The Doomsday Brunette

by John Zakour

  “So you’re sending the world a message?” I said.

  “Exactly.”

  “Do they know that?”

  “Do they what?”

  “Do the people of the world know why they’re about to die? Have you sent any e-mails to the World Council, netcast any messages to the masses, written ‘beware Dorothy’ in the sky, that kind of thing?”

  “Well, no. I’ve been dead for three days.”

  “So the world at large doesn’t know that you’re doing this.”

  “They’ll find out soon enough.”

  “But they won’t know why. Doesn’t that kind of ruin your statement?”

  “What are you getting at here, Toad?”

  “HARV,” I whispered, “hurry it up. I’m running out of material here.”

  “Oh I think you’re well past that point, boss,” HARV said. “But we’re ready when you are.”

  I smiled and turned back to Foraa.

  “My point?” I said. “My point is that, as brilliant as you may think you are, you’ve made some serious mistakes here. You haven’t properly planned your post-apocalyptic itinerary. You haven’t adequately publicized your doomsday event. And you’ve left your genocidal motivations open to radical speculation. But your biggest mistake in all of this is that you brought your sisters here.”

  “Why is that a mistake?”

  I glanced at Tony by the stage. He nodded to me, waiting for my signal. Both Twoa and Threa were watching me as well, their hands pressed tightly against the polymer of the cells. Behind me, I could tell Ona was realizing that the nano of truth was at hand. I took a deep breath and turned back to Foraa.

  “Because they’re going to help me take you down.”

  I popped my gun into hand and fired a full-clip of explosive rounds at Foraa. Tony took the cue and cut the power to the containment vessels and Twoa and Threa broke free of their prisons in a fiery display. Ona gave me a small hug as she ran past me, charging her renegade sister. A nano later, all four Quads were on the stage.

  …and the catfight began.

  54

  My gunblasts didn’t hurt Foraa thanks to her nigh-invulnerability, but the force of them pushed her away from the D-Cubed detonator and by the time she regained her balance, Ona and her sisters were on her. Before long the four of them were one heaving pile of supple flesh and untamed female fury.

  I got to the stage as quickly as I could, forcing my way through the throng of Foraa-followers, who didn’t quite understand what was happening. But to my horror, I saw card shark stagger onto the stage and stumble toward the D-Cubed detonator.

  “DOS. Tony,” I yelled. “Keep these people away from that machine!”

  Tony turned, saw the man and tackled him from behind. I arrived a nano later but more people were already rushing the stage.

  “I don’t suppose this is all part of your plan, is it?” HARV said.

  “Not exactly.”

  “I don't suppose 'not exactly' is PI code, 'for sure it is'?” Tony asked.

  “You know Tony, if this keeps up you may actually develop a keen sense of humor,” I said.

  “If you survive,” HARV analytically noted.

  Tony and I positioned ourselves on either side of the detonator to defend it against the oncoming horde. I set my gun to stun and started picking off attackers as they came. Tony was forced to use his fists (which were pretty darn effective) but we knew we wouldn’t last long. HARV’s hologram appeared beside me and he did his best to scare people away by brandishing a holographic blaster but that was really an empty threat.

  “We won’t be able to hold this for long,” Tony yelled as he tossed a tourist into a pair of hookers.

  “HARV, get inside this thing and disable it.”

  “I’m trying,” HARV said, “but it’s shielded. I can’t get past its defenses and…I know this is going to sound odd but I think there’s another intelligence in there already and it’s keeping me out.”

  “Great. Ona, we need some help here.”

  Ona was currently on the far edge of the stage hanging onto Foraa’s back (Twoa and Threa were each on one of Foraa’s arms), trying to keep her pinned face down on the stage.

  “Little busy right now, Zach.”

  “Well, you and your sisters will have all eternity to fight one another if one of these zombies detonates this thing.”

  Ona turned back to her sisters. “Twoa, Threa, go help Zach.”

