Crazy Bitch (Bitches and Queens)

by Rachael James

  Willow recoiled from her touch as her nerves had been shot to the breaking point.

  Hannah’s hand fell limply to her lap. “You’ve been off the last couple days,” she continued.

  “I’m just really tired.”

  “I know what’s wrong,” Hannah admitted softly.

  “You do?”

  “I didn’t want to be the one to bring this up,” Hannah started as she dug into the front pocket of her jean shorts, “but I found this the other day when I was cleaning.” Pulling out Willow’s engagement ring, she placed it in her palm. “You and Zachary have been fighting again, haven’t you?”

  Again? Willow silently pondered. It wasn’t as if they had a tumultuous relationship, or maybe they had in Hannah’s timeline?

  “It’s a long story,” she muttered.

  “I’m a good listener,” Hannah smiled gently.

  “Zachary and I broke up.”

  “Oh Willow, I’m so sorry,” Hannah moaned. “What happened? You two were the perfect couple.”

  “I guess we just reached a point where we both wanted different things,” Willow said.

  “Are you sure it’s over? It could just be a rough patch—every couple goes through them,” Hannah offered sympathetically.

  Willow started giggling even though there was nothing funny about their conversation. She laughed because she knew if she didn’t—she would start crying. It was the final nail in the coffin. Nothing says, we ain’t ever going down that road again, like trying to convince someone to patch things over with another person.

  “What about you, Hannah? When are you going to start dating again?” Willow asked.

  “Me?” Hannah gasped. “I’m much too busy to even think about that now.”

  “Doing what, exactly?”

  Hannah cocked her head to the side as if she didn’t understand the question. “Well, you’ve been here with me. You see all the things I do.”

  “Here yes,” Willow agreed. “But what about your job? Do you have any intention of going back to work?”

  At this, Hannah looked truly perplexed. “I work with you for the company we built together.”

  “We didn’t…” Willow started but stopped, not sure what to say. “I didn’t know if you remembered.”

  “Of course, I remember. It was our dream since we were little girls. How could I forget?” Hannah frowned and started to reach for Willow’s hand but stopped herself. “Is that what has been bothering you—that I haven’t gone back to the office?”

  “I don’t know, maybe,” Willow shrugged.

  “You’ve been such a doll taking care of me, but you need to take care of yourself too. You were always the creative one. You need to get all that unspent energy out of you. I’ll be fine by myself while you go to work, I promise. Maybe sometime later this week, I can stop by and we can do lunch?”

  What could possibly go wrong? Willow wasn’t sure how much work she would get done, but at least she would have a few hours to herself, away from Hannah, away from the woman she could only love as a sister. It might do her good to clear her mind, and Hannah had been getting along so marvelously. She didn’t need to stay away the entire day. Perhaps she could go to the office in the morning, stop back in for lunch, and if all was well, she could spend a few hours in the afternoon looking for a new place to live. What could possibly go wrong in a few hours?

  The next day when Willow dropped in for lunch she didn’t know what had happened, but something had definitely gone wrong. She found Hannah in the front room, lying on the sofa, sobbing uncontrollably.

  “What is it, Hannah? What happened?” Willow rushed in a panic.

  “It’s…it’s…it’s this,” Hannah choked out as she tossed the magazine at Willow. “Why?” she cried. “Why would they say something so horrible?”

  Willow glanced down at the cover. At least the photograph was flattering if not the headline—Bombshell Confession: Hannah Fairbanks is a Man!

  “Where did you get this?” Willow asked.

  “Raymond sent it to me express. It hits the stands tomorrow,” Hannah sobbed.

  Willow’s mind whirled through all the various names Hannah had ever mentioned. There were just so many of them—photographers, designers, directors, and assistants. Finally, she remembered Raymond. He was Hannah’s publicist.

  “Why are they doing this to me? Why can’t they just leave me alone?”

  “Hannah…” Willow started uncertainly. “It’s just another tabloid sensation. In a few weeks, everyone will forget about it.”

