Totally Crushed

by Kristen Tracy

  “I just think Drea might be hard to work with,” I said.

  “She’ll do everything we say,” Venice said.

  And then before I could complain more about Drea, Leo showed up. “Hey, girls. What’s up?”

  He was always interrupting important talks I was having with Venice.

  “We’re planning the photo clinic,” Venice said.

  “Cool,” Leo said. “I bet you guys are gonna kill that.”

  But I didn’t need Leo’s input. I needed him to leave so I could finish talking to Venice about personal stuff.

  “I want to show you something,” Leo said.

  I rolled my eyes.

  “It’s our future Halloween costume,” he said, unfolding a glossy page from a magazine.

  I looked at the photo but it didn’t make sense. A fur-covered person was standing next to a man in a yellow hat.

  “This is hilarious,” Venice said. “Curious George!”

  After she said that, on one level the picture made more sense. But on another level, I was super surprised that Leo was lame enough to suggest dressing up as a monkey from a baby book.

  “You can be George and I’ll be the Man with the Yellow Hat,” Leo said with a giant smile.

  “That’s brilliant!” Venice said. And then she gave him a super-enthusiastic hug.

  That idea was far from brilliant. “But that means you’ll have to wear fur.”

  “Yeah,” Venice said. “Monkeys are pretty furry.”

  “No,” I said. “The other day you said that fur makes you hot. You said you didn’t want to wear a fur costume.”

  I watched Leo’s smile fade.

  “I can keep looking,” he said. “Perry is right. You said you didn’t want fur.”

  Then Venice did the most annoying thing ever. She grabbed Leo’s hand and squeezed it. “But I love this idea! As long as I don’t wear thick fur I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

  That didn’t make any sense. Because the fur we’d used last year for our Dalmatian costumes had been pretty thin.

  “Have you thought about your costume?” Leo asked me.

  And that felt like a rude way to point out that they didn’t want me to dress up like somebody from Curious George. Like he wanted to make sure I wasn’t planning on being part of their costume.

  “I’m still floating ideas,” I said.

  “Perry always has awesome costumes,” Venice said. “Three years ago she went as a sponge, and it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. She even smelled like a sponge.”

  And it made me feel a little bit sad when she brought up my sponge costume. Because Venice and I had made those costumes together. She’d gone as a purple starfish. We’d looked amazing. We’d plodded through the neighborhood getting candy, each filling an entire pillowcase. And at the end of the night, Venice had slept over at my house. And we’d talked about the costume we wanted to be the next year: candy bars. And we’d talked about the costume we’d wanted to be the year after that: Dalmatians. And we’d talked and talked and talked until my dad came into the room and said, “The talking has to stop or I’m separating you two.”

  But this Halloween wasn’t going to be anything like that. This Halloween was going to be a completely different and possibly lonely story. Venice and Leo planned to stick together like glue, while I’d be by myself. And my sister, Piper, might be packing a suitcase.

  “So what do we have for the presentation so far?” Javier asked.

  I just stared at him. Where had he even come from? It was like he popped out of nowhere all the time and expected me to do everything.

  “Ms. Kenny approved Drea as our volunteer for the photo-clinic assembly,” Venice said.

  “Drea,” Javier said. “That’s an interesting choice.”

  “I agree,” I said.

  “I really like how you guys don’t take the easy road. So many people would’ve picked one of their own friends who wasn’t that bad off. But you’ve chosen somebody you can actually help. Sweet.”

  “Truth be told, she’s really very nice,” Venice said.

  “She’s okay,” I corrected.

  Venice shot me a concerned face, but I ignored it.

  “Get me an outline of the presentation by the end of class,” Javier said. “Cool?”

  “Aren’t you going to help us?” I asked. He was the senior photography editor. This was his presentation too.

  “I totally trust you, Perry,” he said.

  And then he grabbed the hall pass and fled the room.

  “He must have something important to do,” Venice said.

  “It had better be a bathroom emergency and he’d better come right back,” I said. “Because this is really important.”

