The Great Cat Caper

by Lauraine Snelling

  As usual, Dad’s forty-five minutes was an hour. When his SUV pulled into the driveway, Vee stood. Her dad motioned from the window. “C’mon, Vee. We’re taking the boys out to dinner to celebrate.”

  “I already ate.” Vee crossed to the passenger side and opened the door, but didn’t get in.

  “What?” he said. “I thought we were done with this. You can sacrifice Dumpster cats for your brothers. They are part of your family now. Get in.”

  “I’m not getting in,” she said and sucked in a breath. Her bravery or stupidity nearly paralyzed her.

  Her dad flung his head back against the tall headrest. His tone, when he spoke, was like he was talking to a small, angry child. “Okay, Vee, what is it you want to talk about that is so important and has to be discussed”—his voice was increasing in volume—”right now?”

  “I’ll come this weekend,” she said, standing straight. “And have a good attitude and smile all weekend.”

  “Where’s the ‘but’?” her father asked.

  “I’ll come, but you have to show up at the senior center at 3 p.m. on Monday to watch me work with the curious kitten and see our project. Meet Frank and Nadine. At least act interested.”

  Her dad sat quietly, staring out the front of the windshield. He turned to her, and his voice was warm like it used to be when she and he used to watch Saturday morning shows together. “Yes, Vee. I will come see your cat—”

  “Kitten.”

  “Kitten. Monday at 3 p.m. in the senior center.”

  Vee climbed into the SUV and shut the door gently.

  Chapter 17

  Whaap Attack!

  On Monday, Vee told herself to forget the previous weekend. Today was the day the curious kitten—and maybe his brother, too—would let Vee pick them up and take them out of the cage. Dad was coming to watch. That was all that was important.

  “Hey, Squadders,” she sang out. Esther, Aneta, and Sunny were clustered around Momma Cat who was sitting on the table, feet tucked underneath her body. Aneta had changed out of her school uniform into a knit shirt and capris and sandals. Vee wondered how late in the year she’d be wearing those sandals. Sunny had her usual T-shirt but had added a very ratty pair of jeans instead of the shorts she’d worn all summer. Esther had new nail polish—a different color on each finger—and was wearing long earrings that looked like they were made of feathers. Once she had joined them, Vee confirmed they were feathers. Turquoise feathers with beads.

  Hermann walked in, carrying a tall carpeted pole with several shelves on it and a solid base. One section was wrapped in rope. “A kot needs a kot perch. I make it for you. I come to vatch you tame the kot.” He set it in the corner.

  Hermann made something for our project? Vee shot a look at the girls. They looked between the pole and Hermann and back again.

  Sunny, of course, had to know. “Why are you nice to us all of a sudden?” she asked, folding her arms.

  Hermann shuffled his feet, embarrassment all over his lined face. Glancing toward the door, he whispered, “Dot Cat Woman, she told me if I do not help you, she vould come to my house every day to cook my dinner.” He shuddered. “Every day.” Another low whisper. “My house. Every day dot voman vould come.”

  The girls, wide-eyed until the confession was finished, began to giggle. He drew himself up. “Every day she say. She vould, too. I can cook my own dinner.” He settled into a chair, folded his arms, and acted like he wasn’t a bit interested in what was going on.

  No matter how Hermann had become the cats’ friend, the cat perch would be a great addition as the cats grew tamer. Now they would have something to tell Mrs. Sissy when she asked—again—how much senior involvement the girls were receiving. Other than Hermann and the Cat Woman, not much. The girls didn’t know why, although they had already put up signs asking for volunteers.

  “Cool earrings,” she said to Esther, to calm her own nervousness.

  Esther grinned and shook her head. “I like how the feathers tickle my face. Watch.” She bent her head forward and wagged her head back and forth.

  Before Vee could notice whether they did, Momma Cat twitched her head toward Esther, shot out a paw, and snagged the feather.

  “Ow!” Esther shrieked, leaning forward farther to prevent the earring from pulling.

  “Momma Cat! Let it gooooo.” Sunny gently took the cat’s paw and disengaged the nails from the feather. Esther leaped back as soon as she was free. Momma Cat began to wash her face, but she kept an eye on those earrings.