  “Are you sure?” Twoa asked.

  She nodded. “I’ll handle Foraa.”

  Twoa and Threa let go and moved quickly to Tony and me.

  “What do you need?” Twoa asked while casually punching a bartender in the face.

  “There are a thousand people trying to get to this detonator,” I said. “We need to protect it.”

  “Ona won’t be able to handle Foraa alone,” Twoa said.

  “Our place is with our sister,” Threa agreed.

  “Ladies, we’re the last line of defense against total destruction here. What’s more important than that? Look, I’ll be truthful, I think you’re both spoiled, egotistical and quite probably insane. You’re would-be murderers and in a perfect world, I would want you both locked away in the deepest darkest padded cell ever created.”

  “Is this supposed to some kind of rallying speech?” Twoa asked.

  “If it is,” Threa added, “It’s not very effective.”

  “This is your chance, ladies,” I said. “Your chance to, for once in your life, set aside your selfishness and petty jealousies and do what’s right. The fate of the entire world now rests on your shoulders. I need you to show me know that those shoulders belong to heroes.”

  “I’ll give you this, Zach Johnson,” Twoa said with a smile. “You may start slow, but you sure know how to finish.”

  She cleared the space around her with a mighty swing of her shapely arm (knocking three charging lounge singers headlong into a gang of blood-thirsty tourists) then she rose three meters in the air and hovered there, her cape flowing dramatically behind her. Despite themselves, many of Foraa’s followers turned their gaze to her.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, the buffet is open,” she announced. “And the house special tonight is justice.”

  She dove into the throng, scattering a group of showgirls and musicians like tenpins.

  Threa meanwhile bowed her head graciously to me.

  “It has been an honor to battle beside you, brother Johnson.”

  “Please don’t bring me into your family, Threa” I said. “I have enough troubles of my own.”

  But Threa wasn’t listening. She turned to position herself on the opposite side of the detonator from her sister and there she stood, back straight, head high and face to the sky.

  “The darkness of New Vegas may be powerful,” she said, clutching her long green cape tightly to her. “But it will not withstand the powerful light of Vyrmont.”

  I shook my head and whispered to HARV, “This woman should come with subtitles.”

  Threa began to glow. Gently at first, a simple aura of orange, but it quickly grew in intensity and before long, she had become a voluptuous pillar of iridescence. Then she flung open her cape and let it billow outward like something alive, its lining seemingly composed of shining white mist.

  “Come warriors of the myst. Let’s kick some Armageddon-loving asses!”

  And suddenly…creatures…emerged from the folds of her cape. Winged nymphs at first, hundreds of them, silvery colored and armed with tiny swords. Then came elves and dwarves, and fauns and satyrs, unicorns, gryphons and shiny green dragons. It was as though someone had broken the handle of a Dungeons and Dragons spicket.

  And as the fantasy-creature army together with the grandiose super-hero battled the oncoming dark horde of Vegas denizens, I felt the walls of reality (not to mention good taste and decency) start to splinter around me.

  “That’s it. I’m never reading genre fiction again!”

  55

 
I left Tony, Twoa and Threa to battle the Vegas army and went to help Ona, who more than had her hands full with Foraa. The two of them had tumbled off the stage and were now trading blows and insults in the far end of the ballroom. The ferocity of both was staggering.

  “I see you still have that moral objection to bathing,” Ona said.

  “And you’re still wearing that ‘open all night’ sign on your legs,” Foraa spat.

  “Still styling your hair with rocket fuel?”

  “Still have that ‘over two million served’ sign over your bed?”

  “Radical zealot.”

  “Corporate thief.”

  “Extremist.”

  “Oppressor.”

  “Fanatic.”

  “Self-seeker.”

  “Drama queen!”

  “Pop Icon!”

  “That’s it!”

  Ona lunged at Foraa, grabbed her by the throat and they tumbled to the floor once more, their ferocity unabated.

  “How do you want to break this up?” HARV asked.

