Under a Falling Star

by Caroline Fyffe

  “He said they only stayed together for a couple of months. Coming from Albert, the most honest man I’ve ever known, I didn’t have the presence of mind to ask questions then, while we were talking. I just sat there like a voiceless doll.”

  “You were in shock.”

  She nodded, remembering the conversation. “Now I’d have a lot more questions for him. I thought I knew him, Hannah. Believed him to be a decent man. I can’t help it, but I still do. But what man leaves the woman he loves, who he has vowed to stay with until death parts them, after such a short time? What could she have done? What would prompt such a drastic move? I can’t make heads or tails of it.”

  “That’s not much to go on, but I’d bet he’s hurting as well. That he has some reasons he’s not yet shared. His son must be a huge surprise to him. I’d guess he’s floundering as much as you are right now just to take care of him. Albert is a good man. He must have motives for keeping his history to himself.”

  “Perhaps.”

  “How do you feel about Dalton?”

  That was a good question. Whenever he was around, she was happy, and felt a portion of herself healing from the pain and humiliation of her past. Like he was somehow showing her that she wasn’t the only one to suffer. “I like him.”

  “Only like? When I see the two of you together, you’re always smiling. Susanna, I don’t want you to take my words wrong, because you know I love Albert very much. Working together, Thom and him are very close, and he thinks the world of Albert as well. But, the two of you are not married. And from what you said, you haven’t even spoken about making your intentions official. There’s no crime in enjoying Dalton’s company, especially if it helps. You have nothing to feel guilty over.”

  “I know.” And she did know. She’d hardly thought of anything else but the three of them since last Friday. So many feelings rumbling around inside were almost making her dizzy, and she wished she could close the door to her thoughts. “What a mess.”

  Hannah sighed, her tone full of meaning. “Don’t rush yourself. No decisions have to be made right now. Nobody expects that. Take your time. Let your heart rest and recover. A lot has happened.”

  Anxiety squeezed Susanna’s stomach. On one hand, she had plenty of time. On the other, time was fleeting. “That’s just it. Dalton won’t be here forever. He’ll move on with the money shipment when it’s time to go. What if after he leaves, I realize he was the one? That I hadn’t recognized my feelings for him because of my brokenheartedness over Albert? I’m mixed up, Hannah. One minute I think I want one thing, and a few minutes later, I think another. I’m as fickle as they come.”

  “What does your heart say?”

  She looked up at the stars, avoiding the question. “Look at them, Hannah, how they sparkle and shine. They look happy. I want to be happy, too.”

  “Susanna?”

  “My heart says that my life is changing faster than I’d like. That I’m not in control of anything.” She chanced a glance at Hannah. “I’m frightened—and that’s not a good feeling.”

  Susanna had never shared anything about her mother with Hannah. Or her life before coming to Logan Meadows. Even with Hannah, she still felt embarrassed by it. But weren’t her mother’s words ringing true now? As much as she despised the thought, she couldn’t deny it. Maybe it was time she got it off her chest.

  “Growing up, my mother, well, she didn’t have much of a reputation. She took up with a lot of men, if you catch my meaning. I think somewhere when she was very young she must have been badly hurt. She insisted men couldn’t be trusted. She took great pains to instill that into me with her every breath. She’d said that they were liars, and cheats, and they would hurt me. Once the chase was over, they’d move on. That if I ever trusted one, I’d end up alone, broken, and penniless, just like her. Please understand, she had a hard life. I don’t pretend it was not one of her own making, but still, she was my mother, and I loved her. Her existence was one neither one of us would want for ourselves or anyone we loved . . .”

  The sentence died in her throat. A moment of silence stretched out into the night like a spirit sneaking through the knee-high grass.

  “What happened?” Hannah asked.

  “When I was a girl, she repeated her words of warning so often I had no choice but to believe them. When she died, I left after I was approached by one of her gentleman friends—expecting favors.”

  Hannah sucked in a deep breath, but Susanna forged on. Speaking about her past was freeing.

