Never Had a Dream Come True

by Jennifer Wenn

  “You can’t ask me to promise you that. I don’t know what lies in my future, and such a promise is impossible to make.”

  “Then promise me you won’t go to Gretna Green without telling me, so I have a chance to stop you.”

  She laughed outright. He was hilariously outrageous sometimes, this Lord Richard Darling.

  “You want me to tell you if I’m about to elope, so you can stop me?”

  “Yes. I want you to promise to inform me beforehand, so I have a chance to interfere.”

  “If I ever do elope, my reputation would be destroyed immediately, and the only thing to save me then would be a marriage. Do you really think I would then want you to interfere and make sure a marriage never takes place?”

  “I might marry you myself, to save you.”

  She laughed again. “Then I promise to never elope to Gretna Green, if only to save you from a fate worse than death—marriage.”

  Rake chuckled as he ambled toward the door. “With the right woman, marriage would not be a complete waste.”

  “That’s not what you told your mother.”

  He stopped midstride and looked back at her with an amused grin. “So you remember what I said, do you? Honestly, Penny, do you really think I would let my mother know if I were considering marriage to someone? She would never leave me alone. Better to lure her into giving up on my ever finding a wife and then surprise her with a wedding to plan. But don’t tell her this, for goodness’ sake. She would go wild if she knew.”

  “Oh, I won’t tell a living soul.” Penny shook her head at him. “No one would believe me.”

  “I’m still the libertine to you, eh?”

  “A very much confirmed bachelor, I would rather say.”

  “You remember what you promised me?”

  “Yes, I do. Both of them.”

  “Good girl.” And with that he disappeared through the door, leaving her alone again to enjoy her solitude. But the cozy feeling was long gone, so she thoughtfully climbed the stairs to the guest room which had been her home for nearly a week.

  With her head full of daydreams, she folded the few dresses she owned and put them in her bag. Tomorrow after breakfast she was heading home to Harveyfield again. She would have preferred to stay at Chester Park, but her father had sent a letter in which he more or less ordered her to join them again.

  Thomas had invited her whole family to join him at his home for a couple of days, and coming almost from out of nowhere this was something her father deemed important. Maybe it had something to do with the party Thomas had promised to hold in Penny’s honor, but she honestly didn’t know or care.

  All that mattered to her was meeting Thomas again and stepping into the wonderful bubble of contentment he always created for her. She needed it now more than ever, after the strange conversation with Rake.

  She knew he had only been teasing her about getting married, but she still had felt an ugly prick of jealousy tear through her heart at the mere thought of his being in love and wanting to get married. She knew now better than ever she needed to get as far away from him as possible.

  Francesca had confided he was about to leave for a trip to visit a couple of his friends and wasn’t due back until the beginning of March. This suited Penny. She would have a chance to spend time with Thomas without the constant reminder of her weakness for Rake.

  She would be leaving, with her family, for London at the end of March. The Easton Ball, the unofficial start of the Season, was to be held at the beginning of April, the ball where Penny would be launched as one of the year’s debutantes.

  A debutante in her sister’s old gowns.

  Her father had put his foot down and told his wife not to spend one penny on Penny. All the money they didn’t have would go to Charmaine’s new dresses, and Penny was to alter Charmaine’s old ones to fit her own smaller frame. So what if they weren’t her colors and were originally made for a larger, more curvaceous body. She wasn’t going to London to find a husband.

  She didn’t care about the promises she had made to Francesca and Rake. In her head she was already engaged to Thomas, and she wasn’t about to lead any other man on. They didn’t understand how good she and Thomas were for each other.

  They fit perfectly together.

  A match made in a perfectly sensible heaven.

  Chapter Eight

  It was a disaster from beginning to end.

  From the moment Penny walked into the Easton Ball, people took one look at her and compared her with her sister—and with a snicker they ruled her out. Completely.

  Charmaine was so angry she was seething, and only Penny’s sincere assurance that she really didn’t care had stopped the older sister from lashing out at the rude members of the ton.

  Her father had left the ladies alone almost immediately after they entered Easton House, heading for the card tables in the next room. Her mother watched his retiring back with a mixture of worry and pain. Lady Nester’s life was filled with worries, and the one giving her the most heartache was the love her husband held for gambling away their meager income. It took three minutes for Charmaine’s dance card to be filled, and then she disappeared into the midst of the dancing couples. Penny led her mother to the wall where all the older ladies sat and fetched her some lemonade before she sat down next to her.

  Not one man stepped forward and asked Penny for her dance card, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t there to find a husband. She was only there out of love and respect for the Duke and Duchess of Berkeley.

  They had meant well when they asked Thomas to let her have her first Season, and even though she personally would have preferred to stay behind and marry him instead, she had decided to endure these months of partying with the ton.

  Soon it all would be over and she could go home again. Home to Thomas.

  He wouldn’t be joining them in London during the Season, as he had problems with a nasty sickness going through his people, rendering them sick and even, in some cases, dying. She had told him he must take care of them, that she didn’t care if he couldn’t be in London, and she had meant it with all her heart.