  “Okay. As important as this is, we should also probably talk about our Idaho History report,” Venice said. “How would you feel doing a report about trout?”

  I exhaled dramatically and made a lip fart. “Hate trout.”

  “Well, we should pick something,” Venice said.

  “Well, we don’t need to do it this instant,” I said.

  “Don’t snap at me,” Venice said. “We’re in the same boat.”

  But that wasn’t true. Because even though we didn’t have a topic, Venice was in a boat with her boyfriend. And I was in a boat all by myself.

  My thirty-eight tasks weighed on me like a sack of hammers. When it came time to shoot the class clubs, I felt a little relieved. I could check off one more task. How would it feel to have zero tasks in my life? I couldn’t remember my life before I had tasks. How had I spent all my free time? Did I nap more? Watch TV? Play with Mitten Man? Run around outside? It seemed impossible that such a time had ever existed.

  We were supposed to meet outside the Yearbook room. But as I waited by the door, Javier, Venice, and Anya never came. I stared at a bunch of colorful posters hanging on the wall. The Wizard of Oz tryouts were coming up. I just couldn’t picture any of my classmates believably playing Dorothy, a Tin Man, or a Good Witch. And what about Toto? Would our school even let Derby’s play have a real dog in it?

  I looked down the hall again. Javier, Venice, and Anya still weren’t anywhere. I worried that maybe I’d gotten the room wrong, and was supposed to meet everybody outside the drama room. I looked down the hallway. Someone was coming. But it wasn’t anybody I wanted to see. It was Hayes.

  I tried to act like I hadn’t seen him, but that was hard to do because we were the only two people standing in the hallway, and for some crazy reason he was wearing an orange T-shirt with the word PERSEVERE spelled out in big block letters. I leaned back against the wall and tried to send him stay-away vibes. But he was smiling huge. And he was carrying something. I hoped it wasn’t for me.

  “I brought you something,” Hayes said, holding out a napkin.

  I couldn’t believe it. It was another coconut ball. I didn’t even think they’d served those at lunch today. How old was that thing? Where had he gotten it? When was this crush going to pass?

  “Don’t you want it?” Hayes asked.

  All I could do was stare at it. We both stood there in silence looking at the lopsided white ball.

  “Hi, Hayes,” Venice said as she walked up to us. “Yum. Another coconut ball. Perry, it’s your lucky day.”

  I shot Venice a frown. It was definitely not my lucky day. Why would she say such a thing?

  Javier was with her. “Wow,” he said. “Is that another coconut ball? You must be addicted to those suckers.”

  I almost started to shake. It was one thing to have somebody crushing on me who I didn’t even like. It was another thing to feel pressured into accepting coconut balls from him.

  “Aren’t you going to take it?” Hayes asked.

  And then, just like before, Venice took it. “Maybe we can share it. We’ll need the sugar to get through these shoots.”

  Hayes looked at me, but I avoided making eye contact with him and kept my gaze on his bright shirt. It felt rude not to thank him for the t
reat. So I caved. “Thanks, Hayes. The sugar will be helpful.”

  He slowly started to back up. “Right,” he said. Then he flipped around and was gone.

  “Wow,” Javier said. “Did he do something to make you stop liking him?”

  What a terrible thing to say to me. Why was Javier blaming me for how Hayes felt?

  “I don’t think I did anything,” I said.

  “Why can’t you just take his coconut balls and thank him?” Venice said. “That’s the nice thing to do.”

  I didn’t even know whose side my friend was on anymore. “I don’t want to talk about this in front of Javier.”

  “That’s cool,” Javier said. “I get it. I don’t like talking about my girlfriend with you guys either.”

  Javier had a girlfriend? Wait. Javier thought Hayes was my boyfriend? That was completely nuts.

  “Hayes isn’t my boyfriend!” I said. “I don’t even like him.”

  “Breakups happen,” Javier said. “I’m not judging you.”

  I looked at Venice pleadingly to help me explain things. But she was on her phone.

  “Venice!” I snapped.

