by Pat Simmons
Without warning, Levi pulled to the curb, activated his hazard lights. He reached for his wallet and got out. Karyn watched as the woman eagerly skipped toward him. Without much fanfare, Levi handed her a folded bill and sprinted back to the car.
“I love you,” were the first words out Karyn’s mouth. He was the one with the heart of gold. It was so easy to fall in love with him.
“I love you, too, my beautiful conscious.” He smacked a kiss on her lips, then checked his rearview mirror and drove off. “She said, ‘God bless you,’ and I said He already has.” Levi winked at Karyn. “You humble me.”
“That’s God who does that. That woman is probably in a shelter, and that’s one way she has to earn her room and board.”
“I forgot your church is heavy into the outreach ministry.”
“Yes, I’m proud to say I’m a member of Crowns for Christ. We focus on prison ministry, the homeless and low-income families.” Maybe if I keep saying prison that will open the door, she hoped. Looking out the window, she added, “It’s God who takes care of the sparrows in the air and His people below.”
They rode in silence until they reached Berryman Bank at the intersection of North Illinois Street and Frank Adams Parkway. Levi parked and walked around the car for her.
Karyn glanced around. “We’re going to be late, aren’t we, by stopping at the bank?”
“Actually, the victims of crime group Jet contacted meets here. The owners of the bank allow them to use their executive conference room. The sessions take place during daylight hours in order for victims to feel secure. I guess with cameras and a security guard, this is safe for them. Another agency rents space in a school or hospital.”
Levi nodded at the massive brick structure. “They didn’t spare any expense on the architectural design. It definitely stands out. Come on.” He squeezed her hand. “I don’t see Jet or Rossi’s SUV yet. I know he had to meet with a potential client in our new East St. Louis development.” He turned and stared at her. “You’re awfully quiet. Are you all right with this?”
Karyn swallowed. Actually she wasn’t okay. Her caseworker advised against it. Monica didn’t think Karyn was ready to come face to face with victims’ pain, but she relented and cautiously, against her better judgment, gave Karyn a pass to go.
“I don’t want to be here. I guess I’m facing my fears.” A third hint. Ask. Ask, Levi, what I mean, Karyn silently challenged him.
He leaned closer as her heart pounded. “Baby, I already suspected, but I was waiting for you to confide in me because I didn’t want to pry. You’ve been a victim of domestic abuse or something, haven’t you? The signs have been there: slow in trusting again, a secured building, and—”
Huh? Where did Levi get that idea? Just as she was about to correct him with bigger hints, Jet drove into the parking lot and honked. Rossi trailed her.
“It’s okay. We’ll talk later after this.” Levi smacked a kiss against her lips.
Rossi got out of his vehicle, then walked over to open Jet’s door. Karyn couldn’t hear their conversation, but it appeared he was coaxing her.
Finally, they all walked into the bank and the security guard directed them to the elevator. On the second floor, they followed the plush carpet that ended at a set of mahogany double doors with Board Room carved in bold scripted letters.
Before opening the door, Rossi reached for Jet’s and Levi’s hands, which left Karyn no choice, but to latch on to Jet’s hand. “Let’s say a quick prayer. Father God, in the name of Jesus, please heal the broken spirits in that room and set the captives free. We thank You for Your grace and promise in the name of Jesus.”
The prayer ended with choruses of Amen, including Jet’s mumble.
Levi took a deep breath. “Ready?” Slowly, he opened the door for Jet and Karyn to enter. There were already a handful of people gathered around a massive long table where pitchers of water and platters of fruits and snacks rested.
The setup appeared to be for a business, committee or a PTA meeting—not an uncensored discussion on death, crime, punishment and pain. It also was a flashback, reminding Karyn of standing before the parole board. Its members held a stake in her fate: release or remain imprisoned.
The participants were ethnically mixed. Crime didn’t discriminate. Four women refused to make eye contact with them. Two men gave tentative smiles. Karyn conjured up various scenarios: Did the two men represent losing a wife like Levi or were they there to support a wife who was robbed, or had a child been murdered?
