Guilt Ridden (The Walker Five Book 4)

by Marie Johnston

  “It washes right out, though. I can wash my hair so no teachers complain at school.”

  I don’t give a horse’s sweaty ass what the teacher’s think about blue hair. “Let’s stick to our budget. If we’re gonna open our own academy…”

  She grinned and Kambria squealed. Her daughter did that every time she brought it up. When Kambria had gotten home, they’d had a long talk. About losing the land, her grandma moving to town, and buying a house.

  “I wish you opened a place where I could do gymnastics instead.”

  So did Kami.

  So she did. The sale on the old store she’d been eyeing would be final and the real work would begin, but she’d phoned her old coach—who’d squealed like Kambria—for advice. She now had a mentor.

  She’d even told Mom. Spine straight, head high. Her mom had just lifted a brow and gave a curt nod and said, “I knew keeping you in that sport was good for you, could do what your father and I couldn’t.”

  Somehow, Kami got Kambria out of the store and back home without breaking her budget. She was taking less bartending gigs, using the gas money she saved by not driving to her mom’s constantly. The two weren’t nearly equal, but she’d panic otherwise.

  The day job stayed until she needed to dedicate more time to the academy.

  Kambria gathered her horde and disappeared into her room. Kami flopped on the couch.

  A day of shopping with a pre-teen was so much more intense than she’d realized, but they’d had fun. It was a good day.

  Her phone rang. She dug it out of her pocket, her lips pursing at the caller.

  “Hi, Martha.”

  “Listen, Kami, sorry to bother you. You must be working this weekend.”

  Was her tone more You should be working, or You’re so broke I expect you to be working? Either way, she didn’t take the bait.

  Martha continued. “I happened to talk to the school superintendent the other day.” Kami’s heart stuttered. Where was she going with this? “Anyway, I said how worried I was that Kambria seemed to struggle with math and fifth grade is only going to be harder. He said they have excellent fifth grade teachers in Normandy and they’d love to help Kambria.” Kami’s blood pounded through her ears. “You know, it’d be nothing for her to stay with us while she went to school here. We could take her and pick her up. Instead of sitting at home alone and being scared, she could do her homework. I bet that’s all she needs.”

  Kami fought to keep her voice even. “She’s starting school in Moore in two weeks.”

  “Oh, I know. He assured me it’s no problem to transfer after school starts. We’d just have to change her address to here.”

  That sneaky little— “Kambria’s not moving in with you.”

  “Just for the school year, dear.”

  Her patronizing tone tickled Kami’s last nerve. “Not for this school year, not for any school year.”

  Martha didn’t miss a beat. “Don’t you want what’s best for her? I know Ben would.”

  “Don’t you think her mother is what’s best for her?” Kami held her breath for the answer.

  “Well…” Did Martha just pause? Was she for real? “Kambria told us about your newest business endeavor.” Said like she flitted from idea to idea. “You’re going to be so busy with the gym that we don’t want to see Kambria get lost in the shuffle.”

  More of her temper leaked past the weakening dam. “Lost in the shuffle? Or you’re sad to see that you’re losing one of your excuses for manipulating her away from me for six weeks?”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “Why don’t you get horses next?” Kami sat up, but tried to keep her voice down. “She loves riding. Why don’t you buy a horse farm and tell her about it and all the riding she could do and get her worked up before even asking me. Because let me tell you, that was a dick move.”

  Martha gasped. Kami doubted it was from the language, but from her actually speaking out. “If you want to talk about dick moves, Kami, then explain why you’re using my son’s life insurance on your silly adventures and not our granddaughter’s welfare?”

  Oh, no she didn’t. “Ben got insurance so he knew we would be taken care of if something happened. Something happened, and guess what? I’ve been taking care of us. I’m using that money to better our life. Kambria was in on this decision, and before you point out her age, just know that two things were important to us: being together and having something we enjoy doing. She didn’t think sitting in a house playing on that damn phone you got her sounded like an ideal future. She thought that living on the farm would be great, but when I decided—me and no one else—that I couldn’t tick all our boxes on the farm, I changed plans. And it’s a solid plan. And if it falls through? I’m out money I wasn’t using to float us anyway.”

