Irreparably Broken (The Broken Series Book 1)

by Heather D'Agostino

  “Maddie? What are you doing?” he panted as I shifted on top of him. I could feel his cock hardening under me and based on his strained voice knew he was currently hanging onto his sanity by a thread.

  “Don’t think, feel,” I mumbled against his lips as I deepened the kiss, and began sliding my hand slowly down the front of him. I don’t know what happened to cause me to stop holding back…him understanding me…attraction that I’d been fighting since we met…desire to feel alive again? Cole stirred something in me that made me wanting more. I'd been denying it for weeks, telling myself that I couldn't have it that he wouldn't understand, but he does. He understands more than I ever thought possible.

  My right hand continued its descent until I felt him, rock hard and pulsing through the denim. I broke the kiss and lifted my head to look into his hooded eyes as I squeezed lightly. He groaned and closed his tight as a mumbled curse escaped his lips. When I went to shift myself again, Cole took the opportunity to roll us. I gasped from being taken by surprise but soon recovered when he moved to cover me. One muscular thigh went between my legs as a knee slid up and brushed the juncture between them.

  My head tried to roll to the side as I felt him lean forward and capture mouth again. This was getting hot and heavy fast. Did I want this? Was I even ready for something like this? Even if I was, did I want to be out here on the beach where anyone could see?

  “Tell me stop,” Cole panted as he rolled hips creating friction right where I needed it. “Maddie,” he kissed right below my ear “please tell me to stop."

  Right at that moment my brain decided to check in and tell me this was a bad idea. I quickly released my fists where they were grasping his shirt, and pushed lightly on his chest, "Stop! Please stop!" I shoved a little harder.

  Cole released his hold on me and rolled to the side. He flung an arm over his face covering his eyes as he tried to get his breathing back under control. My entire body began trembling. It was almost as if it remembered what it was like to fight off Richard.

  “I’m sorry,” I heard him mumble, and I turned my head to the side to face him. "I didn't mean for that to happen."

  "It was just as much my fault," tears pooled in my eyes and I slammed my hands in the sand beside me in anger.

  “What’s wrong?” Cole lifted himself to a sitting position.

  I shook my head as I turned away, "It's not you."

  "Then what?" he reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder. I flinched at the contact causing him to withdraw.

  "It's him isn't it? What did he do to you?" he begged as he waited patiently.

  "All kinds of stuff, but he never stopped when I asked him to," I murmured. "Not once."

  "Maddie," he tentatively called. "Look at me, please?"

  When I turned to face him, he had his eyes downcast. He lifted his gaze as a sadness filled it, "I'll never force you to do anything you don't want to do. No matter what. Do you understand me?"

  I nodded. I wanted to believe him, and at the moment I did, simply because I'd just asked him to stop, and he did.

  "I do want to be with you, but not here," he waved his arms around. "When we get there, it will be somewhere private where I can have you all to myself."

  I could feel my face heating as he smirked at me, and I hoped that he couldn't see it in the dark.

  "It's getting late…you ready to head back home?" he stood and offered his hand.

  "Yeah…I've got an early morning tomorrow," I sighed as he helped me up.

  As I stood beside him, Cole folded the blanket we'd been sitting on, and then wrapped his arm around me and guided me back to where we'd parked. I knew that tonight signified a huge step in the healing process, and even though I'd stopped things I'd still made a giant step forward. Cole Walker was slowly cementing my broken pieces back together one date at a time.

  Chapter 15

  Maddie

  "So how was your date?" Erin nudged me in the side as we made our way to the back of the coffee shop. We'd been to a meeting, and decided to catch up after. With work, and going to the gym we really hadn't seen each other much over the past several days.

  "It was good," I smiled softly as I thought back to how sweet Cole had been.

  "Just good?" she wrinkled her nose at me. "I would think a man like him would be better than good. What aren't you telling me?"

  "Nothing," I avoided looking her in the eyes as I sipped my coffee. "We grabbed some burgers and ate on the beach."

  "Maddie, I can tell something happened by the way you're stalling. Now spill!"

