PICTURES OF YOU: a gripping psychological suspense thriller

by Diane M Dickson

  “I don’t understand, what do you mean, careful, careful about what?”

  “Just about how close you let him get, how much you - um I don’t know how to say it. Look my friend went out with him, just for a little while and then she found him too needy, too dependent and she finished with him and… well in the end she had to leave, had to go back home to her old place, her mum and dad’s, she had to drop out and start again. He made it too difficult for her. I don’t want to say any more, I shouldn’t have come, it’s none of my business.” With that she sprang to her feet and scurried for the front door. Mary chased after her.

  “Wait, Judy, I don’t know what you mean. Please come back, tell me what you mean, how did he make it difficult? Please won’t you explain?” With a shake of her head Judy slid through the door and almost running in her haste to get away, she disappeared down the street and out of sight round the corner. Mary could do nothing more than stand at her gatepost in the darkness watching.

  Chapter 32

  Had she loved him? Did she still, or had it all been a dream, just a step into madness? Now in the kitchen with a cup of tea cradled in her hands she tried to examine her feelings. She had never thought of herself as fickle, in the years of her marriage she had been stalwart and faithful. What had this been, genuine deep feeling, a craziness caused by her hormones, a crush? She had needed Jacob, the thought of his touch had thrilled her and the simple sweep of his eyes across her face took her breath away. Yes, she had loved him, still did, but it was soured with all that had happened. Incredibly it had all gone so very badly wrong in just two short days and the man himself had done nothing.

  She sighed, it was all too difficult, and now this new thing, the visit by Judy, what on earth was behind all that? It was silly, schoolyard behaviour, “My friend used to go out with your boyfriend”. No, there could be nothing to it; young people were more prone to overreact and dramatize things. She would ignore the visit, but what was impossible to ignore was this pressing need to sort everything out. She must break free, let him go. There was no help for it, though it hurt there was no future for them and it was better to end it now and to move on. She would draw back and leave him the opportunity to find love with a woman of his own age, one who would be comfortable in his sphere, one who would raise no eyebrows and who could go forward with him as she could not.

  She realised also that there was the chance that she attached far more importance to the thing than he did. There had been no talk of permanence or of love. They had enjoyed some sex, laughed and talked together and been friends but now she realised that she didn’t know how much it had meant to him. When she had been so distressed, after the argument with Jane, when she had hinted that she wouldn’t see him again, he hadn’t fought it – had he? He had simply told her to be sure of what she wanted. His reaction had been understated and calm but perhaps that was just because he was a man, although he hadn’t let her go. It was so soon after that he had taken her to meet his friends, surely another step forwards in a relationship. She shook her head, it was useless to go over it and over it, it was all too hard and she was tired to the core. Tomorrow she would call him and tell him it was over.

  The phone rang and the machine answered but then her mother’s voice drifted through from the hall. “Mary, Mary if you’re there pick up, I need to speak to you. Are you there?”

  “Hi mum. How are you, is something wrong?”

  “No, well not really. That friend of yours Jane has been on the phone. Some story about you and a lodger. I told her not to be silly, that you wouldn’t take a lodger, it was a misunderstanding. She said it was a young boy and – oh Mary she said some other things, awful things. I put the phone down on her but I had to ring, I had to let you know what she’s doing. She said you were having an affair with him, this boy, that he was only twenty. What’s the matter with her Mary? I thought she was your best friend. Have you two had a row? You need to tell her not to spread such things, it’s wicked.”

  Mary closed her eyes and sagged against the wall, more trouble, was it never going to end. She was caught in a nightmare, what had been a delight was now devastation.

  Her mother’s continued conversation was just so much white noise, the world swam and for a moment it seemed that she would faint. She fell back on the excuse she had used earlier in the day.

  “Look Mum, I’m sorry I’ve got a rotten headache, can I speak to you later? I’ll call you tomorrow, in the evening.”

  “Oh, well alright, take some aspirin. I just thought I’d let you know what was going on. It upset me, you know. Anyway, I’ll speak to you tomorrow, when you get home from work.”

  “Yes, okay Mum, don’t worry, there’s nothing to be upset about.”

  She pressed the off button and slid to the floor to sit with her head buried between her bent knees. What had happened? How had her quiet, ordered world become this disaster? On top of everything else she had now been reminded that tomorrow it was time to return to work and behave as if all was well.

  Moving like an old woman she pushed to her feet and banister-dragged herself up the stairs. She passed the guest room and caught sight of the bed, the duvet wrinkled and the pillow cases creased where their heads had lain, with a great sob she reached out and dragged the door closed. She staggered to her own room and threw off the jeans and sweater chosen with such care just a few hours ago. In the drawer was a box of sleeping pills, prescribed in the days after Bill died, they were almost certainly out of date but she swallowed two down anyway. She lay on her back in the darkness, tears trickled across her face to dampen the bedding as she waited for the chemicals to rescue her from the drama that life had become.

