Guilt Ridden (The Walker Five Book 4)

by Marie Johnston

  And shit, his pants were on the floor behind him.

  “I don’t want to leave you,” he whispered against her lips. “Do you have a condom close by?”

  Nibbling a path to his ear, she simultaneously reached to her bed stand. Her fingers fell a few inches short.

  He could barely think with her sharp teeth nipping his tender earlobe. If it was possible to grow even harder, he did.

  He tugged her drawer open and snagged a packet. They weren’t meant to be torn open with teeth, but that’s what he did.

  She released his ear to steal it from him and roll it on. Her touch on his cock almost jackknifed him off the bed. He lost all clear thought as she placed him at her entrance and tilted her hips up.

  She hissed with pleasure. “I feel like we’ve been dancing around this forever.”

  “We have, each day an eternity.”

  Caressing his face, she gazed into his eyes as he thrust forward.

  Oh god, this was nothing like he remembered.

  So much better.

  They weren’t cramped in a car, worried they’d get busted. He wasn’t terrified he’d ejaculate before he pleased her, or even entered her. She was his for the night, for as long as they could be quiet.

  “Oh, Travis.” Her tight heat clamped around his shaft, every quiver and twitch amping up his senses. He braced his arms on either side of her and took a few slow, intent thrusts.

  She drew her knees up, the urgency as apparent in her face as the rest of her body. A low groan of satisfaction eased out of him. She craved this as badly as he did.

  He changed the angle of his movements, monitoring her reactions before he settled on a steady rhythm that made it increasingly difficult for her to keep her volume down.

  Her hands were all over him. On his shoulders. At his hips to coax a faster pace he refused to submit to. Fisting the comforter at her side. She rocked and moaned and bit her lip.

  It was time. Watching her was enough to set off an orgasm, but to do it while her sex gripped his cock like a vice and she made those delicious sounds? Impossible.

  Dropping to one elbow, he threaded a hand between them and found her clit. He didn’t have to move his fingers; they were bouncing off each other enough, that was all the sensation her bundle of nerves needed.

  She was growing louder, alternating biting her lip and gasping. Smashing their mouths together, he needed her as much as she needed him to damper their calls of passion.

  Heat saturated his hand as she came—hard. His thrusts shortened out of necessity as he lowered his defenses and let the ecstasy flood him. She tightened around him, rode her climax, her legs like a vice, her sex gripping harder than her fist last night. Groaning into her, he shook through his release; if the room wasn’t already black, his vision would’ve winked out. Managing to hold the worst of his weight off her, his arm was pinned between them; he prided himself on being with it enough to think of her needs.

  They caught their breath together. He eased them to the side, missing the clasp of her body. His cock probably steamed in the cool air of the room.

  “Think we were quiet enough?” he murmured.

  She giggled and snuggled into him. “I wasn’t paying attention. I hope so.”

  They were cuddling. He had Kami in his arms, reveling in their post-coital afterglow. His fantasy had played out, only now he knew it wasn’t his real fantasy. One time experiencing this would never be enough.

  Chapter Nine

  Kami hitched her breath, the swivel of her hips involuntary. Her gaze kept wanting to drift to the clock, the responsible adult in her hard to shut off.

  It was after midnight and she was on top of Travis in the most provocative way she’d ever been with anyone.

  Adult sex with Travis Walker was more mind-blowing than she’d imagined. He had the stamina of a man, the determination of someone who conquered anything he put his mind to, and the zeal of a guy who had limited time to fuck her.

  Her knees quivered from bearing her weight. She clutched the headboard and glanced down. His tongue was as wicked and sharp as his mind, and it was driving her out of her mind. She’d called out too loudly so many times, she should phone Martha and thank her for wearing Kambria out.

  Because sitting on Travis’s face as he coerced another orgasm out of her was an unimaginable treat. She wanted to glance over her shoulder, see if he was stroking himself, or just ogle his erection. His cock was as fun to look at as the rest of his body. Thick and long, it had a mind of its own.

