Sinful Surrender

by Houston Havens

  “I don’t get it.” She swatted at the tears running down her cheeks. “My government promotes itself as an organization of gentle souls, new-age philosophers, and peace-loving people. But it’s all bullshit! The UG always calls your world a world of barbarians. Yet, I’ve discovered your world is full of love, understanding, and acceptance. I was prepared to be brutalized by you.” She looked down, ashamed to say more.

  “And then you found out who the real barbarians are?”

  “They’re liars!” She ripped open her robe and pounded her fist over the brand on her upper chest. “No one who believes in humanity could do this to another person. I’m branded, like an animal! They did this!” Uncontrollable tears spilled from her eyes as she pounded harder on her chest. “They branded their own citizen! I dread to think what they’d do to an Airborne.”

  “They’ve given us deadly diseases, killer plagues, and murdered as many of our women and children as they could, Fay. They’re cowards. I hate to say it, but the brand showed you the real truth of our worlds.” Logan moved over to sit in the chair she was now perched on the arm of once again. He laid his arm across her lap, and the comfortable feeling of his love soaked into her wounded soul. “Fay, despite what you were told, I’ve never plotted an attack on the Dirt Dwellers. I’ve only thought of ways to keep my people safe from yours. Your people are the ones who want to control the world, not me. I want my people to live worry-free. I want them happy. And I want them healthy. It’s all I want besides you.”

  She jumped up, uncomfortable with his last statement. “Stop it. You can’t love me like this.”

  “Fay—”

  “Logan, I’m marked. Every time you look at me, this is what you’ll see. These ugly, reddish-black letters screaming out I’m a traitor! Is that what you want to see when you make love to me?” She couldn’t stop the hysterics or her actions as she pulled her hair like an insane woman. “I’m ugly!”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “You’ve never lied to me, Logan, don’t start now.” She paced over to a chair across from Logan, putting a safer distance between them. “I’m sure Arlo can’t wait to come up with a thousand poems about my stunning brand!” She pulled a handkerchief from her robe pocket and sniveled into it.

  “I don’t get this. What is all this really about, Fay? You’re not a shallow woman. You’re not vain. You know there’s more to you than your beauty. Why all of a sudden does a simple tattoo—”

  “No!” Fay lifted her leg and pointed at the bottom of her foot. “That’s a tattoo! Do you see it?” She screamed at him before ramming her finger into her chest. “This…this is a fucking brand! It’s not a tattoo that can be removed! A brand is burned deep into the flesh. It can never be removed or covered. That’s the difference, Logan!”

  “Okay, I got the difference. But, why is this such a big deal? If you were so dead set against your skin being marked in anyway, why did you tattoo yourself to begin with?”

  “Why did I—” Her breath left her lungs in a rush. “Logan, I didn’t tattoo my foot. Someone did it to me when I was an infant. And the reason I haven’t had it removed is because I want to find the person who did this to me. I want to know why, and I want to find out what this tattoo means.”

  “That’ll be near to impossible.”

  “Not really. The artist who did this is an expert. He knew how to draw it so the tattoo didn’t turn into a little ink blob as I grew. If you look, the design is quite clear. Not many can do that. He’d be renowned for it.”

  “So, for whatever reasons, you’ve kept the tattoo. You’ve lived with the mark all your life. Tell me why you can’t do the same with the brand? You’ve got it. It’s there, and like the tattoo, you can’t remove it. Only you, me, and my brothers will ever see it. So what? I have battle scars, and you haven’t said one thing about any of them.”

  Fay couldn’t stop the burst of tears following his words. Between sobs she said, “I don’t give a fuck about other people seeing it! I care about you and Arlo. You loved my breasts. Arlo told me…he loved looking at them, and so did you! And now? Will you or he look at them the same way you did? No!” She screamed at the top of her lungs. “I’m damaged…forever. You nor your brothers want to look at this for the rest of your lives.” She got up and ran to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her, she yelled from behind it, unable to look him in the face. “Go, Logan. I don’t hold you or your brothers to any promises. Now go!”