  But now she wished he were there to show them all that someone wanted her. Someone needed her.

  “Why aren’t you dancing?”

  She looked up into Rake’s grey eyes and blushed as, for the first time, she saw him in his finest clothes. Lord, what a magnificent man he was. Elegant and fashionable, he stood before her, dashing as ever, and her fickle heart rejoiced over the beauty of him.

  “She keeps her old mother company.” Lady Nester tried to save her, but Penny didn’t care about hiding the truth. Not from Rake.

  “Actually, no one asked me. I don’t mind, though, as I was born with two left feet. I was simply not made for the dance floor.”

  Rake frowned at her, not too happy with what he heard. “What do you mean? Why has no one asked you for a dance? Your dance card must be filled, such a pretty girl.”

  Before she could stop him, he had grabbed her dance card and opened it. Something dark entered his eyes as he saw the empty pages. Penny knew from Charmaine that a girl was supposed to have at least half of those thin lines filled with gentlemen’s names if she was to be even half a success. To have not one name was a complete disgrace, and it was clear Rake knew this too.

  Without another word he left them, still carrying her dance card, and when he returned a little later, every male member of the Darling family had signed his name on at least one line, almost filling every dance.

  “You didn’t have to—”

  “Of course I had to. You are my girl, and there is no way I’ll let you become a wallflower, if I can help it.”

  Penny’s mother tensed beside her as Rake called her his girl, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, Lady Nester turned her head away, pretending to be too occupied to hear.

  “I’m not your girl,” Penny hissed, but Rake ignored her indignant outburst. Instead, he held out his hand, and she looked at it suspi
ciously.

  He chuckled, amused, as he bent and took her hand and pulled her to her feet. “This is my dance, if I’m not mistaken.”

  Oh, God, no.

  Penny could do nothing but follow him out onto the dance floor as a new dance was about to begin, but her whole being screamed with distress.

  She really, really didn’t want to dance with him. She hadn’t lied when she told him about her two left feet, and this was a disaster in progress.

  In the middle of the crowd he stopped, and seconds later the dance started. After stumbling a lot in the beginning, trying to remember the steps she had been taught, Penny lost some of her nervousness and would have almost enjoyed herself if it hadn’t been for the glowing looks her dance partner kept sending her.

  Rake, who hadn’t a decent bone in his body, used his time well, and every time their hands met he let his fingers caress hers, until she was boiling with unwanted excitement. She had no walls when it came to him, and her whole body screamed for his touch.

  As the dance ended, she tried to sneak away, but he caught her after a few steps and led her in the opposite direction from her mother. He didn’t stop until they were standing outside on the dark terrace.

  Alone but still in full view of the ballroom, they stood silent for a few moments. She stubbornly stared at the dancers, pretending not to notice Rake watching her. She could feel the heat from his body even though he stood an arm’s length away from her.

  “You look absolutely divine tonight.” His smooth voice sent shivers down her spine, and when she turned to look at him, she saw his eyes were dark and smoldering, and again her heart skipped a beat.

  “You tease me.” She would not acknowledge the compliment he offered her.

  “No, I do not. You are lovelier than ever. I have never seen your hair fastened that way. It makes your neck seem endless, and I can hardly restrain myself from kissing the enchanting spot behind your delicious ear.”

  She gasped, embarrassed, and his eyes grew more intense.

  “I want you.” His whisper caressed her ear, and she closed her eyes to keep herself from walking into his embrace and willingly letting him ruin her forever.

  “There you are!”

  Like a knight in shining armor, Lord Newbury appeared in the doorway and offered Penny his arm. “I believe this is my dance coming up.”

  “Oh.”

  Without looking at him, Penny gave Rake a small curtsy and then let the earl lead the way into the ballroom.

  The rest of the evening was filled mostly with dancing with the Darling men, and with a couple of others who had seen her popularity and signed their names on her dance card to get to know who she was.

  She sat out a few dances with her mother, watching the dancers gracefully moving around on the ballroom floor. She watched Francesca, who had a marvelous time on this her first ball and seemed absolutely dazed in the arms of the most handsome man Penny ever had seen—Devlin Ross, the Duke of Hereford.

  But most of all she watched Rake interact with his acquaintances—and especially with the ladies. It hurt her more than she wanted to admit, watching him flirt with other women and seeing how eagerly they responded.

  Rake would never have any problem with loneliness; there were just too many willing ladies, ladies who probably would travel to the end of the world if he asked them to. A part of her—a very primal part of her—was more jealous than she’d ever thought possible. But she repressed that jealousy. Whatever he once had meant to her he no longer was, and she must make her silly heart understand that.

  But still, she couldn’t stop looking at him. Now and then he would look back at her and give her an amused wink to let her know he caught her staring. Strangely enough, she didn’t mind him noticing, as long as she could continue to watch…and feel sad over dreams never to come true.

  Mentally she tried to put herself beside him with her hand in the crook of his arm, listening to him proudly presenting her to his friends as his wife. But something was terribly wrong with the picture, as she couldn’t help feeling misplaced and uncomfortable.

