Irreparably Broken (The Broken Series Book 1)

by Heather D'Agostino

  The tender caring man that had helped me the night before had morphed into something I was all too familiar with. He was drenched in sweat, and breathing heavily as he stalked around the boxing ring in the middle of the gym. He was shaking his head and muttering something as he made his way over to the corner. He leaned down and grabbed a water bottle before spitting out his mouth guard. Sweat was trickling down his body, and I couldn’t help but stare as I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed. My heart rate picked up, and my ears began to buzz as I watched the next several seconds unfold in front of me.

  The other guy in the ring came bustling up behind him, and taunted him just as he made eye contact with me. Cole grinned, and I couldn't help but smile back. Then as if in slow motion, I watched the other guy's fist rear back and come crashing into the side of Cole's head.

  He rocked on his feet slightly and stumbled before turning toward the other guy. He yelled something, but I couldn’t make it out. I was so shocked at what was happening that all I wanted to do was get away from them. Watching them go at it made me think of Richard, and I had no intention of being around anyone who was anything close to what Richard was.

  I turned and began walking towards the door as fast as I could. I’d almost escaped the place when I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder halting me, “Wait!” His panicked voice caused me to stiffen as I slowly turned to face him.

  "I can't do this. I promised myself I wouldn't do this again," I was babbling but at the moment I just wanted to get out of there.

  “Do what?” he gripped the back of his neck and scowled.

  "This," I waved my arms around in front of me.

  "Wait, you mean that?" he pointed to the area he'd just come from. "What do you think was going on there?"

  I shook my head slowly as I let my chin drop to my chest, "I don't know, but I do know that the look on your face said it all."

  "What?" he stepped closer, so we were only a few inches apart. I swallowed before allowing my gaze to turn up to his face. "That was nothing," he pointed to where the other guy was putting away the gear. "We're friends…that's how we blow off steam."

  I glanced at his friend and then back at him before my gaze returned to his friend, "Blow off steam?"

  "Yeah…like we were doing last night?" he shrugged.

  "Ok," I mumbled trying to comprehend what had just happened.

  "Ok?" he stared at me as I tried to relax. "So…what's up?"

  "I wanted to come back," I chewed my lip nervously. "I…I want to practice what we did last night."

  "Sure," he grinned at me. "Just don't be too hard on me," he chuckled. "Wes did a number on my jaw already."

  "Doesn't look too bad," I smiled slightly.

  “Well, I can’t lose my good looks. How would I attract the ladies?” he smirked as he began walking to the back corner where we’d worked out the night before.

  “I think you look just fine,” the words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them.

  When he turned to look at me, I couldn’t hide my embarrassment.

  "You do huh?" he stepped back a little and nudged me with his elbow.

  "Na," I shook my head as I tried to recover, but I could feel the blush begin to creep down my neck.

  "It's ok you know," he winked at me, "that you think I'm hot."

  I shook my head again and stumbled slightly. He knew…if he knew I thought he was attractive. I was so done for.

  “Go out with me,” he leaned in close to my ear.

  “No,” I tossed my bag to the floor. "I can't."

  “You will…you’ll see,” he lifted a shoulder and turned to make his way out onto the mat as his grin spread to epic proportions.

  ooooooooo

  Over the next two weeks, I spent every afternoon at McKay’s. Between work, going to meetings, and working out with Cole I had very little time to dwell on my past. Being busy helped in a way I didn’t think possible. The dreams had almost disappeared completely, and I hoped with time I’d get my life back.

  Cole had been relentless lately and asked me out at least once a day. Every time he would, I'd always respond with ‘no', but he didn't seem to want to give up. I had hoped that he’d have stopped by now, but as I glanced down at the text message he'd sent me this morning I could see that it wasn't happening.

  Cole: You coming by tonight?

  Me: Yes, as soon as I leave work.

  Cole: Go out with me Saturday?

  I sighed as I read it over and over. I'd asked myself numerous times if I should give him a chance, but I always managed to talk myself out of it.

