Aquarius_Mr. Humanitarian_The 12 Signs of Love

by Tiana Laveen

  “Dad, Mary and Bridgette didn’t like Daniel—that’s a fact. I haven’t liked some of their boyfriends either and honestly, I can take or leave Lance but now that he’s engaged to Mary, I am trying to be as supportive as possible. To me, that is what a sister does. As long as he is not hitting her or dogging her out, I’m going to support her and try to be positive. They didn’t act the way you two did towards me. They told me what they thought, but they didn’t shun me or write me off, Dad. That was the difference. They didn’t wish doom and gloom on my marriage by saying, ‘It’ll never last.’ In fact, Bridgette told me flat out that she wanted to be proven wrong about him—and you know what? I believed her.”

  “They still came by to visit us, even though Daniel tried to alienate me. Dad, that’s when I needed you and Mom the most! You were right, and because of that, your love was the most crucial it had ever been!”

  She hated how her voice quaked at the revelation. She looked at her father, not certain if he understood. Here sat a Black man who’d come from money. He’d never known what it was like to struggle financially, or not know where his next meal was coming from. He did not live in the same realm of the have nots, but he had a good heart. That said, he had little patience for mistakes, and sometimes Addison felt like he thought she was a mistake, too. Middle child blues…

  They stared at each other as time ticked on by.

  “We never stopped loving you, Addison.” He swallowed hard, his eyes moist as apparent emotions built up like water in a dam, but he kept his composure nevertheless. The truth showed in the way his shoulders slumped and the tick at the corner of his lip.

  Her phone buzzed then. She looked down at it and smiled. It was Aiden checking in on her, making sure all was well and she was okay.

  Aiden: I don’t need you to respond, just making sure you are fine. Whatever is going on, keep an open mind and listen. I love you.

  She looked back at her father.

  “Dad, is it okay if I come by Monday afternoon? I have to meet two new clients at the gym, a couple, for a personal training session that morning.”

  “Of course you can come.”

  “Maybe all of us can have lunch… you know, when Mom is here, too?”

  His eyes glimmered. “I think your mother would like that very much, I know I would.”

  She rose from the table and went to wrap her arms around the man and kiss him on the cheek. He patted her arm and smiled, but deep within, she had no doubt they both hurt so deeply. When she started to leave, he called out to her.

  “Addison.”

  “Yes, Dad?”

  “One day, you will have children of your own.”

  “Oh, Dad,” She smiled and shook her head. “I don’t know about all of that.”

  He raised a hand to stop her. “No, listen to me,” he said, his tone serious. “One day, you’ll understand the hurt that comes with being a parent… when you have to admit that you made mistakes in raising them. Perfection and parenting both begin with the letter ‘p’, but they live nowhere near one another, not even on the same block. We do the best we can, and each child is different, so how you talk to them and treat them can vary, too. You’ll be sorry many times before they reach adulthood, but you’ll probably never say sorry for loving them with all that you have within you, because you don’t owe that child an apology for loving them so hard! One day, Addison, the words that I can’t say right now, the things I can’t explain to you, will make sense. My parents, your grandparents, grew up dirt poor, but worked hard so that when they got married and had me and my sister, we never wanted for anything. But they instilled in us that even financial success didn’t mean you could treat people any way you wished, that you needed to have honor and respect, and you needed to be humble.

  “Because of how they raised us, I wanted to ensure that my children had the same privileges. I have never told you some of the adversities I faced and perhaps I should have. I wanted to protect you. It wasn’t a prideful reason, I wanted you to believe you and your sisters could have it all, despite being African American young ladies in a racist and misogynistic society. It was hard enough being Black in America, Addison. Having to explain to cops who pulled me over why my car was so fancy, being accused of stealing my suits, hats, and watch. Having people cut their eyes at me with resentment and tell me I spoke well for a Black man! Being asked to sing or dance, mistaken for a shoeshine boy while in the airport, having my Master’s degree questioned for authenticity! Not believing me when I explained that I didn’t have any children out of wedlock! Your mother was mistaken for a cleaning lady when she pulled up in her own driveway one day. Someone had the wrong address and was on our property!

