Shattered Dreams

by Loyd, Sandy

  When he nodded and released her, she hurried to the oven and pressed a button. The noise died and she switched off the heat, grabbed hot pads to open the door, and brought out a square pan. The scent of chocolate filled the room.

  “Brownies.” She glanced his way with a warm smile. “I didn’t know you were coming, but Sophie told me you like sweets.”

  Leaning against the counter and crossing his legs, he propped a bent elbow on one hand and rubbed his chin with the other, eyeing her closely. How could she stand so calmly and impassively, innocently talking about brownies and Sophie, when getting her naked was still his most pressing thought? The lady affected him too much.

  “If I can’t give in to one craving,” he drawled in a teasing voice, curbing his desires with an iron will, “I guess a brownie is a pretty good consolation.”

  A slight bit of pink crept up her face. The sight sent another rush of awareness through him, but now that he was back under some semblance of control and she was out of reach, he could ignore the feeling easily enough.

  “They’re too hot right now, so you’ll have to wait till they cool.” She set the pan on a trivet, tossed the hot pads aside, and wiped her hands on her shorts.

  “Hmm. Waiting. Interesting concept.” He walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. Spying the soft drinks in the back, he reached for one and pulled it out, popping the top before bringing the can to his lips for a hefty drink. “Somehow I know I should wait, but I’ve lost my patience for it. Waiting takes too much damn time.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Forget it,” he murmured, and took several gulps of cola. “Just thinking out loud.”

  Her gaze narrowed, and she eyed him cautiously. “Are you okay?”

  “I think you should call Snyder.” He nodded to her phone sitting on the counter. “Then we’ll go to dinner.”

  “You don’t want to wait for the brownies to cool?”

  “No.” He headed for the other room, saying over his shoulder, “That’s for dessert. If we make it that long.”

  “Jason, you’re not making any sense.”

  “Just call the damn deputy and then let’s get out of here.”

  He had a hard time squelching his annoyance on his way to the living room over why it took so much effort to stop the errant thoughts swirling inside his brain.

  Chapter 21

  Claire watched Jason’s retreat. She’d heard nothing from him since her faux pas of coming on to him on the sailboat. For the last three weeks, she’d moped around like a lovesick puppy dog hoping for a pat on the head, but today, she finally came to her senses.

  With her life a mess right now and a divorce to muddle through, the last thing she needed was a romantic entanglement. So she’d left the office early, determined not to care that he hadn’t called. She’d turned off her cell, unplugged her phone, and had driven home to do what she always did when she was upset. Bake.

  “Are you going to fill me in on your private little joke?”

  Having grabbed a bottled water from the fridge, Claire followed Jason into the living room, trying to figure out his game. From the moment she first spied him sitting in his car, he’d acted weird.

  “No joke.” He took a sip of his drink. “Just trying to be a friend.”

  “Ah, I see.”

  A big fat lie, she decided as she sat opposite him. Plus, he wouldn’t meet her eyes. He’d been playful and teasing just minutes ago when they were kissing, and she’d wanted to play along, glad that he’d gotten over their last encounter. She’d tried not to respond, had fought the sensations coursing through her while his glorious lips had caressed her neck. But when he’d captured her mouth, all her resolve had evaporated into a burst of pleasure.

  “That’s why I haven’t heard from you? You were trying to be a friend.”

  She winced at her hurt tone and prayed he wouldn’t pick up on it. Judging by the way his searching gaze quickly sought hers and held it, her prayer went unanswered.

  Jason saw too much. It was uncanny how with just a look, she felt a connection all the way to her soul. So different from how Carl made her feel. She wondered briefly why she got the urge to run every time Jason was near, and why she never heeded the urge.

  “You have no idea, do you?”

  His question caught her off guard. Her breathing stopped for a second when she slanted him a glance and spotted what he didn’t bother hiding in those startling blue eyes. Desire laced with humor.