  Pulling myself from my car, I grabbed my gym bag and made my way inside. I might as well get this over with.

  "So did you think it over?" Cole smirked at me as I strapped the boxing gloves around my wrists.

  "Think what over?" I played dumb, but I knew what he meant and by the look on his face, he knew that I knew.

  “About Saturday,” he rolled his eyes at me. We’d been playing this game on a daily basis, and as much as the idea of going on a date terrified me I was enjoying our banter.

  "Can't," I shook my head as I made my way out onto the mat.

  "Why's that?" he cocked his head to the side.

  "I'm busy," I shrugged my shoulders as I stretched and got into position.

  He sauntered over as he cracked his neck and put on a show. "How about if I beat you, you say yes?"

  “No,” I shook my head vehemently as he lifted his arm to prepare to block my fist.

  “Fine,” he huffed and grabbed my arm as it came at him.

  We went back and forth for the next hour. Me throwing punches, and him defending himself against me. I knew that if he really wanted to, he could restrain me. He was bigger and heavier than me, but he'd taught me several escape holds and after I'd mastered them I'd demanded that he teach me how to fight back.

  "You're getting so much better," he praised as he stepped back.

  I was breathing hard, but I was pumped. As he moved back in position, I raced forward and put all my weight behind me as I swung my arm through the air. He surprised me this time by gripping my wrist and spinning me. He pressed his chest into my back as his arms banded around me. I tensed at first. I hadn't been comfortable in this position in a long time, but there was something about Cole that had begun to make it different. A month ago, I would have freaked out, but now it was almost soothing.

  My chest heaved as I felt his heart thunder against my back. He dropped his chin down to my shoulder as he whisper, "You ok?"

  I swallowed as I let my head bob up-and-down. My body trembled, and a shiver rippled through me. Why was I so turned on? What was it about Cole that did this to me?

  “Shit,” he muttered as he spun me to face him, and before I could react he leaned down and crashed his mouth into mine.

  Chapter 12

  Cole

  Warm honey…that’s the only way I could describe it. When I felt her tremble against me, it was all I could do to not pull us both to the ground and ravage her right there. Deciding that I’d take my chances with her reaction, I spun her in my arms and pressed my mouth to hers. She stiffened at first. It was almost like she wasn’t sure what to do, but as I began to take control of the kiss she soon melted into me.

  Her lips were soft and moved in a languid pace as her arms rose and wrapped around my shoulders. The boxing gloves prevented her from doing much, but by the way she clung to me I knew she was giving in. I let my tongue take a tentative swipe at her lower lip, and when she gasped I took full advantage. Slowly I began moving us toward the back corner of the gym. I didn't want to be on display for the other patrons, and I wasn't sure what Maddie would do when she came back to the present and realized what she'd done.

  As soon as I took that first step, I felt her stumble so in true gentleman fashion I reached down to grab her thighs and lifted her into my arms. I almost couldn't believe it when I felt her legs wrap around me. Here was a woman who'd
been turning me down for two weeks straight, and she was finally giving in.

  ooooooooo

  Maddie

  What am I doing? Oh god, it feels so good, but what am I doing? When he kissed me, it happened so fast that I wasn’t sure what I should do. Should I push him away? Should I pull back? Should I slap him? Within seconds of feeling his warm lips against mine, my body made the decision for me. Give in…give in…give in…it rang through my head like a mantra.

  Cole took full advantage when I surrendered to him. I know he felt it the moment it happened. His arms wrapped around me as he crushed me to his chest. His hold was firm, but delicate at the same time…almost like he was afraid he’d break me. I felt his tongue take a swipe at my lower lip, and I gasped. When I moved my hands up to wrap around his shoulders, I groaned in frustration. The boxing gloves were still tied around my wrists, and were preventing me from running my fingers through his hair. I scrambled to get them off, and was completely taken off guard when I felt him lift me off the floor. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his waist as he started moving. I wasn't sure where he was taking me, but I was so turned on at the moment that I didn't care. I don't know what was happening to me. Why wasn't I afraid? Why wasn't I trying to stop this? What was wrong with me?