  Martha didn’t respond.

  “And as for fucking math, she struggles in school like I did. I will decide where she goes to school. Her and I and her teachers here in Moore will decide when she needs extra help. Not you, Martha. Never you, dammit. I’m so tired of worrying what you’ll try next, so here’s the deal. You be her grandma and quit trying to manipulate our lives, and you can keep seeing her. Don’t make her pay for your petty actions. She loves you, but if your relationship turns unhealthy for her, or for me, then I’ll have no choice but to limit your visits.”

  Kami clamped her mouth shut. Oh god. She’d gone there. After Ben died, she’d sworn to herself she’d never restrict the rest of the family, no matter how much of a pain they were. But the toxicity would spill over to Kambria and couldn’t be undone. She had to set limits and enforce them.

  “I can’t believe you’d do such a thing.” Martha’s voice hitched before she broke into loud sobs.

  Those limits Kami was so proud of wavered. Was she a horrible person?

  No? She tried to explain. “I know you hated when I moved away from Normandy, but I couldn’t raise Kambria there. It’s a great town with great people, but I couldn’t let her see her mom unhappy and doing nothing with her life. I had options here. It doesn’t look like much, but we’re getting there.”

  Martha sniffled. “Kambria had everything she needed here.”

  “I didn’t. It might not matter to you whether I was happy or not. It mattered to your son, and I hoped that would resonate with you. I’m not surprised that it doesn’t. Not with the way you all treated me.”

  “We did no such…” Martha exhaled. “It wasn’t personal. I mean, it was, but he really seemed to love you. I accept that.”

  “He did. He loved you, too. We made it work, but he’s gone, and I have to make it work.”

  They both fell quiet. In the silence was a monumental shift. This was the first real conversation she’d had with Martha. Honest emotions, not pretense.

  “I’m not going to quit nagging for more time with her in the summer.”

  Kami grinned. “I’m sure we can work something out. Why don’t you give her a call? We’re done shopping for the day.”

  As soon as she hung up, a text pinged.

  Cleaning out the barn. Can u come look at stuff u might want to keep?

  Travis? She wanted to jump for joy, but there was no hint of “Hey, I’m sorry, I’ll do everything I can to make it right, just come back to me.” He hadn’t called, just let her go.

  That had hurt. Still did.

  She texted back. Ask my mom or throw it all out.

  She sat back. Her optimism that she and Martha were on a new and healthier path bowed out to the tiny spark of hope that his text meant more. The rest of her life was an upward trajectory, but her personal life had come to a grinding halt. And that was just fine. She didn’t need a partner. She wanted one—totally different. She also wanted amazing sex, and it sucked knowing it existed.

  It also sucked knowing someone else could have that with Travis. Steam between the sheets, cuddling and talking well into the night. Laughter over food and work stories. Him sharing that with a new woman.

 
She closed her eyes against the pain. Hold my limits.

  Her phone pinged. She expected an okay, thanks but there was more. U really should have a look first.

  She pondered her phone. Finally, she punched in, Why?

  We’d throw. U might wanna sell.

  He hooked her with the money. She wasn’t a charity case, but if the Walkers were going to throw it away, well…

  “Kambria, we gotta run an errand.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Travis’s stomach threatened to claw its way out of his throat. He paced the yard of what used to be Pam English’s place. Wind buffeted his shirt and teased the bill of his cap. If it got any stronger, it’d blow it off.

  Kami was almost here. He hadn’t been as nervous as his first and only date with her all those years ago. So much more rode on how this meeting played out.

  Would she be open to talking about more than her dad’s old junk?

  He heard the car before he saw it. Pam had sold the truck. Travis had almost bought it because it was Kami’s truck. But it wasn’t, and he was already acting desperate enough losing sleep over her and thinking about her all day.

