Holidaze

by L. Divine

  It’s been a quiet morning around here. Shawntrese is pissed that I can’t do her hair today. I told her I wasn’t feeling well and should be back on the job by next weekend. For both our sakes I hope I told the truth. I miss working and making money. There are only three weeks until Valentine’s Day, and I know sistahs will be getting their hair done at Netta’s and around the way that entire week. Sleep or no sleep, a sistah’s got to get in on that money.

  “She’s got her own thing, that’s why I love her,” Ne-Yo sings, announcing a phone call. I’ve put everyone on this “Miss Independent” ring because being independent is one of my anthems, no matter whose name pops up on the caller ID. I pick up the slim cell and flip it open to find Jeremy’s name in the window.

  “Good morning,” I say, cozying back into my spot on the comfortable couch that doubles as my weekend bed. I forgot to turn the heater on when I came in last night and it’s chilly.

  “Good morning, stranger.” I see Jeremy has early morning jokes for a sistah. I take off the scarf that’s wrapped around my head and scratch my oily scalp. I need to hook my own hair up today in a real way. And my nails could use some love, too. Since I can’t work on anyone else I might as well work on myself.

  “Now you’re getting it. I knew that tea would do you some good. Being sweet to others starts with being sweet to yourself. Enjoy your day, baby, and I’ll check in with you later.”

  “Mom, can you ring a mental doorbell or something before you come in?” Sometimes my mom has bad timing.

  “No, not anymore,” she says, leaving as quickly as she appeared. But she’s right. I need to take care of Jayd first and foremost. I’m looking forward to chilling all day today.

  “Jayd, are you there?” Jeremy asks. I’m glad he can’t see me because I completely zoned out while my mom was talking to me. I’ve been so off lately that even regular shit takes more effort to focus on.

  “Yeah, I’m here. Sorry about that. I dropped the phone,” I say, trying to play it off. I didn’t plan on talking to him until much later. I wanted to call and check on Rah and Nigel. I haven’t spoken to Rah since he followed me home last night, and there are no messages from him on my phone either. I wonder if he’s talked to Nigel since he stormed off after the memorial service yesterday. I need to get Jeremy off the phone so I can get my day started. From doing my hair to checking in on my friends, he just wouldn’t understand, nor do I feel like explaining it to him.

  “So what’s on your agenda this morning, Lady J?” I hear footsteps walking up the stairs, which are on the other side of the living room wall I’m lying up against. We can hear each other’s thoughts, the walls are so thin in this building.

  “I missed you at school the past couple of days. Thought I’d come and check up on you personally just to make sure you’re still alive,” Jeremy says. I can hear his laugh both through the cell and through the front door. No, this fool didn’t do a pop-up on me. What the hell?

  “Where are you?” I ask, rising from the couch and looking through the peephole in the front door to see Jeremy’s blue eyeball staring back at me. He’s so crazy.

  “You can’t answer a question with a question, Miss Jackson,” he says, backing away from the door and letting me open it, allowing him and the cold air in. We simultaneously hang up our phones.

  “Well, isn’t this a surprise,” I say, tightening my mom’s thick, red Victoria’s Secret robe around my body. With my Pink sweat pants and tank top on, and my mom’s house slippers to match, I could be one of the catalogue models for the company.

  “Yes, it is, and a very cute one, I might add,” he says, kissing me on the cheek before taking his coat off and hanging it on the rack next to the door. Jeremy looks around my mom’s apartment as if he’s expecting to see someone else in the room with me. Little does he know my mom’s always wherever I am, just like my ancestors.

  “What’s that in your hand?” I ask while resecuring the front locks. My mom likes to keep it like Fort Knox in here and I can’t blame her, as many times as we’ve been broken into. It’s just another fact of life in the hood.

  “Breakfast. I thought you might be hungry,” he says, placing the two paper bags full of food on the coffee table. “Sourdough breakfast sandwich, no bacon, right?”