  The boxing gloves fell to the floor as I felt my back press against the wall. Cole's hands stayed put right under my thighs holding me in place, but his mouth…that was another story. He trailed kisses over my jaw as he made his way to my ear. “What are you doing to me?” he panted. “Tell me to stop,” he begged as he rolled his hips pressing his erection into my heated core.

  "I don't know," I gasped as my now free hands slid into his hair and tugged lightly.

  “Maddie?” he paused as he nipped my ear. "Go out with me."

  I froze in place as a million different scenarios ran through my mind. Did I want that? Where was this going, and what would going on a date mean? Would he expect more now? Did he think going on a date meant sex? “I…” I shook my head as I leaned back and stared into his eyes. “I can’t…” I released his hair where I’d been gripping it and pushed lightly on his shoulders.

  He shook his head as he slowly stepped back and lowered me to the ground. As soon as my feet touched the ground, and I had my balance he stepped back completely.

  "Did I read this wrong?" he shook his head at me. "Did you not feel anything right now?"

  I could feel my face heating as I turned away from him, "I…"

  "No," he shook his head again as he muttered to himself. "You wanted that as much as I did. I could feel it. Why won't you let me take you out on a date?"

  "I just…" I stammered as I tried to turn away from him. I don't know why I was fighting this so much. I knew we had great chemistry, but the fear of letting someone into my life like that again had me pulling away faster than I could stop it.

  “What did that fucker do to you?” he shook his head at me as confusion, pain of rejection, and sorrow filled his face. He moved closer as I stepped back. I felt my back hit the wall behind me once again as he moved so close we were almost touching. His eyes held an understand as he tipped his chin down and blinked a few time. I could see something flit across his face, but it disappeared as fast as it showed up. “You deserve to be happy," he murmured as he lifted his hand to cup my cheek. I felt his thumb brush across the apple of my cheek as a sigh escaped his lips. "Please? Please let me show you." He squeezed his eyes shut before he leaned forward and brushed his lips across my forehead, "Please?"

  "I…" I tried again to make the words come out, but my tongue felt heavy, and my brain was muddled. "Ok," I finally mumbled.

  “Ok?” his head snapped up like he wasn’t sure he’d heard me. “Is that a yes,” his lips started to curve into a smile as he leaned closer.

  I nodded as he touched his forehead to mine, "Yes, it's a yes."

  "Great," he smirked. "Does Saturday work? Say seven?"

  "Sure," I let my lips curve up on one side. "Saturday's fine."

  "I'll pick you up then," his smile grew as he stepped back away from me.

  “Pick me up?” my voice trembled and Cole’s smile dropped immediately as he watched me.

  "What's wrong?" he reached up to grab his neck.

  “How do you know where I live?” my voice quivered as I started to tremble harder. How the hell was I going through so many emotions tonight was baffling to me.

  “Um,” he scratched his head. “It’s on your registration form,” his forehead wrinkled as he moved closer and placed his hand on my shoulder.

  The shaking stopped as soon as he touched me, and I couldn’t help but sigh in relief. It was as if his touch was a soothing balm, and as scared as I was to be anywhere near intimate contact, Cole’s touch somehow helped.

  "He really screwed up your sense of trust didn't he?" Cole murmured.

  I couldn't do anything other than nod as I bit my lip, and glanced up at the sad chocolate eyes. "Yes," it slipped out as a whisper "But this helps."

  “Good,” he glanced back over his shoulder to peer around the gym before leaning down to grab my discarded gloves. “Let’s finish this up. I think you might need to hit something right about now, and I’m afraid if we don’t get back to it I might take advantage of you standing there against the wall."