  “I have no idea,” I said, gazing at the sky, “and I think we’re running out of time.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Nothing,” I said. “Any chance you’ll get through the D-Cubed defenses soon.”

  “Still working on it,” he said. “By the way, there’s an incoming call from your mother. Should I tell her you’re busy?”

  “No!”

  “What?”

  “Put her through. Put her through!”

  “Are you sure? You are kind of busy.”

  “Now, HARV!”

  “Captain Rickey still has the portable interface but I can feed this through the mental link. Audio only though. I don’t think your cortex can handle direct visual feeds.”

  “Just put her through.”

  “Whatever,” HARV said with a shrug.

  “Mom, what’s going on?”

  “My, you’re quick to take my calls now, aren’t you?”

  Mom’s words echoed in my head, which brought up all kinds of childhood anxieties but I tried to ignore that.

  “Total devotion and the threat of extinction together work wonders.”

  “How’s it going down there?”

  I turned back to the battle in time to see a fire-breathing green dragon and a female dwarf chase fat Elvis and three hookers out of the ballroom.

  “Oh, you know, pretty much according to plan, I guess. Foraa’s built the D-Cubed, did you know that?”

  “We feared as much.”

  “How much time do I have left?”

  “Thirty minutes. Can you do it by then?”

  A unicorn ran past me, being ridden by two fat men in shriner hats.

  “Yeah, no problem.”

  “Listen, Buttlebug, I’m going to send you down a little something that might help. Can you get close to Foraa for me?”

  I turned back to where Ona and Foraa were duking it out. They had smashed some of the ballroom’s floorboards and were now hitting one another with steel girders ripped from the buildings infrastructure.

  “I don’t have to stay long, do I?”

  “No, just tell me when you’re there so I can lock onto her position. Then get clear when I tell you.”

  “Got it.”

  I cautiously made my way toward the battling female titans. They weren't just hitting each other physically, they were mentally hammering each other as well. The psionic attacks were invisible to the naked eye but the results weren't. Any time one of Foraa's followers got to close to the melee they froze then fell down on all fours and starting whimpering like a beaten puppy.

  “DOS, they’re really going at it.”

  “Their psionic energy is off the charts. Good thing you’re wearing the psi-blockers.”

  I gently touched the psi-blockers in my ears and felt a little spark of inspiration.

  “Could I survive without them?” I asked. “Having you in my head protects me from psionic attacks, right?”

  “To some extent, yes, but this is far beyond the norm.”

  “How long could I last without them?”

  “I can’t be certain,” HARV replied, “a minute or two I guess. There’s not really any data.”

  “Buttlebug, what are you doing?” Mom asked.

  “Nothing, Mom, just be ready with whatever you have, and wait for my signal.”

  I gripped my gun tightly and moved a little closer to Ona and Foraa. They were locked in another clinch, rolling around together, tearing away pieces of the ballroom with every gesture. I could see gleaming bits of metal through the holes they’d torn in the floor.

  “That machinery underneath the floor,” I said pointing. “That’s the D-Cubed isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” HARV said.

  I shook my head slowly, and smiled just a little. “Battling a super-woman over the fate of the earth atop a doomsday device. And to think, my guidance counselor told me to go into podiatry.”

  “Boss, I’m a little unnerved by your tone of voice.”

  “Don’t worry about it, HARV,” I said. “I just need you to protect my brain when the time comes.” I raised my gun and aimed it at the two women as they grappled. “Big bang, misdirection” I said.

  The gun flashed in recognition of my voice command.

  “Ona!”

  Ona turned toward the sound of my voice for the briefest of nanos and, as I planned, that was all the room Foraa needed. She broke Ona’s hold on her and hit her in the face with a punch that sounded like a thunderclap. Ona flew through the air for a few nanos before crash-landing into the far wall. The wall splintered at the impact and Ona looked a little dazed, but otherwise unharmed.

  That’s when I made my move.