  She cleared her throat and swallowed hard, unsure how to deal with this side of Jason. After all, she barely knew him. Yet deep down, she knew him. She felt it on that first day, even if she’d been too numb to recognize it.

  He chuckled.

  His amusement irked her. “You think this is funny?”

  “Yeah, I do find some sick humor in all of this.” Still grinning, he added, “But mostly I’m laughing at myself.”

  “Laughing at yourself. I see.”

  Ignoring the familiar tug his smile always elicited, she strode toward him with purpose as he warily followed her progress. She stopped right in front of him, gently took the can from his hand, and set it on the table.

  “Tell me how funny you find this,” she murmured as she gently pushed him back against the cushion. She straddled his lap and sat, lowering her head until her lips barely touched his, where they hovered.

  His hands grabbed her waist, and for a second, she thought he’d push her away. Once their mouths made the connection, his grip tightened and he pulled her closer.

  She swallowed her triumph and kissed him using her entire mouth. His erection grew to life underneath her, and she reveled in the fact that she was the cause.

  When she broke the kiss and looked at him, he was breathing heavily. His eyes were closed.

  “Are you done tormenting me?” he asked.

  “For the moment.”

  She moved to get up from the chair, but his hands held her firmly in place. They slid around her waist, their gentle pressure urging her closer. He lightly brushed his mouth and tongue over hers. Sensations rolled over her, sending delicious heat all the way to her extremities. Her mind emptied of everything but his essence.

  A wave of disappointment built when he broke the elusive connection.

  “Is there a particular reason you felt you had to make a point?”

  “Maybe,” she murmured breathlessly, laying her head on his shoulder. Right now her boneless arms and legs were useless. She’d lost the will to move.

  “You’re playing a dangerous game.” With his mouth within an inch of her ear, he spoke barely above a whisper, but Claire heard him as if he’d shouted. “Can’t you feel how much I want you? How hard it is to resist you?”

  She smiled, hiding her amusement in his chest. She definitely felt how hard it was. But somehow all that did was heighten her excitement. She’d never felt this powerful with Carl, who was always the aggressor and always in control. And because this feeling of power was so new, she wanted to savor the sensation.

  “Claire? Look at me.”

  His tone of voice drew her attention. She lifted her head and pushed up on her elbows, eyeing him cautiously. “What?”

  “We’re not going to make love just yet.”

  “We’re not?”

  “No. We’re not.” He nodded toward her bedroom. “You’re going to put on a bra, and then you can call Snyder before we go to dinner.”

  “Oh?” Swallowing hard, she absorbed his orders. “And what if I want something different?”

  “You don’t,” Jason said with absolute certainty, shaking his head. He caught her gaze and she couldn’t look away. “You deserve—no, we both deserve more. So honor my request. Please?”

  She sat upright and in doing so his full erection jerked slightly. He was still aroused and was much more affected than he let on. She grinned inwardly at the knowledge.

  “Okay. But I want you to know something.” When his eyebrows rose expectantly, she sig
hed and answered his unspoken question. “I’ve been thinking about what you said.”

  “Oh?” His gaze narrowed.

  “Yes. And you were wrong.”

  “What specifically was I wrong about?” His tone held suspicion.

  “I wouldn’t regret a quick screw with you. Do you want to know why?” She watched for his reaction. When his expression didn’t change and he simply waited without saying a word, she finally chuckled. “Because if we started with a quick screw, the next time around wouldn’t be quick. And we both know there’s going to be a next time.”

  He exhaled a long breath. “You aren’t making this easy, are you?”

  “I don’t know what I’m doing. But I’m done doing what’s expected.” Claire pushed completely off him while he released his hold. She started for her bedroom, saying over her shoulder, “Since you asked nicely, I’ll honor your request. At least for now.”

  Chapter 22

  Without moving a muscle, Jason sat after Claire’s departure.