  “Jack in the Box. Oh Jeremy, you shouldn’t have,” I say sarcastically, joining him on the small couch, ready to dig into our fast-food feast. Sitting this close to Jeremy brings back nostalgic memories of the first time he came over here. And like then, Jeremy smells like fresh Irish Spring and good enough to eat. From the wet curls framing the back of his neck, I’d say he just got out of the shower—just how I like him.

  “Only the best for a lady,” he says, making me smile. Jeremy can be so silly sometimes. “And here’s your orange juice and hash browns.”

  “Wow, a value meal. You must’ve really missed me, huh?” I bite into one of the hot potatoes, ready for my egg-and-cheese sandwich. I haven’t had anything to eat since dinner at the church yesterday, and even then I didn’t eat a lot. I’m so hungry I could eat both our value meals.

  “I did miss you, girl. Where have you been hiding out?” Jeremy takes his food out of his bag and I notice he got the same thing for himself, just doubled. He then unwraps both of his sandwiches and smashes them together before digging in. Damn, dudes can eat.

  “I wish I were hiding,” I say, devouring my own breakfast. All that dreaming I did last night contributed to my hunger and I didn’t even realize it. “I’ve been having some sleep issues since the shooting.” Jeremy puts his mega sandwich down and lifts my chin with his right index finger. He looks deep into my eyes and I catch my reflection in his pretty blues. Man, I really need to do my hair.

  “Physically you look fine to me, as always.” Jeremy resumes eating his breakfast but not before I can smack some of the food out of his hands.

  “Physically? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I ask, only hearing half of his comment. Flattery will get Jeremy nowhere this morning.

  “All I’m saying is that I know a great psychiatrist if you need one. He’s a friend of the family,” Jeremy says, as serious as a heart attack. What is it with white folks and their shrinks? I like to watch Frasier reruns as much as anybody else, but I’ll be damned if I do a live reenactment of the television show myself. Dr. Whitmore’s alternative medicine is more than enough for a sistah to handle.

  “No, I’m good. But thank you for the referral.” We continue eating in silence. I guess our appetites have gotten the best of us both, or so I think.

  “I didn’t mean anything by that, you know. I’m just saying that tragedy can be hard to get through sometimes. And I know I don’t always say the right things, but I do want to help you in my own way, if you let me.”

  “That’s so sweet, Jeremy. But really, I’ve got this one on my own.” He doesn’t need to know that as a priestess in training, I never walk alone. My ancestors and orisha are always with me, whether anyone else can see them or not. Sometimes I feel alone, but I never forget who I am or why I’m here. No shrink needs to tell me shit I already know.

  “You don’t always have to be so big and bad, you know.” This reminds me of one the first conversations we had. Jeremy told me to break down some of the emotional walls I put around my heart and let him in. I see where that’s gotten me, and I’m not so sure I want to keep going down this path. Between him and Rah I’m surprised I’m still standing up as it is. “You always have your guard up.”

  “Jeremy, it’s not that simple.” If he only knew how off about me he really is. If I’d had my guard up all along, Misty would have never been able to get to me and I wouldn’t be in this mess to begin with. But I know Jeremy’s not talking about that. Even with him, if I’d stayed on point and kept Jeremy at a distance, I wouldn’t have been hurt by ex-trick Tania having his lovechild, no matter how far away she might be now.

  “Well, then make it that simple,” he says, sounding a lot like Rah did yesterday
concerning his rationale about our relationship. Both Rah and Jeremy can be sweethearts when they want to be, especially on days when I’m feeling down, like I have been lately. But it’s how they react every other day of the year that concerns me.

  “Jeremy, some things you’ll just never understand.” I pick up the remote control and turn on the television to drown out some of the silence in between Jeremy’s reasoning. Maybe Snoop Dogg and his family drama will distract me from the soap opera we’ve got going on right here. It doesn’t look like Jeremy agrees with my attempted diversion.

  “Why can’t I understand? Because I’m white and you’re black?” he asks, devouring the last bite of his sandwich before moving on to the hash browns still on the table. “No shit, Jayd.”

