by Pat Simmons
While waiting for dessert, Levi gathered Karyn’s hands again. “Thank you for sharing this evening with me.”
“You made it hard for me to say no…again.” She grinned sheepishly.
“Mr.Tolliver, is that you?”
Levi dragged his focus from Karyn, ready to release his displeasure for the interruption. He strained his memory, staring at the unkempt long blond hair on the bearded man. Finally, recognition flashed. The intruder was the son of a woman killed in the same store robbery as Diane. Jonathan Gleason hadn’t been a teenager then, but it appeared youth had skipped over him, forcing him into adulthood. He seemed mentally lost, a contrast to the snapshot of a happy family the media posted during its extensive coverage of the victims left behind.
Standing, Levi hugged him. “Jonathan,” he whispered then pulled away. “What are you doing here? How have you been?”
He shrugged. “The owners were friends of my mother. Sometimes when I’m hungry or need a place to stay, one of them will come and get me.”
Whirling around, Levi remembered his date. “Oh, Karyn, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. This is Jonathan Gleason. His mother and my wife were—”
“Murdered,” Jonathan mumbled as he turned and stalked out the dining room.”
Levi wanted to go after him and ask what was going on with him, but it wasn’t the time or place. He couldn’t keep chasing the past. Every victim of crime had a season. Jonathan was in the middle of a storm while spring was about to bloom in Levi’s life. Clearing his throat, Levi decided to add the teenager to his prayer list as he retook his seat. Sighing, he gathered his thoughts and met Karyn’s eyes. In order to explain Jonathan’s odd behavior, Levi first had to disclose his hurt.
Karyn frowned. “Is he all right?”
Levi shook his head. “I don’t think so and it’s been four years…” Shoving his plate aside, he no longer had an appetite. “Karyn, I’m ready for a new beginning, and I don’t want to wait until New Year’s to begin that quest.” He took a deep breath. “You can’t imagine how many people have waited for me to say that. I don’t even know how long I’ve wanted to say that.” Glancing over his shoulder, Levi randomly squinted at other patrons until their faces seemed to fade. He looked at Karyn again. “I’ve been torn the last four years between scared to move on without the mother of my child and afraid to stay in limbo. It appears Jonathan’s still in limbo and he’s so young.”
Karyn’s gorgeous, sparkling eyes softened. Her expression gave nothing away—no green light to go or blaring red to stop. Not even a yield. It was as if she were holding her breath, waiting for him to explain. Reaching across the table again, Levi opened his hands. When Karyn placed her hands in his, Levi trapped them. “I don’t know when I planned to share this with you, but it definitely wasn’t tonight.”
Levi swallowed. He looked away and inhaled, breathing in the subtle scent of her sweet perfume. “I’ve lived through the saying ‘the day isn’t promised to us.’ Almost four years ago, Diane walked out our front door. It was a quick trip around the corner for a few things. How could I know she would never return?
“Less than an hour later, she was killed in a botched robbery at a grocery store in North St. Louis.” He bit his bottom lip and shook his head. “I should’ve gone to the store, but she insisted she needed to get out for a few minutes. For a long time, I had a case of the what-if-I-had-done-this or what-if-I-had-done-that-differently guilt trip.”
The hostess appeared and Levi nodded for her to remove their plates. She left and returned minutes later with a doggie bag and a chunk of cheesecake. Clearly the news was making Karyn uncomfortable as she squirmed in her seat.
“I woke up one morning a happily married man. That night I closed my eyes, but couldn’t sleep, disputing the fact that I had become a widower with an infant. I knew little about parenthood and practically nothing about widowhood.
“Without asking for advice, everyone seemed to want to give me plenty of it. Even my sister-in-law fussed when Dori’s hair wasn’t combed to her liking. I finally told Jesetta if I wanted and needed help, I would call my momma, which I never did.”
For four years, he had managed without any complaints from Dori about her hair until she admired Karyn’s intricate braid and wanted one just like it. That was a pleasant moment he would savor later. “On good days, I wanted to ramble on about Diane—how we met, etc. On bad days, I would snap if her name was mentioned.”