  “Shit,” he said under his breath, stilling the urge to follow her, knowing that by now she was naked from the waist up. He clutched the arm of the chair, using it as an anchor to keep him in place. He had to get out of here before he went back on his resolve of waiting.

  Exactly why he was waiting eluded him at the moment, but he knew the reason was inside him somewhere, swirling around with all that testosterone. To take his mind off her, he grabbed the soft drink and chugged.

  Finally, Claire waltzed out, fastening an earring as she walked. She’d changed into a chic outfit of knee-length shorts and a matching green silky top, had put on fresh makeup, and had brushed her unruly hair.

  God, she was beautiful, he thought, observing her toss her hair back as she picked up the phone and punched in what he assumed was the deputy’s number.

  “Deputy Snyder, please.” She flashed Jason a warm smile, which had the same effect as earlier, a two-by-four slamming into his gut.

  Why was he waiting? That question circled back, and he was beginning to doubt he really had an answer. If she only knew how she sent his blood pressure soaring, she’d run for the hills, not smile in that enticing, promising manner that told him she’d give him exactly what his body craved.

  “Thank you.” Claire put a hand over the phone and whispered, “They’re patching me through.”

  Jason nodded.

  “Yes, I got your message. You wanted to ask me some questions?” she said, turning her back to him. “I’m not sure what I can tell you, but I’d be happy to help any way I can.”

  He was able to get the gist of the deputy’s questions from her answers.

  “A few weeks ago,” she said, and paused. “No, I haven’t seen him since. And to be quite honest, I’m no longer interested in his whereabouts.” She faced Jason and smiled, but it barely resembled her earlier one. All warmth had fled her eyes.

  “I’m sure you can.” She sighed. “Okay. I’ll get in touch with him and have him give you a call.” She broke off. “Why do you want to know that?” she asked after a long pause. “You don’t think the body could be Carl’s, do you?”

  Her brow furrowed. “I see.” She started pacing as she listened more intently. “His dentist is Dr. Fielding. In Pompano Beach.” She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I can’t think of any offhand.” The color had drained from her complexion. “Okay. I appreciate your concern.”

  “What was that about?” Jason asked when she disconnected the call.

  She seemed fragile and lost all of a sudden, so different from the siren in his arms only moments ago. This Claire was the woman he’d spied on the sailboat that first day.

  He pushed out of the chair and rushed to take her in his arms as the answer to why he was waiting became immediately apparent. Claire needed time to deal with the emotional shit going on in her life right now.

  “Snyder’s looking for Carl. His car’s still parked at the marina. He’s left several messages at the Ocean View before he checked out, but none have been returned. And there’s no forwarding address. From the way he spoke, I got the distinct impression he thinks the body they found is Carl’s.”

  She leaned back and her troubled gaze caught his. Her turbulent expression tugged at him.

  “It’s okay,” he said soothingly as he rubbed his hands over her back. He pulled her closer before kissing the top of her head. “We both know Carl’s alive and well.”

  “Then why is his car still at the marina? He loves that car. And why would the deputy ask for dental records?”

  “Snyder’s only being thorough and following all leads.”

  “He also said it wasn’t Carl who checked into the hotel, but a woman matching my description. And no one’s actually seen him there in all this time.”

  “I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for everything. Don’t worry. We’ll deal with this together,” he promised in an effort to ease her fears. “I’m your lawyer, remember.”

  Claire’s burble of laughter tickled his chest. “I fired you, remember?”

  Relieved that she’d found her sense of humor again, Jason smiled and let go of her shoulders. He grabbed her hand and started for her front door.

  “Come on. I’m hungry. We can talk about how we’ll reach Carl at dinner.”

  • • •

  Though the oppressive heat and humidity was typical of South Florida this time of year, Claire and Jason opted to eat outside. After being seated at a waterside table, Claire decided she liked Jason’s pick of places along the Intracoastal Waterway. The breeze off the water aided in making the experience bearable.

