But sinking into Caleb Warren is the last thing I should be thinking about doing. Instead I try to avoid looking at him, so I don’t fall under his spell again.
Trying not to look at someone when it’s all you want to do is harder than you might expect.
Especially when their strong hands are in your line of sight while you’re attempting to avoid their eyes. Especially when you can’t stop thinking about how those hands felt touching every inch of your body...
“Everything good to go?” Caleb asks Steven when he finally gets off the radio.
Steven shakes his head. “Not quite. We’ve got an outgoing patient coming to New Orleans, but they won’t have her ready to go for a while. Need to get her stable enough to make the trip.”
“Crap,” I mumble. “I’ve got a— never mind.”
“You got somewhere to be, Elise?” Caleb asks. The twang of his voice that I used to find so sexy is now infuriating.
“I do.” I nod. I leave out that it’s to help Mom set up for the family reunion tomorrow afternoon, not a hot date. I’ll let him believe whatever he wants to.
“Looks like you’ll be late then, princess,” Caleb quips, his mouth set in a tight line of frustration.
He’s going to pull the frustrated card? I’m the one who’s been skulking around his house, jumping every time my phone rings, waiting like a damn fool for a guy who might very well have suckered me into believing he needed “time to figure out something important” because he was too cowardly to admit he’s a commitment-phobe. I want to punch him square in the throat.
“I’m gonna head inside, see if they have a place I can catch a few z’s before the flight back. Y’all alright on your own?” Steven asks around a loud yawn.
Damn, I was sort of hoping he’d act as the buffer between Caleb and me until we head back.
“I’m fine,” I assure him with my official ‘everything is A-Okay’ smile. “I’m just gonna—” I point to the doors of the hospital.
“They’ll let you grab food from the cafeteria and take it to a room if they have one open here. Then you’ll be able to watch TV or close your eyes or whatever,” Caleb volunteers stiffly. “At least they let me the other day when we came.”
“You’ve been running flight crews?” I ask, looking down at his boots as I do.
So that’s where he’s been? It’s a relief, knowing this one solid fact. And it makes perfect sense; this job was designed for someone who can keep his wits about him and maintain a cool head like Caleb.
It still doesn’t explain him dropping off the face of the earth like he did, and it doesn’t do anything to erase the aggravation I feel when I realize he didn’t even trust me with this one tiny fact that he couldn’t have expected to keep secret for long. He had to know he’d eventually be scheduled for a pick-up at Crescent.
I finally look up at him and he nods. Jesus, those killer blue eyes undo something in me, no matter how hard I try to suppress any reaction to him.
“Job opened up, better money, hours are better, you know…” He lets his voice trail off and shoves his hands in his pockets.
“Right.” I let the word hang in the air between us so he can get a sense of how pathetic his explanation sounds right now. Then I shrug and point to the doors. “Well, I’m going to go inside then. Did you...did you want to come with me?”
Shit. I did not mean to let that last piece blurt out. The last thing I need is Caleb coming inside with me, flashing those baby blues my way, holding those gorgeous hands a little too close to my body for comfort...
Caleb hustles in front of me to pull the door open. We grab some sandwiches in the cafeteria and then an aide shows us to a vacant room. There’s a bed and one of the crappy hospital chairs that they like to pass off as recliners. Since being in a room with Caleb isn’t going to be comfortable even if I was lying on a pile of down feathers, I decide not to be choosy.
“I’ll take the chair,” I say, setting my tray of food down on the windowsill next to the chair.
“Okay.” He sits on the bed and pats the space next to him. “There’s room for two up here, you know.”
“Are you seriously suggesting—” I shake my head and bite down hard on my lip. “Unbelievable.”
“What is?” he asks, his voice excited, his eyes shining, like he’s waiting for me to go crazy on him. Like he wants to get me all riled up.
I’m not about to give him the satisfaction.
“Nothing,” I say coolly, flopping down on the hard chair.
