Mud Run Murder

by Leslie Langtry

  "She's helping you?" Rex asked with a grin. "Maybe you'll have half a chance."

  He said good-bye to me and the coroner, and I shut the door while cursing him under my breath. Philby and Martini came running from the hallway and started rubbing against Soo Jin's perfect legs. She responded by dropping to the floor and running her fingers over their fur. The purring was so loud that it could probably be heard by Rex across the street.

  The traitors.

  A honk sounded outside. I grabbed my purse and Soo Jin, dragging her out to Kelly's car. My best friend greeted the doctor with a little more enthusiasm than I thought was necessary.

  "You've got shotgun, Soo Jin!" Kelly patted the seat beside her.

  It took all of my strength to not roll my eyes. To be honest, I was a little proud of myself. Instead I just grumbled in my own head as we made our way through town.

  The girls were waiting for us when we pulled into the parking lot.

  "Did I miss something?" I asked Kelly. "Why are they dressed up?"

  Each one of my Scouts was wearing a dress. Some had bows in their hair. They never looked like that. In fact, I couldn't think of one time since I'd known these kids that they had ever dressed up.

  "Brian's troop must be hotties," Soo Jin said.

  Is that what this was about? These were eight- and nine-year-olds! And how could we hope to compete at the mud run if they dressed like that? Clearly the girls weren't taking this seriously. Maybe there was an army surplus store around here where I could buy them all tactical gear.

  "Here we go." Kelly parked the car, and we herded the girls to the spot where I'd been spanked by a kid only twenty-four hours earlier.

  "Hi." A slightly older teenage boy smiled as we walked up. "I'm Alex."

  Alex was a good-looking kid. Really good-looking. Too good-looking. And confident. I noticed my girls staring openmouthed at him. Maybe Alex was who they had dressed up for?

  "Trent told me you were coming." Alex smiled warmly, and the four Kaitlyns melted. Yup. The troop was trying to impress Alex. That was a relief. I didn't want them to throw the match because they wanted to flirt with Brian's troop.

  "Let's get you guys suited up before the boys get here. Okay?" Alex winked. Inez and Caterina swooned.

  Once we were decked out in our tech vests, I couldn't help but laugh. The girls looked like they were going to a combination birthday party/terrorist conflict. I watched the two Hannahs practice quick draws from their holsters, and Betty was working on a menacing grimace while Inez threw punches at one of the Kaitlyn's outstretched palms.

  "Does this look strange to you?" Kelly leaned toward me.

  I nodded. "Totally." Now this was the troop I knew! "These little boys are going down."

  "You mean those little boys?" Kelly pointed.

  I looked to see a platoon of high school–aged boys approaching us. Many of them were taller than me, and all of them were taller than my girls. They wore their uniforms (which I thought was weird), and more than a few had camo-painted faces.

  "Hey!" I said to the Kaitlyns. "You didn't say they were so old!"

  Soo Jin whistled under her breath. But when the boys saw her, they stopped dead, eyes bulging. Maybe we had an advantage after all.

  One of the Kaitlyns stepped forward as the other girls formed a line behind her. "Hello, Brian. Ready to get your butt kicked?"

  A tall boy, who seemed to be part redwood tree, stepped forward and taunted. "You guys are toast. This match will be over in minutes, and I'm not going to buy you ice cream when you cry like a baby."

  To her credit, Brian's little sister stepped up, pointing at him. "When we win, you have to post on Facebook and Instagram that you got schooled by Girl Scouts."

  Brian sneered at his sister, and the other boys chuckled. "Is this your troop? You'll need an army to defeat us."

  For a brief moment I toyed with calling a friend of mine in the Navy SEALs who owed me a favor. I'd like to see Brian wet himself when approached by ten giant men with tattoos and sniper rifles. Sadly, there wasn't enough time.

  Betty stepped forward. "Eat it, douchebag!"

  "Betty!" Kelly shouted. I was actually impressed that Betty knew what a douchebag was.