“I don’t know the right words to say to make you feel better.” Tears filled Karyn’s eyes.
“You.” He pointed. “Your presence is like a balm to my soul. No other woman has done that. I’ve attracted more women than I care to remember. The constant phone calls and the visits were beginning to suffocate me. It was as if the world was keeping track of my days of mourning, and when a particular number was called—bingo. My grief was supposed to disappear, and I should carry on as if nothing happened.
“Eventually, I gathered my belongings and the best gift Diane left me, Dori. I sold the house I was renovating and moved across the river into St. Clair County. I’ve been in Illinois ever since. To remain in the neighborhood would be like living in an active crime scene, even though the Thomas Foods chain eventually went out of business.”
“Sometimes starting over means everything is new,” Levi heard her say in the distance.
“Those demon-possessed criminals lined up seven people and shot them execution style. Those who played dead survived to describe the ghastly scene. One person escaped to the rooftop and flagged down the police.”
Karyn gasped and her brown eyes watered.
“Yep. Three teenagers disguised themselves as part of the cleaning crew. It was in all of the papers. I’m sure you’ve read or heard about it.” He frowned. “When the whole world knows your pain, where is your hiding place?”
She shook her head.
“It doesn’t change anything that two of them were caught, prosecuted, and sentenced to so many years. They better not get out. They destroyed seven lives and their families. What does matter is that one who got away.” Levi’s nostrils flared. “I live to see that lone animal caught. I breathe to watch him or her die by lethal injection. Crime does pay. A life for a life. I don’t feel sorry for anyone behind bars.”
The venom in Levi’s voice made Karyn stare as if she were a deer caught in headlights.
CHAPTER 7
Did I kiss Levi good night or thank him for a lovely evening? Karyn couldn’t remember. What did I order? What was Levi wearing? What day is it? For once, since her release, Karyn was thankful she had a curfew.
Whew. Karyn shook her head. Levi dropped an atom bomb. His loss tugged at her conflicting emotions: witnessing the ever-present pain crime victims sometimes hide from view. There was no standing on the outside with her taking a peep. Karyn was inside his heart, staring face to face at Levi’s pain caused by a thoughtless act.
“God bless you, Levi,” Karyn whispered as she dragged herself up two flights of stairs in heels she had purchased for five bucks at the church’s thrift store. Buttercup talked her into them, stating four inch heels were a piece of cake
You aren’t good enough for him, the devil taunted.
Funny, Karyn had just thought the same thing, but the devil didn’t have to remind her of that. Now, any future relationship was more doubtful. It would only serve to remind her of a crime she had committed. What fellowship can light have with darkness? That scripture was making a strong case against her.
Karyn doubted she exhaled until she turned the key to her living quarters. Inside, everything was dark. With any luck, Buttercup was asleep. She didn’t want to talk.
“How was dinner?” Buttercup perked up from her makeshift napping area on the couch and turned on a lamp.
Startled, Karyn almost leaped in the air. When her heart beat stabilized, she closed the door and squinted at her friend.
On the hardwood floor laid a messy stack of hair and beauty magazines. Bu
ttercup was neat, as required by the housing staff, so the haphazard pile could only mean she was anxiously awaiting details about the date.
“Depressing,” Karyn mumbled as she headed for her bedroom.
“Hold it. I gave up an hour of sleep for you, which means I lost valuable time for producing new skin cells…” She ranted about the latest health and beauty tips as she waved her hand. “Never mind. Anyway, you’ve got a hunk, a free dinner, and a new dress. If you brought a doggie bag, then I would say the date was a success.”
With tears swimming in her eyes, Karyn faced Buttercup. Her voice shook as she struggled to form a sentence. “I can’t do this. He hates criminals.”
Twisting her lips, Buttercup sighed as she adjusted her baby blue knit headband that matched her pajamas. “No surprise there. The only people who have arms wide open when we’re released are family members—well, some of them—and of course, God. Hmmm, so was this before or after you told him about your time served?”
