“I’m sorry,” Quinn said, realizing he was apologizing an awful lot lately. “I didn’t mean to mislead you. I’m not a free man.”
Even if Larissa did break things off, his heart belonged to her and always would. Quinn didn’t know why he’d been such an idiot. He should have dropped this project in Sydney’s lap and hopped on the plane yesterday. All his life, he’d been making the wrong choices. First, he gave up spending much time with his horse, then he gave up his art, and now he had lost his most important love of all. He had to make it up to her.
Kathy pouted her lower lip out. “I should have guessed you’d be taken, a great guy like you. I just thought when you invited me here and said you were mine for the weekend...”
“I meant professionally, to plan out the island’s transition to green energy.”
What a miscommunication! He couldn’t believe it. A part of him felt guilty. Lately, half his mind had been on his work and half on the things Larissa did to him in the bedroom. He very well could have sounded sexier than he meant to while talking to Kathy, all because he was picturing himself with Larissa.
He was screwing everything up. That was for sure.
“I’m so embarrassed,” Kathy said. “I don’t need the entire weekend to get you final price quotes. I just thought we had plans.”
“Don’t be embarrassed. I didn’t realize what was happening. It’s my fault too, but will you still work on the project?”
She laughed, seeming to relax. “Of course I will. I’m not going to screw myself out of a huge commission over a misunderstanding. I like money more than sex anyway.”
Knowing it would be best to ignore that comment, Quinn just nodded. “Why don’t you spend the weekend regardless? There are many things to enjoy on the island, even in the rain. When you’re finished with the estimates, we’ll get together with my dad and go over everything.”
The realization that there was absolutely no reason for him to have stayed on the island hit Quinn like a sledgehammer.
“I’m such an idiot,” he muttered.
***
Larissa’s stomach turned and she eyed the garbage can in the corner of the room. Eating lunch had been a bad idea. She wished the doctor would come in the room and get this over. Despite Janie’s attempts at making it a fun night on Hawaii, Larissa was tired of not knowing. It was worse this time than before.
Last time while she waited for the pathology report to return, she was able to console herself with all the assurances that she was too young for breast cancer and most lumps were benign. Now, she knew better. Breast cancer was possible for her. More than possible—it was likely.
“It’s going to be okay,” Janie said, once again taking her hand. “No matter what that doctor comes in and says, you are strong and a fighter. If it’s cancer, you’ll get treatment and move on. It’s going to be fine.”
Larissa nodded. “I know. Don’t worry. I’m not going to stop fighting or doing what I have to in order to be healthy.” She’d beat cancer once. This time, if she had to, she’d have her breasts removed. There was no longer a jerk around convincing her to keep them, making her feel like it would save her relationship if she had breasts. Such lies. She never should have listened to that poison.
Quinn would never judge her. He said as much their first date and she knew he meant it. He never commented on the slightly dimpled patch on her left breast or the scars. He loved her, not her boobs. If only he were still around to appreciate her breasts... or lack of them. However, he’d be too busy with the island. Larissa was on her own.
She glanced at the clock again. 4:00. “Why do doctor’s always run late when you’re desperate to see them?”
Janie shrugged. “They get a kick out of it?”
Larissa smiled, hoping Dr. Akana was out getting his kicks and not trying to find a way to break the bad news. “At least I have good health insurance this time.”
“And if you get mastectomies, then you can get a boob job after,” Janie pointed out with a gleeful grin. “You could make ’em much bigger, and once you’re all healed up, we’ll really go get the hotties in Hawaii. Reel them in with the promise of the mother land that will reside in your fun-filled bra.”
Larissa giggled, once again glad Janie came along. “Don’t you think they’ll care that they’re fake?”
“Seriously?” Janie widened her eyes. “Men don’t care. Maybe I’ll get my boobs done too so I can compete with you.”
