by S Doyle
I heard the intake of breath but I also watched her face closely.
“You’re not scared,” I said with some awe in my voice. Because how could she not be? But her expression was as serene as I’d ever seen it.
She shook her head and smiled. “No,” she said, and I could tell she’d surprised herself with the admission. “It’s crazy, but right now, no. I’m not scared.”
“Then let’s do this.”
The doors opened and we left the Kane Co. building and all the Christmas cheer that was happening on the top floor. We left behind the crowd and a lot of the praise for the work we’d done together.
I’d driven to the party, so we took my car to the nearest pharmacy, which was only a couple of blocks away from the building. It was already closing early for Christmas Eve, and the conditions outside, as the snow continued to fall, only sped that up. The manager was just about to lock down for the night when we showed up. I promised him we would only be a few minutes.
Two pregnancy tests and a box of condoms. You know, in case she wasn’t pregnant.
The manager, who looked to be no older than a teenager, snickered as he rang us up but made no other comment.
I didn’t even ask Joy where she wanted to go. While my place was closer, this felt like something she would want to do in her home. I navigated the now mostly empty streets as the snow continued to fall. Silence accompanied us, which seemed fitting as the snow served to make the world a little quieter.
It was slippery, but the Audi had snow tires and was built to handle this kind of weather. Beyond that, I was careful. Ridiculously careful given the passengers I might be carrying. Eventually we reached Joy’s home and I pulled into her driveway.
“Stay put. We didn’t get our coats before we left and I’m not letting you trudge your way through the snow in those shoes.”
“W.B. I can handle snow. I live in Denver, remember?”
I gave her a stern look.
“Yes, sir,” she mumbled.
I made my way out of the car and opened the trunk where I kept practical snow boots. Always at the ready for a Denver storm in winter. Quickly, I got out of my leather loafers and shoved my feet into the unlaced boots.
Then I walked over the passenger door and opened it. I took off my suit coat and gave it to her.
“Put that on,” I said.
Then I brushed away enough snow around the car door that she could get out. As soon as she did, I swept her up into my arms.
“W.B., you’re being ridiculous. And why are you always carrying me?”
“I like it.” I smiled. “I think I’ll carry you everywhere we go.”
“Who knew you had latent caveman tendencies?” she muttered. But she did it with her arms wrapped around my neck.
Carefully, I navigated her walkway. I had to put her down for her to open the door, but a portico protected us from most of the snow.
Once we were inside, the warmth embraced us and it was like we both had realized how cold it was.
“I’ll start a fire,” I said, heading over to her fireplace where she had a bin of wood and a basket filled with old newspapers for kindling. “You go…do your thing.”
I didn’t look up at her. Just focused on picking a log or two. Then stuffing the paper under each. She had a box of long matches next to the bin of wood and I took one to strike a flame. A few minutes later the logs were burning hot enough to give off some real heat.
I’d been so focused on my task, I didn’t realize that Joy hadn’t moved beyond kicking off her shoes. She had one of the pregnancy tests in her hands and was reading what I imagined were the directions.
Having seen enough TV and movies, I understood the gist of what needed to happen. She needed to pee on the stick, then we waited a few minutes and we would know. Whether or not our lives would be irrevocably changed forever.
There should have been fear inside me at the thought, but like her, I was unafraid of the outcome. If she was pregnant we were going to be together. If she wasn’t pregnant we were going to be together.
To my mind it was a win/win situation.
“You’re not peeing.”
She shrugged. “I don’t really have to go. And the directions say it’s better to wait until the morning.”
I didn’t think for a second it was that simple. Instead, I thought she was looking for a reprieve. One night before the shit had to get real. One night where we could just be two people having the realization that they wanted to be together without the seriousness of impending parenthood in front of us.
“How about we make hot chocolate and snuggle by the fire?” I offered.
The smile exploded on her face and I thought it was warmer than the fire I’d just built.
It was too much to hope that she’d leave the sexy dress on, but Joy in flannel bottoms and a T-shirt was just as beautiful, in my opinion. I’d taken off my boots and tie, getting a little more comfortable. Now I watched from her small kitchen table as she made hot chocolate with milk and cocoa powder.
Jake had hunkered down by my feet and I was careful not to move, given he’d actually felt comfortable enough to fall asleep on me.
Carefully, Joy poured us each a mug of the brew and filled them both to the point of overwhelming with marshmallows. No wonder our Sunday ornament events weren’t making as much as I thought they should. I wondered if I’d ever enjoyed watching someone make something for me more.
Surely as a kid I’d had hot chocolate. My mother was a flake, but she wasn’t mean or cruel. She’d believed in offering treats when she could afford them. It just wasn’t very often that she could. Certainly not something as indulgent as hot chocolate and marshmallows.
Joy set the mug down in front of me and took a seat. Both of us were relinquishing fireplace snuggles to the whims of a snoring Jake, who neither of us could bear to disturb.