Caleb picks up the remote and starts flipping channels. Blaring loud sports. The theme music to some crime scene drama. A reality show with screaming women in tight dresses and ridiculously high heels.
I stare down at the mayonnaise packet on my tray and try to figure out how to start this conversation, because in line at the cafeteria I made a decision: I’m not getting back on that helicopter until I know the truth about what happened between Caleb and me.
“So,” I say as I slowly unwrap the plastic wrap around my sandwich. “How’ve you been?”
Caleb mutes the television and turns toward me. He opens his mouth to speak then snaps it shut again. He runs a hand through his hair and then finally says, “I know what you’re thinking.”
“I doubt that,” I say. And it’s true, because I don’t even know what the hell I’m thinking or feeling lately.
“You think I bailed because I got spooked about us moving in together.” He stands up, looking like he’s going to walk over to me, and my heart skids into my ribs. Before he can reach me, he changes his mind and paces in front of the windows instead.
I set my sandwich down on the tray. “That did cross my mind.”
“That’s what he wanted you to think,” he mutters. Quietly. Too quietly for him to have actually wanted me to hear him.
“Who?” I ask cautiously.
He shakes his head, then links his hands behind his neck and blows his breath out. “Nothing. It’s just… I’m sorry, Elise.”
“I don’t want your apologies, Warren,” I snap, too keyed up to keep the calm mask I desperately want to hide behind. “I want you to tell me what the hell happened. If it wasn’t about us moving in together then what? Are you in some kind of trouble?”
He sighs and swallows hard. “You could say that.”
“I could. Okay.” I let out a shaky breath. “Could you be a little more glib, please?”
“I screwed up,” he says slowly, choosing his words with care. “Got involved with some bad people.”
“What? I don’t understand.” I cross the room, stopping short before I collide into him.
He holds his hands out to touch me, then balls them into fists in front of his body. “It’s honestly better if you don’t. I screwed up, I had to switch jobs—”
I cross my arms over my chest to stop myself from grabbing at him, shaking sense into his thick skull, and pulling him close so I can kiss him hard, to make up for the time we’ve spent apart. My stupid brain is on overdrive.
“Caleb, flight medic is a much more difficult job to get than a ground medic. You couldn’t have screwed up that badly if you basically got a promotion.”
Caleb pushes out a long breath and looks up at the ceiling. He shakes his head back and forth, looking guilty. Looking like he’s been caught in a lie.
“Caleb,” I demand. “Caleb, look at me.”
He snaps his head down and meets my stare.
I gather my courage and face him, say the words I’m so damn scared to hear from him are true. “You said you needed some time to straighten things out so that we could be together. Is that still what you want? Or is disappearing for the last few weeks your sick way of letting me down easy?”
“Elise—”
My cell phone rings and I watch the relief wash over Caleb’s face when I pull it out of my pocket, because it buys him a few precious moments to get his story straight. I shouldn’t answer. I should press on, but it’s Charlie. Last night he told me he may
be close to figuring out where Lawson is. I have to answer.
“I have to…” I trail off and gesture to my phone.
“Of course. I can step outside if you—”
“No,” I cut in. I want to keep him close more than I want privacy when I talk to my brother. He was so damn close to telling me what I needed to hear, and I’m not risking losing the momentum.
I watch Caleb cross to the far side of the room and stare into the dimly lit parking lot. It’s his attempt to give me some semblance of privacy and I appreciate it the fact that we can still be civil, even while we’re fuming mad and dealing with this stupid web of lies.
“Charlie?” I answer the phone and watch Caleb’s features twist in disgust. “Did you find him?”
“Elise, listen.” Charlie’s voice is gruff and official on the other end of the line. It’s that tone of voice that makes my palms sweat. “We haven’t found him yet, but I’m off the next couple of days, and I promise I’ll find him then.”
“Charlie, if he’s using and he’s out there—anything could happen to him. God dammit!” My heart beats fast, and every muscle in my body tenses as I grip the side of the wall. “I don’t understand how he could just disappear like this!”