  “The stories I could tell you, Addison… it would take hours to recite each one. These things don’t just happen in the South. Seattle is supposed to be progressive, and yet, it is happening here, too, and it will continue to happen as long as people need someone to feel better than because their own self-esteem and self-worth is in the shitter! I never wanted you to have that! I never wished for you and your sisters to have to apologize for being you! For being successful! For living well! You and your sisters are our pride and joy. So, when you go down in the dumps, you need to remember that you take us down with you! When your heart breaks, so does mine, a million times over… Your cries are heard as though atop a mountain, echoing, and we hear them! Oh, honey, don’t you understand?!”

  Her heart beat inside her chest so hard, it hurt. She fought the tears, begged them not to come as she simply stood there, shaking, staring at the man, hearing things from him that were brand new and tragic.

  “I’m trying to understand, Dad. I am!” She walked back over to him, and he stood from his seat and held her hand as he looked into her eyes. Into her soul.

  “I saw my daughter being torn apart… torn down.” His voice shook as a tear streaked his cheek. “This strong, independent young lady who’d worked her behind off in school, got straight A’s all through elementary and high school, and made the Dean’s list every semester in college was a showstopper of a woman. You never wanted money from us. You wanted to earn your own way, just like we’d taught you. You were amazing! My daughter knew the meaning of hard work. She was training people, helping them achieve healthier lifestyles. I know exactly what led to you choosing this occupation, and it’s a noble reason.” She dropped her head, fighting tears, then slowly met eyes with him again, barely hanging on. “This daughter of mine, she was full of life! Laughing, silly at times, rebellious as a teenager, but had her head on straight. And then this… this bastard came into her life and tore my child’s heart out of her chest!”

  Addison unraveled right then and there. The tears came and never stopped. She looked down, kept a tight grip on her father’s hand, but looked away, unable to keep her composure a moment longer.

  “She was being destroyed by a man who didn’t give a damn about ’er! Didn’t value her! He didn’t encourage you to chase after your dreams. He didn’t help steer you in the right direction, give you good advice and inspire you to treat the world as your oyster. He was too insecure to let you have what was rightfully yours! Everyone became his competition. He didn’t want you to spread your wings and fly. He was afraid you’d soar high up in the sky, right the hell away from him if you knew what else was out there in the world! You were so young, a bit sheltered, and you didn’t know any better. But I and your mother did and it killed us, Addison. I am sorry that you felt left behind… that we drew a line in the sand and told you to choose. In retrospect, that wasn’t a good plan. You’re right, that’s when you needed us most. I’m sorry!”

  She took her father into her arms and hugged him tight, squeezing him as the tears kept falling and her heart kept swelling with the pain of a wound that should have healed long ago. She was at a loss for words, in shock. She’d rarely seen her father express emotion. Certainly not like this.

  “He wasn’t kind to you, Addison.” Dad rocked her in his arms and kissed th
e top of her head. “He wasn’t compassionate. He was hard, rough, and arrogant. He turned you into someone you were not. On the outside, he was a father’s dream for their daughter—a surgeon from a great family. But on the inside, he was cold, callous, controlling and devious. I didn’t hate you for choosing him, Addison. I hated him for hurting my child… for making her believe his lies, for making you doubt yourself. I despised him for not being human enough to see or care about the havoc he’d reeked. Yes, one day, you’ll be in my shoes, watching your child make a mistake… one that will make you queasy with anxiety. But there won’t be anything you can do about it because they’ll be grown, making their own choices out in the world. And when that day comes, I hope you can remember this conversation, and I hope it’ll do you some good…”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Mommy and Daddy Issues…

  Later that evening…

  “You got my other text after that though, right?”

