by Nikki Paris
Charlie’s kiss was the sweetest fucking thing I’d ever tasted. It was shy at first, and then sure and passionate. My hands slid up her back and tangled themselves in her silky hair. Charlie opened her mouth while we kissed. So did I. Her tongue slid into my mouth. I met it with mine.
Charlie let out a soft moan against my lips and pressed herself into my body. Fuck. I had the damn Washington Monument between my legs now. Charlie deepened the kiss and rocked her hips just a little, drawing a groan from me.
If she kissed me for one more god-damn second, I was going to ruin her right there in my living room. Almost as if she could sense me losing control, Charlie broke the kiss. Then she slid off my lap and stood in front of me, chest heaving. Her lips were swollen and red from my kisses, and her eyes shimmered with arousal. She flashed me that pretty smile and bent to scoop up her new notebook from my coffee table.
I stared unflinchingly at her cleavage and clenched my fists to keep myself from hauling her back onto my lap and having my way with her.
Charlie leaned over me and pressed a soft kiss to my cheek. “Thank you, Burke,” she whispered. Then she floated away to my front door, where she wrapped her gorgeous body back up in her winter clothes. “Night.” She smiled at me one more time before slipping out the door.
“Fuck!” I groaned out loud and covered my face with both hands. That shouldn’t have happened. Charlie was way too young for me. I shouldn’t want her the way I did. Hell, I’d never come close to wanting a woman as much as I wanted my cutie.
Your cutie? Good god, man. Pull it together. She’s not yours.
I stood and wandered back to my bedroom. What the hell was I supposed to do about my impending blue balls? Jerk myself off thinking about a girl half my age? Call up one of the divorced soccer moms that gave me their phone numbers?
No fucking way. I’d suffer. I deserved to suffer for the thoughts I had about sweet little Charlie.
14
Charlie
It was hard to breathe as I walked to my car, and it had nothing to do with the frigid December air.
Holy fuck, Burke was a good kisser. Of course he was. And his dick! I could feel it through his jeans, and I almost started dry humping him like a psycho. My head was about to explode as I slid into my car. I smiled and texted Burke the mind-blown emoji. He replied seconds later with the same.
I laughed out loud and called Matteo as I drove home. For once in his life, he didn’t answer. Things must be escalating with Jonah. I’d leave them alone to do their thing.
When I pulled into my driveway, another text from Burke came in. Cutie, I want you. You do something crazy to my head.
Then another. I shouldn’t even be telling you this right now. I swore I’d never touch you. You’re too young for me, too sweet, too smart, too beautiful.
I bit my lip and smiled as I read the last message. But that kiss, Charlie… made me want to do filthy things to you, and I hate myself for it. You should stay away from me.
Burke could try to push me away all he wanted, but I was more stubborn than he could even imagine. I texted back. I don’t think I will stay away, Burke. I want you, too, and I’m looking forward to all of the filthy things you’re going to do to me.
My heart raced when I pressed send. I took the flirt up twenty notches. Matteo would scream with excitement when I told him about this.
One more text from Burke rolled in. Fuck, Charlie.
Exactly, Burke.
Would now be a good time to tell Burke that I was a virgin? I had to tell him, right? Like, there was a membrane thing that would break my first time, and he would know. There could be blood. It might hurt. That would freak him out.
I definitely needed to tell him.
◆◆◆
Finals week kicked my butt since I’d skipped my classes so often, so I didn’t hang out at the bar for almost a full week. Burke and I had texted a few times but hadn’t seen each other since the kiss. Now, though, finals were over, and I needed to see him and touch him… and tell him I wanted him to take my virginity.
Burke took his break at 9:30 pm on Thursdays. I slipped through the back gate and was waiting for him on the steps when he came out.
He groaned when he saw me and gripped my arm, hauling me up. I thought he was pissed for a second and about to tell me to go home, but instead, he shoved me up against the brick wall and pressed his lips against my neck. “I thought you were a smart girl, Charlie. You really should stay away from me.” He took my mouth in a rough kiss and slid his hands down to grip my ass.