  "I told him…" I trailed off. "About Richard."

  "And?" Erin turned to face me fully as we sat on the couch in the back of the shop.

  "And nothing," I shrugged non-committaly.

  "Maddie?" she narrowed her eyes.

  "Fine!" I growled. "I had a meltdown. Are you happy now?"

  "No," she whispered. "What did he do?"

  "Nothing," I sipped my coffee again. I was trying to avoid telling her about Cole. I didn't think he'd want me spreading his secrets, but she was really digging today.

  "Are you going out again?" she grinned.

  "He wants to go to the movies Friday night," I glanced around scanning the coffee shop. It was still a habit to search for Richard. I hadn't run into him yet in all the times Erin, and I had been here, but I still wasn't able to relax. I just knew my luck would run out one day.

  "Oooh," she smirked. "Dark theater with a hot guy…where can I sign up?"

  “You’re too much,” I shook my head at her as I finished off my coffee and set the empty cup on the table beside us. "So what have you been up too lately? I feel bad that we don't get to talk more."

  "Not much," she sighed. "I've been going to the self-defense class. Do you think you'll come back?"

  “Maybe,” I murmured. I hadn’t told Erin that Cole had been giving me private lessons on a daily basis, and now I felt guilty. I wasn't sure why, but it was like I was hiding something from her. "I'll think about it."

  "Do you think Wes is single?" she blurted out.

  “Uh…I don’t know,” I couldn’t figure out why she was asking me.

  "Do you think you could ask Cole the next time you see him?" she was flushing bright red right before my eyes but she forged on. "He's hot, and with the way he moves around that gym I'm sure he could bring a woman to her knees."

  "Erin!" I gasped. "What's gotten into you?"

  She shrugged, "I haven't gotten laid in months."

  I shook my head as a laugh burst out, “Why don’t you come with me to the gym today afternoon and ask him yourself?"

  “What are you doing there today?" her forehead wrinkled as she studied me.

  "Cole's been teaching me privately. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," I chewed on the inside of my mouth while I waited for a reaction.

  Instead of being upset, she grinned at me, “I’ll come today. Maybe he can teach me too.” When she saw my face fall, she shoved me lightly, “I’m kidding…about the teaching. I’ll come with you though."

  "Meet me there at four?" I stood from the couch I'd been perched on. "I have to get home."

  “Sure…today at four. I'll be there," she grinned and snapped her head in a quick nod.

  ooooooooo

  Cole

  It had been three days since our date. Three days of convincing myself that the feelings I was having were deeper than lust. I don’t know what it was about her, but just being around her made the world seem brighter. The more I thought about her, the more I wanted her, and the waiting for Friday to come was killing me.

  "Dude," Wes shoved me in the shoulder. "Wake up!"

  I turned to face him and scowled, "I am awake."

  "Well, you're not here," he waved his arms around. "If you're going to spot me, you need to be here. I don't want to die from dropping a bar on my neck." He moved to sit on the weight bench and laid back.

  "Yeah, yeah," I sighed. "I'm not gonna let you die. Who else would try to
boss me around if you weren't here?" I smirked as I helped him lift the bar loaded down with weights above his chest.

  "What do you mean try?" he grunted as he extended his arms forcing the weight into the air.

  “I mean…you do think you tell me what to do,” I rolled my eyes at him as he blew out a breath and placed the bar back on the rack.

  "You quittin' already? That was only one. You turnin' soft on me?" I taunted. I knew I was getting to him I just wasn't sure how far I could push it today. We'd been going around like this for two days, and I could tell I was getting on his last nerve.

  “I’m no pussy,” he growled. “You’re the pussy, pussy,” he stood and began stalking towards the ring. He grabbed his gloves and mouth guard before turning on me. “Get your shit so I can beat some sense into you," he pointed to where my gym bag was piled in the corner. "I'll show you who the pussy is," he grumbled as he began climbing into the ring.