  Her mouth watered from the tangy smells of garlic, onion, and grilled meat floating out of the kitchen. Her gurgling stomach was a reminder that she hadn’t eaten lunch. She’d waited for the brownies to cook, intending to drown her misery in chocolate instead of a balanced meal. Only she never got the chance because Jason’s arrival disrupted her plans.

  “What’s so funny,” Jason asked, his smile matching hers.

  The waiter arrived with the wine Jason had ordered, and once he’d approved and their glasses had been poured, they were alone again.

  He took a sip of wine, eyeing her speculatively before asking, “You never answered my question.”

  “No reason.” She shrugged. “Something struck me as funny, but it’s not worth sharing.”

  “Okay.” With his narrowed eyes still fastened on her, he swallowed another mouthful. “Then answer me this. What was that little demonstration back at the house all about, and why the parting shot?”

  “Parting shot?”

  “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m asking. I was there.”

  She cleared her throat. Her focus roamed to the paper napkin under the wineglass. She fiddled with the edges before Jason’s hand closed over hers, drawing her attention to his face.

  “Honesty. Remember?”

  The whispered words sent waves of sensation down her spine. Peering into intense blue eyes, she breathed out a heavy sigh. It was uncanny, this feeling that came over her right then. She had to avert her gaze. As always, she felt as if he saw things no one else bothered to look for.

  She cleared her throat again and tried to think of how best to explain. “For too many years, I haven’t been true to myself.”

  Worse than that, she thought. She’d allowed her attraction for Carl to guide her thinking. If he found her desirable, then she responded, and his attention made her feel beautiful. In all the years they were married, he never knew the real Claire Carter, never looked below her surface, any more than she looked beyond his.

  “I now realize my marital relationship wasn’t very deep, and I’m partly responsible because I tended to be a passive partner.” She broke off and took a sip of wine. Glancing at Jason, she gave him a quick smile and nodded to her glass. “So, what’s this?”

  “An aged cabernet sauvignon.” Amusement danced in his eyes, replacing the intensity of a moment before. “It
takes about five years for the tannins to ripen properly and become less bitter.”

  “I could get used to this.”

  “You do have promise. Stick with me and I’ll make a wine drinker of you yet.” Then he flashed that same smile she found so hard to resist and nodded. “Now let’s get back to you and your parting shot.”

  Claire sighed. “Back to me.” She stalled for a moment, swirling her wine before she looked up and said, “I’m not sure why I did what I did, or said what I said. It was so unlike me. But I do know this. When we have sex, I’ll definitely be part of the decision.”

  She worked to keep a straight face when she noticed Jason’s startled reaction. She was dead serious and allowed the fact to show in her eyes as she held his gaze without flinching.

  She’d always let Carl be the aggressor in sex. He was a virile man who always made her feel sexy. Yet, she’d never flexed her sexuality, not like she had today. After those few minutes with Jason, she understood one thing. Claire would never go back to being a passive lover.

  The waiter approached and placed their salads on the table.

  “Interesting you should say when, not if,” Jason stated in a soft voice, cutting into the silence once the waiter left.

  “Is it?” she asked, offering a ready laugh, remembering his words that night on the sailboat. Her enjoyment increased when something flashed in his eyes. “Jason,” she said, clucking her tongue at him after swallowing a bite. “I don’t sleep around, if that’s your worry.”

  Due to an incapacitating injury, she hadn’t dated at all in high school, and rarely in college, preferring to spend her time on her start-up business instead, so her experience with men was limited. She’d only slept with one other man before she met Carl, which probably accounted for why she felt at fault when she found out about his transgressions. She wasn’t pretty enough or sexy enough to keep him. Except after meeting Jason, she knew both notions were false.

  “I’m aware of that.” He put down his salad fork and moved a hand to his wineglass. He spent a moment swirling his wine, clearly mulling over his thoughts. “It’s just that I’m not sure you’re emotionally ready for what I have in mind.”