“Merry Christmas,” Joy said softly and lifted her mug in a toast. I lifted mine and gently tapped hers.
“Merry Christmas,” I said back.
“I don’t have any presents for you,” she said.
That made me smile. Thinking what Joy might have gotten me as a present if I hadn’t been such an asshole.
“No? No miscellaneous porn ornaments stashed away for me?”
She giggled. “No. If I’d been more angry and less sad these past few weeks I might have gotten creative. As it was I just…I didn’t want to think about anything.”
I nodded, my smile quickly gone. “I missed you like crazy, Joy. And the worst part was knowing I’d deliberately hurt you.”
“I don’t want to keep harping on what happened.” She sighed. “If we’re going to do this, really do this, then we need to put it firmly behind us.”
I liked that idea. “You mean a new start?”
She nodded. “Absolutely. A fresh new start, beginning tonight. We could treat this like one of your blind dates!”
The idea seemed to thrill her, but I was skeptical. “There was nothing good about any of those blind dates. They were more like coordinated interviews and everyone left me cold.”
“Okay, so this will be different. One where we actually get to know each other. So, there are some things you should probably know about me.”
She shifted in her chair and then bought more time by taking a sip from her mug.
“Joy, I think I know you pretty well at this point.”
Her head tilted. “Oh, really? What do you know?”
“You’re a brilliant artist. A savvy businesswoman. You like asshole cats and asshole men, I suspect because you’ve got the biggest, softest heart in the state of Colorado. You light up a room when you walk into it, and not because of your innate sexiness but because of who you are. You are joy. Which means your mom named you really well.”
She smiled, evidently pleased by my description. Then her lips curved up. “Actually, my mom named me Joyful.”
I blinked. “Say again?”
“My name,” she said sheepishly, �
�is Joyful. As in Joyful Knews.”
I couldn’t help it. I tilted my head back and let out a roar of laughter. So loud, so hard that Jake was disturbed from his sleep. Angry with that, he made a swipe at my ankle and then stalked out of the room.
“It’s not that funny,” she said, which of course only made me laugh harder. “They had tried to get pregnant for a long time and so my dad promised my mom she could name me whatever she wanted…you’re still laughing!”
I shook my head and tried to catch my breath. “That’s bad. I mean not as bad as…”
“What?”
I let out a breath and reached my hand across the table. She didn’t hesitate and clasped it with her own. “So this is a date where we’re really going to get to know each other?”
“Yes,” she said, squeezing my hand. “Really know each other. And while I’m not the type to put out on a first date, I might be willing to make an exception for you. But only if I feel like you’re really letting me get to know you. Not what you want everyone else to see.”
Yeah. I guessed if she was going to get to know the real me it should start with the simple truth. Which was my name.
“Welcome Baby.”
Now it was her turn to blink. “Uh, yeah. We might be doing exactly that tomorrow.”
I shook my head. “No. Those are my initials. It’s what my mother named me.”
She pulled her head back and I could see it was because she knew I was giving her something important. Something I hadn’t given to anyone else. Ever.
“Welcome Baby. Wait. That means your name is…”
“Welcome Baby Darling. Yes, I am aware.”
Now it was her turn to laugh. And why shouldn’t she? It was an absolutely ludicrous name that I’d been stuck with since birth until I forced my mother to at least have it legally changed to W.B. Only Joy’s laughter wasn’t mocking or hurtful. It was empathetic.
She got up from her seat, walked over, and plopped her butt in my lap. She kissed me on the cheek, which I knew was her way of showing gratitude for my offering her something I’d held so closely my whole life.
“So tomorrow we find out if Joyful Knews and Welcome Baby Darling are going to bring a child into this world. One thing for sure is that if we do…”
I knew exactly where she was going with that thought so I finished her sentence for her.
“We can’t be the ones to name it,” I said.
“Absolutely not. We’ve got a bad baby-naming gene on both sides. We’ll need to let someone else pick. Wes or Sophie.”
I squeezed her around the waist. “Let’s go to bed. The sooner we do, the sooner it will be morning.”
“It’s awfully early,” she pointed out.
“I have a box of condoms and a lot of ideas to make you very sleepy.”
She smiled and kissed me again on the cheek. “Okay, it turns out I will put out for you.”
“Now that’s a Christmas present,” I said, taking her mouth in a rough and needy kiss.
Christmas Morning
Joy
The first thing I realized when I woke up Christmas morning was that I wasn’t alone. Instead, I was in bed, naked, with a heavy thigh snuggled between mine and a large hand swallowing my breast.
Memories of the previous night flashed behind my eyes and I was reminded that W.B. was definitely a breast man. It was like he’d made it a personal mission to show me how much I should not be self-conscious about them. He’d kissed them, palmed them, nibbled on them. Tugged my nipples, sucked my nipples, and at one point he’d smacked his hard dick against my nipples.
I squirmed a bit, remembering how freaking hot that had been. But the second I moved I was made aware of my very full bladder. I seriously had to pee.