  “By the time I arrived in Logan Meadows, the words were engraved on the walls of my heart—not by desire, but by pure dominance. That’s why I kept Albert at arm’s length for so long. And I actually discouraged him when he was trying to tell me about his past, about Floria. I thought he was trying to profess his love, and ask if we could start courting.” Overcome with grief, she turned and grasped Hannah’s hands. “How foolish I’ve been. I wholeheartedly believed that if I never let him speak of his affection, then we’d never arrive at the point where what we felt together would come to an end. That he’d never leave me. It was childish, I know.”

  “I had no idea about this, Susanna. You’ve been so close lipped about your past. I always thought there might be something you weren’t sharing, but I didn’t want to pry. It’s not a sin to try to start over.”

  “I know.” Isn’t that what Albert was doing?

  Hannah gave a wan smile. “Now I see that I should have sat you down for a good long talk a year ago.”

  Susanna wrapped her arms around herself when a chilly breeze ruffled the bottom of her skirt. “I’m sorry, I just can’t—”

  “Don’t stop now! Get it all out, so you can heal from the hurt your mother inflicted on you. Her thoughts were distorted, Susanna. I hope you know that.”

  Susanna gaped at Hannah, surprised she was laying Albert’s sins on her mother’s grave. “My mother? Don’t you mean Albert?”

  Hannah stood close enough that Susanna could see a spark of anger in her eyes. “No, I don’t mean Albert! Your problems didn’t start with the truth he’s kept from you, but with the fear and suspicion your mother drove you to your knees trying to carry. She may have experienced those things in her life, but she had no right to rob you of your innocence. Destroy your dreams of a loving husband, and the desire to build a family of your own. No right at all! I’m disgusted when I think about what your mother did to her daughter’s beautiful heart.”

  Susanna pulled away. Hannah might be right, but that didn’t leave Albert off the hook for his betrayal.

  “Don’t you see?” Susanna went on. “Albert did to his wife exactly what Mother said would happen to me. He left after only two months. They were still newlyweds, for gosh sakes. They’d barely said ‘I do.’ It couldn’t get any more exact if I’d written it myself.”

  “You may want to consider your life here since coming to Logan Meadows,” Hannah argued. “Look at my marriage. It’s as solid as a rock. The more Thom expresses his deep, abiding love for me, the more mine grows for him. If that’s not enough, look at Chase and Jessie, Charlie and Nell, and now Greg and Brenna.”

  Seemed Hannah was just warming to this subject. She trooped back and forth in front of Susanna reminding her of a soldier. “Why, Mrs. Brinkley and her husband have been married almost forty years! Think of them when you start doubting, will you? You’d be hard pressed to find one of them without the other. They’re always arm in arm. They finish each other’s sentences, and practically read each other’s minds. Markus even thinks they look like each other.” Hannah laughed, the sound a nice break in the tense conversation. “I wouldn’t go as far to say that, though. And what about my mother? As exasperating as she can be at times, she dearly loved my father—and he, her. They married at fifteen and sixteen and would still be together if he hadn’t died.”

  Susanna held up her hand. “Please, stop. I hear what you’re saying. Now that I’ve actually spoken the words, I see you have a very good point. It
’s like their sting has been clipped.”

  “These are just a few examples. But what they mean is life isn’t worth living without love. Have faith in love! Take a chance, and you might be surprised at how well things will turn out. If you do, you’ll be filled with joy. I promise.”

  She wanted to believe. She did. And yet . . . “How can I ever trust Albert again? And if I don’t trust him, how can I have faith in love?”

  She turned abruptly and faced Hannah. “We could talk about this all night and not come up with a definite answer. You need to get home before you’re missed. I don’t want an angry Thom hunting me down for a grumpy wife tomorrow. Thank you so much for your concern. I’ll consider all you’ve said.”

  Hannah gave her a brief hug. “You’re right. You’re the only one who can decide if you can live with Albert’s transgressions. But promise me that if you need to talk some more, you’ll come to me. I’m always available. Two heads are better than one when it comes to problems of the heart. And you know, I’ll never say a word to anyone.”

