Hers to Forget

by Avery Samson

  We are walking down the sidewalk in silence on our way to meet Izzy when I hear squealing down the street in front of us. I look up to see two brown-haired beauties racing toward me.

  “Uncle Teddy!”

  I bend down in time to sweep them both into a bear hug before picking them up. I let out an “Umpf,” as something slams into my abs. Bending once more, I add a dark-haired boy into our group hug. My face is peppered with tiny kisses, my neck choked by small hands. It’s the absolute best feeling in the world.

  “Let’s let Uncle Teddy breathe, how about?” I hear Izzy’s voice as kids are slowly peeled off of me.

  “There’s my girl!” I say, pulling Izzy into an embrace. When I give her a kiss on the cheek, I hear a growl behind me. I don’t know what the problem is, I didn’t squeeze her ass this time.

  “Okay, that’s enough. I swear I have to watch you every minute,” Grayson says.

  So maybe I did squeeze her ass but didn’t notice? Izzy and I both break into laughter as we turn to see the scowl on Grayson’s face. There is a cacophony of little voices vying for my attention.

  “Okay, troops. Line up tallest to shortest so I can look at you.” I say it in a pretend stern voice as the girls fight over who is the tallest. Once they stop, I appraise them carefully, looking over at Izzy. “What do you feed these children? Nothing but spinach?”

  They break down in giggles.

  “Uncle Teddy!” They all understand my love of the old Popeye cartoons, having watched them repeatedly with me.

  “Enough silliness. Let’s go eat, then we’ll make Uncle Teddy take us on The Eye.”

  You would think Grayson’s growl would send panic into his kids. But they’re not fooled, they know he is wrapped around their fingers. The girls slide their hands into mine, one on each side with Theo deciding he is too old to hold hands, at the ripe age of eight.

  “How long will you be in town?” I ask as Izzy and Grayson follow behind us pushing a stroller with their youngest in it.

  “We’re here for a whole week, Uncle Teddy. Can I come stay with you? Please?”

  Looking down, I see their oldest looking up with eyes begging to spend time with me. I have been close to Theo since his birth. I’ve always considered him as much mine as Grayson’s. It’s funny how closely he resembles both of us, inheriting only Izzy’s amber eyes. I feel another shiver crawl up my arms, realizing that these beauties are exactly what Sophia and my children will look like someday.

  “Hey, buddy. Why don’t we wait until Thursday night after Uncle Teddy’s last exam? Then you can go fill up on junk food and play video games until your brain rots,” Grayson says.

  I watch as disappointment crosses Theo’s face.

  “Yeah,” I add with an appraising look at him. “I’d also say you’re old enough for me to start teaching you how to troll for coeds.” I wink at him as I feel a light shove at my back.

  “Teddy!” Izzy warns me.

  “How about we find a nice Hispanic beauty for you?”

  I feel Izzy’s fist slam into my arm this time as Grayson tries to stifle a snort of laughter.

  “Ouch!” I say, then hear a second punch delivered.

  “What? I didn’t say anything,” from Grayson.

  “Yeah, Izzy. I’m just trying to make sure he follows in the Bennett footsteps,” I add, gearing up for the next punch. Theo spins toward his mom.

  “It’s okay, Mom. I like pretty Hispanic girls like you.”

  Grayson and I are saved from more wrath when she pulls him into a bear hug. Damn, maybe I’ve rubbed off on this kid more than I thought. It makes my chest swell with pride.

  I eat most of my meal with the twins sitting on my knees even though they are almost five now. They’ve ignored Grayson’s repeated orders to sit in their own seats while Izzy fills me in on all of the gossip. I ignore him also, it’s not often I get to revel in such unfettered love from the cutest girls in the world.

  I sit at rapt attention, listening to the latest updates on everyone back home. Matthew and Lily have finally managed to stop the flow of babies entering their house at an amazingly rapid pace. They have had three kids in as many years, all of them sons.

  “I bet Mrs. Rhett is happy,” I tell Izzy, trying desperately to shovel another mouthful of shepherd’s pie into my mouth around Gracie.