  The girl looked at her, made what might've been a gang sign, then spun on her heel and rejoined the group. What was happening here? Why didn't I know these boys were mutants? And why did these boys laugh at little girls? I wanted to run back to my house for my hidden stash of CIA-grade LSD tabs (I might've taken one or two office supplies with me when I left the Agency) to shove down these boys' throats. If we were going to lose, they might as well have been hallucinating that we were rabid dragons or at least giant, menacing butterflies.

  "Don't go crying to your mama when you lose!" Brian barked. I wondered if he remembered that Kaitlyn's mama was also his own. This family seemed to have a bizarre dynamic.

  "You're going down!" his sister shouted.

  Then, as suddenly as it had started, the posturing ended. A smiling man emerged from behind the wall of mutant boys, stepping forward, hand extended.

  "Hi-de-ho! I'm Bart Miller. The leader of these boys and Kaitlyn's daddy!"

  I shook his hand, briefly considering throwing him to the ground. "Merry Wrath. And this is Kelly Albers. We're the leaders of your daughter's troop."

  Bart smiled. "Okeydokey!" He grinned like a dad from a bad 1950s sitcom. "Alrighty, then, boys! Let's get suited up!" Who was this guy? A total happy-go-lucky nerd who didn't realize his troop was planning to slaughter little kids? I guess I'd expected Arnold Schwarzenegger or, at the very least, Vincent Price.

  I watched as the guys put on their gear. Every now and then, one of my little girls would stick her tongue out at the boys. Betty actually drew her finger across her throat, but I don't think they were intimidated. Which is too bad because, if they knew Betty, they should have been worried.

  "Come here, guys." I pulled Soo Jin and the girls around me into a huddle. "We need a strategy." Hell, we needed a miracle. Or Liam Neeson riding a unicorn.

  "Well…" Inez thought out loud. "I think we should cheat."

  Caterina nodded. "I brought some pepper spray." She produced a large canister that Kelly confiscated immediately. I thought that was unnecessary of my co-leader. We needed every advantage we could find.

  "It's twelve to twelve," Soo Jin said. "I think we can take them."

  I liked her enthusiasm, although I worried that she was blind and hadn't actually seen the boys.

  "These guys are champions," Kelly said. "We'll need to do something unorthodox just to try to keep up."

  I nodded. "Absolutely."

  "I brought my dad's brass knuckles." Lauren produced a weapon that I was pretty sure was illegal. Kelly took that away too.

  "We can't kill them." Kelly narrowed her eyes at me. That woman could read my mind.

  "Did you bring your gun?" Emily asked me. The other girls nodded.

  I shook my head. "I really should have…"

  "No, you shouldn't have!" Kelly hissed. "Girls! You have to concentrate!"

  "It's time!" Alex called out. He opened the door to the little fake city, and we all filed inside.

  He went over the rules, and I was relieved to see that the girls were listening carefully. The boys just rolled their eyes while pointing and laughing at them. My hands formed into fists more than once.

  "I should've at least brought a stun gun," I said quietly to Soo Jin.

  The good coroner giggled loudly. It was charming. It also distracted them, as it reminded the boys of the goddess in tight clothes in their midst. All twelve stopped listening to Alex and more than a few started drooling.

  I looked around at the ruins of the fake city, and it hit me.

  "Do we get a few minutes to consult our troops?" I blurted out.

  Alex looked at me then at Brian, who'd taken to smacking his fist into the palm of his hand. He nodded. "Mrs. Albers and I will be in the observation room watching on hidden came
ras. So, boys, I expect a clean match with no picking on the girls."

  The boys looked at each other and laughed menacingly. I was pretty sure they weren't going to follow Alex's directive.

  I bent down to one knee and said very quietly to my troop, "I have an idea…"

  Soon we had taken up positions on our respective sides, and then the lights went out. In the dim room, a dozen little girls looked at me and smiled. The game was on.

  CHAPTER SIX

  It was a simple plan really. The girls called it Operation Sparkly Killer Pony Princess. Every window or sight line in the burned-out-village-themed room started at about five feet off the ground. My girls were shorter than that.

  Three groups of four girls would just walk under the sight line of the windows, turn the corner, and shoot whatever boy was on the other side. Repeatedly. With probably more enthusiasm than was necessary. Then they'd march on to the next barricade and do it again. And again. And again.