Shit. Pee.
The rest of last night came back to me. The crazy realization that my period was late. The pregnancy tests that were waiting for me in the bathroom. I should have been coming out of my skin knowing how my life could change in as little as a few minutes.
Because I couldn’t wait anymore. I really did have to pee. Pulling away from W.B., I made my way to the bathroom. I heard him making sleeping sounds and moving around on the bed, but I didn’t look back at him.
Maybe I was afraid that, if I did, I would see him awake and concerned about what I was going to do. Because while he’d said all the right things last night, and he’d certainly done all the right things last night, sometimes morning brought with it a little clarity.
Did he really want to be with me? Did he really want to be a father? With everything that entailed?
I closed the door of the bathroom and opened the two kits, following the instructions for both even though it meant stopping mid-pee to move from one stick to the other. When it was done I set both on the sink counter and washed up.
Then I heard a gentle knock on the door.
“Joy? You need me?”
So he hadn’t forgotten. He did know what this morning was all about and he wasn’t running out the front door. He was sticking with me.
I opened the bathroom door a sliver. Not sure if I was ready to let him all the way inside.
“I took them,” I whispered. “We just need to wait a few minutes.”
“I’ll wait with you.”
Right, I thought. Because we were in this together. I opened the door all the way and then went to sit on the bathmat with my back against the tub, which also served as my shower. W.B., as naked as I was, sat next to me and took my hand. We were joined by Jake, who I guess thought he had some stake in this game, as well, and took up his perch on the closed toilet lid.
I hadn’t thought to set a timer. The box said three minutes. I just figured I would know internally when that time was up. Only what was minutes suddenly felt like hours and I knew I couldn’t be trusted anymore to sense time.
“Do you think it’s been three minutes?”
“Let’s give it some more time to be sure.”
I nodded. W.B. would know when it was officially three minutes. I’d done the peeing and he would do the counting because we were in this together. Finally, he stood up and retrieved the two tests. He handed me one and kept the other for himself.
“We look on three. One. Two. Three.”
I looked at my test. It was blank. No pink lines. Nothing. I glanced up at him and he shook his head.
“Negative.”
“Mine too.”
He plunked down next to me, his side pressed against mine.
“We’re not pregnant,” I said. And the heartbreak must have been there in my voice, because he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. “I mean, I should be relieved. Of course I’m relieved. This is good news. The best news. We weren’t ready. How could we be?”
And through all of that he just held me tighter. Until finally I had to ask the question.
“Are you sad?”
“Are you?” he asked me instead of answering.
“A little bit,” I admitted. Which was crazy and foolish, but it was there.
He pressed my cheek against his shoulder and kissed the top of my head. “Me too. A little bit.”
And that felt good. That we were also in our little bit of sadness together.
“I’ll take you back to bed right now, Joy. Fuck you bare and come inside you and we can try again.”
Who would have thought baby making could sound so dirty?
“I think maybe we should work on becoming an us first. You know. Before we become a three of us.”
At that, Jake loudly meowed, leaped off the toilet bowl, and bounced out of the bathroom. Either expecting me to follow him and serve him his breakfast, or furiously angry he hadn’t been counted among us. Which probably meant he was going to try and bite me today.
Since it was Christmas, I might let him.
“Someone thinks there already is a three of us,” W.B. said with a snort and moved to get up. “Come on. Let’s get dressed, and make Christmas breakfast together.”
He st
ood and offered me a hand, practically lifting me to my feet. I looked at him and thought that while I was a little bit sad, I also felt incredibly lucky.
“You should know,” I said bravely. “I’m falling in love with you.”
He nodded solemnly. “That’s good to know. Considering I’m already desperately in love with you. Have been now for weeks.”
“Really?” I asked in wonder. “And when did that happen?”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure it happened the first time you showed me that penis ornament. Who wouldn’t fall in love with someone who could make a cock wrapped in a Christmas wreath?”
I laughed and decided this might be the best Christmas I’d ever had.
Epilogue
Christmas Morning
The Following Year
W.B.
I watched her slide out of bed and quietly walk to the bathroom. I let her go, knowing she had to do this next part by herself. I gave her a few minutes, then rolled out of bed, careful not to step on Jake, who was also waiting to get inside the bathroom with her.
I knocked softly on the door. “Joy? You ready for me?”
A second later the door opened, only this time all the way. Jake brushed past me and took his spot on the closed toilet lid, while Joy and I sat together, hands clasped, our backs against the tub.
“We should do this every Christmas,” I said. “No matter what.”
She laughed. “Even when we’re in, like, our seventies.”
“Especially then. Miracles do happen, after all. I got you to marry me didn’t I?”
She nudged her shoulder against mine. “You’re right. That was a miracle. Are you counting?”
“Yep,” I told her. “We’ve got time.”
“Are you going to be little sad if it’s negative again?”
I shook my head. “No, I think I’ll probably be a lot sad. But I will get over that sadness by taking you back to bed.”
