Smoke. Fire. Cowboy (Cowboys of Nirvana Book 3)

by Carver, Rhonda Lee

  “Then accept the fact that we’ll have to manage being on the same hundred acres until God sees fit to take one of us.”

  Ten days later, his father died in his sleep. Just as he’d promised, the coroner had to pry his cold, dead fingers from the worn leather chair.

  And now, here Jared was, meeting Sofie. She’d wanted him to come to the ranch, but he wasn’t ready to face anyone yet. He still had some work he needed to do.

  He pulled into the parking lot of the diner and killed the engine, but didn’t get out. Not just yet. He saw Sofie’s car across the lot. The window was down, but she wasn’t there. He looked through the large window of the restaurant and saw her sitting in a booth, her head lowered. What was she looking at?

  His heart pounded hard against his ribs. He’d missed her. More profoundly than anything he could imagine. When his father died, Sofie had been the one person he’d wanted to call, not to cry on her shoulder or weigh her down with the dirty details, but to tell her that he was working through all of the emotional damage his father had created from years of abuse. He wanted her to know that he planned to make something of the family farm—make something of himself.

  But he didn’t call.

  When he’d received a call from her yesterday asking him to meet with her, he’d been shocked to the tips of his boots.

  Seeing her now, he was reminded of the nights he’d held her, of how giving she’d been and willing to offer her heart. He cared for her… he’d grown to love her. That night he’d driven away from Nirvana, he’d wondered if the feelings for her would eventually fade. Instead, his heart had grown three sizes bigger.

  He realized he’d hurt her after Dade’s accident. He wasn’t proud of the mess he’d made. He’d told Chase everything, the other man had surprisingly understood and Jared had felt a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. However, he knew growing meant taking care of the situation with his father.

  He opened the truck door and slid out, dragging on his hat and situating it low against the wind. The evening was unusually cold and the breeze seeped through his flannel.

  As he stomped across the gravel lot, he pondered what Sofie would say to him. Would she tell him that she was over him? Heck, maybe she’d found another man already. Things can happen quick at Nirvana.

  No…not his Sofie. She wouldn’t have moved on this fast.

  So then what?

  Would she tell him that she loved him? Wanted him still? His chest filled. He could only hope, but he doubted that was the case. He’d left Nirvana without saying goodbye. No woman forgave that shit. Could he make her see that he didn’t have a choice at the time? If he’d stayed, he would never have made any real progress.

  He pulled open the heavy glass door and stepped into the warmth of the room. His cheeks stung from the change in temperature. The server behind the counter greeted him and Sofie lifted her gaze, meeting his. He stopped and stared at her, needing the time to soak her in. My God, she was more beautiful than ever. Her long hair cascaded down her shoulders. Her eyes were bright and her cheeks were naturally rosy. The V-neck of her red shirt dipped low enough to give him ample view of the milky tops of her breasts. His mouth practically salivated.

  Dragging his gaze upward, he needed to stay on track.

  He slipped off his hat and held it to his chest as he made his way to the booth. It was like walking on death row as she continued to stare at him, her bottom lip trembling, and her eyes wide. He made it closer and her skin paled as one corner of her mouth dropped into a disappointed frown. She wasn’t happy to see him.

  With a sigh, he slid into the cracked vinyl across from her, the worn Formica table separating them. Her hands were palms down, her fingers spread. Her nails were short and painted a pale pink, matching her lovely lips. He placed his hat beside him on the seat and leaned back. A spring popped, pressing into his back, but he didn’t notice much. Jared crossed his arms over his chest waiting for her to say something, but she remained quiet. He couldn’t contain his anticipation any longer. “It’s nice seeing you, Sofie.”

  She nodded, her eyes narrowing into sharp slits. “I didn’t want to disturb your life—”

  “You couldn’t possibly.”

  Her tongue came out and moved across her bottom lip. “I just figured you had moved on.” Her voice had a faint tremor.