  “Yes, the first one when you asked me to listen and have an open mind and then, a bit later, the second one arrived. Therefore, my question to you now is, are you some sort of psychic?” the woman asked, seeming unnerved. Aiden lounged back in his bed, not sure how to respond.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You sent me a text that said: I’m glad you asked your father for the money. It’s a great idea. One day you may have kids of your own, and they’ll ask for money too, LOL. I laughed at that initially, but then literally less than five minutes after you sent it, my father was telling me about one day I will have children, and then I’ll understand his and my mother’s position better. I rarely see my dad cry, Aiden. It was… hard. Today was so hard. I can’t even explain to you how hard it was!”

  He sat up. The woman was downright choked up, emotionally bothered and bursting at the seams.

  “I take it you two had a much-needed heart to heart, huh? That’s good.”

  “Yes… and it was not what I expected. I owed him a big apology. I still felt left behind, but I totally got where he was coming from. It had never sunk in before today, probably because I was in the damn sunken place with Daniel the asshole! How could I have been so stupid?! You were right; most people would kill for a family like mine, Aiden. I was so blinded by whatever the hell was going on, I totally lost focus. After all of that, I handed him his check back.”

  “What?”

  “Yes. My apology to him will be me making this work on my own. I was wrong, point blank, period, Aiden. I am taking full responsibility for my part in this. I don’t get to play victim anymore. I chose the wrong motherfucker to marry.” He couldn’t help but smile at her words. What an amazing woman. “Time to own it and stop blaming everyone else. I knew deep down Daniel wasn’t a good match for me, but I was hell-bent on forcing it, making it work. The man for me would be a good person. He’d be kind, considerate, faithful. He’d make me laugh. He’d never come between me and my family. He’d never intentionally hurt me, either.” Aiden slid his hand behind his head, aching for her. He wished she were right there with him. Maybe through a hug and kiss, he could ease her pain. “Aiden…”

  “Yeah?”

  “Tell me about your parents.” He sat up, totally thrown off his game.

  “Why?”

  “Because you told me the other day that people would bend over backwards to have parents like mine, and the look in your eyes let me know that you experienced something different than me as a child and adolescent. Not only that, you told me when we first met that you grew up in Roxhill. That had to have been rough.”

  He now regretted that confession…

  He’d just gotten home from his mother’s apartment less than an hour ago. She hadn’t been completely sloshed, but tipsy, and he had to hear how horrible her life was, how no one was there for her, the whole nine. Emotionally winded, he’d stormed out, leaving her to her own devices. She was his burden, his private problem. Mom was no one’s business but his and Perry’s…

  “I, uh, okay, I see. Well, we can discuss it later.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I really don’t want to talk about this.” A wave of embarrassment at the memories of his youth swelled within. Memories of the lies he’d told to teachers as to why the signature on his field trip slips looked forged, why she’d never come to parent-teacher conferences, and them demanding an explanation for him and Perry not having enough lunch money and borrowing from other students… “Just let it go, okay?”

  “Oh? Okay. Sure.” He was shocked by how Addison was simply willing to accept his answer and not push him to explain. Regardless, he was hell-bent on not looking a gift horse in the mouth. He sighed with relief.

  “Okay, well, I need to get some more of these boxes unpacked. I will call you later, okay?”

  “Oh… all right.”

  The woman’s abruptness said it all. Nope. She wasn’t pleased with him, not one tiny bit. Before he could say another word, she ended the call. He glanced at his phone, shook his head, and set it on his nightstand. Minutes later, he was sitting in bed, watching a rerun of ‘Big Brother’, with a bowl of popcorn on his lap and a large bottle of diet coke on the nightstand.

  “Fuck!” He jumped at the sound of pounding on his front door, the kind of knock that sounded threatening, like the police needed in and they had a damn warrant. Getting to his feet, he opened his bedroom door and headed down the hall towards the front of his condo.

  Please don’t let this be Mom or Perry about Mom. Not that the woman ever visited him at his place.

