Mud Run Murder

by Leslie Langtry

  "Yeah. Why?"

  "That's just a weird thing to say about another man."

  "I had to describe him in a way that she'd know who I was talking about." Gruff sounded a little defensive.

  "You could've said 'blond guy.' You didn't have to say 'handsome.'"

  Gruff sounded angry. "You describe him your way, and I'll describe him mine. And I chose the word handsome."

  "Whatever," Squeaky said. "It's just bizarre, that's all."

  Those two weren't going to win the Nobel Prize anytime soon.

  "Would you describe me as handsome?"

  Gruff grumbled, "No. You are anything but handsome. I'd say you look more like a ferret."

  Ha! I was right. I'd guessed the high-pitched voice was weasel-like. Wisely, I kept this opinion to myself.

  "A ferret?" Ferret-face screeched. "Well, you look like one of them gorillas!"

  So Gruff was big and bulky. Good to know. It's amazing the intel you can get just by listening to someone talk. If they kept this up, I'd have their social security numbers soon.

  The car came to a stop, and I wondered if we were in the driveway in front or the alley in back. Either way, hopefully Riley was watching. As long as he didn't put Philby in danger, I didn't care what he'd do to these idiots.

  Someone removed my blindfold. Wow. They really did look like a gorilla and ferret. I immediately averted my eyes. Not because I was afraid. I just didn't want to give them a reason to kill Philby and me.

  Gorilla got out of the car and pulled me out of the back seat while Ferret snatched up Philby, while still holding the gun on me.

  We were in the alley. That made sense. It was broad daylight. They'd draw attention waving a gun around in the middle of the day.

  "Hey!" Elmer from next door waddled out onto his deck and looked at us over the fence. "You rotten kids! Quit screwing around out there!"

  He shook his fist, and his pants fell down. We watched as he waddled back inside, pants around his ankles. He looked like a deranged penguin.

  "That guy saw us!" Ferret squealed.

  Gorilla shrugged. "He was stone deaf. That's why he shouted. And he thought we were kids. So I'm guessing he can't see. Don't worry about him."

  I led the way to the back door and unlocked it with the key I'd had in my pocket when I'd left this morning to jog. Who knew I'd end up kidnapped and leading a couple of goons into Rex's house not an hour later? At least, I thought it was an hour.

  "Don't try anything," Ferret said, putting the gun to Philby's head.

  "Hey," Gorilla said. "If you hold the gun like that and it goes off, you'll shoot yourself in the arm."

  My blood pressure was spiking. They'd gone too far now.

  Ferret pointed the gun at me. "You realize that your cat looks like Hitler, right?"

  I didn't say anything as I led them through the living room to the stairs. As we climbed, I toyed with turning around and kicking both of them, but Ferret still had Philby. So I didn't.

  "Okay," Gorilla grumbled. "So it's okay for you to compare her cat to Hitler, but I can't call a guy handsome?"

  "What? The cat looks like Adolf Hitler! That's a good description. You could've said the guy looked like someone famous."

  "Well, he doesn't look like anyone famous," Gorilla said. "Which is why I went with handsome."

  "Yes, he does. He looks like that guy on that show I like. The one with the dolphin and the doctors."

  Gorilla stopped walking. "Well, I've never seen that show, so I couldn't know what you're talking about, could I?"

  Anytime now, Riley. If he was smart, he'd come up behind Ferret, disarm him, and take my cat. Then I could knock Gorilla over the railing. But there was no sign of him. With my luck, he was probably out looking for me.

  We walked into the guest room, and I found the script on the floor. The cover was a little beat-up from me throwing it against the wall last night. I snatched it up and held it out. Gorilla reached for it, but I pulled it back.

  "I want my cat first," I said.

  I was pretty certain these guys were going to shoot me just because I was a witness. But maybe I could get Philby to hide so that they wouldn't harm her. It was one hell of a long shot.

  Ferret tossed Philby on the bed, and the cat bolted out of the room. Good girl.