  “Look!” Susanna sucked in a breath as a glittering star streaked the expanse of the dark sky.

  Hannah sighed blissfully. “That was worth coming out to see. And you should be pleased. Signs like that don’t come along every day.”

  Feeling so much better, Susanna just stared at the path the star had taken. “Thank you,” she said softly to her friend. “For everything. In case you’ve forgotten, I’ll be back at the restaurant tomorrow morning. No more patients to look after, thank goodness.”

  “What about Julia?”

  “Just so happens she got a job that provides her with room and board.”

  “What! Where?”

  “Nell and Charlie have been looking for someone to stay with Maddie when they’re out ranching and she’s not at school. They’ve been making do so far, in between trying to find a tutor, but seems Maddie took a spill and that made the decision for them. Julia has already gone out to the ranch with Nell. When school starts back up, she’ll take over the job of walking with her into town and picking her up when class lets out, and then watching over her at the house. On her off-hours when Maddie is at school, Julia is free to do whatever she wants, even take another job in town.”

  “What a wonderful solution for everyone,” Hannah said. “Their house is certainly large enough. I’m happy for her.”

  “So am I.” Susanna took Hannah’s shoulders and turned her friend around. “Come on, I’ll walk out to the street with you and then watch you until you’re safely in the house.”

  With elbows hooked, they carefully made their way through the dark to the front of the house and the small dirt road. “Go on now, and hurry. It must be close to one in the morning. You’re going to be sorry when the rooster crows at five.”

  Hannah gave her a quick squeeze and laughed. “I don’t have a rooster.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  Hannah started off. “You’ll be feeling it as well, mark my words.”

  Standing on the side of the quiet road, Susanna watched until she couldn’t see Hannah any longer. She took a deep, cleansing breath. She felt better. They hadn’t answered any of the difficult questions, but sharing her problems had lifted a little of the weight from her shoulders.

  Now, she’d better take Hannah’s advice and get some sleep or she’d be worthless tomorrow. Her eyelids pulled down heavily. She still needed to fetch the lantern she’d left burning in the backyard. Turning, she took one step and stopped. Two riders appeared out of the mist from the direction of the fairgrounds—and beyond that, the train station and the tracks that led to Three Pines Turn, the site where all those poor souls had perished. Her skin prickled. Since the accident, the trains had stopped, and the road had been extremely quiet. Why would there be riders at this time of night?

  Feeling exposed, she ducked close to the house and stood very still as the riders came near. In the darkness, it was difficult to tell for sure, but neither man looked familiar. Instead of crossing the bridge that would take them directly into town, they weaved their way toward the livery, descended the small incline, and rode into the creek.

  What were they doing? Could a man hide his horse under the bridge? Fear for Albert flooded her throat. Dalton was standing guard as well. Both of them could be in danger. There was only one thing for her to decide. Whether she should run through the dark into town by herself, or go for help first.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  Albert had been on edge for nearly an hour, not quite knowing what had triggered his uneasiness. He hadn’t liked the strange whistle trying to sound like a night bird. He felt exposed, more so because he’d expected Fort McKinney to follow through on the promised soldiers. If they had ridden hard, it was possible they could have arrived today.

  He strode up the boardwalk a few feet, scanned the darkness beyond the mercantile and hotel, then turned and started back toward the livery.

  He jerked to a halt. Someone was on the bridge. He strained through the darkness trying to see. A lantern on the bookstore porch obscured his vision, and he cursed under his breath. Slowly, he eased back against the wall of the bank and carefully drew his gun from its holster. He didn’t want any gunplay. Logan Meadows was known to be a law-abiding town—and he wanted to keep it that way. Folks were not going to be killed in their beds on his watch. Hopefully, Dalton hadn’t fallen asleep across the street. It was too late to send a signal.