  The boys never realized what was going on because they were too stupid, or it never occurred to them that just out of the line of sight, a squad of third-graders was sneaking up on them. Actually, they didn't have to sneak at all. Not one of my girls had to stoop to stay undercover.

  More than once I heard a boy swear. This was usually followed by their leader chastising them with a "nopey dopey!" The guys couldn't figure out how the girls appeared out of nowhere all of the time. It was a great psychological game. Sigh. I missed the CIA.

  Soo Jin had Brian duty. And by that I mean she just shadowed him. If he was about to nail any of my girls, she'd appear, smiling at him until he was so flustered that he didn't realize she'd just shot him forty times. One of her more inspired moves was to fake a fall. Without thinking, Brian helped her up, only to discover too late that she'd shot him as he gave her his hand. I wanted to name this Operation Brian's Glands, but the doctor already had a rough time with the idea of flirting with a kid. So I kept that name to myself.

  As for me, I was the gunrunner. Technically speaking, each player was supposed to charge their own gun when they ran out of lasers or whatever it was. Instead, each girl had one gun—but I'd secretly snagged a few more. I followed them, and as soon as they ran out of…um…lasers, I'd take the empty gun and give them one fully loaded.

  Every now and then I'd have to run back and reload a bunch of guns, but we timed it just right so that no one was out of ammo. I wasn't sure where the hidden cameras were, but I thought that a couple of times I heard Kelly and Alex laughing. I couldn't be sure. Just as I couldn't be sure that I saw Betty doing something to a boy that involved a little crackle of electricity and him screaming in pain. I can't watch everyone all the time, now can I?

  It wasn't long before the lights came on, and the voice of the handsome Alex came over the loudspeakers.

  "We have a winner! Congratulations, girls! You won with a score of 50–13!"

  Brian had to be restrained as he lunged at his sister. Kaitlyn stood, unflinching, and flicked him hard on the nose.

  "Maybe you girls should go take off your gear first," the boys' leader said cheerfully. "And thanks for the super-duper game!"

  I didn't wait for a demand for a rematch and began herding everyone into the tech room. We were out in the lobby before the boys came through. To their credit, the girls stood solemnly to the side as the boys emerged, red-faced and humiliated.

  "You cheated!" Brian squeaked. His swagger had abandoned him.

  Kaitlyn and Brian's mother, Ashley, stepped forward and glared at her son. "I guess you'll have to do dishes for a week for being a bad loser."

  Brian's eyes grew wide with fear. Was that all it took? I should've used that threat against the drug runners who'd tried to shoot me in Colombia.

  "Mom!" he whined.

  The other boys were too deflated to give him a hard time. They left as quickly as they'd arrived. Bart gave us a friendly smile as he herded the boys outside.

  "That was awesome!" Alex said as he high-fived each and every girl. More than one gazed at the hand that had touched his with awe. "Normally I'd call you on the gun-charging thing, but you were up against some pretty steep odds."

  Kelly grinned widely. "We recorded that." She held up a camcorder. "I'm not sure what we should do with it, but I figure it doesn't hurt to have a little backup ammo."

  "I'm not too proud of my part," Soo Jin said. "But those boys got what they deserved."

  I didn't tell her that we had to win by any means necessary. My guess was that she wouldn't understand it. Still, I made a mental note to make it up to her. Dr. Body had been a real team player.

  The entertainment center was much more crowded when we came out. Late afternoon on a Saturday, I guess. People of all ages were milling about, buying tokens, heading to the game room, or bowling. A line was forming near us for the laser-tag scenario.

  A flash of blond caught my eye, and I froze. At the other end of the lobby, I thought I saw Riley. I started to wade through the mass of people. It was only brief glimpses of a nose or chin or those blue eyes, but putting them all together in my mind created a picture of Riley.

  Still, I couldn't get a good look. Was it really him? If it was and he hadn't let me know he was in town, I was going to clock him good. Okay, so I'd been mad the past few times he'd shown up unannounced, but this was different. It felt like he was keeping me in the dark.