  I tossed the script to Ferret, and in his attempt to grab it, he dropped the gun. I dove under the bed to get it as it clattered to the floor. My fingers closed on it, and I pulled it back under the bed. Unfortunately, I was under the bed.

  Gorilla jumped on the bed, and I fired up through the mattress. There was an oof sound, and when I got to my feet, the men were gone. I ran after them, but by the time I reached the alley, the car was out of range.

  I tucked the gun into my waistband and went back into the house, locking the door behind me. Sirens wailed in the distance. I wondered if Elmer had heard the gunshots and called it in or whether he did it to deal with those unruly kids. He wasn't really deaf…his wife Ethel was. I decided I'd bake some cookies and send them over.

  "Police!" men shouted from the living room.

  I dropped the gun into an umbrella stand Rex had by the back door and walked into the room with my hands up. Officer Kevin Dooley and Rex were standing there, guns drawn. When he saw me, Rex lowered his weapon and pulled me into his arms. Kevin, on the other hand, still kept his gun trained on me until he saw a bag of chips on the dining room table.

  "You're safe. When Riley came into the station and told us what happened, I was a wreck!" Rex said as he crushed me against him.

  I'm a modern woman. I can take care of myself. Still, it was nice to know that Rex was there for me. Now where was Riley?

  "Put the chips down, Kevin, and head back to the station." Rex released me. "Anyone still here?"

  I shook my head. "They got away."

  Riley arrived as I was explaining the whole thing. I walked them through the house, step by step. We ended up in the guest room where two holes darkened the middle of the bed.

  "What do you have against beds?" Riley asked.

  "Where were you?" I narrowed my eyes.

  He actually looked hurt, which made me feel a little bad.

  "Riley went straight to the station, Merry," Rex explained. "We have full descriptions of the car and its license plates because of him. We were getting ready to mount a search when we got the call that someone had heard gunshots."

  I guessed Elmer had called it in.

  "They took the script. Why would they want it?" I asked.

  The men looked confused. "This was about the script?" Riley asked. "I never finished reading it."

  Rex shook his head. "Me neither."

  "Huh. I didn't get all the way through it either," I admitted. "So there could be something interesting in there after all."

  Riley gave me a strange look, but I ignored it.

  "So," Riley said to Rex, "you have the details on the car. You can find these guys. Or Wrath and I will."

  "Oh no." I shot back. "I'm out of this. All I want to know is if Maria is okay. Then you are going to deal with this. I have a mud run to win."

  "Where's your loyalty to the Agency?" Riley asked.

  "I don't have any. I haven't worked there for two years. I'm retired. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that."

  Philby and Martini appeared and started rubbing against my legs.

  I pointed at Riley. "You are handling this. Not me. It's your book that started all of this."

  "You know they won't leave you alone. They think you are behind this," Rex said.

  "No one has tried to interrogate me yet. So maybe they don't actually suspect me."

  That was true. For all the talk of the CIA coming to "get" me, no one had. Instead they were crawling all over LA.

  "This isn't over," Riley said grimly. "I'm going to find those bastards who kidnapped you."

  "Go ahead. But you'll do it without me."

  We stood there, facing off. Riley and I had wor
ked together on some serious messes in the last two years since I was retired. But now I was drawing a line in the…I looked down at the floor…hardwood.

  "Fine." Riley walked out, slamming the door.

  I watched as he went over to my house and walked in. Damn. While it was great that he was going to deal with this, it wasn't great that my house was going to be his base of operations. Was I ever going to get rid of this guy?

  "Are you alright?" Rex asked. That's when I realized that, except for the cats, we were totally alone.

  "Yes," I lied.

  "I'll take the rest of the day off," Rex said as he pulled out his cell phone.

  I shook my head. "No, you should go. You have a lot to do."

  "Merry." He looked deep into my eyes. "Are you serious about staying out of this?"

  I shrugged. "I need to know what happened to Maria. I'll talk to Zeke again, but that's it. I promise."

  He seemed to consider this. "Keep your cell close. I'm not convinced that I should go back to work."