  He pushed a hand through his hair. How could she think he’d moved on so quickly? That idea was insane. “Have you?” To imagine another man’s hands on her, stroking sweet whimpers from her made him agitated. He shifted in the seat and another spring popped up, this time poking him in the ass. That was a feeling he didn’t like. He slid across the seat a few inches.

  She chuckled. Had he said something funny? She dragged her hands from the table, laying them in her lap. “Dade is in rehabilitation and doing great. Doctors don’t know if he’ll walk again—” she lowered her eyes a mere second, “—but according to Dade, nothing will keep him from trying. He’s making lots of progress.”

  “I know. I speak to him every day.”

  Surprise lit her eyes. “You do?”

  “Dade told me the accident wasn’t my fault. That he had been acting out of stupid jealousy. Can’t say I’m over the guilt though.”

  “Oh, he didn’t tell me he’d spoken with you,” she said softly.

  “He probably didn’t think you needed to hear my name.”

  The waitress stepped over, cracking her gum loudly. “What can I get you, cowboy?”

  “I’ll take a coffee. Do you want another?” Jared looked at her almost empty cup.

  “I’ll have another tea, please,” Sofie said.

  “Coming right up.” The waitress went back to the counter. Jared and Sofie didn’t say anything until they had their cups in front of them.

  “You look great.” He roved his hungry gaze over her. Had she gained weight? She looked different somehow.

  “So do you.”

  He could have easily reached under the table and took her hand, kissed her, told her that he had missed her. He could have, but he didn’t. “Sorry it took so long for me to get here. I flew in expecting to have a rental car, but they had some issues. They found me a truck instead. Can’t complain.” He rolled his finger around the rim of the cup, keeping his gaze on her, not wanting to miss any expression.

  “I’m sorry you had to fly in just to speak to me. I would have come to see you, but—”

  “That wouldn’t have been right. Anyway, I want to see Dade before I head back.”

  “You’re not going to Nirvana?”

  He gave his head a shake. “No, not this trip.”

  She sipped her tea. “What are you doing now? Or should I ask?”

  He chuckled. “I’m glad you did. My father died and I’m going to turn the farm around, make it a working farm again.”

  She set her cup down with a crack. “I’m sorry, Jared.”

  “He didn’t die before he and I shared a father-son chat like the good ol’ days. Just this time he was too old and frail to slap me around.” Wow…he felt no anger, nothing but truth. That was a relief and showed him how much he’d overcome. Working on his own land had helped.

  “Are you able to live there without feeling resentment?”

  “There’s almost a sense of freedom being there without him.” He rubbed his smooth jaw. He’d shaved just for her. “Enough about me. I want to hear about you.”

  She lifted a shoulder, then let it slump. “Things are crazy.”

  “I bet they are. The ranch is open year round now. If I have to guess, you’re pretty busy out there.”

  “Steady. The hands are making it work. Chase hired two more, one is a woman. Her name is Moon.” She smiled and some of the twinkle returned to her gaze.

  He whistled through his teeth. “A female hand? Wow, things really are changing.”

  “It’s not the same though.” There went the sparkle.

  “Look, Sofie—”

  She held up a hand. “B
elieve it or not, I understand why you left. It hurts that you did, but we said our goodbyes at the hospital. I even understand that you needed to find yourself.”

  He squinted. “Why do I feel like there’s a but coming?”

  “Because maybe there is.”

  ****

  She tugged at the neckline of her shirt. Why did the tunic suddenly feel two sizes too small? Maybe that’s because it was. Having Jared near, seeing him again only reminded her of how depressed she’d been since he’d left…and how much she loved him.

  It had taken a few weeks just to get out of bed. Chase had understood, and even Kaycee had been a good friend.