  As I watched him turn and step in the direction of the mat, I took a deep breath and swallowed. Was I ready for this? Could I go back to that place where happiness was optional? Could I give myself over to a man, and trust him to treat me, right? While I watched Cole get into position as he waited for me, I smiled to myself. With Cole, I thought anything might be possible. He seemed to understand me, in a way, that no one else had ever tried. He knew exactly when to push, and when to back off.

  ooooooooo

  Cole

  As I made my way to Maddie’s place, I couldn’t help the nervous feeling that was sitting in the pit of my stomach. She had been so scared when she realized that I knew where she lived. It was almost as if she was afraid to allow anyone any control over her in any situation. I knew that if I wanted her to trust me, I was going to need to let her set the pace of the evening.

  I’d planned to take her to dinner, and maybe a movie after if she was feeling up to it. I was hoping she would. After yesterday’s kiss at the gym, I had been counting the minutes until I could get her to snuggle up to me in a dark theater. The idea of her soft curves pressed against my side had been keeping me in a perpetual state of arousal all day.

  When I finally made my way to her building, I parked on the street and headed into the lobby area. After pressing the buzzer and letting her know I was there, I stepped to the side and waited.

  ooooooooo

  Maddie

  "This is it," I mumbled to myself as I took one last glance in the mirror. Cole had called up a moment ago, and I'd told him I'd be right down, but now I wasn't so sure.

  The skirt I'd paired with a loose cotton top had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I was second guessing myself. The black fabric swayed around my thighs and fluttered in the breeze I created when I walked. The bright pink top clung to me in all the right places, and the deep V-neck hinted at just the right amount of cleavage. I’d left my hair down in soft waves and used just enough makeup to highlight my features. I’d always been told that I had beautiful eyes, but with as many black eyes as I’d had over the years with Richard, it had become a habit to try and distract people from noticing them.

  I shifted in front of the mirror again as I contemplated changing. Finally deciding that I’d just take a chance, I grabbed my purse and scurried out the door.

  The elevator ride was quick, and by the time I reached the ground level I was more nervous than I cared to admit. When the doors opened to reveal a gorgeous man standing with his back to me, I couldn’t help but gasp. Cole was truly a guy’s guy. His broad shoulders filled out his black button down perfectly. He'd rolled the sleeves up to just below his elbows and paired it with a
pair of worn jeans. He must have heard me gasp because he turned and glanced over his shoulder, and our eyes connected immediately. I couldn't help my body's reaction as I let my eyes travel the length of him. We'd spent every day for the last two weeks together at the gym, but gym rat Cole had nothing on this version. The top few buttons of his shirt were open revealing a smattering of dark chest hair, and his hair was tousled just enough to look stylish. He winked at me causing me to blush and look away.

  "It's ok to look," he smirked. "You look nice too."

  "Uh…thanks," murmured as I glanced down at my feet. "You're sure this is ok?"

  "Maddie, you look beautiful. Don't think anything otherwise, ok?" He moved closer and offered me his hand, "You ready?"

  I nodded as I reached out and linked our fingers together all the while staring up at him. Even as an adult, I still had that nervous fluttering in my belly like a teenager going out with her crush for the first time.

  He tugged me closer to his side as he leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Stop worrying. It's gonna be a good night."

  "I trust you," I murmured as he led me out to his Explorer that was parked on the street in front of my building. And I did…trust him…I just wasn't sure if I trusted myself. I built these walls along time ago to prevent things like this from happening, and one-by-one Cole Walker was slowly tearing them down. What would he think of me when he finally stripped me bare of all my insecurities? Would he like the person he found? Would he still want me? Had Richard destroyed me to the point that there was nothing left? I had no idea what the answer to any of those question was, but I was silently hoping that I would soon find out.

  Chapter 13

  Cole

  Once I had her seated in my car, I jogged around to the driver's side, climbed in, and pulled out into traffic. The restaurant I'd picked out was on the waterfront at the harbor, and as we headed in that direction, I couldn't help but watch the smile on Maddie's face grow.