Nature's Destiny

by Winter, Justine

  Quit playing Luna. Answer me. xx

  LUNA!

  That was the last of the texts. Oh, boy, I was in trouble. I didn’t have the strength to listen to the voicemails too. It was useless putting off the phone call, and as much as I wanted to, I knew it would be better for the both of us to get it over with.

  I gathered my nerves and dialled her number, and plastered a fake smile across my face in anticipation of what was sure to be an awkward conversation.

  “Luna? Thank God! Do you know how close I was to calling 999!” she sounded hysterical, which made my job harder.

  “Sorry, Sky! Really I am, but I can’t talk for long.”

  “You think that’s good enough? You leave me hanging for days, and then you tell me you can’t talk for long? What’s up with you?”

  “I’m in Europe! And unless you want to pay for a horrendous phone bill then you’ll thank me for a quick chat!” I argued, only it hurt knowing I was lying to Sky.

  “You left already? Without saying goodbye?”

  “I’m sorry Sky, I really am. I left last night on a whim. I just wanted you to know that I’m alright, and that we’ll make up for lost time when I return for graduation,” I said, knowing it would get her excited.

  “Sounds like a plan. Be careful out there and I’ll see you in a month.”

  “Have a good summer Sky, and don’t break too many hearts!” I said, lightening the mood.

  “You know me, Luna. Don’t forget my present. Bye!”

  “Bye, Sky!” I tapped the ‘End’ icon and stared at the screen.

  I felt at odds, like lying to Sky was the worst thing I’d done to her considering how easy it was. I’d paced the entire length of the room five times in the space of the short phone call.

  I was sad, my friendship with Sky was over.

  For now.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The empty space at the head of the table called out to me like a fog horn. Riley’s absence was playing heavily on my mind. I was concerned and I missed him. I didn’t want to admit that to myself because I didn’t know what it meant.

  Riley was great, but did I really have feelings for him? Or was it the sense of familiarity in a new place that drew me towards him so much?

  “This is great, Luna,” said Nick around a mouthful of food.

  I’d cooked a Chinese buffet for everyone as a thank you. I was just a little saddened that Riley couldn’t taste it with us too.

  “Any news on the trap?” I asked.

  “No. The grounds are being scouted, but nothing’s come up yet,” said Shane.

  The fact that other traps hadn’t been found was a good sign, but not knowing how it got there - or why - didn’t sit well with anyone.

  Faye had closed all the curtains in the house before the sun set, but ever since the moon had risen I’d felt fidgety and hotter than before. I was uncomfortable, and my skin irritated the crap out of me. I scratched and scratched at my arms until they were red raw.

  “Luna, are you alright?” Lara asked as she pointedly stared at my bright red arms.

  My appetite had gone, my plate mostly untouched. I was used to going through the stages of a panic attack, but this felt different. I wanted to tear at my skin, it felt too tight like I was being suffocated.

  “Yeah, I just feel really itchy.”

  The sounds of cutlery bashing down on plates assaulted my ears. Eyes stared back at me, watching and waiting. Had I missed something?

  Nick and Shane were beside me within seconds, lifting me up and carrying me into the living room.

  “Uh, guys? What’s going on?”

  “A precaution,” said Shane flicking on a little lamp that lightly lit up the room.

  “Precaution for…?” I let the question hang in the air.

  “Your wolf is trying to get out. Can you feel it?” Nick asked.

  “I feel restless is that what you mean?” I asked, beginning to panic. I stood up from the couch. Staying still wasn’t an option I needed to move, to pace, anything.

  Nick grabbed hold of me before I got the chance. He gripped onto both of my arms tightly, forcing me to stay. A low rumbling sound worked its way out of my body and I froze.

  “How much longer, Faye?” Shane shouted.

  She rushed in with Lara and Roxy trailing behind. She held a cup in her hand, and I scowled at her. I didn’t know what was in it, and I definitely wasn’t taking it without an explanation.

