “We need to make a few plans.”

  * * *

  OVER THE LAST week of October, Paige and Alex fell into a familiar routine. He stopped by her house most nights and the three of them would eat dinner together. He’d tell Kaylie silly stories about the parks or show her pictures from his hikes, if the weather had been nice enough for him to get out of the office. On Wednesday they took Kaylie to swim practice together. They hadn’t been on another date, but once Kaylie was down for the night Paige and Alex would watch TV, sitting close together on her love seat. Or Alex would build a fire in the pit on the deck and they would watch the sky.

  They talked and kissed and Alex went home most nights to take a cold shower. At least that was what Paige supposed he did because it was what she did once he left. Not that it helped. She wanted him.

  Badly.

  Privately Paige referred to this routine as the New Normal. And she liked it.

  She looked out the window but no blue truck had parked before her house and the street was quiet outside. The clock ticked on past five-thirty and she reminded herself people were late all the time. He would be here. He wouldn’t disappoint Kaylie.

  She peeked her head around the corner, watching Kaylie for a moment. She was dressed and ready, the Snoopy costume’s head making her own neck bobble a little. Her hot-pink jack-o’-lantern bucket sat by her side as she drew a picture at the low coffee table.

  Paige sat down with her. “What are you drawing, sweetpea?”

  “You and me, at the pool.” She held up the picture, which had a tall stick figure and a shorter one floating on a blue square. Both figures had long hair and big smiles.