  Chapter 33

  It was difficult climbing back to reality. It was dark where she was and there was an urgent need to escape. Struggling and pushing against the effects of the sleeping tablets Mary dragged her way free of the fug. They had always knocked her for six and that was why there were so many now in the little box. She didn’t like them, didn’t enjoy the loss of control and especially disliked the horrible dulling of her senses for hours the next morning.

  She shifted under the cover. Last night the drapes had remained open and the sun was streaming through the net curtain, she could feel it warm where it touched her bare arm. Hmm, nice. The birds were busy in the tree outside the window and a sense of peace wrapped her around briefly. Then it all came back, bits and pieces, knocks and bumps. The need to see Jacob and tell him what she had decided. A day at work stretching before her when she would need to be bright and helpful to the patients and friendly to her colleagues and last of all the phone call to her mother and the drama that would be unleashed with that. As her spirits sank she dragged the duvet over her head and hid in the warm darkness.

  The noise didn’t register at first. Her hearing was muted by the down of the bedcovers and her senses deadened by the effect of the pills but eventually it occurred to her that something was going on that shouldn’t be.

  She poked her face over the top of the cotton cover, water was running. She glanced out of the window, a bright warm morning smiled back at her. No rain. She leapt from the bed, there must be a leak. Her bare feet shushed across the carpet as she hurried out onto the landing. The sound was coming from the guest room. That door was closed last night surely, she remembered the assault that the rumpled bed had made on her rattled nerves and recalled distinctly shutting off the sight of it on the way to her own room. Now the door was ajar, the smell of soap drifted to her and the sound of the shower dispelled any further worry of a leak. She took a step forward and raised her hand. As the door fell back she could make out on the chair by the window a pair of jeans, a sweatshirt and there was a small sports bag on the end of the disarrayed bed. She gulped, already on one level she knew what this was but still a frisson of fear caused her breathing to quicken and her stomach to curl into a tight ball.

  She stepped fully into the room and through the partly closed bathroom door she could see Jacob.
His back was to her, soapy water tracking down across the pink skin of his shoulders and running across his behind. She scuttled again onto the landing where she stood for a moment holding the door frame for support and fought with her befuddled memory of the day before. Did she know he was here? Had she, in the drug-induced sleep of last night forgotten that he was sleeping in her guest room? No, she had not. He was not supposed to be here. She had sent him home yesterday with the excuse of her headache and had not spoken to him since. Apart from that Judy, during the strange visit, had said she had seen him at his own house. Why then, what possible reason could there be for him to be here now in her home?

  She dragged on her dressing gown and checked the time. She made her way to the kitchen and filled the kettle. Her tumbled thoughts demanded attention but it was impossible to straighten them into any sort of order. Working on instinct she popped tea bags into two mugs, and set two places at the table, she prepared the place for Jacob, but Jacob was gone, moved on. At the little table she lowered her face into her hands. Her head was foggy, her mouth was dry with the effects of the pills and her senses were zinging with alarm; this was wrong and unsettling.

  As his feet thundered on the stairs she raised her head. “Morning lovely lady.”

  “Jacob, I didn’t know you were here.” It was ludicrous but no other words found their way out of her mouth.

  “No, well. The thing is there was a party at the house, God it was noisy and so I thought I’d sleep here.”

  “But, when did you arrive?”

  “It was late, not that late but you’d already gone to bed of course, with your poor head. Are you feeling better?”

  “Yes, thanks, but Jacob, you just let yourself in?”

  “Well I didn’t want to disturb you, with you not feeling well so yes, I used my key. Is the tea ready, hey have we got any bacon?”

  Chapter 34

  “Do you want more tea?” Jacob held up the kettle and turned from the sink.

  “No, I haven’t time. I need to get to work.”

  “But you haven’t eaten anything. Aw, you poor thing have you still got a headache?”

  As he leaned down to wrap his arm around her shoulder Mary stiffened. Tears were a tiny beat away, she couldn’t deal with this now. There wasn’t time, she was never, ever late for work and anyway she didn’t know what to say, how to react. She was in truth a little afraid, a quiver of panic fluttered in her chest. She felt control slipping away, her home and her life being invaded. When he had first come to share her space Mary had been thrilled, happy, but there was something so very unsettling about the way he had used her house, entered while she was sleeping and was now clattering around the kitchen making his breakfast, turning on the radio when all she needed was peace and silence. She pushed away from the table and ran up the stairs to her room. With quivering fingers she applied a hint of makeup and dragged on her uniform.

  It would all have to wait. She must step now into work mode and concentrate on her duties. She picked up her bag and turned into the kitchen.

  “I’m going now Jacob, you’ll leave the place tidy will you?”

  “Yes, of course I will. Hey you don’t look too good, are you sure you’re well enough to go to work? Maybe you’re coming down with something.”

  “I’m fine, really.”

  “Oh, okay. I won’t be in tonight when you get back. I have some stuff to do and then some of us are going to the gym. I’m not sure where I’ll sleep though. So, I might see you later, right?”

  Though the clock was taunting her she couldn’t simply walk away from this. “I thought you had moved out, Jacob. I mean, I wasn’t expecting that you’d be coming back, like this I mean.”