  I writhed against Nick’s hands, attempting to free myself. A burning sensation was making its way through my body and I couldn’t keep the pain away anymore. I screamed out as loud as I could, willing the fiery agony to escape my body.

  “She’s close to changing. Faye, get that in her system now!” Shane’s voice boomed through my ears, and I stilled, petrified at what she was going to do to me.

  The sweet smell of strawberries filled my nose and I greedily inhaled the aroma against my better judgement.

  “Get ready to catch her.” I heard Faye’s voice fade out to a whisper.

  I felt heavy like my body had switched off. The night closed in on my eyes, and forced me into darkness. I felt robbed of my sight as I struggled to see anything.

  “You’re safe, Luna. Let your body rest.”

  *

  “Did you manage to get a hold of Riley?” Faye asked.

  “Not for long. He hopes to be back soon, and he didn’t sound happy,” said Shane.

  “Do you know where he went?” she asked.

  “No. He kept us both in the dark.”

  I stretched out from where I sat and saw Nick and Shane watching me from across the room. The TV was on low in front of Lara, and Roxy had her nose firmly in a book. Faye sat close to me, concern twisting her features.

  “Is everyone alright?” I asked first, afraid of the answer. They nodded. “I’m sorry for growling at you, Nick.” I felt embarrassed for becoming such an animal.

  He smirked at me like I’d missed a joke, but I decided to let it go. He obviously wasn’t concerned as much as I was.

  “I’m sorry too, Luna.”

  “Faye? What do you have to be sorry for?”

  “I didn’t give you much credit earlier when I told you you’d be fine.”

  I squeezed my brows together, wondering what she was getting at.

  “I hadn’t realised how strong your wolf is.”

  I shrugged so she’d let it go. “Is that weird?” I asked.

  “Of course not! I just didn’t expect you to be as fully developed yet, you know, because you’re a hybrid.”

  She wasn’t insulting me. I had to remind myself that I was just as new to their kind as they were to me.

  “And you’re sure your fine now? No itchiness? No fidgets?”

  I checked over my skin which had returned to normal. I mentally scanned my body, making sure the restlessness had ebbed away. “I’m fine.” I nodded to enforce I’d meant it.

  “Then we need to get back to work. The patrols are waiting on us,” said Nick.

  “Go! Don’t let me stop you.” I hated that I’d delayed them.

  Roxy tore her gaze away from her book to stare at Shane. They didn’t say anything, but a conversation passed between their eyes before he left the room.

  “Was that the bond?” I asked, curious. “Riley said your minds are connected. Does that hurt?”

  “Oh, no. It’s wonderful, most of the time,” she giggled.

  “Most of the time?”

  “Have you ever had a thought that you didn’t want others to know?” she asked.

  I nodded immediately, thinking of Riley and what I did or didn’t feel for him.

  “Well, imagine having that thought read against your will.” She fiddled with the pages of her book, and marked her place before putting it down to continue.

  “I love Shane completely, and I love that our connection is strong enough for the bond. Sometimes he feels it’s a burden on me.”

  “Why?”

  “Beca
use he can’t shelter me from information. He’s co-Beta and that carries a lot of responsibilities, stress is a part of the job, but it’s like he wants to protect me from the world.”

  I understood what she’d meant. I couldn’t imagine having my mind connected with someone else, and my secrets readily available. Then again as a married couple they would have shared everything anyway.

  “How did you meet?” I asked, interested in hearing their love story.

  “I was nineteen at the time, and trying to find my place in the pack.”

  “Which pack?” I interrupted.

  “London.” Wow. That was quite a distance from here. “Riley was taking care of business with my Alpha. I can still remember that day as if it happened a week ago,” she smiled, her thoughts far away.

  “I was outside breathing in the sunshine with my girlfriends. We were chatting and giggling about the latest fashion trends. I was in London after all,” she rolled her eyes to the ceiling.

  “The moment Shane walked past me, it was like time ceased to exist. All I could see, all I could feel, was him. Gravity pulled me towards him, and in that moment I knew he was the one for me.”