Buttercup stood and steered Karyn away from escaping into her bedroom, then guided her to sit on the worn plaid sofa. Karyn toyed with her poorly shaped fingertips, unconsciously scraping off the thin layer of polish as Buttercup knelt in front of her.
“Stop it!” She swatted at Karyn’s hand. “That was the best manicure I’ve done.”
“Right. You said that last week after Terri’s manicure when you left a trail of pink polish to her knuckles.”
“I turned that into the latest fashion statement. Besides, how was I to know that it was a cheap brand? It’s supposed to bond to the nail, not drip all over the place.”
“The biggest hint was it was five bottles for a dollar.” Karyn rolled her eyes before dropping her head into her hands. Who cared about dead skin cells or cheap fingernail polish when she was having a crisis?
Maybe she didn’t think this dating thing through. Maybe she was beguiled by Levi’s fascination with her. Maybe she was having a nightmare. Maybe she was going to drive herself crazy. Karyn groaned. Maybe she already was.
Buttercup struggled to get up from her squatting position. “Scoot over so I can give you a hug. Now, tell your sanctified fairy godmother all about it.”
“There’s no room for your plus-size hips,” Karyn said, upset she was falling apart. “My past is off limits, right? I paid for my offenses, right? Christ paid for my sins, end of story, right? What’s the creed we recite at church? Behold all things are new. I’m not obligated to tell anybody anything. I’m obligated not to lie, but that’s the extent.”
“Karyn!”
“What?” She gave her roommate an annoyed frown. She massaged her scalp; her fingers tangling in the mass of curls piled high.
“Having dinner with a man couldn’t be freaking you out like this. What really happened?” Buttercup’s voice was soothing and encouraging.
“Levi’s wife was murdered along with six others, execution style.”
Karyn sensed Buttercup was attempting to substitute her previous choice curse words for more Christian correct phrases as she attacked her bottom lip with her teeth. They stared blankly at the TV as if they were watching a reality show instead of a black screen.
“Not all of us behind bars are violent offenders. Some shouldn’t be there because they aren’t guilty, and some of us make bad choices—stupid mistakes. People need to stop lumping us together.”
Of course, Buttercup was right, but Levi’s raw emotions made Karyn shiver as if she had pulled the trigger on the gun that killed his wife. The scenario frightened her. “I couldn’t keep myself from feeling so guilty. I might as well have been one of the killers. I paid for my poor judgment and I don’t want to take on another man’s sin.”
Buttercup folded her hands. “Can you imagine that’s what Jesus did? He took on every one of our sins from lying to killing to stealing to the most unthinkable and nailed them to the cross with him. Girl, we’ve been redeemed. We knew the devil was going to try to burden us with our past sins, but by Galatians 5, I refuse to let him.”
“What about 2 Corinthians 6:14: What fellowship can light have with darkness?”
Rolling her eyes, Buttercup smacked her lips. “Girl, the devil must have your mind twisted, quoting partial scriptures. Verse fourteen says, Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship does righteousness have with unrighteousness? And what communion does light have with darkness? You are not an unbeliever. Is he?”
Karyn shook her head.
Buttercup stood, rolled her neck, and jabbed her side with her fist as she searched for a resting place on her hip. “You know the devil is the master of half-truths. That snake,” she hissed. “Pastor Scaife says when the devil talks, instead of listening, argue back with scripture fast balls like a baseball pitcher. What you should’ve done when the devil called you unworthy was quote Acts 11:8–9. What God has cleaned, don’t call it unclean. Take that Satan,” Buttercup said, stomping her heel into the floor.
With Buttercup around, Karyn always got a dose of preaching, teaching, and testimony when Buttercup wasn’t complaining and arguing. Karyn knew she was cleansed, but Levi may not see it that way. What he needed was prayer and healing. And he would get it from her, but Karyn planned to do it from afar.
