Right Girl

by Ellie O'Neill

  I shot him a warning glance. ‘Go easy on me.’ Before he had kids, Colin ran marathons and did the occasional triathlon. He didn’t get a chance to train anymore, so when he did get out, he normally went hard.

  He grinned at me. ‘You can handle it.’ And with that he was gone. Puff, a vision in fluorescent lycra streaking ahead of me like a long-legged gazelle.

  I grunted and took off on the chase, stretching my legs, pounding my feet, and within seconds I felt that familiar burn in my lungs. It was good, it was hard and uncomfortable but I liked it. I caught Colin and he slowed his pace so we fell into a rhythm, a lot faster than I would normally run but I could handle it for the moment. And he was right, the weather was perfect; the sky was blue, the moisture in the air was fresh and alive. A smile had involuntarily crept over my face.

  ‘I talked to Granddad last night.’ I choked on the words. I hadn’t quite found my breath yet, and was finding it difficult to talk. ‘He’s doing okay. He’d just won a chess tournament.’

  ‘He’s putting a good spin on it.’ Colin, being a lot fitter than me, sounded brighter.

  ‘I know, I know.’

  ‘He was questioned on Friday and was allowed to have legal counsel present, so Beachum and Foyles turned up.’

  ‘I didn’t know that. What happened?’

  ‘Granddad said nothing.’ Colin half-laughed. ‘Apparently he sat down and stared at a spot on the wall with a small smile on his face.’

  ‘Oh my God.’

  ‘They gave up after twenty minutes.’

  ‘Ah, Jesus, stubborn old goat. Slow up a minute, this is a hill, for God’s sake,’ I puffed.

  ‘Ah, come on, you can handle it,’ he said and I almost think he stepped up his pace.

  ‘Bastard.’

  ‘Anyway, the good news is we’ve a better idea of what he’s in for. The questions the guards were asking were all about customs and something, some package that was down in the docks addressed to Granddad.’

  Nothing about the Luddites. Nothing about BBest. Had he possibly been arrested for something else? Could the guards not know about his involvement with the Luddites?

  ‘What’s in the package?’

  ‘No idea.’

  We plodded along, my mind spinning, trying to figure out what kind of contraband could be in the package that would be serious enough to have Granddad arrested.

  ‘The lawyers are good, they’re building a case. It’s a bit tricky because of his history.’

  His history and his present, I thought, but I didn’t say anything. If I told Colin about Granddad’s involvement with the Luddites, he was going to want to know how I knew, and it would all come out about the meeting and he would be so mad at me.

  ‘How’s Mardi?’ I managed to wheeze.

  He blew air out through his lips. ‘It’s all really bad timing, this stuff with Granddad and Mardi’s business. The site is back up but she’s dropped–’ he coughed, ‘–two stars on her BBest ranking.’

  I exhaled a loud grunt. It was completely instinctual, a gut reaction, like hearing of a death or an accident. I was horrified that Mardi had dropped two stars. This was devastating news.

  ‘Oh God, I’m so sorry. What happens with that?’

  He slowed the pace slightly, manoeuvring the buggy around a crack in the path. ‘The reviews are appalling: poor service, late delivery. I mean, two stars.’ He bit his bottom lip and furrowed his brow. ‘The amazing thing is the product is still good. People still like the clothes, they want the clothes. That’s the irony: there are still orders coming through. And Mardi is trying her best to do the right thing by her customers. She’s scrambling, though. It’s a mess – she’s trying to complete all orders but it’s just leading to more and more dissatisfied customers.’

  ‘Wow,’ was about all I could muster in response. I couldn’t imagine how devastating a drop in ranking would be for a business. ‘Has her position fallen?’

  ‘She dropped one hundred and fifty-two places yesterday.’

  ‘Is there a comeback from this? I mean, what happens?’

  We came to a road, and paused momentarily, looking left and right. There was no traffic out this morning, so we raced on through.

  ‘We got a call from the bank. It wasn’t out of the blue, I expected it – we’re with BBest Wise Investments.’

  ‘Me too.’

  ‘Their response has been very harsh. They started on that it wasn’t just the stars and the bad reviews but that BBest was concerned about Mardi.’ He stopped talking for a moment, catching his breath, building up the drama. ‘They said that these last few months, her behaviour has been erratic, her choices were not forming a pattern consistent with her history.’