  Esther’s face was crimson. Would it mean an explosion? Would Esther decide to dump the project? Vee hurried to Momma Cat’s defense.

  “You know it was just the movement. I think she was—” She didn’t get to finish because Esther was laughing. And laughing. And holding her stomach.

  “Oh, you guys,” she finally gasped. “That paw was so fast. Before I could jerk back, she’d grabbed it. It was like a blur!”

  Through their laughter suspended, they heard a rusty, creaky sound like an old gate. It came from Hermann’s direction. The old man was slapping his knee and chortling.

  “Dot kot is de fastest kot I see!” he fell against the chair.

  “Stop laughing,” Vee ordered the girls fiercely, concerned Hermann might actually die laughing, but that only set them off again.

  Sunny giggled. “It was a whapp attack,” she said, her chuckles rolling to full-blown Sunny laughter.

  More creaks and wheezing from Hermann.

  Whapp attack sent Esther off again, this time with Aneta and Vee joining in. They laughed until Momma Cat got weirded out and looked like she might jump off the table. Then they pressed their hand over their mouths. Sunny stroked the cat to soothe her.

  “Are we ready?” Vee nodded her head in the direction of the trap cages. “I know today’s the day.” Where is Dad? “You guys go first. My dad is coming, and I want him to see me take out the curious kitten.”

  It only took a few minutes for both Esther and Aneta to attempt and fail with their cats. The cats loudly proclaimed their refusal. Both girls got a little teary. Frank, who had arrived during Aneta’s approach and denial, shook his head.

  Vee kept an eye on the door and her watch. It was 3:20 p.m.

  “Don’t say it yet, Frank,” Esther pleaded, a husky tone creeping into her voice. She sniffed. “I just have to keep trying.”

  The curious kitten and Vee regarded each other as Vee approached the cage. Dad wasn’t coming. She would do this by herself.

  “Mitts, doctor?” Sunny said, sounding like a nurse in the operating room. Vee held up her hands, and Sunny slid on the oven mitts.

  “Mitts, doctor,” she replied, her face serious.

  “Approach the door, and Godspeed to you.” Sunny stepped to the side and raised the door.

  The curious kitten and his brother watched the oven mitts enter the trap cage. The brother hustled back to his place and hissed. The curious kitten came forward and sniffed the mitts, whiskers forward. Vee held her breath. The kitten took another step into the mitts.

  Today is the day, today is the day, ran the joy in Vee’s mind.

  “Caaaats!” A human scream, as horrible as any of the cat shrieks, rolled into and around the room. Hermann fell off his chair. The curious kitten’s eyes blazed wide, and he retreated. Desperately, she plunged the mitts farther in to catch him, and that set off the brother who hauled forth the most uncatlike screeches and yowls. Vee removed the mitts and turned. Aneta and Esther helped Hermann up.

  “Who was that?” Vee cried, stamping her foot, pulling off the mitts, and throwing them on the table. The doorway was empty. Vee ran toward the door and peered both ways in the hall. Nobody. Nothing but the heavy smell of mouthwash.

  “I’m telling you there’s a woman who smells like mouthwash who …” Her voice trailed off. Who did what? Vee didn’t have any proof.

  Frank made the girls walk down to the lake and back before they all headed for home. When they came back, b
reathless, he said, “You girls can’t take this so hard. It was probably someone who was upset about something else.” He locked the Cat Room. Vee watched him carefully.

  Aneta sighed. “I have been dreaming about my cat.” Making a face, she sighed again. “He yowls in my dreams, too.”

  Hmph. In Vee’s dreams, her Dad would actually show up.

  Chapter 18

  Super Bill to the Rescue

  Why hadn’t Dad shown up? Vee made it home with ten minutes to spare before Math Man darkened the door. She grabbed a stick of string cheese from the fridge and walked out through the breezeway to stick her head in Bill’s garage and tell him she was home. She hoped tutoring went better than the cat work had. She was feeling pretty discouraged. The mayor was expecting something wonderful, and all they had was Momma Cat. It was a good thing Everything Animal had never responded. What would they film? Momma Cat whapping Esther’s earrings? Vee talking about the mystery of the mouthwash lady?