A tall woman stood, dressed casually in a white blouse and jeans. She appeared to be in her sixties, judging from the gray strands that overtook the black in her hair. When she cleared her throat, the group stared at the newcomers; curiosity mixed with suspicion.
“Welcome, everybody,” she said as Karyn and the others took a seat around the table. “Let’s start by introducing ourselves and letting others know if this is your first time here.” She nodded at Levi’s cousin who still held onto Jet’s hand.
“I’m Minister Rossi Tolliver. I’m here to support my relative. This is my first time.”
“My name is Annie Coleman. My husband was killed when a burglar broke into our house while we were sleeping. My husband went to investigate...” She paused and struggled to finish. “He was shot dead. It’s been two years and I’m still living at what police called the crime scene.”
The introductions continued, some revealed their circumstances, a few remained withdrawn. Although Levi was attending for Jet’s sake, Karyn wondered if he would take advantage of the opportunity to further his healing. He did when it was his turn.
“My name is Levi Tolliver. My wife was killed during a botched robbery attempt, execution-style, for no reason. I’ve been living in limbo for four years between anger and helplessness. Nothing seemed to move me along until this pretty little lady beside me came into my life.” He turned Karyn’s hand inside and kissed her palm. Whatever else he was going to say, he choked, shaking his head. Rossi slapped him on the back while Karyn massaged his hand.
The moderator intervened. “It’s okay. We’re here to listen. Do you need more time?” she asked as a few others around the table sniffed. They nodded with empathy.
After a few moments of strained silence, the moderator nodded for the next person to proceed.
“His wife,” Jet said in a shaky voice, pointing to Levi, “was my younger sister. My only sister.” Choking on her words, she paused to recover. “I was mad four years ago, and I’m still mad now. Her unexpected, senseless killing makes me afraid every time I walk into a twenty-four-hour grocery or convenience store. I wonder what was going through my sister’s mind when thugs ordered her and the others to line up. I’m afraid to be in my house alone. I turn on all the lights. Now, lights are my bed companions. I cling to the Tolliver family because I’m afraid. They’re all I have.”
Wiping at her own tears, Karyn could feel Jet’s pain.
“I’m mad because all of those murderers aren’t in prison. There’s still one sorry inhumane person out there, walking around alive and free. I want them all to die and be tortured before taking their last breath. I want them to look me in the eye and tell me why my sister’s life wasn’t important and theirs are.” Jet shook her head. “I’m angry. I’m scared, and I’m dying while I’m living.”
Her emotions were so raw that tears began to spring forth from face to face. Even the men in the room were reaching for tissue. Levi squeezed Jet’s hand.
By Jet’s depiction, Karyn seemed to relive the scene in a grocery store she had never step foot inside. She could feel the sensation of fear, trembling in their bodies. Her mind raced to devise a plan to escape imminent death.
Suddenly, Karyn’s mind snapped and she jumped to enemy lines. She was on the same side as the demon-led executioners, not seeing lives worth living at any cost. Falling into the vortex, Karyn began to sob as she tried to escape the transferred guilt. She screamed, “No! It was an accident.” Tears ob
structed Karyn’s view, her breathing became labored. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to kill him.”
Near hysterical, Karyn snatched her hand from Levi’s and leaped from the table, knocking over her chair. She ran out the room as if tigers were chasing her. She had almost reached safety when strong arms wrapped around her waist to restrain her. Levi turned her into his embrace.
“Shhh. I shouldn’t have asked you to come. I know it’s overwhelming and depressing. That’s why I didn’t return after the first time.” He rocked her in his arms with an easy rhythm.
Karyn had stopped shaking as she returned to the present. She was still fighting to regulate her breathing when Levi’s concerned face came into view.
“It’s okay, baby.”
The moment had come. She had to tell Levi, and for the second time in her life, she would suffer the consequences for her actions. Barely composed, Karyn stepped out of Levi’s strong embrace at the same time Jet stalked out the room—like the tiger chasing her. Jet appeared as dazed as Karyn felt.
