“Aren’t you?”
She nodded. “I suppose I am,” she said. “I have not thought on it, but now that you speak of it, I suppose I am. He needs a good woman who will not do to him what I have done.”
Marcellus sighed faintly, hearing the same moral dilemma from her lips that they’d wrestled with for years. The truth was that their love for each other was stronger than their guilt. Love, in this case, was everything.
“You cannot fault yourself for listening to your heart,” he said. “If you did not, you would be relegating yourself to a miserable life.”
She sighed and pulled his hand away from her face. “That does not excuse what we have done to him,” she said. “It makes us selfish because we have only thought of each other. We have done what our hearts dictated. Will is the only innocent here because he is caught up in it.”
“As I said, you should be concerned for him. Mayhap… mayhap it will be your gift to him.”
“What gift?”
“Would you not want to make sure he ends up with a good woman? And that your children have a kind and generous woman to take your place?”
“Of course I do,” Lily said. “I would want him to be with a woman who will love him and love my children, but where would I find one? It’s not so much the older children I worry about, but Atticus. She would need to tolerate Atticus’ wildness and… wait.”
“What is it?”
“I think I might have an idea.”
“What idea?”
“Mam!”
They could both hear the shout from Atticus rushing up the stairwell. Thank God he had screamed because Marcellus was able to leap up off the bed and hide behind a dressing screen as Atticus rushed in with Adria on his heels. As Marcellus watched through the slats in the screen, he saw Adria come up behind Atticus as he tried to tell his mother how terrible Bradford had been to him. Marcellus should have thought something was amiss when Adria looked right at the screen, right at him.
He could see her through the slats.
He was fairly certain that she could see him, too.
*
She had forgotten his little cap.
Atticus had a little woolen cap that Lily insisted on dressing him in when the mornings were cold and breath hung in the air, just as it was now. She’d come out of the keep with the boy on the loose, rushing off to find Bradford and food, in that order, but by the time she entered the kitchen yard, she realized she’d left the cap and Atticus’ little face was pinched red.
He needed an extra layer of warmth.
Leaving Atticus with the cook, who distracted the boy with oat porridge and honey, Adria rushed out of the kitchen yard. As she came through the gate, she saw several soldiers milling around the inner gatehouse, including Marcellus. She didn’t think anything of it because Marcellus was the commander of the walls and gatehouses during the day, so his presence was perfectly routine. She could also see Hermes and Ronan over near the outer gatehouse, putting some new recruits through their paces. She could hear Hermes bellowing at them.
Quickly, she ducked into the inner gatehouse before either knight could see her and headed straight to the keep.
The interior of the keep was cool and dark at this early hour. There had been servants sweeping out the ashes of the hearth in Will’s solar, but they were gone now. She began to take the stairs quickly to the floor above where Lily’s chamber was, but as she neared the open chamber door, she thought she heard voices.
At first, she thought it was Will. Somehow, the man had slipped past her, but as she came closer, she realized that it wasn’t Will.
It was Marcellus.
Curious, she thought that Marcellus might have business with Lily and she didn’t want to interrupt. She had just seen him going through the gatehouse, so he must have only just arrived in the great chamber to speak to Lily. Adria was about take the top step and knock on the open door when she heard Lily’s voice.
I do not want to lose your child.
That brought her pause. Confused, she wasn’t quite sure why she would be hearing such a thing. She stood on the second step from the top, baffled as she listened to a conversation she could have never imagined in a million years. As Lily and Marcellus spoke to one another and evidently wept with one another, it was becoming increasingly clear to Adria that all was not as it seemed with the two of them.
Something shocking was in the air.
Aghast, Adria leaned back against the wall as she heard Lily speak of so many things she’d never heard before – being forced into marriage with Will but of loving, of all people. Marcellus.
She was astonished.
Morbid curiosity had her frozen in place, listening to an intimately detailed conversation. Shocking, horrific, and deplorable. Absolutely deplorable. She’d gone from confused to astonished to outraged very quickly, but in the course of the conversation, she also learned that something was amiss with Lily’s pregnancy, something that Tarraby had diagnosed.
Something terrible.
Lily was speaking of sacrificing her life for her child’s. Marcellus spoke of Atticus growing to look much like him. There was so much going on that Adria was having a difficult time grasping such a staggering, private conversation. She knew she shouldn’t be listening, but she simply couldn’t help herself. It became readily apparent, from what she was hearing, that Lily and Marcellus had been carrying on for quite some time and that Atticus and the child Lily carried were not Will’s, but Marcellus’.
She was so stunned that a gentle breeze could have blown her over.
When things began to come clear, self-preservation told her to leave the stairwell, to get out of there. She didn’t want Marcellus or Lily discovering that she had eavesdropped, but she didn’t feel guilty about it. She wasn’t sure what she felt, but guilt wasn’t part of it. She’d known Lily and Marcellus for years and she adored Lily like a sister, but she’d never had a clue that all of this was going on. Not one little clue.
Perhaps the greatest thing she felt, at the moment, was disappointment.
And pity for Will, who was apparently as oblivious as she was.
Making her way down the stairs, she was dazed as she headed for the keep entry. Her mind was on the conversation, unable to shake it, not even realizing that she didn’t have what she’d come for.
The little hat.
It was still sitting in Lily’s chamber where she’d left it.