  “Uh, no, but thank you for reminding me,” I say, taking a sip of my orange juice. I forget how salty this food is when I haven’t eaten it for a while, just like this conversation. Whenever Jeremy and I talk about race it’s not a good thing. I wish I could afford the luxury of being curious about other cultures when it’s convenient and in denial when it’s uncomfortable. But as a sistah, I never have that comfort.

  “I don’t think you ever forget.” And he’s damn right. “Sounds like you have some race issues to deal with, Miss Jackson.”

  “Say what?” Ignoring my shock, Jeremy picks up the television remote and begins flipping through the channels like I’m arguing with myself all of a sudden. This fool is tripping if he thinks he can throw out an ignorant comment like that and keep eating his food like he didn’t just say the stupidest thing ever. “Did you just call me a racist?”

  “No. You came to that conclusion all on your own.” Jeremy finishes the last of his orange juice and sits back likes he’s got the itis, but we both know that’s not the case.

  “You can’t be serious. I tell you something is more complicated than you make it out to be and you jump to the conclusion that I’m a racist. What the hell type of reasoning is that?” I’m so vexed that I’ve lost my appetite for the time being. Maybe it’ll come back once Jeremy leaves, which will be sooner than later if he keeps going on like this.

  “Look, Jayd, you can’t sleep because your friend was murdered and your other friend got caught in the crossfire because he’s messing with another friend of yours who happens to be the girlfriend of a gangster. Am I missing anything here?” Jeremy’s smart-ass smirk is about to get slapped off of his pretty face if he keeps messing with me.

  “What’s your point?” He’s got the gist of the details without the depth, as usual. That’s usually how the black gossip floats to the white side of campus. I didn’t have to tell Jeremy much of anything about why I’ve been absent from school, with Nigel getting shot and being out for a week. When the star quarterback misses even one game it’s everyone’s business why he’s not present. And in Jeremy’s eyes, Nigel’s business coincides with my business, making it indirectly his business. I would be flattered but I have enough faulty daddies in my life to deal with. The last thing I need is another one.

  “My point is that you think I don’t understand because I’m white, when race isn’t the issue here at all. I understand all too well, and have for a long time, that you might want to consider a different crew to hang out with. And by the way, Maggie and her gangster boyfriend shouldn’t be your fall-back option.”

  “Damn, Jeremy. Do you think you’re my daddy or what?”

  “All I’m saying is that you can alleviate a lot of the drama in your life by making better choices. That’s what I mean by it being simple.”

  “What, are you watching who I hang with now? But that would require you to actually be present at school on a regular basis.” Just because the fool brought me breakfast doesn’t mean he has the right to tell me who I should roll with. “Most people told me that I should have left you alone when we first starting kicking it but I didn’t listen to them then. I’m not listening to you now.”

  “Jayd, come on. This is completely different,” Jeremy says, taking the rest of my hash browns from the table and eating them, since I’m obviously done. “I don’t want you making one bad decision after the next. I’m just saying I care about you and your safety.”

  “Yeah, you care enough to judge who I choose to associate with. Sounds to me like you have some control issues, Mr. Weiner,” I say, snatching my blanket from under the pillow on my side of the couch and curling up like a cat. Jeremy laughs at my emotional response. He thinks it’s adorable when I get mad, but I’m not feeling cute at all right now. I feel like if I could pick his six-foot ass up I’d throw him off of my mom’s balcony.

  “Miss Independent, that’s why I love her.” Thank God for my cell ringing, because Jeremy’s definitely saved by the bell right now. It’s Rah, and right on time, too.

  “Excuse me. I need to take this,” I say, going into the bathroom and shutting the door.

  “We’re not through, Lady J,” Jeremy yells back. How did he become such a cocky jackass in a matter of minutes? He’s too much for me to deal with sometimes.

  “Hello,” I say, ignoring Jeremy’s response and trying to shield Rah from hearing him. I close and lock the bathroom door to make sure I don’t get a surprise visit from my unexpected guest in the living room.

  “I have someone here who wants to say hello to you,” Rah says. I sit on the closed toilet seat waiting for my surprise.

  “Hi,” the sweet little voice says through the phone, instantly melting my frustration and making me smile. How is it that babies can make even the worst situation better?