  * * * *

  “So.” Chandra sipped wine from Ortello’s glass. “What are we going to do about Fay?”

  Logan returned to his home in Sedona after Fay’s perplexing behavior and outburst. He pushed his plate with the unfinished dinner forward. “I saw her yesterday, and I found out what’s bothering her. It’s why I called all of you here.”

  Drakker dropped back in his chair. Dinner hadn’t held interest for him in months, but Logan’s statement did. “Spit it out.”

  “Yeah, what is it?” Arlo leaned forward, elbows on the table. “Don’t mince words.”

  “They branded her chest with the word traitor in one-inch lettering across the top of her breasts.”

  “Oh my God.” Arlo’s exclamation overrode Drakker’s more expletive filled comment.

  “That’s it?” Chandra murmured to Ortello. “Damn, I should have guessed.”

  “I didn’t know she had one as well,” Andonis muttered to Nikias. “Fay refused to allow me to examine her the night we returned, or for that matter, thereafter. A brand would explain the high fever she had for so long after our arrival.”

  “Now see, Arlo,” Logan said overhearing Andonis’ remark, but ignoring it to make his point to his youngest brother. “That comment of yours would send Fay over the edge.”

  “All I meant was it had to have hurt like a bitch. There’s no padding or fat on the upper chest of a woman.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s not how she’d interpret the remark. She’s overly sensitive about you anyway.”

  “Me? Why?”

  “Because you’re her poet. Her romancer. The guy who made her feel beautiful.”

  “What about me?” Drakker’s softly spoken question suggested he was feeling a little insulted. “Didn’t I make her feel beautiful?”

  Logan smirked. “Well, I’m sure you made her feel desired, just not in a romantic kind of way. We each affect her self-worth in different ways. Arlo’s artistic ways through poetry and songs appeal to Fay. They make her feel attractive. Normally, I think Fay would have taken the branding without a problem. She’s a confident woman. But, because she fell in love with us, and each of us in our own ways has told her how much we loved her body, her breasts, and her exquisite loveliness, she’s become obsessed with the scar. It’s all she sees of herself right now.”

  “A scar is why she’s refusing to see us?”

  Logan nodded at Drakker’s inquiry. “It’s silly, but in her mind the brand is all there is of her. For some reason, the physical scar also scarred her self-image.”

  “Then her problem’s solved.” Chandra glanced at Andonis. “Tell them what you did for me.”

  He gave an I don’t want to brag shrug.

  “Tell them.”

  “After we returned and got the girls down to the safe house in Santa Fe, I was there one afternoon, and Chandra was having a little difficulty breathing after her shoulder surgery. It turned out to be allergies, but to be on the safe side I checked her lungs to make sure she didn’t have pneumonia. When I opened her blouse to listen to her breathing, I used the opportunity to tell her what I thought I might be able to do to remove the brand on her chest.”

  Logan watched as everyone turned their heads toward Chandra.

  She nodded. “I’m guessing it’s in the exact same spot as Fay’s.” She pointed to the middle of her chest just above her breasts. “Guess it’s what they do to traitors.”

  “Can I see yours?”

  “Drakker!” Arlo and Logan scolded in unison.

 
“No, it’s okay.” Chandra smiled. “I’d show it to you if I could, but Andonis removed it.”

  “A brand? How?” Arlo pressed his hands together with hope.

  He directed his reply to Drakker. “Some stem cells, Botox, fillers, and—”

  “Can you do the same for our Fay?”

  Andonis smiled at Drakker’s interruption. “I don’t see why not.”

  “Whoa, stop, wait a minute.” Logan held up his hands. “If we suggest Andonis remove the brand, Fay’s in such a state of mind, it’ll confirm her wrong beliefs about us and her looks. So, how do we handle this right?”

  “I know,” Arlo said. “Have Andonis go see Fay and check her lungs. He then can say to her what he said to Chandra.”

  “That won’t work,” Drakker grumbled.

  “Why not?”

  “Because it doesn’t solve the thought process she’s going through right now. From what Logan told us about her, she’s depressed.”

  Logan chimed in, “What do you suggest?”

