“It’s a match made in heaven,” Penny joked, and Thomas laughed heartily.
“Indeed it is,” he agreed warmly. “Do you think a boring saint like me could have the honor of a dance with the most beautiful angel I’ve ever seen?”
“I think a dance with you would be pure heaven.” Penny blushed, not used to being flirtatious. But Thomas beamed with pleasure over her choice of words. He was such an easy man to please, and not as difficult to read as Rake.
As Thomas led their way to the dance floor with a firm grip of her hand, a sense of panic surged through her. For the first time she realized that in a few hours she would be this man’s property for the rest of her life. This was how she would live the rest of her life, following his gentle tug in any direction he chose.
Rake, her heart cried out in a desperate plea, where are you, my love? Please come and save me before it’s too late for us, too late for a life together!
But his dark head was nowhere to be seen.
The duchess had decided to live life dangerously and had, in the heat of the moment, ordered the dance of the evening to be the new dance not yet introduced at Almack’s but on everyone’s lips—the waltz.
It felt strange to move so close together with another person, and especially a man. Thomas wasn’t a keen dancer, and to have her so close apparently made him even more nervous, because he trampled her feet many times before Napoleon Bonaparte, with a bow, cut in to save her toes from falling off.
Thomas’s relieved face was the last thing Penny saw before the warlord twirled her away in the opposite direction. Soon another man cut in, and then another. Again and again a new man bowed to her and put his hand on her waist, until she was so confused she almost missed Rake when he cut in.
He came dressed as the devil, the opposite of her outfit, and she could have cried for the unspoken message he sent her.
“So, my lovely angel, are you having the time of your life?”
“Yes,” she lied, and offered him her most cheeky smile in an effort to hide how painful she found the ball and the reason why it was held.
“Of course you are,” he sneered. “There’s probably not a woman on this earth who wouldn’t love to look like you and be as popular as you have been. Hate the dress, by the way. It doesn’t suit you at all.”
She frowned at him. Something was off. He was behaving strangely, not his usual elegant self. And then it hit her. “You are drunk!”
“Nah,” he drawled. “Not drunk. Just a little bit tipsy. Just enough to take me through this bloody evening.”
“You don’t have to be here.”
“On the contrary, my love. My mother made a vow that she will personally castrate me if I would choose to not show up. And as you love to point out, my only mission in life is to bed as many women as possible. And without my…” He swaggered and bumped into another man, who turned around and stared angrily at him.
But Rake didn’t care. He just dragged Penny close again and tried to waltz. After bumping into three more men, Penny gave up and, with a little nudging, got Rake to move toward the edge of the dance floor.
“You shouldn’t be dancing.” She frowned at him.
“I have to. If I don’t, all those men will have their dirty hands all over you, and I can’t stand it. I just can’t.”
“Have you been watching me?”
“Of course I have.” He snorted. “I’ve been watching you since you arrived, and did it with a strengthening glass of brandy in my hand to keep myself from killing that smug fiancé of yours.”
“Thomas isn’t smug.”
“Oh, yes, he is. He is the smuggest of the smuggest. You should see how he looks at you when you don’t notice. The man can hardly wait to rip that dress off you. Heck, who am I to blame him? I hardly can keep my own hands from tearing it off you right now.”
She closed her eyes in frustration. A sober Rake was hard to handle, but a drunken Rake was impossible. She looked around to see if any of his brothers were nearby, but even in their ordinary clothing it was hard to find them in the colorful crowd.
“I think I’m going to throw up,” Rake groaned behind her, and she took a deep breath to strengthen herself. She had to get him out of here before he did something that would mark this evening forever.
“Come,” she said and pulled his arm. “Let’s go and find some place more quiet.”
“You and me?”
His face lit up with a wicked smile, and she shook her head. “You never change, do you?”
“I change all the time, but not as much as I have since I met you.”
“You have known me since I was a little girl, so of course you have changed since you met me. You were a mere boy then, and now you are a grown, experienced man.”
“To no good,” he muttered, as they entered the hall. Servants were scurrying back and forth, and there was not a seat to be seen.
“Come, let’s take you to your mother’s salon. There you can lie down on the sofa and sleep this off.”
He stumbled into the salon, and she followed to make sure he didn’t hurt himself, but she made sure the door stayed open behind her. She didn’t need a scandal on the evening of her engagement ball, at least not a scandal of her own.
Moonlight filled the room with cold white light, and she went to the large windows and pulled the curtains closed so no passersby would see Rake asleep on the sofa.
When she turned, she immediately noticed two things. Rake had moved and was now standing behind her with a lecherous smile on his handsome face, and the door to the salon was firmly closed.
“Are you out of your mind?” she gasped and started toward the door.
“Forget it, my love. I’ve locked it.”
“You have what?”
He took a step closer to her, and the smile he gave her was so filled with promises her heart began to pound. “Locked the door. Please feel free to try to find the key. I have it somewhere on my person. I can give you a hint—it’s in my trousers.”