  Kambria waved from the backseat. He tossed her a wave in return. Now he knew why all the older people made comments like “I knew you when you were this big.” Kambria had to have grown two inches since he’d last seen her. She might even grow taller than her mom soon.

  “Hey, Travis.” She rushed out of the car as soon as it stopped and went running around the grassy area. As he expected, she cartwheeled her way there, only his brows rose at her increase in skill.

  Kami exited the car slowly. The wind caught her hair and whipped it around her face.

  He tried to play it as cool as he could. “That must’ve been some camp. I can even tell how much better she’s gotten.”

  Her features brightened, but she didn’t quite smile. “Yeah. It was.”

  “Must be good to have her home.”

  “Yes.”

  Neither of them were particularly loquacious. Travis adjusted his hat and held in his sigh. His first fantasy was demolished. She wasn’t jumping back into his arms. He’d been an asshole and had to prove himself.

  “So we cleaned out the barn. We’re going to tear it down.”

  “Okay. What’d you find?”

  He let an easy grin spread across his face. “Three barrels, for starters.”

  She blinked and peered toward the barn. “Really? I’m not surprised Dad kept them, but you can get rid of them. They weren’t good enough to sell back then, I doubt they’re worth anything now.”

  There was zero interest in her voice. Her dad had really destroyed her interest in barrel racing, or she hadn’t cared for it in the first place.

  “We can donate them to the 4-H club or something.”

  She nodded. “That’d be good. Was that it?”

  He studied her. Her shoulders were rigid and she was half turned to leave. He wanted her to stay forever, but she was the one on land that she’d fought to keep and lost. She was the one faced with a man who refused to acknowledge what was between them.

  “Actually, what I really wanted you to see is behind the barn. It was easier to place items there once we wrestled the backdoor open.”

  “I’m surprised the whole structure didn’t fall on your heads.”

  Could he hope that she was worried about him? It was a start, but worrying her wasn’t the feeling he meant to give. “Me, too. It wasn’t our favorite chore, but we thought it’d stand long enough to remove everything. There were a few disturbing creaks and groans that made us clear out, but we got the job done.”

  As if to echo his statement, a couple of pops resonated from the structure. A few more miles an hour and they wouldn’t need any equipment to topple it.

  “You aren’t hiring anyone to tear it down?”

  He shook his head. “We have the equipment and space to knock it down. After that it’s all cleanup.”

  Her solemn gaze dropped from his. “What else did you need to show me?”

  He beckoned her to follow him and led her around the barn. When they erected a new one, they’d add a corral system so the cattle could winter, but for now, it was a clear space that they’d mowed down. The old corral system had long fallen into disrepair and it was one of the first things they’d ripped out. It’d be easier to clean up debris from the barn once they pushed it down.

  He stood by the barn and waited for her to find what he’d saved for her. The barn took the brunt of the gusty conditions, giving them a brief reprieve.

  Her gaze landed on a long, homemade beam on a pair of legs that stood only a foot high. “Is that…?”

  “An old gymnastics beam. Did your dad make it?”

  Her jaw dropped and she crossed over to it, ignoring the three blue barrels she must’ve spent hours racing around. “He did. It was after he covered the practice arena in a fit when I didn’t place at the county rodeo. I think he felt bad, but I didn’t care. I’d rather ride horse for fun and practice my back walk-over for days on this.” A laugh escaped. “I can’t believe I’d forgotten about it.”

  “I know it won’t work in that new gym you’re starting, but it’s yours and I couldn’t throw it in the burn pile.”

  Her gaze flew to his and for the first time since she’d arrived, it wasn’t guarded. “You’ve heard about that?”

  “Of course. It’s big news. I also understand you’ll be looking for donors and I want you to know that the Walker Five will help out in any way we can.”

  “Why?” Incomprehension mixed with suspicion in her eyes.