  “Between those boys and now Maggie expecting her and Colin’s baby any day, she stays on cloud nine all the time. With any luck, she’ll get her first granddaughter this time.”

  “That’s crazy. I can’t believe Colin is finally becoming a dad. How are Marcus and Dia?”

  “Still Fort Worth’s favorite power couple.”

  Dia had worked her way up the corporate ladder to become one of Neiman-Marcus’ top buyers while Marcus enjoys a successful career as one of the area’s top surgeons. Choosing not to have kids, they had become everyone’s favorite aunt and uncle.

  “How is Claire? Have you been up to see her and Alex in a while?”

  Claire was one of Izzy’s friends from college. She met her husband Alex when she was visiting her family in Oregon at one of the local college libraries. They moved to England when he was offered a contract with the Manchester City soccer team.

  “I was up there a couple of weeks ago. You know he is thinking of retiring from playing to coach in Glasgow now that Claire is expecting again? They like the idea of living closer to Molly’s grandparents.”

  “I hadn’t heard that but we’re taking the train later to visit them, so I’m sure I’ll get all the dirt then,” Izzy answers.

  Tori suddenly wraps her small hands around my face, turning me to meet her green eyes. That’s at least one thing inherited from Grayson.

  “I have a secret,” she whispers at me.

  “Victoria.” I hear the ominous warning come from Izzy.

  “Out with it. We have no secrets in this family,” I say, fully expecting it is some silly thing from school or Saturday morning cartoons.

  “Mommy is having another baby,” she loudly whispers to me.

  My eyes whip around to Grayson who’s sitting there, looking anywhere but at the table.

  “Shit, Grayson! It’s called a condom, learn to use one for fuck’s sake.” I’m already trying desperately to reel the words back in as they tumble out. Sometimes those things just fall out of my mouth with little warning.

  “What’s a condom, Daddy?” a small voice asks from my lap.

  I slowly start easing the girls off my lap as Grayson’s eyes narrow on me. I figure I can toss one of them at him as I make my escape out the door.

  Somehow Gracie remembers the thrashing I got when I taught her the word fuck as much as I do. Her little arms wrap around my neck, clinging to me, her eyes narrowing at Grayson. She is so much like her mother, it’s hard not to laugh, which would make this so much worse for me.

  Right before I can take off, Theo starts to laugh.

  “Tor, it’s one of those stupid grownup things they never talk about. Just forget it, you have to be old before they’ll tell you.”

  The girls nod their heads in unison, accepting Theo’s explanation as enough. This kid is brilliant, he really does take after me.

  “Later I’m flaying the skin off of you.”

  I can count on at least one threat an hour from Grayson. Looking over at Izzy, I start to apologize but her shoulders are shaking as she laughs into her hands. Looking back over at my brother, he points two fingers at his eyes then back at me.

  “Yeah, yeah. Later I die a bloody death. What else is new?”

  The rest of the day flows along smoothly. I manage to keep my mouth under control, mostly, as we drag the kids around London. I take them up in The Eye, tour the zoo and wander through The Tower of London, listening to horror stories of executions. I fill them full of fish and chips, topping it all off with candy for dinner.

  By evening everyone is worn to a frazzle. I help Grayson carry the sleeping girls up to the room, tucking them into bed, as
Izzy starts Theo’s bath.

  “If you’ve got this, Iz, I’m going to go with Teddy for a while,” Grayson says.

  Izzy kisses him on the cheek, whispering something in his ear. She steps over, giving me a big hug.

  “It is really great to see you, Teddy.”

  I squeeze her to me tightly before stepping back to follow Grayson out the door, already homesick for them. When we make it back to my apartment, Grayson heads to the kitchen to start the tea.

  “I think I’m starting to go into coffee withdrawal,” he says, looking back at where I’m leaning against the back of a kitchen chair.

  “Yeah,” I mumble, searching for something else to say.

  He shakes his head before turning back to the kettle. When it’s done, he grabs the mugs of tea, motioning for me to follow him before resuming his seat in the chair.