This was not good.
This was extremely not good. She was locked into a room with a drunken Rake who appeared determined to have his way with her, and she knew it would be just a matter of time before he succeeded. Drunken or not, it didn’t matter. Her body was already responding to his lustful glances.
“Oh, God,” she moaned, not knowing what to do.
“Quite the opposite, my love,” Rake purred as he stepped the last bit of distance between them. “Quite the opposite, I assure you.”
“Rake, please let me go.”
“I can’t. God knows I have tried, but it’s impossible. You are impossible.”
He grabbed her waist and pressed her body to his, and she almost fainted from the heat of him. With a groan he ripped the angel wings from her back and threw them into a corner before he scooped her up and laid her on the sofa and covered her body with his. His mouth found hers, kissing her until she didn’t care about anything but his hard body, his roaming hands, and his demanding lips.
His fingers were everywhere on her skin, creating paths of sensation wherever they touched. She pulled her own fingers through his dark, silken hair and held on tight as he deepened the kiss until she couldn’t think anymore.
Not until an uncomfortable pain between her legs surprised her did she wake from the passionate bubble he had created around them, but then it was too late. With a growl he pushed hard into her, faster and faster, until his body stiffened convulsively and he collapsed onto her.
A strange throbbing soreness brought tears to her eyes, and only the heaviness of his body made it impossible for her to sob hysterically. She tried to make him move, but he was out cold, and in the end she had to push him off her. He landed on the floor with an “Ouf” without waking up.
She sat up and put her legs together, frantically stroking the delicate and now wrinkled fabric of her skirt as the truth of the moment hit her.
She wasn’t a virgin anymore. The man of her heart had finally succeeded
with the mission he had started over a year ago—he had turned her into a disgraced woman. And what made it even worse was the fact that she had been almost frantic in her need to let him.
As she looked down on him where he lay sprawled by her feet, an odd mixture of panic and relief went through her. Now she couldn’t marry Thomas. No matter what happened between her and Rake in the future, she could never let her kindhearted fiancé save her, knowingly or unknowingly.
She would have to end the engagement immediately, before the duchess made her big announcement. No one knew yet about the wedding plans, so there would be no whispers and no gossip.
He could continue with his life, not too hurt, she hoped, and unaware of how close he had come to marrying a woman who had lost both her heart and virginity to another man.
And she would have to find a new path in life. The only thing she knew was that she would never become Rake’s mistress. She couldn’t leave the only caring people she had left in her life for a short time of bliss in his arms in a large bed in a conveniently placed house somewhere in London.
With shaking hands she bent down to his unmoving body and searched his clothes until she found the key exactly where he had said it was, in his trousers. She stumbled to her feet and made her way toward the door, not stopping until she caught sight of her own reflection in the enormous ancient mirror decorating one of the walls of the salon.
She looked like a mess, her hair all tousled, her face still flushed, and her shimmering dress disheveled. With a deep sigh she tried to straighten as much as possible with her numb fingers.
When she was satisfied with the effects of her straightening, she stopped for a second and looked at Rake where he lay on the floor, unmoving. Not knowing what to think or what to say, she took a deep breath to strengthen herself before unlocking the door.
As soon as the hallway was empty, she slipped out and locked the door behind her again, then pushed the key back under the door. At least no one would happen to find Rake before he woke from his stupor.
It wasn’t until she slipped into the lively ballroom she realized her wings still lay forgotten in the corner of the salon, where Rake had thrown them. But now it was too late. There was no way to get into the salon before Rake unlocked the door, and all she could do was hope no one would notice them missing before she had found Thomas and then the duchess.
“Penelope.” Thomas looked down at her with a warm and slightly relieved smile when she joined him. “Please tell me it’s time for the duchess to announce our engagement. I can hardly hold back the very eager women surrounding me. They are like vultures, searching for dance partners and not accepting ‘no’ as an answer.”
“Could we go somewhere private? I need to talk to you.” Penny’s grave voice effectively removed the tender smile from Thomas’s face, and without another word he led her to the terrace.
Politely he helped her to sit down on a bench, which afforded a perfect view of the ballroom, and she couldn’t help but think how Rake would have chosen the one farthest away, in an attempt to be as alone with her as possible. Thomas, who still thought she was his fiancée, showed no such urge. He had no wish to be alone with her, and again she couldn’t help being amazed at her own relief that she would never become this man’s wife.
He was a good friend. But finally she had understood that she was too in love with Rake to ever be able to live with herself as Thomas’s wife. Of course both Charmaine and the duchess had told her this, and embarrassingly enough even Rake had. Thomas, however, had never noticed her lack of true emotions, for he had never asked for any.
But she would have known.
She was Rake’s woman, whether he wanted her or not. And even though she probably would have to face a life without him, she would at least not have to pretend to be happy with someone else.
“I can’t marry you.”
Thomas blinked at her bluntness. “Eh… You can’t?”