  “Like they have forgotten my trip to the looney bin?” Hannah sniffed. “It’s a horrible, deceitful lie. I am going to sue them for slander.”

  “Maybe you should just ride this one out, let it pass over,” Willow offered.

  “No!” Hannah bellowed and then fell back against the cushions in a sobbing, uncontrollable heap.

  Willow started to panic, not knowing what to do or say to make her feel better. The problem was there was some truth to the story—no matter how much Hannah wanted to deny it. Although clearly no legal expert, Willow knew lawsuits could be tricky—especially ones involving billion-dollar companies. Who knows? Hannah may have carefully tried to conceal the truth over the years, but one tiny slip or wardrobe malfunction in front of the wrong set of eyes was all that was needed to expose her to the world. The timing couldn’t have been better planned given Hannah’s current publicity. Someone was desperate enough to cash in on Hannah’s misfortunes or perhaps an ex-pet was seeking revenge. In either scenario, the person could in all likelihood have photographic evidence.

  Long-term thinking wasn’t likely to help with the current situation. At the moment, Hannah needed to calm down. Willow considered calling Dr. Williams, but he was all the way in Sedona and probably couldn’t take her call. As much as she hated doing it, Willow knew there was only one person who might have a solution. Sucking in her breath, she dialed his number.

  “Sam, we have a slight problem. I need you to come over.”

  Chapter 24

  “Oh my God, is that a gazelle?” Sam asked as he strolled into the room and moved towards the side table where Hannah kept her napkin animals. “Look Kate, it’s a little napkin zoo!”

  What a freaking suck-up, Willow thought to herself.

  “These are amazing, Hannah. When did you start doing this?” Sam asked.

  “It’s just a little hobby,” Hannah cried.

  Kate picked up the gazelle. Although clearly not as impressed as Sam, she did admire the craftsmanship.

  When she absentmindedly placed the animal back on the table, Sam was quick to retrieve him. “No babe, he can’t go there,” he explained.

  “Lions hunt gazelles,” Hannah sniffed through her tears.

  “And the next thing you know, you have a whole table-top massacre,” Sam said.

  Kate glared at him.

  “Really, did you have absolutely no imagination as a child?” he teased.

  “I think you had enough for both of us,” Kate retorted.

  “Obviously,” he said, and then winked—thinking about what Willow’s call had so rudely interrupted. They would have got here sooner but he had a hell of a time taking off his nails. Now, his nail beds were scratched up.

  Walking over to the overstuffed leather chair, he sat unceremoniously and propped his feet on the ottoman. “So, what is the huge catastrophe? Willow was rather ambiguous on the phone.”

  Willow glanced over at Hannah. After she nodded slightly in affirmation, Willow handed him the tabloid.

  Sam stared blankly for several moments at the cover before finally saying, “I don’t see the problem. Obviously the lighting is a bit off and they could have played around with the texture, but it is a decent shot.”

  “Read the headline,” Hannah groaned.

  “Right,” Sam said and then briefly glanced at the words before letting out a loud snort. “HA!”

  “It isn’t funny,” Hannah declared.

 
“You’re right,” Sam laughed. “It’s ridiculously hilarious.”

  “They called me a man,” Hannah cried out.

  “Yes, thank you. I did actually pass the second grade and am capable of sounding out the big words,” Sam teased. Trying very hard to erase the levity from his face, he said, “Oh come on, Hannah. This is so absurd that no one is going to believe it. Besides, they have said so much worse about you.”

  “Never like this,” Hannah denied.

  “Because right now you are the golden ticket. People are crawling out of the woodworks, and they will say anything to cash in. Honestly if I were you, I would frame this one,” Sam replied.

  “No, thank you,” Hannah shot back.

  “You know what the problem is—you’ve been stuck inside this house too long as evidenced by your handiwork, which, by the way, I am taking the peacock. But that is beside the point. You need to get out and have a little fun. We’ll all go out together,” Sam said.