Larissa giggled again. “Fake boobs would make your lifeguard job a little hard. I can just see you out there, unable to dive because the buoys on your chest keep forcing you to the surface.”
Janie started laughing too. “Waves hitting against my face, boobs forcing me up. I’d have to take up a job as a stripper or something instead. I bet the money would be better.”
Larissa laughed harder, imagining it, until suddenly she wasn’t laughing. The sobs came on unexpectedly and tears began flowing once again. “What am I going to do if it is cancer, Janie?”
Janie’s arms circled her and she hugged her tightly. “You’ll kick cancer’s ass.”
A firm tap sounded on the door and Dr. Akana walked in. Although he’d been all smiles yesterday during the procedure, the tall Hawaiian had a frown on his dusky face. “It’s stage two infiltrating ductal carcinoma,” he said without preamble. “I’ve sent off tests to see if it is HER2/neu positive.”
“What does that mean?” Janie asked.
The bottom fell out of the universe and Larissa struggled to control her rebelling lunch. “It means I have cancer again, and it’s aggressive.”
***
Quinn paced the small airport building, waiting for the last flight of the evening. He held a bunch of red roses, but was sure they wouldn’t cut it this time. He was going to have to make some changes in his life, and fast, if he wanted to get Larissa to forgive him again.
The best he could hope for was the lump wasn’t cancer. Then she might be angry she had to go through the test without him, but at least she wouldn’t be remembering what a jerk he was all through treatment as well.
The plane finally landed and taxied up the runway. Quinn ran to the window, watching the passengers disembark.
Seven people walked down the steps before Janie’s dark head appeared at the doorway. Quinn strained his eyes, watching for Larissa to exit behind her. Janie was all the way down the stairs and no one else stepped off.
Panic clawed and scraped away at him. Where was she?
As soon as Janie walked inside, Quinn stepped in front of her. “Why isn’t Larissa with you?”
Janie folded her arms and raised a thin eyebrow. “You have the nerve to come in here and demand answers? Your ass should have been with her this whole time.”
She was right, which made her words sting even more. “Is she okay?”
Janie licked her lips and looked away from him, which was all the answer he needed.
“It’s cancer?” he asked softly, not wanting anyone to overhear.
“You should have been there,” she repeated. “You’re a bigger asshole than her ex. At least he pretended to support her while she got through treatment. You couldn’t even be bothered to help her through the first flipping appointment.”
“That’s not fair.” Quinn felt heat flood to his neck and face as anger built inside him. He crushed the roses against his chest to keep from lashing out. “I have a job to do. People count on me.”
“Larissa knows that, which is why she’s not coming back. Congratulations, boss. You’re free to concentrate on your precious business.”
Janie stepped around him, wheeling her carry on behind her and not giving him a backward glance.
That was it, then. He’d ruined everything. Maybe he didn’t deserve to be happy. He was so obsessed with his problems that he hadn’t given a second thought to her needs. Their whole short relationship, Larissa had been the one giving while he did the taking.
The best thing he could do for her now was ho
nor her wishes. She didn’t want to see him anymore. He’d only make things worse during an already difficult time if he didn’t keep his distance.
Quinn sat on one of the benches, dropping the flowers to the ground. Even if it was the right decision for her, it didn’t make things easy on him. Quinn had never known what a broken heart felt like before. He blinked back tears and swallowed the hard knot in his throat.
Larissa was the one for him. He’d never get over this pain.
He’d never stop kicking himself for throwing her love away.
Chapter 26
Once again, Larissa’s mom sat next to her hospital bed, holding her hand while they waited for her surgery to start. Ray sat in the corner of the room, face drawn and tight. This time, it would be a double mastectomy followed by chemotherapy. She wasn’t looking forward to losing her hair or feeling sick all the time, but her surgeon felt the chemo was necessary considering the tumor grew so quickly and had spread to her armpit.
“One good thing about the McCallister’s insurance plan,” Larissa said, feeling grateful all over again, “it covers my regular medical team here at home.”