  As I slump on the couch, he studies me for a few minutes before setting his cup on the table. I see him physically settle deeper into the chair before moving his gaze back to me.

  “So,” he begins. “What the fuck is going on? I hear Sophia is coming for a brief visit. The next thing I know, you’re calling me, wondering if we’ve heard from her. At midnight, Teddy. You scared the shit out of your sister-in-law.”

  “I’m sorry,” I mumble.

  Grayson just holds his hand up to shut me up.

  “Then Izzy gets a call from Soph saying she’s gotten a promotion and leaves that night for Syria but refuses to answer anything else? Next thing I know, I find myself on a plane on the way to England, with four kids, to figure out what shit my little brother has gotten into this time. It’s a good thing Matthew knows our business as well as I do or I would have been sunk.”

  He stops his tirade to wait for me to answer. I sit still, considering my hands for a moment. I don’t want to look up and face that scowl looking back at me.

  “I can sit here all night,” Grayson growls at me.

  I take a deep breath then start telling him the whole ridiculous story, starting from the moment I first saw her outside the restaurant. Bless Grayson, he listens to the entire story without once interrupting me. The only time I see him visibly flinch is when I mention that it was my first time and we didn’t use a condom.

  When I’m done, Grayson stares out the window for several minutes.

  “What do you want to do?” he asks quietly, cutting his eyes back to me.

  “I don’t know. I want to go after her, but I also need to take your offer and come home.”

  “Why do you need to take my offer?” he asks seriously, his eyes laced with concern.

  “Grayson, how can you even ask that after everything you and Izzy have done for me? Without you, I’m positive I would have moved straight from the boy’s home to the pen.” My argument fades away as I see Grayson shaking his head.

  “Stop, Teddy,” he says, holding up a hand. What he says next rocks me to my core. “You know we love you, right? I love you?”

  When I don’t answer immediately, sadness fills his eyes.

  “Teddy?”

  “Yes Grayson, I know you love me.”

  I’ve never really thought about it. Izzy says it all the time, but Grayson keeps his feelings tucked up close to his chest. In the recesses of my mind, I’m sure I knew he loved me but it always made more sense to a kid abandoned by his own parents that he took me in out of obligation.

  As if he can read my mind, Grayson leans forward, his green eyes staring intently at me.

  “I was never required to take you in. You were never an obligation, Teddy. I wanted you in my life because you are my brother. Good, bad, or ugly, I will always be the one person in your life that you can count on to love you. Not because of some fucked up family obligation, but simply because I love my little brother.”

  I look up at the ceiling, willing the burning behind my eyes to stop. Never in the eight years I’ve known Grayson have I cried in front of him and I don’t intend to start now. When I have my emotions back under control, I look down, meeting his eyes again with a nod.

  “Good. Now, there are some things you need to understand about love that took me until I was damn near thirty to get. My love comes without conditions. Nothing you do will ever change that. You are stuck with my old, sorry ass forever. Understand?”

  I look up at him, tears threatening to fall again. Fucking bullshit emotions. Usually I can just throw out a few derogatory monikers at him, but something stops me this time.

  “You don’t ever have to worry about some bullshit notion of paying us back. We just want you to be happy. You need to find the path that’s right for you in life.”

  “Grayson, I don’t know what to do,” I say with a whisper. “I’m so in love with her. She said she trusts me to make it right, to make us work, but I don’t know how.” I feel a tear slip onto the denim of my jeans.

  Fuck it. If Grayson can cry when his son was born, then I’m man enough to handle this.

  “Well, for fuck’s sake, I figured that much. Why do you think I’m here? It’s not like we couldn’t all see this happening eventually. You’ve been mooning over her since puberty.”

  I laugh as I meet his gaze, running the back of my hand over my face angrily at the tears. He has always been the most amazing man I’ve ever known, the superhero in my story. I mean, he has been putting up with me since age thirteen and I was definitely no picnic.