My brother lowers his voice, talking calmly like he used to when we were kids and he was coaxing me higher into tree branches, deeper into waves, farther into a falling down house while my fear ebbed at the edges of my courage. “We’ll find him. He’s probably just crashing with a friend or something.”
“No.” I shake my head and grip my phone in a shaking hand. “Something about this feels off. And I’m stuck in Miami and can’t do anything about it—”
“What the hell are you doing in Miami, Lissey? The party is tomorrow. Are you going to make it?” Charlie asks, his voice sharp.
I glance back at Caleb, who’s staring out the window. I know he can hear every word, and I wonder if he’s put the pieces together. I wonder if he cares at all. “I’ll be there. I had to make a flight with a patient, now we’re waiting on another to be transported back.”
Charlie clears his throat. “You’re on an airmed transport?”
“Yep,” I answer, distracted with thoughts of what I can do to help. “I’ll be home soon and we can talk about Lawson. Speaking of, are the Bazanacs coming tomorrow? I never did hear back from them.”
“No, that’s the reason I called. They’re…upset.” My brother, the reigning champion of understatement.
“Of course they are, Charlie!” I cry, then drop my voice and glance at Caleb, who still hasn’t turned around. “One of their sons is dead and the other hasn’t been seen in weeks. I mean it Charlie, we have to find him.”
“We will, Lise, but we’ll do it my way.” Charlie says, his voice full of faux authority and condescension.
Like hell we will. I’ve given my brother two weeks to find Lawson, and he hasn’t so much as come back with a bread crumb of a clue as to where he is.
“Don’t give me that, Charlie! Don’t do the whole, ‘I’m a cop so what I say goes’ bullshit. We’re finding him. Even if it means I have to go door to door in the ninth ward myself.” My voice breaks, and the sound of my brother’s sigh only brings up fresh fury.
“Stop it. You’re being ridiculous,” Charlie says flatly.
I’m shaking now. “Ridiculous? He’s family Charlie! I’ll do whatever I have to make sure he’s okay.”
Caleb crosses the room to stand beside me and touches the hand that’s holding my phone. “Hang up, Elise,” he says in a low, firm voice.
“What?” I mouth.
“I know where Lawson is,” Caleb says, louder, his words cutting through my panic.
“Elise? Who is that?” Charlie demands, his voice frantic.
“I’ve got to go Charlie, I’ll talk to you when I get home,” I reply absently, then disconnect the call. I face Caleb and shake my head, the facts failing to match up and make sense. “You what?” I ask, my legs giving out. I slide down the wall.
“I need you to hear me out.” Caleb sinks onto the floor in front of me and covers my knees with his strong hands.
“You know where Lawson is? Is he okay?” My voice sounds like it’s underwater.
Caleb nods and rubs his thumbs along my shoulders. “He’s in a detox facility outside of Gretna.”
“What?” None of this makes sense. How does Caleb know where Lawson is when Charlie couldn’t find him?
“I offered to help him, he agreed. My friend—the judge that helped me out a few years ago was able to pull some strings and get him in. I don’t know if it’ll last, Elise. I don’t know if he’ll come out okay and be the Lawson you used to know, but it’s all I could think to do.” He releases my shoulders, pressing his lips together like it hurts to not touch me.
I understand that pain perfectly.
“Did you—did you do this for me?” I rasp.
Caleb clasps one of my hands in his. “Every goddamn thing I do is for you, Elise. Don’t you get that? These last few weeks have been torture.”
“I don’t understand. Is this why you had to stop seeing me? That doesn’t make any sense, Caleb.” I pull my hand back from his. As good as his touch feels again, I feel too vulnerable. He could say anything in the world and I’d eat it up just to keep his touch on my skin.
Caleb sucks in a long breath, and tips his head to each side before answering. “I wasn’t planning on telling you yet, doll, it’s why I wasn’t planning on seeing you either—I can’t stand to see you upset like this. That’s one of the reasons I had to bail. I knew I’d never be able to keep it from you if I had to see the pain on your face.” He tries to touch my hand again, but pulls back himself.