  “Hold on,” Venice said. “Leo popped me something important.”

  And then it was like I didn’t even want to look at Venice anymore. She PopRatted with Leo? When had she started doing that? I felt so out of the loop. And I’d never felt that way about Venice before. We’d been best friends since forever. Our loops were basically connected. But there was no way to talk about any of this in the hallway with Javier on the way to take photos.

  “Let’s get to drama club,” Javier said. “We can talk about your boyfriend later.”

  Venice handed me the coconut ball and it smelled delicious. It really bugged me that Hayes gave me such sweet and tasty snacks. I couldn’t help but eat it in one bite.

  Walking into the drama club felt a little unreal. Lots of the members were wearing face paint, so they looked like ferocious animals. This was how they wanted to be remembered for the rest of their lives in their yearbook? So weird.

  “Wow,” Javier said. “Rocky DeBoom makes a great lion.”

  Rocky DeBoom was a member of drama club? When had that happened? I glanced at Venice, but she was busy sending more pops to Leo.

  “Tell us what you want, and we’ll give it to you,” Derby said.

  Surprisingly, Derby did not look like a crazy nerd. He was wearing a pin-striped blue chambray jacket and dark jeans. I didn’t even know Derby owned those kinds of clothes.

  “Nice outfit,” Javier said. “You look corporate.”

  Derby smiled. “I wanted to look like the official leader.”

  “Okay,” Javier said. “Give them instructions.”

  Nobody said or did anything. It was just a bunch of silence.

  “Perry,” Javier said, “give Derby instructions.”

  “Oh,” I said. I’d forgotten I was in charge of everything. “I need tall people against the back wall. Shorter people, please kneel in front.”

  There were twenty people lined up in front of the calendar of events on the wall. When had drama club gotten this big? When school started, a lot of people thought Derby was a total zero. Of course, I hadn’t thought that. Everybody is something. Nobody is a total zero. But then Derby got chosen to be the director of the school play. And then he came really close to winning the What’s Hot contest for sixth graders. And now he was wearing leadership clothes. So much had changed for him. I wondered if he could feel the changes deep down, if he could sense his inner dweeb shrinking.

  I glanced at the wall of drama kids trying to organize themselves by height.

  “Penny Moffett, you are not a tall person,” I said. “You need to kneel in front.”

  It was surprising to me that people didn’t know which category they belonged in. I was a short person. Venice was a tall person. Javier was a tall person. It was really very simple. I watched Derby kneel down in front. That didn’t seem right. He was the most important person. He didn’t belong on the floor.

  “Derby,” I said, “you should stand next to everybody.”

  “But I’m a short person,” he said.

  It was cute how Derby didn’t understand that the leader needed to stand next to his group.

  “Can you stand next to the silver person?” I asked him.

  I didn’t know why somebody had painted her face silver for a picture, but she had.

  “That’s Sasha York,” Derby said.

  Wow. Face and neck makeup can really transform a person. She looked way more like a robot than Sasha.

  “Everybody smile,” I said.

  And then people made very exaggerated smiles that didn’t look good. I pulled the camera away from my eye.

  “Please don’t bunch up your face. And please don’t reveal your gums. That’s not attractive,” I explained. “Let’s try it again. Keep your tongue pressed against the back of your teeth. That will help you guys not be so gummy.”

  It was a little better, but not much. Why did the geekiest club have to look so geeky? It was a bummer.

  “Do you need some berry lip gloss?” a voice asked behind me. I turned around. It was Drea. Ugh. Why was she here?

  “I need some lip gloss!” a girl wearing a straw wig said.

  And I didn’t want to deny her any lip gloss, because she really did need it. Drea rushed over and pulled out the wand.

  I looked at Venice. “Did you ask Drea to come?”

  “No,” Venice said. “Why would I do that?”

  And that was the right answer.

  “I did,” Javier said. “I thought it would be helpful for her.”

  That was when it hit me that Javier was a terrible leader, because he was making my tasks more numerous and difficult and he also wasn’t much fun to be around.