  By the time I reached the other side, Riley—or the man who looked like him—was gone. I kept working my way back and forth across the room but never saw him again.

  "What are you doing?" Kelly asked once I'd rejoined them.

  "I thought I saw Riley," I whispered.

  Kelly frowned and scanned our surroundings. "I don't see him. Are you sure?" I could tell that she was also upset that he may have been here and not said hi.

  I shrugged. "I thought so."

  Kelly stopped looking around. "I'm sure you're imagining it."

  Alex appeared in front of me. "That was amazing. You guys did a great job! After Trent had told me about yesterday, I was sure you were going to get creamed. Man, you girls have guts!"

  The girls started cheering. They'd never looked so happy. Even Soo Jin had to laugh. We all went outside and waited for them to get picked up. Once the last girl was gone, Kelly, Soo Jin, and I climbed into the car.

  Kelly turned to me. "That really was amazing."

  Soo Jin nodded. "You should've been a spy or a general or something."

  I tried to look humble. I really did. "I guess I missed my calling."

  * * *

  "You did what?" Rex met up with me at home, holding a large pepperoni pizza.

  I poured myself a glass of wine and handed him a beer. "It was easy. Just a matter of physics."

  "Physics?" Rex asked. "I'm not sure you understand what physics is."

  "Well, proportion, then. Frankly, it was lucky that the windows in the ruins were so high. I don't know if the boys have figured out what happened yet, but I'm pretty sure we can't pull that again."

  "Dr. Body was an asset." Rex winked. "I'll bet she wasn't happy about being objectified."

  "Speaking of bodies, tell me about your dead guy." I changed the subject and shoved a slice of pizza into my mouth.

  My boyfriend rolled his eyes. "Fine. It's going to be on the news tonight anyway. Dewey Barnes was murdered with a small caliber pistol at extremely close range. One bullet did it. And we did find something interesting in his car. Which is why I'm really here."

  I felt the blood drain out of my face. "I don't like the sound of that."

  Rex nodded. "We found a map in the glove compartment along with a .45."

  I shook my head. "Oh no. You can't pin this on me."

  "The map had your address on it. It seems that Dewey was looking for you."

  I stomped around like an enraged toddler. "It's not fair! This is your dead body! Not mine! Someone planted that to implicate me! Maybe it was Juliette Dowd!"

  Oh, I could just see that. My arch
nemesis at the Council, Juliette, would do anything to get rid of me so that she could have Rex to herself. Maybe Rex would believe me and arrest her. I wondered if he'd let me ride along for that.

  "It wasn't Juliette. And I don't know the significance of the map and gun yet. Barnes has no serious priors. No record of anything other than drug possession, and even then, it was a small amount."

  "This murder isn't about me!" I insisted. "It's your turn!"

  Rex laughed, "Are you saying I deserve a murder more than you?"

  I nodded vigorously. "That's right. Well…someone else should have a murder. I've had more than my share."

  My boyfriend grinned before walking over to the fridge and pulling out the bottle of wine. He refilled my glass—which was nice—but as he went to put the wine away, he stopped dead.

  "What is it?" I asked as I followed his gaze to the movie poster for Spy Diary.

  "Where did you get this?" Rex looked at me curiously.

  "I didn't steal it. The manager threw it away." He wouldn't bust me for that, would he?

  "Merry." Rex licked his lips. "We found something on the floor of the truck but thought it was nothing."

  "What was it?"

  "It was this same poster," Rex said. "And now I see it here. In fact, it's the only décor you've ever put up. Can you explain that?"

  Now would be the right time to tell him about the movie. Rex knew about my past. But I didn't want Dewey's murder to be on me.

  "Merry?"

  I sighed heavily. "Sit down. I'd better tell you what I know."

  * * *

  When I finished, Rex had a dazed look on his face.

  "You did what with a furnace filter in Mongolia?"

  I shook my head. "What I did doesn't matter. It's what's happening now. Somebody sold the story of my life to Hollywood. And the Agency will be sending someone to deal with me soon. And now Dewey Barnes—whoever he was—was sent to deal with me also. I'm kind of in trouble."

  "What will the CIA do to you?" Rex rubbed his chin.