  "Go. I'm fine."

  He left, and I locked the door behind him. I wandered through the house, checking all the doors and windows. Would the guys come back here? They had the script, but I'd shot one of them, so they might want revenge.

  I slumped onto the couch, and the cats jumped up beside me. Was I really done with this? My life had become more complicated since I'd left the Agency. Why was that? Was I a walking threat magnet? Seriously, something was off.

  Through the window I could see Riley leave the house, get into his SUV, and drive off. I figured he wasn't hiding anymore. Would I really throw him to the wolves? And by wolves, I meant the CIA? Did I have it in me to do that?

  I'd known Riley a long time. We had worked together side by side for years. In some pretty dangerous situations. Something told me that this was a mistake—that I wasn't being very loyal. Kicking him to the curb wasn't something Merry of two years ago would have done—mostly because we'd had more than a working relationship. In Japan we'd been romantically involved until I caught him in a clinch with another woman.

  Of course, years later I found out that I'd been wrong and that Riley was still carrying a torch for me. And from the looks of the script I'd just read, he was still thinking of me in a manner that was not cool.

  Riley had proved his feelings over and over by continuing to come to my aid since I'd left the Agency. None of those situations had been his fault. But this one was.

  The whole mess was exhausting. I also had Rex to deal with. Deal with? I wasn't sure that was the right choice of words. Rex and I had been romantically involved for the past year and a half, and we were happy.

  Well, except for the fact that he wanted me to move in. That had knocked me for a loop. And I was totally resisting that. I pulled out my cell.

  Kelly answered on the second ring. I filled her in on everything. She knew about my past, and she knew what was going on with me and these two men. Maybe she'd know exactly what I should do. That would be awesome.

  "Of course Riley still has feelings for you," my best friend said. "How could you not see that?"

  "I don't know. Maybe I don't want to."

  "And yet you're resisting Rex in taking this relationship to the next level," she said.

  You know, it really was annoying how she did that.

  "What's wrong with me?"

  "More than I have time for in this phone call," Kelly answered.

  "What should I do?"

  "What do you want to do?"

  "You know, that's really annoying."

  "This is your life, Merry. As your friend, you can bounce stuff off of me, but I won't make decisions for you."

  "How about you sum up what you think is happening?"

  There was a sigh on the other end. "Okay. Well, I think you have feelings and might in fact be in love with both men."

  A little explosion went off inside my brain, and I was pretty sure smoke came out of my ears because both cats looked alarmed.

  "I am not!"

  "Yes, you are. And until you can decide who you want and what you want, you can't move forward," Kelly said.

  "That's not exactly what I was looking for when I called you."

  "I know."

  "How could I possibly be in love with both men? That doesn't make any sense."

  "If you really think about it, it makes perfect sense. You love Rex. That's obvious. But when you found out just a few months ago that your breakup with Riley had been based on a misunderstanding, it undermined your relationship with Rex."

  "Why?"

  "Because you now had to figure out how you felt about Riley. My guess is that froze you in your tracks with Rex because you want to figure that out before moving on with him."

  Oh wow. She was right. Kelly nailed it. I was so busy fending Rex off that I never thought about why I was doing it. This was very unfair to me. And even more unfair to the two men in my life who, for some reason, both had names that started with R.

  "You should've been a psychologist."

  "You'd keep me so busy that I wouldn't be able to take on a second client."

  "I'm not that mental."

  "No, you're not. You've just been through a lot in the last few years. And now you have a decision that you're not prepared to make."

  I heard her doorbell ring in the background. The voice of another woman giggled in the background. I knew that voice.

  "You're hanging with Dr. Body now?" I tried not to scream it into the phone.

  "I have to go," Kelly said. "Bye."

  She hung up before I could protest. I had just started to like the coroner. Especially since I knew she wasn't really into Rex. But now she was hanging out with my best friend? She could have both men as long as she didn't take Kelly from me.

  "I'm not smart enough to deal with all of this," I said aloud.