  “Was it the same for Shane? The gravity thing I mean,” I clarified. She nodded, certain that it was. “How do you know?” I wasn’t trying to play devil’s advocate, I was genuinely intrigued.

  “Through our bond,” she said simply. “After our ceremony, and the fusion of the bond, our thoughts connected and entwined together. Everything we’d ever felt was replayed in our minds.” She rubbed at her stomach, smoothing circles across the front.

  “It’s hard to explain, but when I saw Shane something in me clicked. Nobody else would ever be good enough. Shane is my soul mate.”

  “What was the London pack like?” I asked.

  “Crowded. And the Alpha was a jerk. Of course, at the time I hadn’t realised it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It wasn’t until I came here, that I saw the Alpha for what he was. A greedy bastard.” Her face contorted into anger, and I could see the pain sparkle in her eyes. She was furious.

  “What was the difference?” I asked, wondering why coming here made everything different.

  “Jackson Ross, my old Alpha, would take most of the packs income for himself. At the time, I just assumed our little earnings were standard because of the size of the pack - there was a lot to share. My parents didn’t question it, so I didn’t either. Riley proved me wrong.”

  “How so?”

  “Because the bigger the pack, the larger the revenue. Riley pays everyone their fair share, he doesn’t pilfer it for himself. My first pay cheque set the record right.”

  Faye and Lara had been quiet during our conversation, but they smiled at each other proudly. It warmed my heart. Riley was loved completely.

  “What happened to him?” I asked, hoping his story had ended.

  “He’s still there. Unfortunately, some Alpha’s don’t know when to quit.”

  I felt a little sad knowing he’d still be stealing money from the people that deserved it, but there wasn’t much I could do about it.

  “Going back to the bond, the rest of the time it’s amazing. Especially with sex,” she winked at me, and I blushed, feeling very aware of the temperature of my skin.

  “Don’t make Luna uncomfortable now Roxy,” said Faye, picking up on my embarrassment.

  “Oh, no. I’m fine, it’s just…”

  “Are you a virgin, Luna?” Roxy asked.

  “No, well, not exactly.” Everything was coming out wrong, and I couldn’t hide from the fact that my skin was giving me away completely.

  “What do you mean, ‘not exactly’?” She waited for my reply.

  “It’s a really long story.” My feeble attempt at dropping the subject didn’t work.

  “We have time,” she insisted.

  I didn’t know where to start. My past was hurtful, and no matter how much therapy I went through, the memory of that day and the ones that followed after still haunted me. I was better, much better, but my pain couldn’t be erased. I could only learn and grow from it, and that’s what I’d been doing for the past five years.

  I gathered my nerves, and began my story. It was important for my new family to understand who I was - who I’d been.

  “I suffer with anxiety.”

  “I thought we were talking about sex?” Lara asked.

  “We are, but it’s all connected,” I promised, and I realised it was probably best to just jump in at the deep end. Like ripping off a plaster, the sooner I’d finish the better I’d feel.

  “I was sixteen when I gave in to the peer pressures of a public school. My boyfriend, Tomos, and I had been together for a year.” I still remembered the scent of his aftershave. At the time I’d loved it, but even the slightest waft was enough to trigger a bad headache now.

  “My parents were away on a business trip.” I took a deep breath before continuing. They watched me, patiently, hanging on every last word. “I was really nervous.” I smiled half-heartedly.

  “You don’t have to tell us Luna, it’s alright,” said Faye, but I shook my head.

  “No, it’s important you know. I just haven’t told many people so I’m struggling to find the right words.” I admitted. “OK, so, we were kissing and making out, until Tomos began to take his clothes off - and mine too. I literally froze, like I’d been shocked.” I recalled, remembering that his cold hands had caused goose bumps on my skin, which reminded me of what we were about to do.

  “He calmed me down, and told me we’d take things slowly - which we did. The tension eased from my body until he hovered above me, and tried to enter me. I screamed out in pain and he stopped instantly.” Quiet gasps escaped their mouths.