  Drea hurried back over to us. “How do they look now?”

  She’d spread it on very thick, and it gave some of the paler girls zombie faces. I sighed.

  “That’s way too purple,” I said.

  “Did I put it on too dark?” Drea asked.

  “Maybe a little,” Javier said.

  Which was the most useful thing that had come out of Javier’s mouth since September. Venice found some paper towels and we sent them around the room so the girls could do some blotting.

  “This shoot is eating a ton of time,” Javier said. “Math club expected us five minutes ago.”

  “Calm down about the schedule,” I said. “Good pictures take more than an instant to make.”

  “She’s right,” Venice said.

  “Okay,” I said. “I need all of you to smile. And don’t try to smile huge. Just a light smile. And try to smile with your eyes, too.”

  Lots of squinting started to happen.

  “Stop the eye-smiling,” I said.

  “Are all the shots going to take this long?” Javier asked. “The teachers were much easier.”

  I lowered the camera and looked at him. “You are not being helpful.”

  That was when Venice took over. She shut her phone down and dove in front of me. “Okay,” she said. “Look at me. I’m going to stand next to Perry on this desk and do three funny things. Please feel free to smile.”

  “I don’t think we should stand on the furniture,” Javier said.

  “Oh, we do that all the time,” Derby said.

  I wasn’t sure exactly what Venice was doing beside me. But it must have been incredibly funny. Because all the faces I saw through the viewfinder looked like they were on the verge of laughter.

  Click.

  “And we’re done!” I cheered.

  Venice hopped down off the desk and gave me a quick hug.

  “Let’s roll,” Javier said. “We’ve got six more clubs to shoot.”

  It was a bummer that Javier didn’t let us enjoy one second of what it felt like to finish something.

  “Can I see the picture?” Drea asked, leaning in over my shoulder.

  “We don’t have time,”
Javier said. “We need to move.”

  And in that moment, I really appreciated Javier’s annoying work ethic.

  As we walked down the hall to the math room, I tried to ignore the fact that Drea was still with us. But it was hard.

  “The school feels so dead when everybody leaves, doesn’t it?” Drea asked. “The halls feel extra echoey. Listen.”

  We all listened as Drea scooted her sneakers across the floor making monstrous squeaking noises.

  “Stop that,” I said. “You’re killing me.”

  “Okay,” Drea said, rushing up to walk next to Venice.

  It really surprised me how much I could dislike Drea in a matter of hours. Yesterday, I hadn’t minded helping her out. Today, I wanted her to disappear.

  “Where did you learn to act like a monkey?” Drea asked. “I’ve spent a lot of time watching black howler monkeys at the zoo. And the way you pretended to eat leaves was pretty spot-on.”

  I kept walking. I really hated thinking that Venice was already rehearsing a routine for her Halloween costume. That probably meant she and Leo had been working on something together. Because that was what Venice and I used to do. We’d figure out a little dance. Or, like last year, we rehearsed some cute Dalmatian moves.

  “I have to agree,” Javier said. “You’ve got great monkey energy.”

  Venice laughed. “Thanks. Leo and I have been practicing our Big Boo costume.”

  That made me fume inside.

  “Is that somebody’s phone?” Javier asked.

  Ugh. Couldn’t Leo leave Venice alone for longer than five minutes?

  “It’s not me,” Venice said, patting her pocket.

  “Oh my gosh!” Drea said. “I’ve got to take this. It’s Piper!”

  Hearing those words totally crushed me. I quickly looked at my own phone. Piper had not tried to call or text me. Nobody had. I watched as Drea ran down the hallway, plugging one ear with a finger and chatting away.

  “Did she mean Piper Piper?” Venice asked. “That’s so nice that she’s helping her.”

  But it was like Venice was missing the real problem here. I didn’t want Piper to help Drea. That made me feel weird. I was Piper’s sister, and ever since she’d gone away to school I’d really missed her. If she had time to spend on the phone helping somebody navigate middle school, that call should go to me.