  Drakker smiled. “Well, the battle up north with the UG has been contained by the Star Riders for the time being. So, I say we three take this opportunity to go see her. Spend time getting to know her again. Take things slow with her, and romance her off her feet. Make her feel beautiful with the brand. Once we’ve accomplished that, Chandra, Ortello, Nikias, and Andonis can come visit, and we’ll all go swimming. When the girls go in to change, Fay’s sure to ask Chandra why she wasn’t branded. Then she can tell Fay about what Andonis did. When she comes rushing out to ask him to do it for her, we can all back up Fay’s own personal decision to have it removed without hurting her ego. Sound good?”

  “What if it doesn’t work?” Logan frowned. “She was pretty bad off when I saw her.”

  Drakker stood up, his back stiff. “Every time you send me into battle, I come back with a win. Do you think I’m gonna let a little thing like a brand, or a beautiful woman with the wrong impression about us, stop me from bringing home this win?”

  Logan smiled. “I guess not.”

  Chapter 17

  “Fay?” Logan stroked his hand down her hairy leg. She still hadn’t cleaned up or changed out of her dirty robe since the last time he saw her, three days ago. She didn’t move. He gave her a gentle shake. “It’s time to wake up, darlin’. Time for a bath.”

  “She’s out cold because of this.” Drakker held up an empty wine bottle. “Get her into a cold shower.”

  “I’ll get it going.” Arlo raced ahead of them into the master bedroom’s bathroom.

  “Drakker, I’ll water her down and get her awake. See if you can get this place aired out and find her some clean clothes.”

  “I’ll do better than that. I’ll get this place cleaned up.”

  * * * *

  An hour and forty-five minutes later, Fay sat in clean sweatpants and a black T-shirt with a freshly washed body and head. Anger seeped through her veins as she stared at the three men she loved but could never have. Even Moochy was here, sleeping soundly on the floor.

  Arlo poked his head around the corner of the kitchen. “You sure you don’t want a cup of this chili? I made it for you.”

  “I said no.” Her tone bit with fury. The spotless house annoyed her. It was too bright for her throbbing headache. She hadn’t eaten in days, and the sweet smell of just-baked brownies and coffee were making her sick. She skimmed an irritated glance over to the vase of freshly cut roses from the backyard’s flower garden. Fay wrung her hands as the jitters crept through her. Their reason for being here was still unclear. She jumped up to pace back and forth, scanning the living area with each pass she made.

  Moochy lifted his head.

  Logan sat barefoot, with some kind of high-tech solar communications pad on his lap, a device he probably got from Gansu. His feet were as sexy as Drakker’s, and it had an unexpected effect on her. It aroused her sexual desire again. She fought against her need with a silent vengeance. Drakker was stretched out on the sofa, shirtless. His jeans’ button and part of his zipper was undone, showing off his oh so sexy lower stomach. This was a perfect picture of what life could have been. She pushed her fingers through her wet hair and chewed at the dryness on her bottom lip. Why were they making it harder on her? Didn’t they know seeing them in this normal environment, doing normal things, just rubbed her nose in what she couldn’t have?

  She’d taken refuge here under the guise of healing, but it had been a way to put off what she didn’t want to do—leave them. She thought she could hide here forever. She thought she could put off making a decision she didn’t want to make forever, but she couldn’t.

  The sound of Arlo finishing the dishes flowed to her ears. She stopped pacing. Moochy relaxed the minute she sat down and took a deep breath, and then in the clearest voice she could find, she asked, “Why are you guys here?”

  Logan stopped tapping over the smooth surface of the pad he held and looked over at her. Drakker lifted the arm he’d slung over his bedroom eyes, turning his head to see her better. After placing a dish inside a cupboard, Arlo closed it, leaned over the pass-through bar and said, “This is where you are. Where else should we be?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” She yanked her hair back into a pigtail and twisted it into one tight ringlet then released it with a flip of her hand. “Out fighting a war or something.”

  Logan pressed his lips into a tight line, showing his disapproval. He turned back to his solar pad and began tapping the bloody thing again. Arlo looked hurt, but remained silent. Drakker, on the other hand, sat up and drilled her with a hard stare and leaned back into the sofa.