Elaine nodded. “That’s certainly a relief, sweetheart, but we would have come to Hawaii if we needed to.”
Having her treatment in Hawaii was never a consideration. When Larissa called John to tell him the diagnosis and that she wanted to go home for treatment, he assured her that whatever the insurance didn’t cover he would pay for personally. It was a kindness she didn’t dare refuse, even if Quinn wasn’t her man anymore. She hoped John would just see it as protecting a valued employee and not be disappointed that things were over between her and Quinn.
The past two weeks, she’d kept her phone on her at all times when she wasn’t at a doctor appointment, hoping, praying Quinn would call. She thought once he finished his project he would think things through and realize what they had was important. Unfortunately, she’d never heard a word. The relationship must have meant more to her than it did to him. It was better to find that out now she supposed, instead of years down the road.
Her only contact from the island was Janie, who called every day. Larissa hadn’t been brave enough to ask if she had talked to Quinn, and Janie never mentioned him.
“Are you doing okay?” Elaine asked, wiping at a tear Larissa didn’t even know had fallen. “Don’t be scared, okay. You’re in good hands with Dr. Keyes. She knows what she’s doing.”
Larissa shook her head. “It’s not that, Mom. I miss Quinn.” She shrugged. “I know it doesn’t make sense, but I wish he was here.”
Ray leaned forward in his chair. “A man doesn’t determine your value, princess. Don’t cry over him. He’s not worth the time you spend feeling hurt.”
She closed her eyes, knowing he was right but not having a choice. “The heart wants what it wants, Daddy.”
“Yeah, Ray,” Elaine scolded. “Don’t be too hard on her. I remember a man who didn’t give up on me when I broke things off. You’re just lucky I gave you a second chance.”
“You couldn’t live without me,” Ray said.
Elaine smiled. “Definitely not.”
As great as Larissa normally found her parents’ relationship, their happy banter ran counter to everything she felt right now. It would be ungrateful to ask them to leave, but she couldn’t wait for the nurse to come in and take her to Anesthesia. Drifting off to oblivion sounded great right about now. Larissa didn’t want to think anymore.
Especially since Quinn’s grey eyes were what kept flooding her thoughts, no matter how hard she pushed them away.
***
Quinn stood at the window inside Larissa’s massage studio, watching the rain beat down on the sandy beach and the waves crash against the shoreline. It was appropriate to have a storm ranging outside, mirroring Quinn’s unhappiness and torment.
After Larissa left, he’d commandeered her massage studio for his own, and no one had yet argued. It wasn’t like they needed the space for the spa, not with the weather like it was and resort guest numbers at a low.
He felt closer to Larissa here. Sure, it was the first place he ever pissed her off, but it was also the place they met and where he finally found the woman he could love for all time.
And he’d screwed up horribly.
“Larissa’s surgery is today.”
Quinn startled and spun around, shocked to see John standing in the doorway. “I didn’t hear you come in, Dad.”
“Janie said she’s having a double mastectomy,” John went on, as though Quinn hadn’t spoken.
Quinn turned back around to watch the storm. “I know. I sent Sydney to check on her when she gets out of surgery. She’s going to call me.”
“Don’t you think you should be the one Larissa wakes up to? Why are you still on the island?”
“I tried to call her last week, but her dad answered.”
“I didn’t know that. What happened?”
What happened was her father was right. Quinn was an asshole who had no right calling her and upsetting her when she was trying to cope with her illness. Ray made it clear he didn’t want Quinn anywhere near Larissa. Not that Quinn blamed him. The man must be afraid of losing his daughter, and Quinn upsetting her could slow her recovery. He had no right to beg her forgiveness after what he did.