  Later that night, after Sam had whisked Hannah off to the dance floor, Willow looked over at Kate and noticed she appeared just as despondent as she felt.

  “How have you been?” Willow asked.

  “Fabulous,” Kate announced with a dramatic flair then gave a few mirthless chuckles that soon fell flat. “I’ve only been married for two months and this is the happiest I’ve seen my husband—while he is dancing with another woman.”

  “Maybe you should take him dancing more often,” Willow offered.

  “It isn’t the dancing he misses so much. It’s her.”

  “He isn’t the only one,” Willow sighed.

  “He has been really upset, and I’m upset that this bothers him so much. I don’t know…” Kate groaned. “I just keep thinking what if in the grand reshuffle, they tossed out her gay card.”

  Willow’s features remained motionless for second before she exploded with laughter. “I’m sorry,” she said breathlessly. “I just don’t think it works that way.”

  “But how do you know? Has she shown any interest in you?”

  “No, but she thinks I’m her sister,” Willow answered. “If Dr. Williams could cure gay, he would a zillionaire by now. Do you have any idea how many parents would show up at the clinic wanting him to make their gay children straight? Besides, even if Hannah was no longer attracted to women, that wouldn’t magically change Sam.”

  “I know,” Kate agreed. “But I’ve just been so worried that if she threw any scrap of attention his way, he would leap without thinking.”

  Willow glanced at the pair of dancing queens. She really couldn’t stand him. He was such a smug bastard. All night long whenever Hannah and Kate weren’t looking his way, he shot nasty looks her way, but before she could respond, he was back to his snarky, charming self. Kate really could do so much better than him, but she was miserable and Willow could commiserate.

  “Hasn’t he ever told you the truth about them?” Willow asked.

  “The truth?” Kate questioned warily. At this point, she was reasonably certain she didn’t want to know the truth. Although he had denied it on multiple occasions, all signs seemed to indicate that they had once shared a grand passion. Probably, first love. The thought made her sick.

  “How old was Sam when his biological mother died?” Willow inquired.

  “He was seven. Why? What does that have to do with them?”

  “Does he strike you as a man who wasn’t raised with a womanly influence?”

  “Maybe,” Kate shrugged. “All right, no, but I still don’t understand what you’re trying to imply.”

  Willow’s face softened. “Hannah has taken care of Sam for years. For all intent and purposes, she is his mommy.”

  Kate gasped, flabbergasted. Whatever she had been expecting to hear, this clearly was not it. When she started to deny it, Willow interrupted, “Look, I don’t understand it either, but it has worked for them. It’s one of the main reasons Sam can’t stand me and why Hannah never liked you. In their eyes, no one will ever be good enough for the other. And it is also why Sam has been so miserable. Imagine if your mother or father suddenly came down with dementia and no longer remembered you.”

  Although it seemed so contradictory given their somewhat sordid history, everything felt like it made perfect sense for the first time in many months. Hannah was his mommy. That is why Sam refused to walk away no matter what she said or did. He always forgave Hannah anything.

  Kate felt as if huge weight had been taken off her shoulders. Bursting with newfound lightless, she could finally see past herself and her miserable insecurities. When she noticed just how lifeless Willow had grown in just a few weeks, she felt ashamed that she hadn’t seen it earlier. Willow reminded her of someone, but whom? Kate considered it for a few moments and then she remembered. Willow reminded Kate of Francesca, but how was that possible? Hannah wasn’t playing the game anymore.

  “How have you been?” Kate asked.

  “We’ve been great besides tonight. Hannah has been cooking up a storm, repainting all the rooms in her house, growing a garden. She has been happier than I have ever seen her,” Willow answered.

  “I didn’t ask about Hannah. I asked about you,” Kate gently corrected.

  “I…” Willow faltered, looking precariously close to tears. Pushing her hair back behind her ear, she admitted, “I miss her a lot. How are you supposed to get over someone that you can’t ever leave?”

  “But you can leave anytime you want,” Kate said.