“But why, why did you need to keep it from me Caleb?” I ask, my fingers itching for his.
He looks at me, his eyes filled with pain and misery. “Your brother.”
“Charlie?” I let my head fall back against the wall. “What the hell does he have to do with this?”
“Charlie set me up. He was going to let me take the fall for drugs that belonged to Lawson unless I walked away from you—for good. I can’t do that. I’d never be able to do that. But I had to figure out a way out from under his thumb before I risked taking him on.” Caleb’s lips tremble and his eyes well with relief that I realize comes from getting this off his chest and confessing to me.
“And to do that, you had to send Lawson away?” I press my hands to my temples and shake my head, then look into the face of the man I love. The man who was willing to risk it all to help someone I care about. For me. For us. I take his hands in mine and nod, slowly. “Back up Caleb, tell me everything.”
“Oh my God.” My hands shake and my head aches. Caleb rubs his hand on my back. “What the hell was Charlie thinking?”
“Honestly?” His deep voice rubs against my ears in the quiet of the room. “I’d say he was thinking about protecting you.”
“Don’t excuse what he did that way, Caleb” I say, reaching up to hold his face in my hands. “Charlie has always been that way. He’s always wanted to be in control all the time. I just never thought he’d do something like this.” My entire body trembles.
“I’m sorry he put us in this position,” Caleb says around a sigh. “But it did help me reach out to Lawson. The kid is fucked up, that’s for sure, but he doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t want to keep going down this path he’s on. I think he just needed someone to believe in him.”
“And you did.” My voice goes soft, and I finally let myself sink into those sky blue eyes. “You were the only one who bothered. We were all just babysitting, just coddling him. But you yanked him up by his collar and made him do what was right.”
“You’re giving me a whole lot of credit,” Caleb says, holding his hands up. “I wish he had what I did.”
“But he does now. You got your friend, the judge, to help him too—”
“Not that.” Caleb chuckles, the sound low and sweet to my ears. “I wish he had s
omeone like you.”
“Like me?” I snuggle into his arms.
“Someone strong and brave. Smart and sweet. Someone beautiful,” he whispers, his mouth tracing along my neck.
Chill bumps erupt over my skin. I pull back and tug my shirt over my head, smiling when he sucks air through his teeth.
His big hands cover my breasts, his thumbs dipping into the cups and gliding over the smooth skin. “So damn beautiful,” he repeats, letting his lips smooth over where the rough pads of his thumbs ran. He reaches around my back and undoes the hooks, letting my bra slide off my shoulders.
“We might have to leave soon,” I say, even though my body screams at me to shut the hell up.
“We have time,” he promises, and, though I know he can’t be sure, I choose to trust him. He licks and kisses down my shoulders and runs his fingers over my nipples, tugging at them just so he can give me that arrogant smile when I gasp and moan. “You like that?”
I run my hands, palms flat, up his abs and along his pecs, pushing the thin cotton of his shirt up high. “I like you. All of you.” I tug at the hem and pull the shirt over his head. He refuses to stop touching my skin, so his shirt is stuck on his arms, which makes me giggle.
Caleb interrupts my giggle by lifting me in his arms and striding to the bed, my legs locked around his hips, my lips pressed to his. He lays me back gently, tosses his shirt to the floor, and just looks down, studying me like he’s trying to memorize every detail.
“What are you thinking?” I ask softly.
He reaches a hand up and cups the side of my face, rubbing his thumb along my cheekbone. “I’m thinking how scared I’ve been to lose you.”
I tighten a hand around his wrist. “You didn’t.”
“But I came close.” He dips his face close to mine and kisses me slowly. “Too close.” When he pulls away, his eyes are bright with a passion my body can’t help but respond to. “And I swear to you, I’ll never let that happen again.”
Golden Hour (Crescent City) Page 21