Taking a deep breath, Karyn gathered her courage. She was not a coward. The loving concern locked on Levi’s handsome face made her question her next statement. “Levi, I didn’t pull the trigger that killed your wife, but I did kill someone—”
A slap struck Karyn’s face. She screamed in pain as she began to lose her balance, but Levi moved quickly, shielding Karyn and steadying her on her feet. His other hand reached for Jet’s throat as he growled like an animal. Rossi got in the middle of the ruckus.
Levi’s nostrils flared in anger. “What is wrong with you?” He made another step toward Jet, loosening his hold on Karyn, but Rossi continued to block his path. “Are you crazy, woman?” he shouted, then turned to examine Karyn’s face. He grimaced.
The moderator came out into the hall. “Is everything all right? I know it got pretty emotional in there.” Waiting for a response that never came, the woman licked her lips. “Take whatever time you need to calm down and rejoin if you want.” She stepped back in the room and closed the boardroom door.
Before Levi could resume his retaliation, Rossi had a strong grip around Jet and dragged her away to increase the distance. That didn’t stop Jet from trying to claw her way to her prey.
“Jet,” Rossi commanded forcefully, “calm down. Why did you do that?”
She didn’t answer him, but screamed at Karyn. “You murderer! Take that for every victim left behind…go back to jail and pass it on to the people who killed my sister!”
The sting began to tingle on Karyn’s face. Flinching, she refused to cry. The scripture about turning the other cheek must have been a misprint. She didn’t want to give Jet any ideas. Karyn’s petite size was no match for Jet’s plus-size figure, but if push came to shove, she wouldn’t go down without a fight. The throbbing increased. Jet’s handprint had possibly reshaped Karyn’s face.
“Jet!” Levi shouted, growling. “I’m one breath away from smacking my first woman. I advise you to step back before I make it happen. Karyn didn’t kill anybody.” He turned his attention back to Karyn. Hesitantly, he touched her face, careful not to cause further pain.
“Levi, I did commit murder.”
Frowning, confusion plagued Levi’s expression “What are you saying, baby?”
Sniffing, tears betrayed her. Karyn whispered, “I served…” She stuttered then hiccupped. “I served…four years in the Decatur Correctional Center for involuntary manslaughter. I have five more months on my parole.”
“You…” Jet lashed out with profanities, fighting to free herself from Rossi’s stronghold, but he had her caged in. “I asked you if you were a criminal, and you lied and said no!”
Emotionally drained, Karyn walked around Levi who still shielded her from Jet. Keeping a safe distance from her, Karyn returned to the room to retrieve her coat and purse. She avoided eye contact with the others, almost certain they had overheard the entire conversation and they would stand in line to release their venom.
Fearing a mob-like attack, Karyn hurried from the room, ignoring the stunned trio outside in the hall waiting for her. The elevator opened and a different security officer stepped out. “Is everything okay up here? Somebody reported hearing angry voices.”
Jet was about to prove the officer’s query when she opened her mouth, but Rossi clamped it shut with his hand.
When Karyn headed for the elevator, Levi didn’t move to stop her. He who the Son has set free is free indeed, shouted in her mind. Well, she had put that scripture to the test.
The officer held the elevator doors open for her. She was about to turn the corner when she chanced a look back. They were rooted in their place, watching her escape.
“Jet, I’m not a criminal,” Karyn shouted from a safe distance. “I’m a sinner saved by grace.” She ordered her legs to start moving, hoping a cab would be her chariot and waiting to whisk her away. If not, a long bus ride home didn’t sound bad.
“Karyn,” Levi yelled, “what happened?” It wasn’t a query. It was a demand.
She froze, then pivoted around. “I smothered my infant son.” This time, Karyn stepped in and allowed the elevator doors to close on the love story of her life.
CHAPTER 42
What just happened? Levi’s mind was filled with questions as his eyes blurred at Karyn’s retreating figure. Karyn did what? Removing his glasses, Levi shut his eyes. Opening them, he dared not glance at Jet or Rossi. Confused and disgusted with his judgment of character, he turned and stormed in the opposite direction of the hall.