  After strapping my gloves on, I stretched and popped my neck a few times. We hadn’t gone at it in over a week, and I was sure Wes had been itching to get me in this position. “Maddie’s coming by tonight so stay away from my face,” I commanded as I pointed at him and climbed in.

  “You worried I might improve it,” he taunted.

  “You’re a dead man,” I grumbled as I walked forward and bumped my gloved fists to his.

  Before I could step back, Wes took a swing. I ducked before rearing back out of the way. He wasn't playing around tonight, and if I didn't stay on top of my game, I was going to have some nice bruises tomorrow. I chuckled to myself as I waited patiently to make my move. I didn't often swing , but when I did, I didn't miss. Just as my left hand came forward, I swiped my leg out causing him to trip and stumbled back.

  "Playing dirty I see," he grumbled. "You trying to show off for your girl?"

  At the mention of Maddie, I swung my head towards the door. Just as my eyes connected with hers, a look of horror flashed across her. Within seconds, I was stumbling back from the blow Wes had just inflicted on my head. I whipped my gaze back to him as I righted myself.

  "You fucker," I growled. "Now who's playing dirty?" I advanced with both arms swinging as I took shots at his ribs causing him to curl into a ball. He backed up until he was against the ropes before dropping to the ground.

  "Dude," he spit his guard out as he shook his head. "I was joking around."

  "She's not something to joke about," I lifted my arm and used it to wipe the sweat that was now beading on my forehead off.

  "Sorry," he placed his hands on his knees as he tried to recover. "Why don't we finish this later? You need to calm down…maybe get laid?" he grinned as he climbed out of the ring and headed in the direction of where he'd left his water bottle.

  "Whatever," I grumbled. "Now who's the pussy?"

  He didn't respond as he continued to walk away, and in a way it was probably a good thing. He was right…I was sexually frustrated at the moment. It had been more than a month since I'd been with anyone, and I had no idea when Maddie would give the ok to take things further. Normally I didn't worry about things like getting laid, but with Maddie I wanted it to mean something.

  "Hey," I smiled as I walked over to where she was leaning against the wall with her friend Erin.

  “Hey,” she smiled back and pushed herself to an upright position. "Everything ok?"

  “Now it is,” I gave her the smile that most women found irresistible. "You're here…everything's great now."

  "Cole," she blushed as she wrapped her arms around her middle. "Don't say stuff like that."

  "Why?" I moved closer, so we were almost touching. "It's true."

  She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before letting them open to gaze up at me, "You seem tense."

  “I’m fine. Wes just needs a good ass kicking,” I shrugged but kept myself planted in front of her. I was caught off guard by the change in direction of the conversation, but didn’t want to back off just yet. “I’m glad you came today…wanna work on some more moves or are you going to do your own thing?"

  "Um..." she glanced at Erin before looking back to me and shrugging. "Don't really have a plan."

  I was so absorbed in the moment that I didn't even notice Wes come up beside me, but as I went to speak, I was suddenly jolted forward by a smack to the back of the head. I turned my head and narrowed my eyes on him. "What the hell was that for?"

  "Stop flirting and start working," he pointed to the mats where we usually did our workouts.

  "Mind your own business shithead," I placed my arm on the wall beside me to brace myself. The last thing I wanted was to fall on top of Maddie or Erin because Wes had decided to be a teenager today.

  ooooooooo

  Maddie

  "Hey," Wes smiled at Erin. "You wanna get some private lessons since these two are too busy eye fucking each other to do anything?"

  "Sure," Erin giggled before she turned to look at me. "Sorry," she bit her lip. "I'm going with him."

  "That's fine," I laughed. I knew when she had agreed to come with me today it was so she could be near him. Now I didn't feel so bad wanting be with Cole.

  "So," Cole turned back to face me as I watched Erin bounce off behind Wes. "We gonna do this or what?"

  "I'm game," I smiled as I waited for him to back up and let me pass. When he didn't, I placed my hand on his chest and pushed lightly. "You gonna let me by?"

  “No,” he whispered as he tipped his chin down. The hairs around my ear tickled my face where his breath stirred them.