  A woman? When the person from the bridge was within twenty feet, he recognized Susanna. He’d know that figure anywhere; he’d been dreaming about it long enough. He met her when she was almost to the bank, slinging an arm across her shoulders and pulling her under the overhang of the bank’s roof. The feel of her against his side sent a heady awareness zipping through him like lightning.

  “What’re you thinking?” he hissed, almost sounding angry. He wasn’t. Truth be told, he was elated to see her, but worried, and more than a mite annoyed she’d put herself in danger.

  “Logan Meadows isn’t St. Louis, Albert,” she replied with her own tone. “It’s only a short distance from my house, and you know it.” Susanna wasn’t one to be bossed around—he’d learned that early on, and it was one of the things that intrigued him about her. He liked her strength and conviction of values.

  “Maybe not, but we’re not the sleepy little town we used to be, either.”

  “I was outside when I saw some riders I didn’t recognize coming from the fairgrounds,” she whispered back, her breath tickling his face.

  “What were you doing outside this time of night? You should be asleep in your bed.”

  He felt her soften. He got the impression she was in no hurry to step out of his protection.

  “Albert, please. I’m not a child. I was just looking at the stars and admiring the beautiful night sky with Hannah.”

  Hannah? Good. She needs someone levelheaded to help her sort out her feelings.

  “I heard a noise and saw the horsemen. Worried they were outlaws intending to rob the bank. I had to come warn you—and Dalton.”

  Under the overhang, they didn’t even have the light from the stars or the crescent moon, but Albert didn’t need any help to see her face, only an inch away. She could have left off Babcock’s name. Did she say that just to hurt him, or did she have feelings for her old friend, more than he suspected?

  “I didn’t see anything. Which way did they go?” he whispered back, refusing to let jealousy ruin this time alone with her.

  “I’m not exactly sure because they didn’t cross the bridge and ride into town. It’s as if they knew the chokecherry shrub on the corner blocked them from your sight. I think they went down the embankment and rode under the bridge. Can a horse and rider fit beneath it?”

  Already heady with the feel of her so close, he was struggling to keep his thoughts in check. He braced his hand against the building behind her head, and daringly placed the other on her waist, hearing the sharp intake of her breath. His feelings w
ere spinning out of control, and desire filled his mind. From what she’d said, the two of them could be in danger of being set upon at any second, but all he could think about was her.

  “Albert?”

  He jerked his thoughts back to what she was saying.

  She tipped her head in question and her skin quivered beneath his hand. “The bridge?”

  “Yes, they could. I’m just trying to work through the thought that you ran across that bridge when you believed outlaws were huddled underneath.” He brought his hand up to cup her face, the beauty of it in the darkness making his heart seize up. Had he lost her? Could she ever get past the hurt he’d inflicted? Was she still his girl? Would she ever trust him again? “I should be angry with . . .”

  Her hair, loose and flowing around her shoulders, was a sight prettier than any prairie in spring. Her familiar scent of lavender tickled his senses and ignited a fire inside him. He fought to remember her note, respect her wishes, but an all-powerful urge to take her into his arms and steal the kiss they’d almost shared down by Shady Creek was winning out.

  “Yes?”

  Her soft engaging tone was invitation enough. He lowered his head to her lips and gently pressed her back against the building. He felt her tremble, and tenderness surged through him at her timidity. His actions had caused it, wounding her when she should trust. Her warm, velvety lips were everything he’d dreamed.

  “Trust me,” he whispered next to her lips, as he gently coaxed her on. A moment passed, and then two. He felt a subtle change, and she relaxed. A sigh of pleasure escaped her throat. Before she could tell him to stop, he gathered her closer, kissed deeper, wanting to show her to what depths his feelings ran.

  She inhaled sharply and pressed a hand against his chest. “Albert.” Her desire-clogged voice brought him to his senses.

  Begrudgingly he pulled away, acutely missing the feel of her lips beneath his. They were back to where they’d been the last time they’d talked. Well not exactly. He’d stolen a kiss, and been transported to heaven. “I won’t say I’m sorry, Susanna. Even if you think I should.”