  ‘Her choices?’

  ‘Mardi was always an eighty-four per cent first-option chooser, and now she’s at seventy-two per cent. She has never been at seventy-two per cent before. They cannot understand why she’s deviating from the first options.’

  ‘Why is she?’ I feared I was asking a loaded question.

  ‘She didn’t want to expand, so she started making independent decisions and ignoring BBest’s advice. The bank flat out said that she was making wrong decisions constantly. They had given her this money based on who she was as a first-option chooser, which gave them a clear path for her future. They never expected her to go off course. It’s practically unheard of, so in their words, they “have to take drastic actions to put her back on the right track”.’

  ‘What did they do?’ I whispered.

  Colin cleared his throat and a hard line formed around his jaw as he repeated a line from the phone call. ‘“Until we see an improvement in your choices we are increasing your loan repayments by forty per cent.”’

  ‘What? Can they even do that?’

  ‘There was a contract, with many, many pages of terms and conditions.’

  ‘Forty per cent is impossible.’

  ‘It’s okay, it’s not impossible. We just need to focus. BBest has recalibrated our lives, basically, and if we stick rigidly to its plan, we can get back to where we need to be.’

  I nodded, trying to understand the pressure he must be under.

  ‘We’ll figure it out, it’s just, you know, we’ve got to become a first-option family for absolutely everything. There is no alternative.’

  ‘You’re being punished for not doing what BBest wants you to do.’ The statement hung in the air between us. It was terrifying. ‘How’s Mardi?’

  He cast his eyes downwards. ‘Not good. She feels incredibly guilty and at the same time she says she feels like a robot, that her life isn’t her own. She hates having to take the first option every time. BBest has prescribed her some anxiety medication.’

  ‘The thing is, they will be the right decisions for you all, this will work out,’ I said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

  ‘I know that. But it feels strange not to have any say over any decisions we make. My phone is my lord and master. We’re trapped.’

  His words echoed inside me, and then shattered. Something in me was extinguished. I stopped running. I was too angry to run. I planted my hands on my knees and let my chest rise and fall.

  Colin turned back to me.

  I managed to talk. ‘There is an alternative, Colin. Of course there is. This is still a free society. You don’t have to feel like you’re trapped, you shouldn’t have to feel like that.’

  ‘It’s okay, Granddad,’ he mocked me, but he was smiling broadly. ‘We’ll be fine, Freya, we’ll just have a tough time for a couple of months.’

  I wanted to roar, but instead all I did was shout. ‘No! It’s not good enough.’

  Colin patted me kindly on the back. ‘It’s okay, Freya. It’s nothing our family can’t handle. Isn’t that right, Hugo?’

  We looked into the buggy at Hugo, who was fast asleep and looked like a cherub.

  I wasn’t sure. I didn’t think Colin was right. I didn’t think he should be forced into this situation because his wife d
idn’t do what she was told. It seemed wrong.

  28

  The next Monday I was at the BBest campus. I was buried deep in my van as I loaded flowers onto my trolley: vases, pots, greens, a display using herbs that I was going to place in the kitchen, nothing too big or fancy, but enough that you could put fresh basil on your sandwiches, mint in your tea. I was busy and feeling the pressure.

  ‘There you are.’

  I got such a fright I bumped my head on the van door. ‘Ow!’ I cried and rubbed my forehead. I turned around, confused.

  Cat. She was hopping from one foot to the other, her dark hair bouncing across her shoulders as she waved her phone at me.

  ‘You haven’t answered your phone all morning. I’ve had to track you down like a stalker, creeping around the car park, following your GPS.’

  ‘Sorry, I’m just so busy, I haven’t had a chance.’ I started loading my trolley again. ‘Was there something that you needed? Do you want to talk to me?’

  ‘Let’s grab a coffee.’ She gave me a dazzling smile.

  ‘Cat, I don’t have time.’

  ‘Sure you do.’ She grabbed my phone and swiped into BBest. Speaking directly into the mouthpiece, she said, ‘Can Freya come for a coffee at BBest after her delivery?’