  This was not her world, this was Rake’s, and he radiantly ruled it. It was obvious how right her choice of Thomas as a future husband had been. This was not for her. She was as unwanted here as at home.

  She simply didn’t fit in.

  In the carriage on the way home, Charmaine was quiet—as usual—and her father kept ranting about how much money he had lost—as usual. Her mother closed her eyes and pretended to sleep, but Penny could see how the deep lines of worry in her face grew deeper by the minute.

  Lady Nester hadn’t had an easy life.

  She was a simple but kindhearted soul caught in the hands of a selfish man. Lord Nester had long ago crushed the little spirit his wife once had, and Penny could remember her only as this empty, shivering shell of a woman. She knew her mother loved her dearly, but not the way she loved Charmaine. Lady Nester always chose her older daughter before the younger, and Penny had a long time ago stopped crying over being neglected.

  When they arrived at their townhouse, Lord Nester immediately disappeared into his study to—in his own words—gain some strength, and the ladies went upstairs to their bedrooms.

  “I’m so sorry you must wear my old dresses,” Charmaine said, hesitating outside her bedroom door. “I wish I had some money myself to spend on you, to make you look your best. You are so beautiful, Penny dear, and it’s sad no one can see it when you wear colors that drain your complexion.”

  “It’s all right, Charmaine.” Penny gave her a loving smile. “It’s not your fault. And besides, I’m so proud of being your sister. It’s been a delight to watch how popular you are. You deserve it, with your beauty and your wit and charm. If I could spend every night of the Season watching you, I would be perfectly satisfied.”

  Lady Nester interrupted the tender moment. “I hear your father coming upstairs, so why don’t we all go into our bedrooms—quickly.”

  Lady Nester and Charmaine disappeared into her sister’s bedroom, closing the door firmly behind them. With a disappointed sigh, Penny sneaked into her own room and closed the door.

  Alone as always, she sat down on the bed with a thud. She closed her eyes and listened to the muffled voices of her mother and sister on the other side of the wall, and her heart cried, abandoned, I want more than this.

  She let her gaze slowly travel throughout the room, taking in every aspect. It was a nice, neutral room with only a few books disturbing its utter perfection.

  She gave the books a sympathetic smile.

  Poor books.

  There they lay, filled with impossible dreams of a perfect life and a beautiful but false promise of a love everlasting.

  “Love conquers all,” the books squealed happily in chorus, and Penny snorted.

  “Love conquers nothing. I have loved Rake for years and never won anything by it. Finally I have realized I have loved him too much for my dreams to ever come true. And when I realized this, I met a new kind of love. A quiet, sensible love between good friends.”

  “Not a true love,” the books squealed. “Not an everlasting love.”

  “I don’t want an everlasting love. I want an everlasting relationship,” she patiently lectured the books. “I want someone who will miss me when I’m not there, someone who wants me to stand by his side the rest of his life.”

  “Not a true love. Not an everlasting love,” the books squealed again, and Penny frowned at them, not pleased with how they kept chanting about love.

  “Once I believed you about true love, but reality has shown me such love doesn’t exist. True love is only a fairytale, and you, dear books, are full of them.”

  The books gasped, horrified over such disbelief. “Everybody wants true love.”

  “I don’t. Not anymore.”

  This time it was the books who frowned at her, not pleased at how lightly she brushed away everything they had told her for the last decade. “You will be lonely without your true lov
e.”

  Penny snorted angrily. “No, I will not. I’m desperately lonely as it is, so there is no way a husband who isn’t the true love of my life will intensify my unwilling solitude.”

  “If he doesn’t love you, he won’t miss you.”

  Penny snorted again, but this time without any heat, and the books quickly grasped the opportunity to persuade her to join their side again.

  “Your true love wants you.”

  “I know,” she admitted. “But he doesn’t want me in a way that will render me any happiness. He will only make me feel more abandoned.”

  “Thomas left you.”

  Oh. Those cheeky books, they knew exactly what cord to pull. “Thomas definitely didn’t leave me. He had things to do.”

  “He left you.”

  “He did not.”

  “So if he didn’t leave you, why are you feeling so lonely?”

  Penny closed her eyes against the triumphant books. For the first time she admitted to herself how disappointed she felt over Thomas’s reluctance to leave the countryside for her. His presence would have made it so much easier for her to ignore her feelings for Rake and the strange power he held over her.

  “He had more important things to do.”

  “More important than you? What on earth can be more important than the woman you love?”

  “His people were sick,” Penny almost growled.

  “Ah.”

  “What do you mean with that?”

  “Oh, nothing.”

  “I admire him for his devotion.”

  “His devotion to others or his devotion to you?”

  “We are not engaged, so he has no obligation to be devoted to me. I’m merely a girl he’s been courting and to whom he might propose this summer.”

  “What if you meet someone else?”

  “If I ever am away from the other wallflowers long enough to meet someone else, it’s up to me if I want to accept a proposal. Neither Thomas nor I have promised each other anything.”

  “He must trust your feelings for him very much, then, if he feels secure enough to leave you alone among all the eligible bachelors of the ton.”