  The cats gave me a look then looked at each other before falling asleep. At least I still had these two. I'd have four, but Riley had given my other two kittens away to Soo Jin.

  Try as I might, was I ever really going to like her? This made me sad. Then my stomach rumbled.

  In the kitchen I made a peanut butter sandwich. As I chewed, I turned Kelly's words over in my head. Was I in love with both Riley and Rex? I knew how I felt about Rex…but Riley? She was right—I had never really resolved my feelings for him. But was I really in love with him? And was he in love with me? From the stuff in the script, I knew lust was at least a factor. But love?

  That would explain why he was always here…coming to my rescue. Ugh. I hated that thought. I didn't need rescuing. I'd rescued Riley before, but he certainly didn't need to rescue me. I thought about my suddenly boy-crazy Scouts. I wondered if they made a badge for independence and not needing a man. If not, I'd have to invent one.

  As to my problem, the answer was obvious. I'd choose Rex. I'd move in with Rex. And then Riley would have closure. He could move on and seduce all of Iowa. That would be the kind thing to do.

  Would I just be moving in with Rex so that I could close the chapter on Riley? That hardly seemed fair. I thought about that. If I moved in here, it would have to be real. I'd have to be sure. Did I want to give up my independence just to make things easier for Riley?

  Argh! No matter what I did, I'd be second-guessing myself. These problems were real. And if I ignored them, both men would go away.

  Philby gave me a look before barfing on my lap.

  "Why did you do that?" I asked as I grabbed some tissues from the end table.

  Philby gave the cat equivalent of a shrug and ran off, presumably to reload. She wasn't giving me a chance to feel sorry for myself.

  And neither was I. I called Maria's cell.

  "Wrath," my friend whispered.

  "You answered! Do you know how worried I've been about you?"

  "Sorry about that. They're keeping a close eye on me at work. They even follow me into the bathroom."

  "Who's following you?"

  "Tilda King."


  That was all she needed to say. Tilda King was a certified flunky of the higher-ups. An unpleasant woman on a good day, if she was suddenly hanging around you, you could be sure the bosses were spying on you.

  "That sucks."

  "I'm sorry I haven't called. You probably know the Agency sent some guys."

  "They haven't talked to me yet. In fact, they're mostly just hanging out at the station." I didn't see any point in being angry with her.

  "Maria, have you ever heard of Tim Pinter? He showed up dead in my house. I've heard he's ex-CIA."

  "No. I guess I can look him up." She didn't sound like she wanted to do that.

  "Don't do it if you'll get busted," I insisted.

  "It's okay. I'll figure something out. I really have to go though. I'll call soon."

  I was no closer to the truth, and I'd already broken my own do-this-without-me-Riley rule. I wasn't getting out of this anytime soon. I called Zeke.

  "Hey Finn," Zeke answered before I'd even heard it ring. "Flying Bicycle is a film studio. But they work for Russia."

  "Propaganda films." I snapped my fingers. Any film studio in Russia was for the sake of propaganda.

  "That's right. My guess is that Spy Diary was supposed to be a smear campaign against the Agency. You were just in the way."

  "What's happened to the film?"

  "It sounds like every copy in the US has been seized and destroyed."

  "Well, thanks, Zeke."

  "That's all I can tell you right now. Sorry."

  "You've been a huge help. Thank you. I'll send a case of Girl Scout cookies your way."

  "Send a variety. I love them all." Zeke hung up.

  So the Russians had stolen Riley's book. They had hired staff and a cast and produced the movie. But it was shut down in the middle of its first showing, so what had they achieved?

  And what about Dewey and Tim? And I still had no idea how Pinter was murdered in a locked guest room. My locked guest room. What about the idiots who'd kidnapped me? Were they Russian?

  It seemed like the minute we got one solution, more questions popped up. That was really annoying. I wanted it to stop.

  Unfortunately, there was only one person I could talk to about this, and he'd just driven away. Maybe I should drive away too. Minnesota would be nice and cool this time of year. Why not go all the way to Canada? Take a vacation and think this through. Or not think of anything at all. That would be better.