  “Hi, Rahima,” I say in my sweetest voice. “How are you, baby girl?”

  “Fine,” she says. I can’t believe she’s saying another word. It’s only been a couple of weeks and already her vocabulary has grown. I can see why Rah doesn’t want to miss another moment with her.

  “Okay, she’s gone. Elmo’s on and you know you can’t compete with a little red monster,” Rah says, reclaiming the phone from his daughter. His voice sounds happier than it has in a while, and I’m glad for it.

  “I know that’s right. So where’s Sandy?” I ask, not that I really care. I’m just glad Rahima’s back safe and sound, her mama be damned.

  “She’s in jail,” Rah says. Well, I didn’t literally mean she can be damned but it looks like the universe granted my request anyway.

  “Jail? What happened?” I want to laugh out loud, the shit’s so ridiculous, but I know this isn’t the right time for it. Besides, I don’t want Jeremy to overhear my conversation in any way, shape, or form. Who knows what wannabe sage advice he’ll come up with next?

  “She got pulled over in Pomona last night while driving a stolen vehicle, that’s what happened. I told the bitch not to mess with me. Now she’s really done it.” And I know how far Rah can go when he gets really pissed.

  “Damn, that’s rough. Was Rahima in the car with her?”

  “Nah. Rahima was at her great-grandparents’ house. But Sandy did have some nigga in the car who had a warrant and got caught up with her. Oh well.” My sentiments exactly.

  “So what happens now?” I hope Rahima doesn’t have to go back to Pomona until this mess is straightened out. Knowing Sandy, she’ll try to drag this out in court as long as possible and in the process find a way to blame it on Rah.

  “Well, for now I’ve got my daughter back and that’s all I really care about. I’m sure Sandy’s grandparents will bail her out eventually. And I still have to go get my grandfather’s car from the impound and bring it back down here, but I don’t want to take Rahima with me if I can help it.”

  “I’ll keep her if you want,” I say before I can even think about it.

  “Jayd, you’d better not. That isn’t your responsibility,” my mom says all up in my conversation. Even if I can’t tune her out I can still ignore her.

  “I wouldn’t ask you to do that, Jayd. Besides, I know you haven’t been feeling well and I don’t want to put you out like that,” Rah says.

  “Exa
ctly. You have enough to deal with and you need to be resting. Ignore me all you want to, little miss, but you know I’m right.” My mom momentarily gives up on her mission and let’s me finish my conversation.

  “You better bring that baby to me,” I say, rising from my seat and glancing at myself in the bathroom mirror. I look a mess, but fortunately Rah has seen me look worse.

  “Jayd, are you okay in there? You need a magazine or something?” Jeremy says through the closed door. I almost forgot he was in the living room. I push the mute button on my phone before Rah can hear my guest.

  “No, thank you. I’ll be out in a minute,” I say, flushing the toilet for dramatic effect. Thank goodness I’m in drama class, because I can act my ass out of certain situations, especially when trying to throw the two of these dudes off each other’s scent.

  “Who was that?” Rah asks. Damn, he heard Jeremy. Does he have canine hearing or something?

  “Oh, just my neighbor from downstairs,” I say, trying to cover my tracks.

  “What’s he doing there? I thought you couldn’t do anyone’s hair until you were feeling better.”

  “Yeah, I just broke the news to him and he’s a bit irritated, but oh well. So are you bringing baby girl over here or what?” I continue. I hate lying to Rah, but I don’t want to hear his mouth about me and Jeremy this morning. It’s bad enough Jeremy’s getting up my ass about the company I keep. I don’t need Rah grilling me, too.

  “Are you sure you don’t mind? I feel bad leaving a toddler with you after all you’ve been through.” Yesterday I couldn’t see and today I’m hung over from dramatic dreams, not to mention my sleepwalking episodes. I get his apprehension but I know I can handle this.

  “It’s very sweet of you to be concerned, but I think I can handle little mama without breaking down completely.” Now all I have to do is figure out how to get Jeremy out of here before Rah arrives. His house is only ten minutes away from my mom’s apartment, and getting Jeremy out of the way before then won’t be an easy task.