  “When the old one closed down, the whole community felt the loss. We weren’t in a position to help then, but we will now. No strings attached.”

  She squatted by the beam and ran her hand over the smooth surface. “I don’t have any business experience, it’s a little different from ranching.”

  “None of us had any experience when we took over the farm.”

  She squinted up at him; he shifted to block the sun for her. “But you had schooling.”

  “You’ll learn what you need to and more.”

  She rose. Having her this close again made it easy if he were to reach out and embrace her, tip his head down for a kiss. Longing swept through him. He’d busted the best thing that’d ever happened to him.

  “You still have confidence in me?”

  “One hundred percent.” Could she not see how amazing she was? She’d been dismissed as not intelligent enough and too fast to climb into a guy’s back seat her whole life, even after she’d been married and was raising a kid. “Nothing has stopped you. When purchasing your mom’s property didn’t work out, you didn’t settle. You found something that meant even more to you and went for it. We’re all rooting for you. Your mom, me and the guys, hell, the whole town wants to see that place succeed. What are you going to call it?”

  A smile finally lit her face. “Preston’s Gymnastics Academy. I know it’s plain, but it was important to me to have Ben’s name on it.”

  “Absolutely.”

  Her smile died. “I’d better go. Do what you want with the beam. I have no place to store it.”

  “We’ll keep it on the property for you.” He inclined his head to the building on the other side of the driveway. “Once we empty that out, we’ll have plenty of room.” She was turning away, and he didn’t know what he did wrong. “I told Michelle’s parents,” he blurted.

  She slowed, but she didn’t stop. “I hope they took the news okay. And I certainly hope you didn’t rush to them and confess just because you thought it’d win me back. You were clear how it might hurt them.”

  So he shouldn’t have talked to them? Was it mixed signals, or did he truly not understand? He rushed to keep up with her. “Keeping it secret hurt you. And I was mistaken about them. They only want to see me happy. I didn’t…uh, I didn’t tell them exactly how that night went, but I admitted that I’d planned to break it off.”

  “Ka
mbria! Time to go,” she called. She neared her car and his desperation rose. “It’s a too little too late thing, Travis. You’re telling me what I want to hear, but that’s what you do. My trust is gone.”

  “I also talked to my parents.”

  Her gaze turned wary. “Okay?”

  “I told them that if I was ever lucky enough to win you back, I expected only the utmost respect from them or they weren’t welcome at my home.”

  Her mouth dropped. Had that gotten through to her? Would it be enough to make her reconsider? He dropped his last card, his last chance at proving he was sincere, both about his feelings for her and that he’d committed to treating her the way she deserved.

  “I showed the guys your sheep ranching outline, and we’d like to purchase it from you.”

  Her eyes flared. “What?”

  “Whether you take me back or not, we’re not stealing your work.”

  “Travis, I…” She blinked at him and change came over her. Her expression softened, moisture lined her eyes. He prayed it wasn’t because she was preparing herself to break his heart.

  “Mom, look. The barn is completely empty.” Kambria darted inside.

  “Kambria, no!”

  Travis took off at a sprint, his boots chewing up gravel. Two concerns fueled his stride. The way the barn had protested all day, Kambria wasn’t safe inside, and he had to run fast enough to beat Kami so both of them didn’t end up inside.

  “Wait out here,” he shouted as he tore through the doorway.

  A loud shriek bounced off the walls and it took a second for him to realize it wasn’t Kambria. Old nails ripped against ancient wood.

  He spotted Kambria, frozen by the back door, her face pale as she eyed the roof.

  He reached her and slowed, but his eyes played tricks on him. It was like he was still moving fast when he realized the barn was coming down.

  ***

  Kami had just crossed the threshold when a cloud of dust rose and she lost sight of Travis and Kambria.

  Her daughter’s scream got lost in the sounds of wrenching wood.

  Kami would’ve screamed, but terror silenced her, clogged her throat. The entire structure tipped. The roof caved as the walls gave in, and it fell in the direction the wind blew.