  I opened fire, getting off half a dozen high caliber rounds. As planned, the blasts streaked toward the far wall of the ballroom then turned sharply and flew straight at Foraa. They hit her dead-on and exploded with the concentrated power of a rocket attack. They didn’t hurt her, of course, simply staggered her but they got her attention, which was all I wanted. Out of instinct she turned in the direction from which the blasts had come and because of the misdirection, that left her back wide open to me.

  I ran at her full-tilt. There was a small pile of rubble just behind her so I used it as a ramp and leapt into the air, arms spread, and head high, like a dive bomber on a suicide run. Foraa heard me coming and turned, but not quickly enough and I landed solidly on her back, wrapping my arms around her neck and my legs around her waist.

  “Lock on now, Mom!”

  “Got it. Get clear.”

  “Not yet,” I said.

  I let go of Foraa’s neck and pulled the psi-blockers out of my ears. The nano I did, my head was hit with a wave of psionic energy so immense I nearly lost consciousness. Foraa suddenly seemed less horrifying than before. Actually she seemed rather wise and honorable. It occurred to me then that living in Vegas with her to watch over me might not be so bad after all. I could buy a house on the strip…maybe meet a nice showgirl…raise a family…

  “Gates, boss, do we have to go through this every time you battle a super-woman?” HARV yelled inside my head. “Foraa’s psi attack is warping your thinking. Snap out of it.”

  HARV’s psionic defenses in my head kicked in and I regained my senses, just has Foraa grabbed me with fists like atomic vises.

  “I’m going to rip your soul to pieces, Toad,” she growled, “and then I’m going to obliterate this planet.”

  She was pushing at my mind, concentrating her psionic powers directly on me now and despite HARV’s defenses, the pain was unimaginable. My head felt like it was under a steamroller. The human mind can only withstand so much and I knew that I was now well past that threshold but I no longer cared. My only hope now was to make all the suffering worthwhile.

  I gripped the psi-blockers tightly in my hands and shoved them hard into Foraa’s ears. They activated upon contact with her ear canal, and latched onto her mind. I had no idea what
psi-blockers would do to a powerful psi, but I had a feeling that it wouldn’t be pretty.

  I was right.

  The first thing she did was scream. An agonizing scream that was mental as much as sonic and the force of it nearly ruptured my eardrums from the inside. Then her body began to shudder as her psionic powers began to brown out. She lost her grip on my shoulders and we both fell to the ground. She pawed desperately at her ears but her hands weren’t steady enough to remove the blockers. I jumped clear as she screamed again and rolled onto her knees, shaking so hard it looked as though she’d swallowed a jackhammer

  “She’s overloading the blockers,” HARV said. “They won’t last much longer.”

  “They won’t have to,” I said as I scrambled to my feet and began running. “Now, Mom!”

  There was a blinding flash of light twenty meters directly above Foraa as something very large suddenly materialized. It was an egg-shaped device, slate gray in color and seemingly made entirely of rock. It was four meters tall, five meters wide and probably a dozen metric tons in weight.

  “Now there’s something you don’t see every day,” HARV muttered, “a Gladian escape pod.”

  The pod was standard issue for all Gladian deep space vessels. It was a kind of life boat for use in emergencies. I was to later learn that it was a highly sophisticated device, engineered to sustain and protect life from the vacuum of deep space, the rigors of temperatures approaching absolute zero or the heat of a solar flare. It could mimic and sustain any of a thousand types of atmosphere, provide nourishment and medical care for up to six inhabitants for three earth years, and it could transmit distress signals simultaneously in ten thousand languages. It was a wondrous device, the pinnacle of Gladian technology.

  Mom used it as a hammer.

  Foraa was the nail.

  The pod fell from above and landed directly on Foraa’s spasming form. The impact shook the ballroom, shattering the remnants of the floor and inner walls and sending faux wood, carpet, plastic and metal flying in all directions as the shockwave blew everyone off their feet.