  “I guess, Ted, you have to ask yourself this. What are you willing to do to be with Sophia?”

  I don’t even have to think about it. “Anything, everything.”

  Grayson grows silent again while he thinks.

  “Then we have some planning to do this week,” he says with a glint in his eye.

  6

  Sophia

  “Is it always this hot?” I ask the young soldier as we bump down another dusty road to nowhere.

  “Like living on the sun, ma’am.”

  I hear a hint of a southern accent in his voice. He can’t possibly be older than eighteen.

  “So like Texas in the summer,” I mumble, fanning myself with my hand. My boss pats me on the back, laughing.

  “You’ll get used to it,” she says.

  “I’m sorry. Please don’t think I’m complaining.” I’m quick to issue an apology. I love my new job, I’m not in any hurry to lose it.

  “Well, if you’re not going to, I am,” our cameraman says, grinning at me. “Here, use this.” He hands me one of his neck wraps he’s kept in a cooler.

  “Thanks,” I murmur.

  If it wasn’t so hot, I would turn him down flat. He has been after me since I started this assignment. Ignoring his sexual innuendos has started to become a full-time job. Laying the cold wrap against my neck, I sigh at the immediate relief.

  “Sophia, what are your thoughts on still shots?”

  Ms. Shieffer has been my boss for a little over four weeks now. She has been a senior foreign correspondent since I can remember watching the news and has already taught me so much about this business.

  I pull out my notebook from my messenger bag to start reviewing the notes I made last night for the report. So far, we’ve worked our way from Syria to Afghanistan to the border of Iran. I’ve tried to keep my family informed of where I am at least once a week, but sometimes it’s hard to use a secure satellite phone.

  Teddy stopped responding to my texts a week ago. It’s just as well, but it still hurts. I miss him more than the rest of my family combined.

  We finally reach our destination on a hill overlooking Iran. It takes part of the afternoon to record everything we need for the segment so it’s dark by the time we make it back to camp.

  We are staying in a tent with an infantry unit assigned to this area on cots that are so small I wonder how the men sleep on them. I can’t remember the last time I had a hot shower. I share a tent with my boss while our cameraman bunks with several of the soldiers.

  I’ve enjoyed getting to know some of the soldiers in the evening, especiall
y when a unit includes women. I’ve started writing down profiles with the idea of putting together a human interest story at some point.

  “We need to pack up after dinner tonight.” Mrs. Shieffer and I are walking to the mess tent that evening when she breaks into my thoughts. “We need to meet up with another infantry unit back in Afghanistan. I’m being told, with the tension building in Iran, it’s safer for us to report from farther back.” She rolls her eyes at me.

  She’s as tough as any person I’ve known, the danger doesn’t even slow her down.

  “I’ll let Jay know. What time do you want to leave?” I ask as we get in line in the mess hut.

  The cooks do a great job with what they have, but it’s still a little questionable. I can’t even identify tonight’s meal. It’s definitely a good way to shed those extra pounds I’ve put on since college. We find a seat among the soldiers, settling in to pick through our food.

  “Let’s say six. I’m not sure when the transport will be ready, but we don’t want them waiting on us. Also, is something going on between you and Jay? I thought you had a boyfriend somewhere.”

  “No ma’am,” I say, shaking my head. “I mean, no nothing is going on and yes, I have someone.”

  With a nod from my boss, we return to our meal.

  After dinner, I finish packing then send off a quick email to Izzy in the communication tent letting her know I’m fine and we’re heading back to Afghanistan tomorrow. I send a quick one to Teddy also, just in case he wants to know. Returning to my tent, I sigh as I get ready to lay down on my cot.

  “He must be quite the catch for you to still be pining over him.” I thought Ms. Shieffer was asleep, so I’m caught by surprise at her words. She rolls over so we are facing each other.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I tell her. “I think he’s moved on.” I roll over, facing the wall as tears start to roll down my face. I might never be able to get over Teddy, but I wish I could stop crying over him.

  “I’m sorry,” she tells me before rolling the other way.

  “So am I,” I whisper to myself.