  Of course my phone would respond positively to her request, it was some in-built programming that once BBest offices were part of the equation, schedules would be rearranged to make BBest a priority.

  ‘That’s not fair.’

  ‘Done.’ She passed my phone back to me.

  I sighed. Probably another twenty minutes had been erased from my sleep schedule. ‘See you in the canteen?’

  She shook her head and bit her lip, stifling a smile. ‘Nope, why don’t you come to my office?’

  ‘What? You don’t have an office. Offices are for project leads and directors, I thought?’

  Her eyes lit up. ‘Oh yeah, you know, no big deal, my office on the fourth floor of the Beta building. I’ll fill you in in twenty minutes. Come find me.’

  She must have been promoted. I was delighted for her.

  I placed my displays around the fourth floor, yellow roses in the meeting room, sunflowers in reception, marigolds in the hallway. My flowers brought sunshine into every room. They were beautiful. It was strange, for the first time ever I noticed cameras all over the place, tucked away in corners, tiny eyes watching us all go about our business. Part of being a member of the BBest family was that you were a trusted friend, so why the cameras? Questions I had never thought of before had suddenly reared up and wouldn’t rest.

  My trolley clink-clinked down the hallways, and I smiled hellos at some people. Anna stuck her head out of her office. As always, she was immaculate, her fingernails painted blood red, ash-blonde hair sprayed into a quiff. She had a tablet under her arm as if she was just stepping into a meeting and had accidently banged into me.

  ‘All well, Freya?’ she purred.

  ‘Just great, Anna.’

  She looked at me a little quizzically. ‘If you don’t mind me saying, you look a little tired.’

  I did mind her saying, she might as well just say I looked like shit. It was rude. But instead of saying what I thought, I smiled politely. I was far too well mannered. ‘I didn’t sleep very well.’

  ‘Look after yourself, Freya. And you know Fidelma has been trying to get in touch with you? She sent me an email last night. We only want to help, Freya.’

  I swallowed guiltily. I had avoided Fidelma’s call. What was I supposed to say to her? You are Granddad’s enemy, I think?

  ‘I’ll contact her, Anna, I’ve been very busy.’

  She looked at me a little strangely. ‘Was she not able to help you?’

  ‘She was incredible,’ I gushed, ‘but honestly, I wasn’t able to help her very much, I couldn’t find anything to understand what has happened with my granddad. We’re still completely in the dark.’

  She studied my face and I panicked that my lies were rubber stamped across it. My eye started to twitch involuntarily.

  ‘I’m so sorry that there has been no resolution.’

  ‘We’ll get there, and I’m all good, Anna, all good,’ I said as breezily as possible, as if the only thing on my mind was the tough workout at the gym I had scheduled in for this evening.

  ‘Good, good, well, you know we’re here for you.’ She flicked her hair back and started to walk away. Then, looking over her shoulder, she said, ‘Cat’s office is down on the right, third door.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I slowly pushed my trolley down the corridor but I was unsettled. How did Anna know I was friends with Cat? How did she know I was on my way to see her? How could she possibly know we were friends? It was really strange. I spied the cameras watching me and forced my lips to curl into a relaxed smile. When did my business become Anna’s business? Why did she care?

  The door to Cat’s office was ajar, so I walked straight in. Cat had decorated the place. It was like a teenage girl’s bedroom with framed motivational quotes, a glass bowl of sweets, photographs of her family and friends, a multicoloured rug. A few figurines were scattered around: Snoopy, Winnie the Pooh, Blaze Machine soldiers.

  She sprang up from her chair when I came in.

  I wanted to ask her about Anna. Maybe there was an obvious answer, maybe she and Cat were friends.

  ‘This is amazing. What happened?’ I picked up Snoopy, pretended to study him, then put him down again.

  She clapped her hands together. ‘Completely out of the blue! I’ve been promoted because of the work I did on the Waist Watch. I get my own office. I’ve been waiting for something like this. I’m such a grown-up.’

  ‘Grown-ups love Winnie the Pooh,’ I said, deadpan.

  ‘I know. I’m just pretending to be a grown-up, but I’m doing a pretty good job, I think. This project is huge. It’s what I’ve been waiting for.’

  ‘Well done, Cat, to infinity and beyond.’ I shook Buzz Lightyear at her. ‘It’s so funny that you’re on the same floor as Anna.’