I gasped because it felt so fucking good and immediately felt embarrassed for making noises. Did sexually experienced women make noises at every little touch? Burke was going to know I was a virgin before I even got the words out.
“Mmm, Burke,” I panted as his mouth devoured my neck. “I can’t stay away from you. I want you.”
“You shouldn’t. I’m too old for you.” His teeth caught my ear, drawing a moan from my lips. “Fuck, I want to taste every inch of your body.”
I felt his erection pressing into my stomach, and a mild surge of panic rushed through me. He needed to know that I was a virgin. He needed to know that I wanted him, but I wasn’t ready for rough yet. “Burke?” I pressed a quick kiss to his lips. I needed to get one more kiss in, in case the virgin stuff freaked him out.
“Yeah, cutie?” His hands were traveling up my body, under my coat. They stopped at my breasts and squeezed.
I tipped my head back and moaned again. Never mind. I could handle rough. If I bled, I’d tell him I must have started my period. God, just don’t let him fucking stop touching me!
“Charlie?” Burke gazed into my eyes. “You wanted to say something?”
I gazed back at him and bit my lip. “I’m, uh, I want to fuck you so bad, but there’s a tiny thing that you should know.”
Burke narrowed his eyes and let his hands slide back down to my waist.
Ugh. I was losing him. “I’m a virgin.”
Burke backed away from me like I was made of fire. He put both hands on his head and took a few more steps back. “Fuck!”
“It’s not a huge deal!” I reached for him, but he backed away again.
“Yes, it is, Charlie.” He groaned and looked up at the night sky. “I’m so sorry, cutie. I just mauled you.” Burke ran his hands through his beard and looked away. “And the things I said to you… Fuck!”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Burke. I loved every second of it. I want it. I want you.” Did I sound pathetic to him right now?
He shook his head. “You don’t want that, Charlie. I don’t want that for you.” Burke paced in front of the stairs. “I never should have kissed you. I shouldn’t have told you that I wanted you. I don’t know what I was thinking. This isn’t going to happen.”
I bit my lip and stared at the ground. “Is it really so bad that I’ve never had sex before? Does that make you not want me?”
Burke stopped pacing and gave me a pained look. “No, cutie. It makes me want—" He covered his mouth with one hand and growled some almost incoherent words, but I thought I caught “probably so fucking tight.” Burke let out a deep breath. “You should go home, Charlie. We can’t do this.”
I glared at him. “You’re kind of being an asshole about me being a virgin. I thought you’d be a tiny bit nicer about it instead of making me feel stupid.”
Burke surprised me and laughed. “Good. Think I’m an asshole and stay away from me, cutie. You deserve better than a grumpy-ass, thirty-five-year-old divorced bartender.”
He turned to walk away, but I called after him. “Do you think I can’t handle it? Do you think I’m a stupid kid, Burke?”
“Charlie,” Burke shook his head and gave me a molten look. Then his eyes hardened, and his posture changed. “You couldn’t handle it, and you are a kid. I’m going to get back to work, and you should go home before your brother comes out here and wonders what in the hell I’m doing with his kid sister.”
> I scoffed. “Yeah, you’re an ass.”
Burke laughed and headed up the stairs. “Yes, I am. Night, cutie.”
Tears of embarrassment burned my eyes as I slipped out the back gate and headed for my car. God, that was humiliating! I’d never tell a guy I was a virgin again! I called Matteo because that was what we did when we were upset. We called each other and bitched.
“Hey, beautiful!” He answered, sounding way too fucking happy.
“Mattie! I told him I was a virgin, and then he wouldn’t even touch me and told me to stay away from him! I’m so embarrassed! I want to die!” I climbed into my car and drove straight home.
“Aw, honey! What was he doing right before you told him?”
I sniffled. “Why does that matter?”
“Just tell me!” I could almost hear Matteo’s eye roll.
“Uh, he shoved me up against the wall and was kissing me and touching me and saying sexy things.”