“No. It wouldn’t be the honest or the right thing for any of us.”
“What…? Why…?”
He shook his head, confused, not knowing what to think, and she grasped this window of opportunity. “We don’t love each other, and I think we both deserve love in our lives. Especially you, because you are the kindest and nicest man I know, and you should have a wife who wants you.”
“Of course I love you,” he snapped, as his head finally started to work again. “Otherwise I would never have asked you to become my wife in the first place.”
“You love me as a friend, Thomas, which is exactly my point. I too love you dearly, but again—only as a friend.”
Thomas threw out his hands in despair. “So what’s the problem, then? We both agree to loving each other.”
“But you need someone who loves you as a man. Someone who is so desperate to be with you that a few hours apart is too much. Not someone who would find it nice that you now and then happen to join her at the dinner table.”
He shook his head, as if he couldn’t grasp the truth of her words, and she put her hand on his where it rested on the bench between them. “You deserve more than me.”
With a snarl, he removed his hand from hers and stood up. “I guess I should be thankful for your timing, as it would have been quite a big mess if the duchess had announced the happiness I thought we shared.”
“Thomas…”
“Don’t. You have already said enough.”
Without looking at her again, he turned and ran down the stairs, disappearing into the darkness of the garden still dressed as a saint with his shiny halo firmly in place. She felt terrible for him, knowing she had crushed his belief in love.
Crushed by an angel who lost her wings.
She took a deep breath, a bit confused over the sadness which filled her heart. She would have thought she’d be more relieved than this, now, when the engagement was over. But instead, she felt lonelier and more left out than ever, even though this was her choice.
For the hundredth time, she wished she could see her mother, to confide in her and be comforted by her soft embrace.
“There you are!” The duchess’s voice cut through Penny’s sadness.
“Lady Anna. I was just about to—”
“What a lovely night for a declaration of love,” the duchess interrupted, too caught up in what she thought was about to happen to notice how rudely she behaved. “I still think Richard should show up and do something about it, but as he seems determined to stay truly unhappy for the rest of his sad life, I guess there is no other way than for me to announce the happy couple. Do you happen to know where the man of the evening is? I haven’t seen Thomas for a while, not since he maneuvered an escape from the evil clutches of Miranda Walsh.”
“Thomas is not here. He has…”
“I can see that, dear. I might be old, but my eyes still work for me, and I too can see you are quite alone out here, something I must confess I’m not too happy about, by the way.”
“Lady Anna…”
“Oh! Where can he be? I thought he would be as giddy as I am about announcing the engagement. When I met him earlier, he made perfectly sure that he wouldn’t mind if I made my speech earlier than we planned.”
“Lady Anna…”
“Oh, this vexes me. Where can that young beau of yours be? And where is Richard? I most definitely thought he would have done something or other to end this farce, and yet here we stand, on the edge of ruining your life forever.”
“Lady Anna…”
The duchess threw out her hands in despair. “I can’t believe he will let you go through with this. I never thought I would actually have to make that darned announcement.”
That was news, indeed. Penny almost smiled over the duchess’s intrigues, but the seriousness of the situation took away all humor for her.
“Then you will be glad to hear there will be no announcement for you to make.”
“What?” The duchess stared at her, mouth agape. “Has Richard finally stepped in? Oh, I would love to
make that announcement!”
“There will be no announcements at all, unfortunately. I have told Thomas I don’t want to marry him, and that’s all there is to it.”
“Oh.”
“And here I thought you would be happy.” Penny couldn’t stop herself from teasing the duchess a little. “You have been berating me about not marrying him, and now as I finally do as you have asked, you don’t seem happy about it.”
“Well, I…” For once, the duchess didn’t know what to say. She sat down on the bench, on the very spot Thomas had left only minutes before. “I must admit I wasn’t too happy about you marrying that boring young man, but in the end it’s your happiness it’s all about, not mine. And if you have lost your opportunity for a happy life just because I desperately want you for my daughter-in-law…”
“I could always marry Jamie.”
The duchess lightened up for a second before she caught the sarcasm in Penny’s words and sank back into her misery again. “No, that’s not an option. It would be marrying Mr. Bedford all over again. No, you belong with Richard. I only wish he would understand that too.”
Penny bit her lip nervously. Should she tell the duchess about what had happened in the salon? No, she had to fight that battle herself. She knew now it was Rake and only Rake she wanted, as it always had been.
But she didn’t want a forced Rake. She wanted him to know with all his heart that he wanted her too.
She was too tired now, and her head was spinning from everything that had happened this evening. But time was on her side, and tomorrow was a better day to attack the problem with Rake.
She needed her sleep. She needed time to think.
Tomorrow was just as good as this evening. Rake was probably still out cold, and she wouldn’t be able to have a decent conversation with him anyway.
She bid the grieving duchess good night before running with light steps up the stairs to her room.
Tomorrow would be a new day.
Chapter Sixteen
“I guess there is no turning back now.”
Never Had a Dream Come True Page 19
