The Drowning Pool
Page 31
“Modest of you to say so,” Bert responded.
“Actually, you did me one better.” Gardner extended his hand in a gesture of friendship and Bert took it. “I think we can knock off now,” he said. “Want me to drop you off at your place?”
“Why not?”
* * * *
Bert fell asleep in the backseat as Gardner drove. She woke up in a sweat, the same nightmare all over again, reliving what she’d done: there was no escape.
“You okay?” Kim asked, turning around.
“Yeah, sure. Those damn pills. Wonder what they put in them.”
Kim reached back and touched her forehead. “I think you’re running a fever.”
“It’s not that.” Bert watched the landscape go by like a surreal painting.
“Something wrong?”
“With me? Yeah, you could say so.”
What would Mama have thought if she knew? A church-going woman who believed in love-thy-neighbor, a woman who forgave, who didn’t even blame her husband for running out on them. Mama and Alva, two wonderful women, both dead now.
“You can talk to us, you know,” Gardner said.
It came to her that she could trust Gardner and Kim Reynolds with the truth. Even if they didn’t understand what she’d done or why, they still wouldn’t pass judgment.
“All right, maybe I will tell you. You’ve known right from the start something’s bothering me. That hasn’t changed.”
Gardner stopped the car, pulled over by the side of the road and turned around. There wasn’t anything left but to get things out in the open.
“Four months ago, my best friend was murdered in the city. She was dragged off the street, forced into an alley near the hospital where she worked. Crack-heads robbed her. When she didn’t have enough money to satisfy them, the bastards got angry and murdered her.”
Gardner shook his head, but didn’t speak. Kim placed her hand on Bert’s own.
“I hunted them down like the animals they were. I shook every snitch till I got answers. I found the motherfuckers, and I killed them.”
She waited for Gardner to react, to say something, but Gardner’s face never changed expression.
Tears had formed in Kim’s eyes. But she said nothing either.
“They were carrying, so I didn’t need to explain what happened. I took them out after I got them to confess what they’d done. Afterwards, I was sick. I couldn’t stop throwing up. That was what my life had come to, executing lowlife druggies. But it was necessary.
“Perps walk away laughing, knowing they can do it again and again. A death for a death, I say. No plea bargaining, no getting off on technicalities. I paid dearly for it and I still am, but it had to be done. And in spite of knowing how rotten I feel about it, I’d kill them all over again if it came to that.”
She stared at Gardner, who seemed lost in thought. Then he finally spoke. “Just like you, I see the flaws in the justice system. No cop can help feeling frustrated and demoralized by the revolving door if he has any sensitivity or awareness.”
“The justice system sucks, man.”
“So we’ve got to do our best to make it work better. We can’t execute every alleged killer ourselves. What can I say to you? I’m really sorry about your friend.”
“Let’s face it, Mike. You don’t know what it’s like, how powerless a woman feels when she’s attacked. I knew I had to make myself mentally and physically strong so I’d never be vulnerable. I thought I could protect the other innocent women out there, all the ones who needed help. But know what? I couldn’t even save my best friend! Nothing is ever going to bring Alva back. I did the right thing, offing those scum. So why does my conscience hurt?”
“Because you’re a decent, sensitive human being. Look, you want absolution, confess to a priest. You want analysis, see a shrink.”
“No. You’ll have to do.”
Gardner touched her shoulder gently. “You want my advice? Forgive yourself. Put it behind you as best you can. Let go of the anger. You did what you had to do. Case closed.”
“That simple?”
“Who said it’s simple? But it’s something you’ve got to do, for your own sanity and well being. We’re just people, human beings. None of us is perfect. So where are you going from here? Only you can decide that.”
* * * *
Kim understood Bert’s anguish completely. Hadn’t she searched for her own friend’s killer? “It’s time to let go of your ghosts. Mike is right. It’s the only way to get on with living your life. Believe me, I’ve been through it myself.”
Bert smiled at them. “Thanks. You’re both good people. I guess I do feel better, talking it out with you.”
Kim had a strong feeling that Bert would be all right.
* * * *
The girls were waiting up for them.
“Good to be home,” Gardner told them and meant it. He gave each of them a hug and a kiss. Then he collapsed onto the worn recliner in the living room, his favorite chair.
“I’ll get you some iced tea,” Evie said. She put her head to one side, studying him with a thorough sweep of her gaze. “Your suit is totaled.”
“I know. Let’s not tell anybody. I might lose my reputation as a sharp dresser.”
“Maybe you could have it dry cleaned.” Evie hadn’t even smiled; her expression was solemn. “I expect you’ll tell us what happened when you’re good and ready. Are you through catching criminals?”
“For today,” he responded with a cheerful smile. “Forget about the iced tea. I’ll get it myself later if I’m thirsty. Go to bed.”
The girls both said goodnight to Kim, and left them alone.
“Well, no more threatening phone calls,” he said.
“That’s good,” Kim said. “They get old fast. You better get out of those wet clothes. Take a shower.”
“You staying over tonight?” he asked. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye.
“You bet.”
“Good. Maybe we’ll take that shower together then.”
She smiled and kissed him lightly. “Could happen,” she said.
He tugged her on to his lap and began massaging the tension away at the small of her back. Then he turned her around to face him again, gently kissed her, and pressed his face into her breasts.
“You’re never afraid the way I am,” she said.
“More so,” he replied.
“You were afraid for me, not yourself. Don’t think I didn’t know. I love you, Mike. You’re a wonderful man.”
“You can say that after I nearly got you killed?”
Kim shook her head. “I nearly got myself killed.”
He rubbed her arms. “I don’t see it that way. I’d never have forgiven myself if anything happened to you, sweetheart.”
“Nice to know. How could I not love you?”
“I love you too, more than I’ve ever loved any woman,” he told her and meant it.
It was a testament to Kim’s sensual appeal that he could feel so aroused just holding her after the day they’d endured. He pulled Kim against him and kissed her deeply until they were both breathless.
“Why Lieutenant, I do believe you are guilty of carrying a concealed weapon.” She wriggled in his lap and laughed.
“Could be. Maybe you ought to pat me down. Better still, I think you should conduct a strip search.”
“You are very bad,” she said with a teasing smile.
“Thank you. I sure hope so.” He caressed her cheek. “Let’s go upstairs.”
“What did you have in mind?”
He gave her posterior a pat. “After that shower? Suppose I leave it to your imagination.”
ABOUT AUTHOR JACQUELINE SEEWALD
Jacqueline Seewald has taught writing courses including Creative Writing at the high school, middle school and college level and has also worked as an academic librarian and educational media specialist. Seven of her books of fiction have been previously published including the romantic
suspense/mystery thriller, The Inferno Collection, published by Five Star/Gale in hardcover in 2007. Her short stories, poems, essays, reviews and articles have appeared in numerous publications such as: Sasee, Affaire De Coeur, Lost Treasure, The Christian Science Monitor, Pedestal, Surreal, After Dark, The Dana Literary Society Journal, Palace Of Reason, Library Journal, The Erickson Tribune and Publishers Weekly.