“Oh, damn. Explain that in more detail, please.”
“You dirty whore.” I laughed despite my tears.
“K, Charlotte, he wants you, but he’s conflicted. And it’s a lot of pressure to take someone’s virginity. I’m probably going to be in the same boat here with Jonah soon, and I’m stressed! I want to give him an amazing first time, but there’s always the chance I’ll screw it up. Your man is scared and conflicted, but He. Wants. You. Give him a little time and keep reassuring him that you want him, too.”
I blew out a breath. “So, patience?”
Matteo laughed. “Ugh. That is the theme of both of our love lives right now, isn’t it?”
“I hate it. Are you at work, boo?”
“Yes. I don’t get off until 11.”
“Can I see you tomorrow?”
“Duh. Come over as soon as you wake up. We can watch movies and eat junk food because I’m exhausted this week.” Matteo paused, “Is that okay?”
“That sounds perfect, Mattie. You know you don’t have to turn on your dazzle for me.” Matteo spent most of his time making people laugh and being the life of the party. But every once in a while, he burned himself out and needed to do absolutely nothing. Those “nothing” moments were some of my favorites with him.
“Thank you, love. It’s a relief to be blah sometimes. Okay, a customer just walked in. Gottagobye.”
I slid my phone into my back pocket and rested my forehead against my steering wheel. Patience. Burke wanted me. I’d leave him alone for a few days and then try to approach the subject again.
I headed inside to find my mom on the couch in tears. Dread settled in the pit of my stomach. She’d been holding it together so well lately, but the holidays were rough. Her head whipped up when I walked into the room. “Charlie! Hey, honey!” She tried to wipe her tears, but I sank next to her and pulled her into my arms.
“It’s okay, mom. Do you miss him today?”
She let out a shuddering breath. “So much that there’s a physical ache in my chest. But you don’t need to see me like this.”
“Actually, I do. If we miss dad so much it hurts, then that means his memory is still alive.” I squeezed her a little tighter. She felt too thin. Grief made her forget to eat. “Also, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one that still cries.” I kissed my mom’s forehead and stood. “I’m going to make buttered noodles. Want some?” I wasn’t hungry, but she needed some carbs and fat.
My mom smiled up at me and shook her head. “Oh, Charlie-girl. I’m the one who should be drying your tears.”
“You do. Come eat carbs with me.”
She followed me into the kitchen and watched while I boiled a pot of water and grabbed a package of pasta from the pantry. I studied her face and wondered if I should ask her for advice about my love life. She and my dad had this beautiful epic love, but it couldn’t have come easily. They must have had struggles, and those were the moments that could teach you the most.
I almost opened my mouth to ask, but I held back my question. Why would she want to remember the struggles when she was missing him so fiercely? It would be insensitive of me to ask.
I’d figure out my own shit with Burke. I would because I wanted him, and I’d never wanted anyone before.
15
Charlie
For almost two damn weeks, Burke took his breaks in the back room instead of outside, and he gave me single word answers when I stopped by the bar. But he still stared at my tits and ass. Burke hadn’t answered a single text either — not that I’d been blowing up his phone. But I’d seen those three little dots like he was typing a response countless times.
I’d been patient enough. He needed to take me or never look at me again. I marched into ’69 two days before Christmas and blew right past my brother.
“Charlie!” Evan called after me. “What the hell? Where’s my hug, kid?”
I groaned and turned around to hug Evan.
“What crawled up your ass today?”
“You’re so fucking funny, Evan.” I rolled my eyes and pulled away. “Where’s Burke?”
Evan glanced toward the empty bar. “Uh, probably in the back? Why?”
“I have a Christmas present for his daughter.”
Evan frowned. “Didn’t you watch her like once?”
I studied Evan’s face, thought about telling him I wanted to fuck his bartender, decided against it. “I’ve watched her a few times. She likes me.”
“Oh, I had no idea. Cool. Yeah, Burke’s probably in the back. You can go give it to him.”
“Thanks.” I walked away from my brother, and he watched me with a curious look until his phone rang.