  “I can leave her home, but I can’t leave her life. She truly believes we are sisters and nothing will convince her otherwise. I don’t know how to walk away, not considering everything she has already been through. Severing that bond would destroy her.”

  You wouldn’t walk away, not if you were as tenderhearted and clearly as in love as Willow is, Kate thought. The wheels in her head began spinning overtime. Now that she no longer feared Sam was prepared to end their marriage for another woman, Kate began seeing everything a little more clearly. She decided to test her new theory. If Hannah wasn’t playing, she wouldn’t notice, but if she was, Kate wanted her know she wasn’t the only one in the game. She waited until Hannah glanced their way before reaching across the table and innocently grabbing Willow’s hand.

  Not ten seconds later, Hannah appeared at the table and said she was tired and ready to go home. Sam had been right. If anyone deserved to have their brains fried, it was her. If that really happened, which Kate was beginning to doubt. Tomorrow should be interesting. Kate intended to corner Hannah when she was alone. At this point, there was no need to involve Sam, not until she knew for certain. On the off chance she was wrong, Kate didn’t want to get his hopes up.

  On the drive home, Kate was bursting with so many revelations, but she had to remain coy. Instead of discussing the fact that Hannah was his mommy or that she liked to play sick, twisted little games, Kate brought up the problem at hand. “Why would they call her a man?”

  “I don’t know,” Sam muttered. He was just relieved she hadn’t flown off on another lunatic rage. The key to dealing with Hannah in any state was to take her mind off the issue. Although she wasn’t usually so easily distracted, those little napkin animals proved worth their weight in gold. Divert then address. Repeat if necessary. Sam would have thought her sister would have figured that out already. Maybe she could have if she had more brains than tits? “It could have something to do with the fact that she has a cock.”

  “You know?” Kate huffed.

  “When we were kids, she could pee standing up and quite honestly, her arch was always way better than mine. It wasn’t that hard to figure out,” Sam shrugged indifferently.

  “Why have you never mentioned this before now? And don’t you dare tell me you forgot,” Kate hissed. Months of needless fears and insecurities could have been avoided with a few simple words.

  “No, I didn’t forget. It’s just not something I think about. You know Hannah. She is the girliest woman ever. And consider who you are
having this conversation with. I’m not the kind of person who thinks a single piece of flesh determines one’s whole gender.”

  When they arrived home, Willow started to go to bed, but Hannah stopped her. “There is something I want to talk about,” she explained and led her to the couch.

  Once they were seated, instead of letting go of Willow’s hand, Hannah reached for her other one as well. “I saw you talking with Kate tonight. And I know this sounds terribly selfish of me, but it hurt a little. If something is bothering you, I want you tell me. I’m your sister—not Kate.”

  The next day, Kate found Hannah in the kitchen whisking some cream-colored concoction furiously. Glancing over her shoulder with a wide smile, Hannah called out, “Hello. Did you come by yourself or did you bring Sam with you?”

  “How did you do that?” Kate questioned. “When we first came to Sedona, you were thoroughly convinced I was Sam, but a few simple words set you straight. Yet, you remain confused about other things. How is that possible?”

  “I’m not following you,” Hannah replied sweetly.

  “I think you are,” Kate challenged. “You are hurting people again.”

  Hannah’s hand fell motionless. Without turning around, she said flatly, “I am making bean dip. It wouldn’t hurt anyone unless they had an underlying digestive issue.”

  “They love you. Only God knows why, but they do,” Kate spat. “And this is how you return their affection? By playing games that only you understand?”

  “It isn’t a game,” Hannah declared.

  Fed up with her denials, Kate decided to throw down the gauntlet. “You promised me. You promised you wouldn’t hurt anyone again. Either you stop this, or I’ll tell them the truth. And it won’t matter then. You can scream, you can cry, you can make all the threats you want to, but no one will be around to hear it. Because the only two people who ever gave a damn about you will be gone.”

  Hannah finally turned around and stared at her with wide-eyed innocence. “You’re wrong,” she whispered.