  Life had felt, well, empty without Jared. Nirvana no longer satisfied something within her. That’s why she’d decided she needed to turn in her resignation, especially now that she had another life to take into consideration. Touching her slightly mounded stomach, her heart kicked up in speed. A baby—their baby. She was too early to start showing much, but she knew every single change in her body. Her swollen abdomen would only get larger as time passed. Looking across the table, she took in every masculine line of Jared’s face. She’d wanted to tell him about the baby. Couldn’t count the number of times she’d picked up the phone. She was braver than this, but each time she backed away. Would he tell her he wasn’t interested in becoming a family man? Being a father. He’d basically already said those words at the hospital that horrible day when he’d pushed her away. Would he think she’d gotten pregnant on purpose?

  She picked up her cup and the tea sloshed over the rim. Dang nerves. She hurried and put the cup down before she dropped it.

  “Maybe I should have just told you over the phone.”

  “But you didn’t and I’m here,” he said.

  “This isn’t easy,” she whispered.

  “I don’t think anything in our relationship…I mean, what we shared was easy.” He showed no emotion in his features. “I have a feeling you need to just blurt it out.”

  She wrapped her hands around her cup, needing something to hold onto. She blinked and forced her emotions back, promising herself that she wouldn’t cry. Strength was the only thing she had on her side. The truth lifted in her throat. “I’m pregnant, Jared.”

  The light flickered above their table. She’d almost thought she’d imagined that she’d said the words aloud because he sat there for the longest time, staring at her with no response. Then his brows scrunched and his lips thinned. “What?”

  Clearing her throat, she forced the words again. “I’m pregnant.”

  His tan faded. “I-I’m the father?”

  She sighed. “Of course you’re the father.”

  “Okay…I mean, yes, of course. Pregnant? Like a baby?”

  “It’s certainly not a piglet.”

  “I-I don’t know what to say,” he stammered.

  She blew out a breath, feeling all hope dissipate. Why had she done this face to face? It would have been easier on the phone and then, when he told her he wasn’t interested, she wouldn’t have to see his disappointed expression. “You don’t have to say anything. I knew I had to do the right thing and tell you, but that’s where your obligation ends.”

  “So, you plan to keep it?” Lines deepened around his mouth. Would he be sick?

  “Of course I plan to keep the baby.” Her body shook so hard she thought she might pass out. Dizziness washed over her and she counted to ten, forcing her lungs to work. “Many other single women have managed raising children alone.”

  “With difficulty,” he muttered.

  She narrowed her gaze on him. “Thank you for your words of confidence.” She reached inside of her purse, grabbed a couple of bills and tossed them on the table. “This was a bad idea. I’m sorry you came all of this way for nothing.” She started out of the seat, but he touched her wrist, pausing her.

  “I didn’t mean that, at least not that way. I’m a little stunned—no, a lot stunned. I’m not responsible for anything that might pour from my mouth until I’ve had time to think this over.”

  Relaxing back into the chair, she sighed. “You can think as long and hard as you like, Jared, but this baby—our baby—will continue to grow and eventually he or she will make their arrival. I didn’t see you because I was expecting you to step up. I understand that’s not something a cowboy like you does. However, I guess what I’m really saying is, if you’re not in this from the very beginning, then walk away and never show up, not months, years, decades down the line and want to wear a father’s hat. I can’t do that to my child.”

  When he didn’t answer, she stood, gave him one last look, and walked out of the diner. Once she was in her car, she let the tears flow. She’d just walked away from the man she loved, the father of her baby. He still sat in the booth, his head bent over his cup. Why did she have an urge to walk back in and wrap her arms around him? Because she was an idiot. She’d always been a person who wanted to please others, but today, the only two people she owed anything to was herself and her baby. If Jared didn’t want to be a part of their lives, then so be it. She would still be the best mom this child could ever ask for.

  Starting the engine, she backed out of the parking spot.

  She didn’t see Jared’s head come up. What she believed as she drove toward Nirvana was that she’d never see him again.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Jared slammed the door of his truck, shoved it into gear and raced out onto the road toward Nirvana. He had an urgency that made him want to push the pedal to the metal, but if he wrecked and killed himself, he wouldn’t be able to tell Sofie that he loved her.

  Damn, could he be more of a jerk?