  “Aw come on now, you must have known that I couldn’t just leave you. I mean I need to see you don’t I? And I thought you wanted to see me. You do still want to see me don’t you?” His face had clouded with puzzlement. It was impossible to handle this now. There wasn’t time and so she would have to leave for the surgery feeling confused and anxious.

  “I think we need to have a chat, you know, about where we go from here but I’m in a hurry now. I’ll speak to you tonight.”

  Jacob strode across the kitchen and wrapped her in his arms. “Oh, poor Mary you are out of sorts aren’t you? Look, I’ll make a point of getting back early tonight, we can sit and have a nice drink and I’ll get us a curry, or maybe a pizza and we can just have a night in, the two of us. I’ve been insensitive haven’t I? You’re still upset about Jane and I didn’t realise, I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s not that – well yes it is. Oh Jacob, yes of course I’m upset about Jane but there’s more to it than that and I need for us to have a talk and sort things out.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “Look, you’re not well and this is not the time for all this. We’ll talk tonight, I’ll try not to be late – okay?”

  There was no choice but to nod her head, and so Mary grabbed her keys and dashed from the house out of her depth and knocked off balance. For the first time that she could ever remember she dreaded the day at work and the long hours until she could give this problem the time and consideration that it needed. She buckled herself into the little car and turned into the road.

  Chapter 35

  She could smell cooking even before she eased herself out of the car. Mary had struggled through the day. Keeping busy and throwing herself into work had helped. Whenever the stack of problems threatened to bury her she found something else to do, another task to occupy her hands and mind. Once on the journey home though all the problems swarmed in and wouldn’t be beaten back.

  So, she would work through the list calmly. First she would make the call to her mum. What tone that would take was yet to be decided. It was essential to convince her that there was no need for worry otherwise there would be phone calls every day and visits and drama, it would be suffocating and difficult. She knew that her parents meant well but since Bill died they seemed to have felt the need to slot back into the place they occupied before she was married. Gradually over time things had improved but it didn’t take much, a dose of flu or a breakdown with the car and they were back fussing and advising.

  The situation that she was in now was so far outside anything that she could ever discuss with them that it was vital that their worries were allayed, and quickly. She couldn’t lie but there must be a way to convince them that all was well. She sighed because of course all was not well, all was very far from well. Tension and stress wore her out and right now she was completely drained.

  The rich smell of roasting meat was wonderful. She felt a pang of envy for the family next door who would be sitting down to dinner together, all normal and calm in their world. As she unlocked her own door it was obvious though that someone was cooking in her kitchen.

  Of course it would be Jacob. She hung her coat in the cupboard under the stairs and leaned around the kitchen doorway. The table was laid, a vase of flowers was in the centre and a bottle of red wine stood opened to breathe beside them. Jacob turned. “Hi, there. Roast chicken, I hope that’s okay. Oh you look better, that’s brilliant.” He had crossed the room and thrown his arms around her. She raised her face to his and he kissed her deeply on the lips. There was no other choice but to submit, his lips warm and soft on hers and his arms firm felt so very good.

  “I thought you were going to the gym?”

  “Well I was but you looked so very sad and unwell this morning I thought that it would be far better for me to look after my favourite lady than my abs.” He grinned down at her, “Here let me pour you some wine and you sit down here and talk to me while I finish scraping the carrots.”

  He bustled back and forth checking the oven, shuffling pans and warming plates and as she sipped at the glass of red Mary felt the tension leave her shoulders and neck and her insides untied themselves for the first time for days. “You’re good at this Jacob, I hadn’t realised.”

  “Yes, well my mum insisted, ‘Just because you�
�re a boy,’ she used to say ‘it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to look after yourself properly.’”

  “Well she did a good job.”

  “Huh, yes with me and my brother but Lyndsey can’t boil an egg without burning it, mind you that’s not totally Mum’s fault. Lyndsey’s very bright and just hasn’t got room for ordinary everyday things like eating.” He grinned at her.

  “Were you happy at home?” He stopped his busyness and turned to her. “It was okay, there were some problems now and again. I suppose all families have things, it’s never all sweetness and light, is it?”

  “Oh I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked, I didn’t mean to pry.”

  “No, it’s fine. Mostly it’s okay now, now I’m away, you know.” She let it drop. He served up the meal and they clicked back into the easiness of the previous weeks. The wine and warmth and his kind attention soothed the edges and hid the worries and, tired as she was, Mary let them drift away. As they were deciding whether or not they wanted coffee the phone rang. She let the machine answer and her mother’s voice drifted through and inveigled itself into the relaxed atmosphere of the kitchen.

  “Mary, you didn’t ring me. I’ve been waiting. I’ve even missed my programme waiting for you to call. I do need you to tell me what’s been going on with that Jane and all this talk of you having a toy boy. Mary, are you there, Mary?”

  She felt the heat in her cheeks and the sickness back in her gut as she raised her eyes to his and saw the question in his face and behind the puzzlement again that flash of annoyance.

  Chapter 36

  Trapped by a flush of indecision Mary glanced into the hall. Her mother had obviously replaced the phone after leaving her rather hysterical message. She turned to find Jacob, eyes lowered playing with the edge of the paper napkin.