  Looking out the peephole, he couldn’t believe his damn eyes. Addison stood there, donning an oversized white puffer coat, black leggings, and white Reebok sneakers. Her short curls were pinned back on one side with a silver barrette and she looked pissed the hell off.

  Fucking great.

  He swung the door open as anger rose within him, ready to demand an explanation for this unplanned visit.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming by, Addison?” She barged past him, leaving him there looking at nothing but her disappearing act. Slamming the door behind her, he turned towards his living room but didn’t see her. She was long gone, like Speedy Gonzales. Addison was barreling towards his bedroom, the only spot in the place where the light was on, sound poured through, and proof of life existed. He chased after her, his rage building like Legos.

  “Addison! What do you think you’re doing? Are you crazy?!” He barged into his bedroom and found her sitting on the edge of his bed, her chest heaving, her coat tossed onto the bed.

  “Let me explain a little something to you, Mr. Summers. I have had one of the most emotional, insane days of my damn life. Do you hear me?! I just discovered that not only do I have poor taste in men, I’m a spoiled fucking brat! That’s right, I’m a brat.” She pointed to her chest. “I made my father cry… because I felt entitled enough to believe, after all of these damn years, that they should’ve accepted a maniac I had brought into the family, even though he proved a million times over that he wasn’t shit.”

  “What does that have to do with—”

  “I saw the hurt I put in that man’s heart! The anguish by ignoring his and my mother’s calls after everything went to hell. I have been fighting my way back from the damn grave, the one I am partially responsible for burying myself in. It is time for me to take some responsibility. I called myself stupid, but I have to learn from my mistakes or I’ll keep repeating them. I had completely lost myself behind a man who didn’t give two shits about me. He just liked how I looked, dug my family’s status because, of course, he being who he was—a White man dating some lowly Black girl—I had to be from the lap of luxury, right? If I’d been poor he probably wouldn’t have dealt with me at all, quite honestly. He didn’t know me; in fact, he never even tried to get to know me, either. It was all just surface stuff. To this day, he could probably not even tell you my favorite color!”

  It’s blue…. But he kept the thought to himself.

  “He couldn’
t tell you what high school I went to, my favorite food, and the movie I hate most of all.”

  Privett Academy, eggplant parmesan, and you hated ‘Jersey Girl.’…

  “No one owes me anything, Aiden, and that includes my parents. No one owes me a leg up or a leg in! You owe me nothing, either. You don’t owe me a guaranteed promise of a job, kind words, nothing… but you did it. You pretty much have assured me I am as good as hired with Golden Farms. Do you know that they called me and said you wrote a letter of recommendation? You’re the natural care-giver. You make everything right but if someone gets too close to you, tries to wiggle their way inside your private little world, you shut down. You are kind to me, you’re good to me, and you make me laugh. You’re an awesome listener, but your face tells lies!”

  “What?!”

  “You heard me, Aiden. You smile when you are crushed, and you smile when you’re dying on the inside. No more! Guess what? I am pulling the wool off your little charade and exposing you. I want to know who I am dating. I want to know who I am sharing my body and my heart with, Aiden. I deserve to know where you came from, what you really think, who broke your heart, what your dreams are that have yet to be achieved. You’re an emotional liar. You tell everyone what they need to know about everything, except anything about you.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? You do know who I am! Furthermore, I’m a vocational counselor. Getting you a job is what I am supposed to do! You know what? This was a mistake.” He waved his hands frantically about, his head about to explode. “I want you to leave, please.” His heart beat out of his chest as he looked down at her sitting there. Her big eyes were so full of sorrow, it tore his heart apart.

  “I’ll leave, but not until I get what I came here for. I asked you one question—about your family. We’re seeing each other. You asked me if I wanted to be exclusive and I jumped at the chance because you’re a great guy! No one said I was your woman or you were my man until Valentine’s Day and, more importantly, your birthday. But we have something special that ties us together, beyond all of this. It wasn’t just my body that you wanted. You liked the pain I was in… because you could identify with it.”