  Thinking of the show made her think of her e-mail, so she moved over to the computer on the rolling desk in the kitchen. While it booted, she poured a glass of grape juice and then sat in front of the computer. Why wouldn’t the curious kitten be tamed? She’d pretty much given up on the brother. He had never ever been interested in the humans, other than to use them for developing his vocal cords.

  She clicked into her e-mail, took a swallow of juice, and looked at her in-box. The next second, grape juice sprayed on the computer screen.

  On the way home from school the next day, Vee ran. Ran as hard and as fast as she could. Everything was wrong. Math class was wrong. Dad was wrong, Mom working so much was wrong, the curious kitten was wrong, Everything Animal‘s e-mail saying they were coming on Friday was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. As she reached her house, thumped up the front steps, and inserted her key in the lock, she knew there could not possibly be a sixth-grade year that was worse than hers was turning out to be.

  Lying in her bed after a peanut butter and honey sandwich and a string cheese, Vee stared at the swirls on her ceiling. Storm clouds. That’s what they were. Or oven mitts chasing snarling kittens.

  A light tap sounded on the door. Go away. She knew it had to be Bill. There had been yet another note from Mom on the kitchen island about an appointment. Pretty soon there wouldn’t be any houses left for sale in Oakton. They’d have to move so Mom could work on the rest of the state of Oregon.

  “Go away.”

  “Okay. Just checking,” came the muffled voice on the other side of the door. “’Cause if you were here, you wouldn’t be at the senior center with the S.A.V.E. Squad taming cats.”

  The Squad! She had completely forgotten! How could she? Heavier and heavier pressed the weight. Math class, math tutoring, bonding with the Twin Terrors, Dad’s not understanding and not showing up, the looming retest.

  She flung herself back on the bed and began pounding her fists on the comforter. “Beetle! Beetle! Beetle-y! BEEEEEEEEEETTTTTLLLLLLEEEE! I’m just a sixth grader. I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!” It felt so good to pound her fists and yell that she began pounding her heels, too. The bed began to jiggle. “Too much, too much!” she said, shouting in beat to the jiggle of the bed. Dad should see her now. He would never want her to bond with the Twin Terrors.

  Suddenly the door burst open, and Bill was in the room. Vee sat up. “You’re not supposed to come in without—” The rest of what she had prepared to shout died on her lips. For Bill had leaped lightly to the end of her footboard. It creaked alarmingly. Bill shouted, “To the rescue, it’s Soooooo-per Bill!”

  “Super” Bill wore a bright orange pasta strainer on his head, a garbage bag cut open for his head and arms, and was brandishing long, long tongs he used when he barbecued. “She yells ‘Beeeetle,’ “—he howled out her interjection even better than she had, she thought admiringly, drawing her knees up to a cross-legged position to gape up at him. Bill seemed like Gulliver in the land of whoever those little people were—“and Super Bill comes to help.” Continually trying to keep his balance on the narrow edge, he flailed his arms. “He—has the”—wobble, wobble, flail, flail—“Helmet of Hardiness so no insult from Go Away Girl can permeate him.”

  Permeate. Cool word. She’d have to look that one up. A bubble of giggle was beating through the ick, and any moment she just might laugh. Maybe. It had been a very long string of ick.

  Gesturing to his garbage bag, Super Bill turned sideways to better balance himself. It wasn’t much better. He still looked like he was going down. “And the Toga of Tears should she need to cry!” He wobbled mightily. “And the Tongs of Removal of all ick!” Then, with a wild yell, he fell backward off her bed.

  A prickly sensation burned at the back of her eyes as she bounced to the end and peered over. “That’s gotta hurt,” she said.

  “Yeah,” Bill gasped, stiffly rolling to his side and then to a cross-legged position. He gushed out a breath. “So. Is the Go Away Girl going to meet her friends?”

  Vee immediately retreated to the middle of her bed. “No.”

  She heard the groans and sighs as Bill crawled to the end of the bed. “Will the Go Away Girl tell Super Bill about the ick? He is prepared,” he said, brandishing the tongs.

  Humans were weird, Vee decided later after she had dumped Dad’s desertion, the Everything Animal e-mail, how to tell the girls, and math in general on Super Bill. She donned the Helmet of Hardiness, cried on the Toga of Tears, and danced around poking the Tongs of Removal into pillows Bill provided. So weird. How could she cry and laugh at the same time and feel so much better?