I burst into the back room. Burke was there, arranging bottles of Grey Goose on a high shelf. “You’re avoiding me!” I accused, furious with him.
“That’s right.” Burke didn’t even turn to look at me but just kept working.
“Look at me, Burke! You’re being stupid!”
He sighed and turned to face me, crossing his big tattooed arms over his chest. “There’s nothing stupid about keeping my distance from my boss’s baby sister. That’s smart, Charlie.”
“But, you want me.”
“Yes, I do, but you’re way too young for me. You’re a kid.”
I scoffed, and something like insanity washed over me. I gripped the hem of my gray t-shirt and yanked it up to flash my bra. “Do I fucking look like a kid to you, Burke?”
Burke gaped at me, and then shot a worried glance toward the door. “Charlie! Anyone could walk in here! The hell are you doing?” He stepped toward me and yanked my shirt back down.
I shoved his chest. “Do. I. Look. Like. A. Child?” I asked through gritted teeth.
Burke groaned and looked up at the ceiling. “No, Charlie, you don’t. You look like a grown-ass woman, and you make me hard as hell! You’re sexy and smart, and I want to bend you over this damn crate and fuck you right now!” He pointed to the wooden crate against the far wall. “But I won’t do it. I won’t be a fucking creep and take that first time from you.”
“You’re not taking it! I’m giving it to you!”
“Give it to some twenty-two-year-old with a nice smile!”
“I don’t want to!”
“You have to! That’s how losing your virginity works!”
I folded my arms and glared at him. “Okay, Burke. I’ll let some asshole fuck me in his dorm room, hurt me, make me bleed, and leave me one hundred percent unsatisfied. Then I’ll call you, and you can have his sloppy seconds because guess what? I’m still going to want you!”
Burke let out an angry growl. “Like hell I’m going to let some asshole hurt you!”
I smirked and unfolded my arms. “So we agree, then? You’re going to take what I’m offering, Burke?”
He shot me a glare. “I didn’t say that either.”
I rolled my eyes and dug Tess’s Christmas present out of my bag. “Fine. Call me when you figure out that we’re good together and our ages don’t matter. I’ll be waiting for you be
cause I don’t want anyone else.” I pressed the gift bag into his arms. “This is for Tess. It’s a purple bear, with a pink dress. She’ll appreciate the joke.”
Burke held the bag with one hand and rubbed his beard with the other, trying not to smile. “You got my daughter a Christmas present.”
“Yep. Bye.” I turned to leave, but he caught my wrist.
“Why don’t you give it to her yourself? I have her tomorrow night for dinner.” His intense green eyes roamed my body, and he lowered his voice. “She’s not spending the night.”
My heart rammed against my ribcage, and I gulped. “Okay.”
Burke pressed the bag back into my arms and caught my lips in a quick, biting kiss. “I must be crazy, cutie.” Then he brushed past me and headed back out to the bar.
Did that mean he would take my virginity for Christmas?
◆◆◆
My family had an early Christmas Eve dinner so that Evan could get back to the bar. He wanted to keep it open on Christmas Eve to give the people with no families a place to go. He was going to tend the bar himself and play therapist while Sienna sang Christmas carols.
It was kind of adorable, and it made me love the shit out of my brother.
It also meant that I’d be able to attend Burke’s Christmas Eve dinner with Tess. I was so nervous that I could hardly eat, even though my mom was a fantastic cook. She made the whole Christmas Eve dinner again — we’d skipped it last year because it hadn’t felt right without dad— smoked ribs, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, and fresh orange rolls. I wanted to eat everything, but my nerves were making it impossible. I pushed the food around my plate until Evan and Sienna announced that they were leaving.
“We’ll be back in the morning.” Evan pulled us all in for hugs, then headed out the door.
I rushed up the stairs and locked myself in my bedroom to put on my black lace bra and panty set under my jeans and sweater. Would matching underwear make me look like I was trying too hard? My heart pounded so violently that I could feel it in my stomach.