  He’d been shocked hearing the news that he was going to be a father. That scared the shit out of him, but not even one part of him wanted to walk away. It was time he stopped blaming his childhood on who he was and take responsibility. That began with being honest with Sofie. Even if she wasn’t pregnant, he’d still want her in his life. Close to him.

  Would she even want him now?

  He’d basically done all of the wrong things since he slept with her, but with the intention of doing right. He couldn’t force her to love him, but he could be a father. He might not learn the ropes as quickly as other new fathers, but he was a fast learner. He would always be the best that he could be and prove the lies in his father’s words.

  He reached Nirvana, feeling at ease with what he knew he must do.

  Yet, when he saw the blaze coming from a barn, the flames shooting toward the sky, his stomach lurched into his chest. What the hell?

  As he drove closer, his lungs deflated and he slammed on the brakes, leaving the truck a good distance from the burning building. He saw Sofie’s car, the door open as if she made a mad dash to run inside. Fuck! His chest clenched and his heart kicked up in speed that forced his adrenaline into a fast pace.

  He hurried out of the truck. “Sofie?” he yelled, but knowing in his gut she wouldn’t answer.

  On the narrow lane, he could see the headlights of several vehicles moving closer. Apparently, others were aware of the fire.

  The first truck came to a skidding halt next to Sofie’s car. Chase had jumped out of the truck and stormed to Jared. “What’s going on?”

  Jared shrugged. “I don’t know. I drove up and saw the flames. I’m going in. I think Sofie is inside.”

  “Why the hell would she do a damned thing like that?” Chase turned as Dodge and Jace raced up to the scene.

  Jared ran to the entrance of the barn and jumped back as orangish-red flames shot out. Sweat beaded on his brow, but he wasted no time in stumbling into the sweltering heat. Thick smoke settled in a cloud and he could barely see two feet in front of him. “Sofie?” he yelled, sucking in a lungful of copious smoke.

  A horse’s cry reached his ears. He slowly stepped to the far wall—the wood was warm to the touch. Blindly, he felt his way to the stalls and touched the latch. The heat sizzled his skin and he jerked back. Tearing his shirt from
his body, he used it to unlock the bolt as the flames crackled and popped behind him. The mare was pushed back into the corner of the stall and when she saw Jared, she reared up her two legs, kicked the wall, and whinnied loudly. “Come on, girl,” he soothed her

  Her eyes were wide as she stared at him, kicking up dust as the flames drew closer. “Out!” He smacked her hard on the bottom and she darted out of the open gate, disappearing into the flames.

  Finding his way back into the center of the barn, he searched the fog, but couldn’t see anything.

  “Sofie?” The snapping of the fire was loud in his ears, competing with the thunderous beating of his heart. The flames hadn’t reached all of the barn yet—most importantly, the stack of hay on the far side. Once that lit, the building would go down fast. He could get to the fire extinguisher…and hopefully Sofie wasn’t still inside the barn.

  He heard a splitting of wood above him and looked up just as the beam split. He jumped to the side, but the heavy wood fell on his leg. The smoke grew thicker. The heat was almost unbearable.

  ****

  Sofie led the horse from the stall, sucking in precious air. Trucks raced along the lane and she heard yelling just as Chase came barreling around the corner, followed closely by Dodge and Jace.

  “Sofie, what were you thinking?” Chase asked through pants of breath.

  “I had to save the horses. I don’t know if the mare was the only one inside.” She could barely speak. The smoke was clogging her throat. “I called 9-1-1 before I went in.”

  “A stupid thing you did,” he snapped, but his jaw softened. He shouted orders to the men as they attempted to put out the fire with extinguishers. It was burning faster than they could extinguish the flames. “Has Jared made it out yet?”

  Sofie felt the ground shake under her feet. “What? Jared? What do you mean?”

  “He was here when we pulled up. While we were grabbing the extinguishers, he disappeared. He said he thought you were inside.”

  She raced past Chase, but he grabbed her and held her back. “You can’t go in there.”