  ‘Anna?’

  ‘My boss. That’s who employs me. I thought you knew her?’ I raised an eyebrow at her.

  ‘I don’t know anyone on this floor – I’m the new chick. Do you want a Diet Coke? Look.’ She swung open the door of a minifridge and wiggled her fingers at it as if she had just performed a magic trick to make it appear. I nodded and watched as she played hostess, filling a glass with ice and even slicing a lemon. Giggling, she handed the Coke over.

  ‘Funny coincidence, I suppose, you and Anna here.’ I hoped I didn’t sound freaked out. What exactly did her know about me? It might have been possible for her to know that Cat and I were housemates, but why would she care? Why would she look? I cleared my throat. ‘It’s great, I’ll get to see more of you now, and you can enjoy the fruits of my labour on the floor.’

  She looked distracted. ‘I wish I could tell you about this project, Freya, it’s going to change everything. RealTime is involved.’ She paused and sucked her lips together, making a kissing sound. ‘Directly.’

  ‘Oh my God.’

  ‘This is it. This is the big time.’ I noticed that her eyes were glistening slightly.

  ‘Oh, Cat, it’s all happening! This is so great for you.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she said in a small voice, and fell onto a grey couch that didn’t look particularly comfortable. ‘Were you avoiding me this morning, Freya?’

  ‘No. Why would I avoid you?’ I answered sharply.

  ‘You always answer your phone. You didn’t pick up once.’

  ‘I told you I was busy. Why would I avoid you?’

  ‘I just . . . I mean, what was that about the other day, with that guy, Patrick Rockford?’

  ‘What do you mean?’ I gulped uncomfortably and looked into my glass.

  ‘You seemed to be kind of blanking Mason, like he didn’t exist.’ She brought her fingernails up to her face and started to chip away at her black polish.

  ‘No, I wasn’t,�
�� I said, adding to my list of bare-faced lies. Now I was lying to Cat.

  ‘Freya, I heard you, and you weren’t wearing your ring.’

  Dark speckles started to appear around my vision. My head was spinning.

  ‘I mean, does he know you’re engaged?’

  ‘It hasn’t come up.’

  ‘Well, it wouldn’t if you weren’t wearing your ring, would it?’

  I didn’t respond.

  ‘You were really flirting with him too, you were lit up.’ Cat sounded almost sad.

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t done anything, I’m a terrible flirt, I don’t even know how to flirt. Anyway, if I was flirting, which I wasn’t, maybe it’s just a bit of fun. My last hurrah. Like obviously I’m getting married. Of course I’m getting married.’ I tried to sound casual.

  Cat looked cross, her lips narrowing into a thin line. ‘Don’t throw it all away for some flash in the pan, Freya. Mason is a good guy. He’s your ninety-three per cent. In my wildest dreams I couldn’t imagine getting that number with someone. You’re getting married and you are going to be happy. Fact.’

  I nodded and quickly looked away as I felt my eyes start to fill up with pins and needles like I was about to cry.

  29

  I was officially a cheater, officially a liar, officially a horrible person.

  I’d spoken to Mason last night. He’d be back in Dublin in two days. And just as we hung up, an email arrived.

  Freya,

  I promise, no muck involved. Would you like to come on an official date tomorrow morning? Botanic Gardens, 8 am? We can bore each other about flowers. I’ll explain the time when I see you.

  Patrick

  Yes, I did want to go. The very thought of Patrick Rockford swept me up on a wave of happiness.

  See you then. Looking forward to being bored stupid.

  I didn’t sign off with a kiss. It was like a business meeting, really, a botanist and a florist at the Botanic Gardens. Nothing untoward about it. Except I knew it was untoward. I knew it was all kinds of wrong. But I was so confused. Why was I feeling like this? My heart leaped when I thought about Patrick and when I closed my eyes I could see his face, his smile. I felt so connected to him. I’d never felt like that about Mason, but I reminded myself Mason was my match. Was what I was feeling with Patrick just a case of wedding jitters? Was I actually terrified of settling down and getting a mortgage and an SUV? Or was I just terrified of settling down with Mason? I was sure it was normal to feel like this before a wedding. Wasn’t it?