  "Cole?" I could feel my voice quiver, and I wasn't sure if it was from desire or fear. I didn’t like feeling trapped, but Cole made me feel something else too. In a weird way, he made me want to be trapped by him. "I can't get to the mats if you don't move."

  “Maybe I don’t want to move yet,” he continued to talk quietly to me as he shuffled forward causing me to step back and press myself into the wall beside us. “Maddie you make feel things that I’ve never felt before. My brain is telling me to slow down, but my body is begging me to get closer. I know you wanna wait, but I want you to know what you do to me. Do you feel that?" he rolled his hips forward letting the bulge in his shorts skim across my thighs. I watched with rapt attention as he squeezed his eyes shut before letting his head fall forward and rest on the wall above my shoulder. "I've never felt this strongly about a woman before," he muttered. "You've completely consumed me."

  “I know what you mean,” I whispered so quietly I wasn’t sure he heard me. “I feel things too.”

  “What are you doing to me?” he groaned as he pushed off the wall and shook his head lightly.

  “I’ve asked myself that same question every morning when I wake up. I don’t have an answer. I think we just need to take it day-by-day,” I smiled at him as I turned to head towards the mats. "You coming? I need to kick some ass today," I winked as I watched him adjust his shorts.

  “Yeah…I need someone to kick my ass, so we're a good match," he chuckled as he tugged his gloves back on and followed me to the mat.

  I wasn't sure what I felt when I left the gym that day. Exhaustion? Happiness? Desire? Lust? I didn't think it could be love, but I knew it was something. Cole had burrowed his way into my heart, and each day he got a little deeper. I smiled to myself as I climbed into my car. Friday's date couldn't get here fast enough. The more time I spent with Cole, the more I wanted to be with him. He was shining a light in my life that I didn't even know existed anymore, and because of it I was off my usual game. I'd always been aware in the past of anyone around me, and if I'd been paying attention instead daydreaming when I left the gym that night I would have notice the black Mercedes parked across the street and the feeling of dread that tried to settle in the pit of my stomach. I'd pushed it aside instead of listening to it, and I've been kicking myself ever since.

  Chapter 16

  Maddie

  “Rough day?” Cole glanced over at me. We were driving through town on our way to the movies. It had been
a long day, and I’d had to put down a dog this afternoon.

  "You could say that," I sighed. "Mrs. Thompson came in today with her Lab, Cookie. He's been sick for a while, and today I had to put him down. I know it's my job, but it's hard ya know. It doesn't matter how many times you do it, it never gets easy."

  "I'm sorry," Cole mumbled as he reached over and grabbed my hand. After lacing our fingers together, he lifted our joined hands and kissed the back of mine.

  "I'll get past it. It just takes time," I turned my gaze out the window, and began watching the buildings pass by us as we headed towards the far end of town.

  “Anything new happen today?” he smiled when he glanced at me.

  "If you mean Jo bugging me, then yes," I groaned just thinking back to the conversation we'd had this morning. Jo had come barging into an exam room yammering on about going out next week. She'd said that she and Ben had made plans and that I had to come. "They want to go to Vibe on Wednesday," I bit down on my lip as I chanced a look in his direction. We hadn't made any plans yet, and I wasn't sure if we were at that stage where we could plan dates without asking yet.

  "Ok," Cole shrugged as he turned the Explorer into the movie theater parking lot.

  "How do you know I was inviting you?" I tried to hold back the smile that pulled at the corners of my mouth.

  “You don’t want me too? I just thought…” he trailed off, and the look on his face made me give in.

  “I’m kidding. I just didn’t think you’d want to go," I giggled as I watched him sag in relief. "You don't seem like the kinda guy who takes no for an answer anyway."

  "I'm not, but with you everything's different. I never know what to do, or how things will work out. I'm trying just to let them happen,” he shrugged as he released my hand and climbed out of his side. He rounded the front, and stopped by my door to open it. After helping me out, he grabbed my hand, and began leading me to the doors of the theater. "You look beautiful tonight, by the way."