  They’d only used one condom, but he had another ready on the pillow next to her knee.

  He paused long enough to say, “You’re going to stay right there, and after I taste you, I’m going to take you hard from behind. Don’t let go of the headboard.”

  His rough voice against her sex was too much. When he wedged one finger inside of her, her orgasm hit hard.

  “Travis! How am I—” She lost her question to a muffled shriek. How was she going to keep quiet?

  Oh god. She was going to scream his name. Alternating cramming her lips closed and opening them to pant, she made it to the other end of her climax.

  Sagging against the headboard, she rested her head against the wall. Could her neighbors hear her? She didn’t really know them, and sex in her bedroom wasn’t a common occurrence, but she’d never been pleasured like this.

  He was careful when he slid out from under her. As she was about to twist around to collapse on the sheets, strong hands secured her waist. He released her only to don the condom, then he was pressing into her.

  She didn’t believe in comparing bed partners. Her only goal was to feel good at something, feel close to someone. But Travis filled her more completely than any other, both physically and metaphorically.

  The knowledge staggered her. Her marriage to Ben had been far from empty. Her relationship with Austin was based on a mutual satisfaction that had disappointed her at first. He wanted more from her, but wasn’t willing to give of himself. The lack of a selfish streak was what had attracted her to Ben after she gave up on her and Travis before they even started.

  Her mind crashed into the present when Travis started to move. Her tender sex was willing to receive him, even open to another orgasm, though she had no idea how that was possible.

  His big body surrounded her, one hand planted on the wall, the other digging into her hips. His hips swung, and she arched her back to stay open to him.

  He dipped his head to whisper in her ear. Delicious shivers traveled up and down her spine.

  “I can’t believe how wonderful you feel. I love watching you come apart.” Cool air drifted between them as he leaned back slightly. “I love watching us together, how your body receives me.”

  A shudder ran through her, his words affecting her as much as his actions. His pace increased; he must be close.

  He grunted, his hand tightening to hold her still. His thrusts gained in force and speed. She might just orgasm with him.

  “You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed of this, how much I’ve wanted you.”

  She blew out a breath, ready to submit to the sensations rolling through her, but she stared at the wall. Her pleasure plateaued.

  Like… How long? Days? Years? Because that would be disturbing.

  Were his words empty? A way to dull the pain, to take his mind off his lost love?

  Kami didn’t want to be the rebound girl. She wanted this to be real, not going through the motions, saying whatever sounded good during sex.

  Were his emotions real or not? And who were they for?

  Travis came, groaning his release, hugging her close to his chest. The bed bounced and squeaked with the movement. She wished she could enjoy cresting with him.

  Was he thinking of her? Or wishing he were still with his fiancée?

  Stupid. Stupid. She should’ve been thinking of all that since the first time he kissed her. Of all people, she knew what it was like to miss someone so badly, feeling like her destiny was to
be alone.

  When she’d been with Austin the first time since Ben’s death, it’d been weird, disturbing. She feigned an orgasm and cried after she left Austin’s place. Dating him might’ve even been to assuage the guilt that she’d slept with someone she didn’t care deeply about. A way to make it feel like the sex meant something. Because that was what she wanted now. For lovemaking to be part of the relationship, not the entire relationship.

  The heavy weight of his head rested on her shoulder. At some point, his arms had wrapped around her.

  “I feel like I lost you.” He lifted his head and brushed her hair out of her face, continuing the caress down her shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  “It’s just…a lot of sex.” She was so glad he was behind her and that it was dark. Lying had never been her strength.

  He abruptly pulled away and helped her settle between the sheets. Always the gentleman. Always considerate. Was she wrong to doubt this thing between them?

  He stretched out next to her, but on top of the sheet. “I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep if I stop moving.” Shadows fell across his face, her digital clock the only source of light in the room. She could imagine his lopsided grin when he confessed that he was tired. Another quality that hooked her. A man like him could swagger around with no apologies, but he was always considerate.