Quinn sighed and looked over to the easel and canvas in the corner. “My painting of Larissa is coming along great, but every time I work on her face, she looks hurt and angry, the way she looked the last time we spoke. I’ve ruined everything, Dad. She doesn’t want me anymore and her parents certainly don’t want me around. I let her down.” Quinn felt like he would choke on the crushing pain in his heart. “All she wanted was to know I cared about her as much as I cared about this damn island. I proved to her I didn’t.”
The hard clomp of John’s shoes hitting the hardwood floor sounded through the room and his hand landed on Quinn’s shoulder. “And you think staying here is proving anything different?”
“But her dad said I should—”
“It’s not up to him,” John interrupted. “You need to talk to Larissa.”
“I’m afraid to face her. How many times can you hurt someone before they stop forgiving you? How bad of a screw up is too bad to forgive?” Quinn shook his head. “I can’t imagine anything worse than not being with her when the doctor told her she had cancer again.”
“Unless it’s not being with her while she goes through the fight of curing it.”
Quinn closed his eyes, fighting the tears that wanted to fall. It wasn’t manly to cry, and he definitely wouldn’t do it in front of his father. He was the strong one in the family, the son his father could count on. That was the whole reason he worked so hard.
John’s hand dropped from Quinn’s shoulder. “That’s a good painting, son. I wish you didn’t give up on your own dreams all the time in order to work on someone else’s. You deserve to be happy.”
The sound of John’s footsteps retreated from the room before Quinn opened his eyes again.
He stared at the painting of Larissa, wishing it were her real face instead. The only comfort was Sydney promised to call him as soon as she had information that Larissa was safely out of surgery. That was the only thing keeping him sane.
He walked back to the easel and picked up his brush. He wished he could find a way to make Larissa smile again.
Chapter 27
Larissa still felt groggy when they rolled her out of recovery and back to her room. It was great to see her parents’ anxious faces, and another one she didn’t expect.
“Hey there,” Sydney said. “I’m here to report to the family how you’re doing. We’re all worried about you.”
“Except Quinn,” she replied, then wished she had bitten her tongue. The drugs made her too loose and unable to filter what she said.
Her mom walked to the side of the bed, brushing Larissa’s hair away from her forehead. “Let’s not talk about all that now, sweetheart. How are you f
eeling?”
How was she feeling? Chopped up, betrayed by her body, betrayed by her man... which answer was her mom looking for? Larissa literally bit her tongue, trying to snap herself out of her post-surgery funk before she said something that would hurt those around her. Just because she was angry and scared, that was no reason to upset them.
“I’m okay,” she managed to say. “There’s no pain right now, but I’m sure that will change.”
Her mom kissed her forehead. “Dr. Keyes came and talked to us while you were in recovery. Everything went well. She said cosmetically, if you change your mind later and get implants, everything went as expected and there shouldn’t be problems.”
Larissa held back her sigh. Her mom had been particularly persistent in her wish for Larissa to agree to reconstructive surgery. Elaine had actually urged her to hold off surgery to get everything prepared so they could do reconstruction at the same time as the mastectomies. That would have taken longer to plan, though, and Larissa didn’t want to give the cancer more time to spread. Her oncologist, Dr. Krentz, had agreed with Larissa’s plan of action, so Elaine lost the battle.
“I don’t care about my boobs, Mom. Did she get the cancer out of me?”
“Larissa,” her dad said, his tone scolding. “We don’t care about the boobs either. You know that. Your mom’s scared and trying to help you feel better.”
They’d already had this discussion the week she got home, and Larissa was too tired to have it again. “I’m sorry, Mom. I know you just want me to feel normal again as soon as possible. Now, can you please tell me Dr. Keyes’s opinion on the cancer? Did she get it all out of me?”
Ray came up on the other side of the bed to take Larissa’s hand. “Everything went as planned. With the chemo, you should be okay, even if it started to spread.”
“Good.” Larissa closed her eyes, unable to hold them open longer. “Thanks for being here. I love you guys.”
When she opened them back up, her chest ached horribly and the room was dark besides the light shining through from the bathroom. “Mom?”
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