CHAPTER 8
It was early Saturday morning. Levi should have been at home, enjoying the extra hours of sleep in Dori’s absence and dreaming about Karyn. Instead, he was knocking on Rossi’s front door. Only fifteen minutes from his Metro-East home, Levi didn’t bother calling in advance. If he couldn’t sleep, he figured neither would Rossi.
However, his cousin answered the door, alert and full of energy. Rossi’s refreshing appearance grated on Levi’s nerves. Since misery loves company, Levi should have showed up in the wee hours of the morning.
Rossi sported a white MIZZOU college sweatshirt—short for University of Missouri at Columbia, creased black jeans, and socks thick enough to lift dust off the glossy mahogany wood floors. To complete his casual, no-worries look, he held a hot cup of coffee, which he used to give Levi a mock salute.
“What happened to you? It’s barely sunrise.” Rossi checked his watch, giving his cousin a critical once-over. He groaned. “Do I want to know?”
“Probably not…but here it is. I’m not ready to move on.” Levi removed his dark glasses and crossed the threshold without an invitation. He didn’t stop until he flopped on a black sofa without removing his jacket.
“Whew. You had me concerned with the dark glasses, but seeing the dark circles under your eyes, I’d say put them back on.” Rossi took a long, noisy sip of his coffee.
Levi ignored his snide remark and shook his head. “Karyn was so beautiful last night. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. A couple of times, I had to remind myself to breathe. The dress I bought her fit to a T. Her perfume was sweet—”
“Hold up. You bought her a dress? Since when do you buy women clothes?”
Shooting Rossi an evil eye for interrupting his musing, Levi continued as his cousin closed the door. “I can’t believe how tangible my vibes were with Karyn, then all of a sudden memories from four years ago came rushing back when I saw Emma Gleason’s son.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Yeah, so don’t start the praise party yet. Of all places on earth, at the same time and place, Jonathan was there. Of all the victims’ families, only three of us had children under the age of ten who were left with one parent or none. Jonathan had none and he looked so lost and much older than his early teens. It freaked me out. I hadn’t seen any of the other victim’s families since the one year anniversary of the shooting. Next thing I know, my mouth started talking about Diane.”
Rossi frowned, but didn’t say a word.
“I’ve messed up, man,” Levi confessed. Blinking, he stared up at the ten-foot ceiling. He wasn’t admiring the open lighting design plan.
Coming to standing over him, Rossi peered down at him with a confused expression. “Should I get a pillow and blanket?”
The best thing his cousin could do for him at the moment was to listen and start praying. Levi exhaled loudly. “You should’ve seen her…the blood draining from Karyn’s pretty face when I told her how Diane was murdered. The clarity in her expression scared me—shock, compassion, and condemnation before she mumbled softly she was so sorry as if she had pulled the trigger.” He anchored his arm so that he could rest his chin in his hand. “Once I started to pour out my heart, I bled, Ross, profusely.”
Setting his cup on an end table, Rossi took a seat across from Levi on a leather ottoman/makeshift coffee table. “I hate to mention this, but…” He paused, twisting his lips. “That was definitely a date buster. We have two options. Give her some space so she can digest what she’s getting into, or act stupid and force your drama on her.”
“Yeah,” Levi agreed sarcastically. There Rossi goes again with the “we” speech. When it boils down to it, it’s always me, Levi thought and waited for Rossi to impart some wisdom as he did when he counseled youths at church. The washing machine’s swishing and the refrigerator’s ice maker filled in the gaps of silence.
“Cuz, this is your first sign of life in years. There’s no doubt you’re interested in her. Karyn went out with you at face value. From what I understand, she accepted you as a widower with a daughter. Now, give her time.
“Everybody in St. Louis and across the country—and probably in the world—heard about the grocery store massacre, since it wasn’t that long ago. The most important thing is that she listened,” Rossi tried to reason. “Have you talked to her today? No, wait. It may be too early,” he added with an edge to his voice.
Levi shook his head. “She said she has to study for a mid-term—”
“Oh. Was this before or after you told her?” Rossi reached for his cup and drained the contents.