  Fay jumped up and shouted at him. “What? What do you have to say that you’re not saying, Drakker?”

  “Okay. You want to know?” He sat up again. “I’ll tell you.”

  “Drakker, don’t.” Arlo came around from the kitchen.

  Moochy raised his head, his ears perking up.

  “No. She wants to know what I’m thinking, and I’m going to tell her.” He turned to Fay. “You’re mad at someone, and it isn’t us. But…” He stood up and in two long strides stood in front of her.

  A growl sounded in Moochy’s throat.

  “If you want to hit someone, yell at someone, or blame someone…make it me.”

  “Why, so you can chain me up and beat me?”

  It took more than a moment for him to respond to her stinging words. She wasn’t playing fair, and she knew it, but she was desperate to give them their freedom. If she were nasty and mean, it would be easier for them to ask her to leave because she didn’t have the courage to walk out on her own. She couldn’t continue to be selfish as Chandra had said. But it would break her heart to walk away.

  Logan stopped tapping and put the pad down. Like a true diplomat, his expression was unreadable. Arlo stood just a few feet away with every ounce of hurt he felt etched into his face. She couldn’t bear doing this to them, but they left her no other choice.

  “Chain you up and beat you…” Drakker pressed his brows together and gave a snarky smile. “The simple answer is no. I only enjoy bondage when it’s seductive. Brutality and life-threatening beatings play no part in my world of domination. I said to make it me, because I’ve thicker skin than my brothers. I can overlook your need to be cruel out of anger at the unjustness of the brand.”

  “Drakker.” Arlo frowned.

  Moochy stood.

  “No, it’s fine, Arlo,” Fay said, stopping the censure of his brother. “I knew my branding would come up.” Fay thrust her chin high. “Go ahead, tell me it disgusts you, and how I deserved it, and—”

  “No.”

  “Why? It’s true. You’re all thinking it! You all saw it. So be honest. Tell me. I know Arlo hates it.”

  “I-I—” Arlo tried to get out his thought, but Drakker’s words ran over him.

  “No one deserves to be treated like that or marred like that. What the UG did was wrong. You didn’t deserve it or the beatings. But see, this is my confli
ct with your brand…you hate it, and I admire it.”

  The coyote relaxed once again.

  “What? How can you admire a traitor’s branding?”

  “Easy. First, I’m a warrior. So battle scars or a scar received in the line of duty shows me a man’s or a woman’s courage. Secondly, to live through that took a lot of guts and strength. I admire you for your bravery. Thirdly, when I saw your brand, I thought you would wear it proudly—”

  “Pr-proudly!”

  “Yes. Proudly, but it would seem you’re not going to raise your chin with a warrior’s pride.” His voice held the sound of disgust. “You’re wearing it like a weak woman. Not the courageous spy I admired and fell in love with. Not the kind of woman the leader of the Airbornes or his brothers need as a wife.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  Drakker cocked his head. “Not at all, Fay. If I had been you and discovered what you did about your government, and I was attempting to set the record straight in order to save thousands of innocent lives—a heroic act…if I was stamped with traitor for it, I’d proudly wear the label on my chest for the rest of my life. I’d smile at everyone who saw it because I’d know I was the one who helped ensure their life and freedom. Instead of closing my eyes, like most, and allowing those with evil intent to continue their path of violence, I stood up and fought.” Drakker shrugged. “But that’s just me. I’d be proud to stand by you, as my wife, with that badge of honor on your chest. When you start showing me the strong character deep inside you, I can be proud of you. Show me that woman! Show me the woman and wife of our leader.”

  His words left Fay speechless. He’s right. She bit her lip to control the tremble in her chin and the tears of shame building behind her eyes. Finding her voice, she whispered, “I can’t be you, Drakker. You’re like an unbending oak tree. Always strong when a normal man weakens. You never yield in your pride or honor when others unfairly question it. You’re resilient to those whose jealousy tries to impose doubts and guilt upon your perfection. I wish I knew where to find that kind of strength deep within me. I wish I knew how to be as noble as you.”