  “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

  Why couldn’t he be oblivious to her emotional needs? “I’m fine. It’s just…” Words piled up. If she opened her mouth, it all would come out. Her doubts about them weren’t the thing on her mind. Would it hurt to share some of her concerns? “This, you and I, wasn’t expected. I don’t want people talking about me to Kambria the way they did to me about my mom.”

  He propped himself up on an elbow.

  Before he could say anything, she rushed on. “I know what they all thought of me in high school.” And they were right. She’d dated a lot of boys. She’d kissed a lot of boys. She’d had sex with more than a few boys. Her daughter shouldn’t pay for decisions she’d made as a kid. “I don’t want to do anything to get them talking again.”

  “You’ve been dating Austin.” He’d said it measured, almost cautiously. “And you think if you’re seen with me, it’ll reignite the gossip mill.”

  “I felt like dating Austin put the speculation on simmer. If you and I go out in public, it might boil over. I don’t trust how much people have grown up.” She didn’t want to trust and then get blindsided like she had when she’d been getting her hair done for prom and two ladies were commenting on how many men her mom had moved on with since Dad had died. The conversation was likely for Kami’s benefit.

  One of them had been Travis’s mom.

  “Are you still seeing him?”

  “No. I’m here with you.”

  A crooked grin formed. “So, you’re seeing me then?”

  Oh. Um…

  Tension thickened between them. She hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings.

  “I don’t sleep around,” she finally said. “But if people see me with you— I’m not ready to deal with that. And then there’s your parents.”

  Shadows didn’t mask his look of confusion. “What do they have to do with us?”

  “I am one hundred percent certain that your mom won’t approve of me.” The defensive tightening of his shoulders was clear in the dark. “I overheard her slamming my mom’s return to dating.”

  His groan brimmed with frustration and disappointment. “I’m so sorry.”

  “You don’t need to apologize for her, but I already have one Martha in my life. I don’t want to take on another during such a huge life transition.”

  “I’m still sorry you had to experience that. Mom can be…Mom.” He paused, his finger caressing her cheek. “May I ask you something? Dillon and Elle are getting married. Will you accompany me? It’s a few weeks away and we can make our debut then. If, you know, you still want to see me when the day rolls around.”

  His question was significant. He was asking her out in a major way, to announce they were a couple in a big way. This was what she’d just been questioning. Did he really want a serious relationship? Bringing her to his cousin who was like a brother’s wedding made a bold statement.

  “I don’t know.” The whole mom deal would be out there, too.

  “I understand.” He sounded crestfallen. Panic bloomed in her chest.

  “I don’t want to quit seeing you.” She paused to collect her thoughts. Ultimately, it wasn’t about her. “I have to do what’s best for Kambria. I won’t be able to give you an answer until closer to the date.” A family wedding! She’d have to grow a giant pair of lady balls before she strode into the chapel on his arm. The mischievous voice in her head said she should get a sweater made with “STU” stamped on it. “Maybe you should ask someone else so they can plan the number of guests.”

  “I’m not going with anyone else,” he said quietly. A plain statement. He rolled close enough to kiss her, a quick but firm peck on the lips. “You think about it. I’m in the field tomorrow, but I’ll saddle up Mandrell and ride out on Reba to check on you. Kambria can go for another spin. Mandrell won’t mind.”

  As he got out of bed and dressed, she dug through a drawer until she found a nightshirt and shorts. He finished dressing, and she peeked out to make sure Kambria hadn’t woken.

  They tiptoed to the front door, his hand on the small of her back. Lifting her chin, he gave her one last lingering kiss.

  The door shut behind him. Crossing her fingers, she hoped her neighbors weren’t awake and spreading the news that Travis Walker was leaving her place at one in the morning.