  “We tried again, like maybe it was the initial shock that was the problem. It wasn’t. I was a mess, a tear-stained, pathetic mess. I couldn’t get over the fact that I was obviously a poor excuse of a woman if I couldn’t have sex. Tomos comforted me, told me it was OK, and that we’d try another time. I believed him, and when he’d left in time for his curfew I put it behind me.” The worst was over, but the story wasn’t.

  “I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it, Luna. Our first time is never easy,” said Lara.

  “I’m not finished yet,” I sighed, remembering all too well what happened next. “On the Monday back in school, the rumour mill had cranked and started to spread shit everywhere. Tomos had told them everything, and suddenly I was bullied with a lot of heckling. Even my so-called friends had joined in.” That had stung. That was when I’d realised that they hadn’t really been friends, and that they’d only been interested in my friendship for the sake of my parent’s wealth.

  “What pathetic low life’s! Inconsiderate arseholes! Did it get better?” Roxy asked.

  “It went on for weeks including the entire time I did my GCSE exams. I remember sitting in the hall with my maths exam paper in front of me. The seats and desks had been arranged in aisles, and as often as the invigilators walked past it didn’t stop everyone from whispering comments at me. I ignored them at first, trying my best to concentrate on the test. I thought I was coping really well, until they began chanting in unison. Yelling at me that I should use my parents money to learn how sex works.”

  I took another deep breath as the humility and embarrassment replayed in my mind.

  “The summer that followed was when problems with my health started.”

  I’d never forgotten the first time I’d panicked when I needed to leave the house. At the time I thought I was a little doolally because I was only going to the shops - a place I’d been regularly - but my body’s reaction was dreadful.

  “My anxiety was a trigger from IBS, which started after the bullying. I couldn’t cope with it, so I wouldn’t leave the house. I won’t go into the nasty details, but my bathroom and I became well-acquainted.”

  “That’s terrible, Luna. Did you have professional help?” Faye asked.

>   I nodded, remembering the days I’d spent researching online for a way out. I was told too often how there wasn’t a ‘cure’, because it was all in my mind. The day I found Dr. Alanna was the day things had changed for the better.

  “I went through hypnotherapy.”

  “Really? Wow! And that worked?” Lara asked.

  “Well, it certainly helped me. I did my A-Levels at home, but I wasn’t really living. Hypnotherapy gave me the chance to go to Uni,” I smiled.

  The day I’d told my parents I wanted to head back into the world was one of the best ones I’d had. They’d been so happy for me, which was why they’d bought me the house. It was a place of comfort for the days that consumed me with anxiety.

  “You’ve achieved so much since then. You must be really proud of yourself,” said Roxy.

  “I am. But I’m mostly grateful because I got to do it. That was when I realised I couldn’t take anything for granted again. My world had been turned upside down, and I was determined to prove I could make it better. Through my ability to be strong, I will overcome.” I sank back into the sofa, relieved that I’d gotten through it.

  “Is that why you struggle with what you eat?” Faye asked.

  “Yeah, I guess certain foods trigger IBS,” I shrugged. I was used to having to watch what I ate. It had been a nuisance, but it had become a part of my daily life. “I still haven’t asked Riley if that’s changed now.”

  “It has.” The familiar voice took me by surprise and I spun to look at the doorway. Riley was standing there, leaning against the frame. I had no idea how long he’d been there, and I blushed at the thought of him hearing my embarrassing tale.

  Having Riley know how fragile I was in the romantic department wasn’t a bad thing. Though I was more than better at dealing with my anxiety, I still had the occasional moment where it took over.

  “Your immune system is stronger. I wouldn’t be surprised if your anxiety fades out too.” He’d obviously heard a lot of my story, but that didn’t matter. I was happy - elated even. Anxiety wasn’t going to be a problem anymore.

  “Your dinner is in the kitchen. Luna cooked Chinese,” said Lara, licking her lips.