“Levi, are you okay?” Rossi’s voice was low, his words hesitant.
Wasn’t it obvious? That was stupidest question he had ever heard. No, I’m not okay. He contained his roar. How could he answer when his mind was still numb?
“Cuz?”
“Not now,” Levi barked over his shoulder.
What kind of cruel joke was the devil playing? Levi found the stairwell exit and forced the door open with a bang. He wanted to call Karyn a liar. There was no way she could have done what she said and served time in prison. The inmates would have devoured her. Lord, what did I do to deserve this? Unfortunately, Jet had been in her right mind when she called Karyn a criminal.
Be not distraught. I will bless you, God spoke.
How? Levi wanted to scream. He couldn’t receive or believe anything from anybody right now, including God. Instead of one wound in his heart, he now had two. With only his car keys and no coat, he stood and marched down the stairs to the first-floor lobby. If Rossi didn’t get his things, Levi would buy a new coat and new life.
He didn’t care what people thought as he braved the cold elements to get to his get-away vehicle. Levi thought about kicking his tires to release his frustration. “I am so through with women.” Instead of disarming his car locks, he sounded his panic alarm. “Great.” He kicked his high-performance Goodyear tire anyway.
Levi gritted his teeth in aggravation. Once inside his car, he indulged in a boxing match with his steering wheel. “I must be blind, stupid, desperate, a fool, an idiot...” What other words could describe his state of mind? He could understand why Job’s friends told him to curse God and die. Levi was hurting, but he wasn’t that stupid.
He inhaled deeply to calm down. Now, Levi had an audience watching him from inside the bank. “Great.” Scanning the sky, he wondered about Karyn, since the sun would be setting soon on the chilly evening. Where was she and how did she get there? Was she dressed warm enough? He bowed his head and asked the question he wasn’t man enough to find out. What was she feeling?
“Lord, You did give, and then You took away twice, why?” he questioned. He needed to talk to Karyn. If she was a shoplifter, he could simply watch his wallet; any other nonviolent crime he could forgive, but killing an innocent child—was she a monster? Levi craved the answers, but deep down, he doubted they would make a difference.
“What a slap in the face of Diane’s memory.” Maybe Jet was right to slap Karyn, but he couldn’t b
ear to witness that scene again. He pounded the steering wheel. His wife had been murdered. What did he do? Fall in love with a murderer. “I’ve lost my mind.”
Levi felt empty. Karyn filled his life suddenly and just as quickly, she had deflated it. Snatching off his glasses, he pinched the bridge of his nose. His eyes watered, but he refused to be a sissy and cry. He refused. As angry as he was for Jet’s ballistic behavior, he was madder at the woman he loved—how could she?
A rebellious tear slid down his face. His and Karyn’s relationship was over, but who ended it, or was it a mutual understanding?
In the distance, his cell phone rang. In his head, Levi wanted the caller to be Karyn, so he could reject her. His heart demanded that he kiss and make up. How does one make up after this devastating news? He grabbed the phone and read the ID—Rossi.
He didn’t feel like being psycho-spiritually analyzed. He turned the ignition, forcing himself to reshuffle his life and go pick up Dori. She was his sole focus again and his lifeline.
Love covers a multitude of faults, God whispered.
“That’s a lot of faults,” Levi said angrily.
Forgive so your sins may be forgiven, God spoke again.
After a heavy, frustrated sigh, Levi responded. “Okay, I’ll forgive, but I can never forget this.”
I forgive you every time you ask. I forgave you as I hung on the cross, then God said nothing else.
***
Rossi concluded that was the reason for all the intercessory prayers. Jet had been on to something, and Karyn’s disclosure confirmed it. He loosened his hold on Jet, but still restrained her with one arm, practically dragging her back in to retrieve all their belongings. For the past five minutes, he had been quietly coaxing her to calm down. He didn’t feel like bailing her out of jail again for assault with a deadly weapon—her body. Her sista hips would have crushed Karyn.