  She turned her back and slumped against the door, staring down the hall at her bedroom. Going back to a bed where she’d be surrounded by his masculine scent was a special torture. How nice would it have been to wake up in his arms?

  She was confident it would’ve been heaven, but her daughter came first. Any drama between her and Travis would spill over onto Kambria.

  ***

  Travis groaned and rolled to his side. Between the vibrating phone on the nightstand and the pounding on his front door, he couldn’t cover his head and snatch a couple more hours of sleep.

  Shoving off the mattress, he snagged his phone. He shuffled to the front door as he checked the screen.

  Four missed calls. One from an hour ago and three in the last two minutes, all from Aaron.

  He blinked and peered at the numbers. It was after ten in the morning?

  The pounding on the door didn’t cease. Fatigue peeled away from him. Fully awake, he opened the door to an irate Aaron, phone to his ear, fist poised for another knock.

  “Dude.” Aaron clicked his phone off, concern draining out of his deep blue eyes. “Did you tie one on last night? I’ve been waiting for you for a couple of hours.”

  “Dammit, I’m sorry. I didn’t get to bed until late last night.” After reliving the most erotic night of his life, sleep had been a hard beast to tame. “I’ll get dressed and grab my stuff.”

  He let the door swing open and turned away. Aaron entered, but didn’t follow him to his room. “Why the late night?”

  “Just couldn’t sleep,” Travis called over his shoulder. He rustled around for clean clothes and pulled on a pair of jeans and a green Under Armor shirt. The top was already ripped from getting snagged on the workbench in his shop. It’d probably find a couple more tears before he finally threw it away. He meandered back out to grab his boots and take a seat on the entry bench.

  “Kami English keeping you awake?”

  Travis paused pulling on his work boots. “Why would you say that? And it’s Preston.”

  Aaron cocked a brown brow. “I was joking, but I think I touched on something.”

  “Don’t go saying shit like that,” he grumbled and finished stomping into his boot.

  “Why not—if it’s true?”

  “It’s not true.” He couldn’t look his cousin in the eye. He was a shit lia
r, always too open and honest, worried what they’d think if he was busted.

  “Uh-huh. But if it were, why hide it?”

  Travis finally looked up and glowered at Aaron. From his cousin’s crooked hat and his rumpled clothes, down to his feet shoved into boots without a care to where his pant legs landed, it was easy to fall for the bait that Aaron wasn’t keenly intelligent. He was always distracted with some problem, or with his family’s several problems, that he rarely paid any attention to his appearance.

  For a heartbeat, Travis envied him. Aaron never had girl trouble. They seemed attracted to him, but ran the other way once they sniffed a hint of his family drama. And Travis knew that bothered him. But to be saved from the upheaval Michelle had caused in his life before she died, Travis would rather she’d friend-zoned him long before they’d gotten serious. Now with Kami…two adults sneaking around? If it was just for her daughter, he’d understand, but he sensed another reason and it brought out the heartbroken kid who was stood up on a Friday night.

  “People talk,” he finally answered. “It wouldn’t be fair to her if rumors were started.”

  Aaron chuffed. Catching his reflection in the mirror by the coat hooks, he adjusted his hat. “Hell, I know people talk. Believe me. It’s usually not a good thing when they do. What’s Kami worried about, though? She’s a single woman, unless you count Austin hopping in and out of her bed.”

  Travis’s glower turned into a scowl. Not anymore, dammit.

  Aaron peered at him. “You lying son of a bitch. You and Kami have something going on?”

  “No. Yes. No. Aaron, just stop.” Travis buried his head in his hands. What a mess. He’d just had this discussion with Kami and now he was spilling their business to Aaron. He and Aaron were close in age, younger than Cash and Dillon but older than Brock, and were tight, best friends even. It didn’t change that this felt like a betrayal to Kami. And to Aaron. What would he think of Travis dating so soon?

  “You’re seeing her, or you’re not. I don’t get why either one would be a big deal.” Aaron crossed his arms.