  Chapter 19

  Cat Chaos

  Good day for treasure,” Bill said the next morning as Vee clumped down the stairs, bleary eyed from dreaming of twin boys chasing her with numbers. Bill, predictable as ever. “You gonna talk to the girls today?”

  Pouring herself a glass of milk and plopping two slices of rye bread into the toaster, Vee shuffled to the counter and struggled onto a stool. “Yeah.” Even though she was sure the girls would forgive her, Vee didn’t want to deal with the whole thing.

  Fishing in his pocket, Bill drew out his wallet and removed a bill. “Super Bill, although he does not have his gear on this morning, would suggest you talk on neutral ground. Say, The Sweet Stuff?” He slid the bill toward Vee.

  She slid it into her pocket, tears welling up. How had she ever thought Bill was just okay? He was the best. Stopping by the computer, she shot an e-mail to the girls about meeting at The Sweet Stuff. Important stuff to tell you, she typed.

  In the sweet-smelling sanctuary of The Sweet Stuff, Vee made her apologies and told the girls about Everything Animal‘s Friday visit. Their forgiveness came quickly and their reaction to the news that they would be on national TV more than satisfying. It was the only bright spot in the week, Vee thought, walking home with the girls.

  Friday, Everything Animal day, arrived quickly. Sunny, Aneta, and Esther were standing outside the Cat Room’s open door when Vee arrived out of breath after school. Their faces told her there was a story.

  “What?” she asked.

  “We should have told them not to come.” Esther shook her head.

  “Who thought they would come?” Sunny performed a slow twirl and sagged against the wall.

  “The Fam always comes,” Aneta said simply.

  “What?” Then Vee heard the buzz of many voices in the room. She peered around the corner and stepped back with a gasp.

  “Yep. My parents and my brothers,” Sunny said.

  “My mom and my brothers,” Esther said.

  “My mom, my gram and grand, Uncle Luke,” Aneta counted on her fingers. “They left Wink home. My cousins are away at college.”

  “Oh.” Esther waved her hand in front of Vee’s nose. “And your mom, Bill, Heather, and the Twin Terrors.”

  The Twin Terrors? Rushing panic swallowed up the excitement of meeting a real-life TV producer. Would Momma Cat’s trap fit two seven-year-old boys?

  �
��What if the cats make those horrible noises?” Aneta asked.

  “They have been quiet this week. Maybe today they’ll surprise us all,” Esther said.

  “We might as well go in,” Sunny said, motioning them in as though directing a jet plane. “The producer has already met our families. She might as well meet us.”

  Just to be sure, Vee sniffed quickly as she entered. The room looked and smelled normal. Good.

  The moment they were through the door, the applause began. Baffled, the girls looked at each other.

  “What did we do?” Aneta wanted to know.

  The mayor, raspy voice even more pronounced since she was nearly shouting, laughed and said, “You’re our Junior Event Planners with another terrific community project!”

  Sunny spoke to Vee from the side of her mouth. “For pizza sake. Have you got a plan for more than the cats? I don’t.”

  A nudge from Esther on the other side. “What if she asks us what the other ideas are?”

  Vee didn’t respond since she had seen Heather and the Twin Terrors and was waving. The seven-year-olds pointed to her, whooped, and barreled through the tables and chairs, knocking over a few.

  She shushed them and used both hands to gesture slow it down. “Slow down, Turbo,” she said to the one she was pretty sure was Joshua. He had reached her first and was pretending to box with her, darting in and out. She raised her head to Heather, imploring. Her stepmother was on her way, always calm and serene.

  There was Frank, looking like he needed another sheet. Nadine stood next to him, shaking her head at the noise. The Cat Woman appeared at Vee’s elbow. Leaning close to Vee, she whispered, “I wasn’t too happy at first with you girls. Thought you were lightweights.” She patted Vee’s arm, and her wrinkled face glowed. “Isn’t it great to see Hermann helping? Can’t wait to see the other fun stuff you girls hatch up for the Great Cat Caper.” Hermann sat in the corner, and when the two turned his way, he pretended to be very interested in his socks.