Just as she set foot outside of the keep, Atticus came running in her direction and she found herself staring at the child, seeing Marcellus now that she knew who the lad’s father was. She was so caught up in her observations that she was too slow to grab him as he ran by her.
After a moment’s hesitation, she went in pursuit.
It seemed that all she did was chase Atticus. She ran up the stairs behind him, telling him to slow down, but he was shouting for his mother. He burst into the chamber, rushing for her bed as Adria came in behind him, looking around the chamber and seeing that Marcellus was nowhere to be found. Given that there was a privacy screen in the chamber, painted with a scene of mermaids and the ocean, she found herself looking right at it, suspecting that’s where he was.
The cold burn of disapproval, of disgust, smoldered deep in her belly.
“He got past me, my lady,” she said as evenly as she could. “I was only coming for his little cap. It is a chilly morning.”
Lily smiled at her boy, running a hand over his head as he insisted that Bradford must be punished. “It is all right,” she said. By this time, Adria had collected the cap and she held her hand out, taking it from Adria and pulling it down over Atticus’ head. “Now, go outside and find your father. I wish to speak to Adria.”
Atticus was not happy with that directive. “But Bradford is…!”
“Leave him alone,” Lily said, giving him a shake. “You are like a dog with a bone when it comes to Bradford. All you want to do is chew him down, but you will leave him alone. Do you hear me? If you harass him, I will see t
hat you are punished.”
She was holding up a stern finger in his face and Atticus frowned, but he didn’t argue. He knew better than to do that when it came to his mother. After a reluctant shrug, which Lily took for an affirmative, she chased him out of the chamber. As he was heading down the steps, Lily turned her attention to Adria.
The woman had moved away from the bed, now over near the wardrobe pulling forth some garments that were hanging on the pegs. She seemed distracted, like she was finding something to do, for she certainly didn’t need to be fussing with Lily’s wardrobe right now. In fact, she’d seemed a little distant since she’d entered the chamber.
“Adria,” Lily said. “Come here, please. I must speak with you.”
Adria sighed faintly, setting aside the silk dress she’d been inspecting, and went over to the bed. There was a chair against the privacy screen and she resisted the urge to give the screen a shove, toppling the screen onto Marcellus, whom she knew to still be there. Whatever Lily was going to say, he was going to hear it.
Frustrated and gloomy, Adria pulled the chair up to the bed.
“Aye, my lady?” she asked politely. “How can I be of service?”
Lily couldn’t help but notice that Adria wouldn’t look at her. “What is the matter?” she asked. “You seem upset.”
Adria was indeed having trouble looking at her after what she’d just heard, but she lifted her gaze and looked at her. “Forgive me,” she said. “I… I suppose it has already been a trying morning with Atticus.”
Lily smiled faintly. “Don’t tell me that you are going off of my son.”
Adria shook her head. “Never,” she said. “But I will admit, he can be exhausting at times. He is very full of life.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “You are telling me something I know all too well,” she said. “That is why I am very glad you are tending to him now that I cannot. I know that Will asked you to tend to him and I am grateful.”
“He did, my lady.”
Lily hesitated. “Did he tell you about his conversation with Tarraby?”
Adria shook her head, but her gaze was guarded. As if she were wary, suspicious. “You mean the fact that he has examined you every day this week?” she said. “He did not speak of any conversation, my lady.”
Lily wasn’t quite sure why Adria was looking at her that way, but she didn’t let it stop her from doing as she must. She averted her gaze, looking at her hands for a moment as she decided what she wanted to say.
“As it happens, Tarraby has been examining me all week because Will asked him to,” she said.
“I assumed as much, my lady.”
“There was more to it than simple concern,” Lily went on. “There was a reason. As Will explained it to me, Tarraby was the apprentice to a great physic in his youth. This physic had a patient who had fallen from her horse when she neared the time to give birth and she exhibited the same symptoms that I have been having since my fall in the mud.”
Adria was a little less wary and a little more interested. “You mean the pains in your belly and back?”
Lily nodded. “The same,” she said. “And the blood. You know about that.”
“I do.”
Lily began wringing her hands a little. “The woman that fell from the horse had injured the child in her womb,” she said. “Adria, I know you have never birthed a child so you would not know this, but when a child is born, there is a sack that attaches the child to the womb. It is where the nourishment comes from, as part of the mother. The child cannot survive without it and if it is damaged, it puts both the child and the mother in grave danger.”
Now, Adria was starting to make sense out of the conversation she’d overheard between Lily and Marcellus. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what Lily was trying to say.
“You injured this sack when you fell?” she asked.
Lily nodded slowly. “That is what Tarraby thinks,” she said. “He has seen it before, and Will trusts him, so we have no reason to think that he is wrong. All of my symptoms indicate this injury.”
“Then what will he do about it?”
Lily looked at her then. “There is nothing he can do about it,” she said. “My child is slowly dying because the nourishment sack has come away from the womb. It has also left a gaping wound inside of me and that is where the blood is coming from.”
Adria couldn’t help it; she gasped, a hand flying to her mouth. “What does it mean?”
Lily could see the tears welling in Adria’s eyes and she extended a hand to her. After a brief hesitation, Adria took it.
Lily squeezed her hand tightly.
“I am still coming to terms with this, so please be brave for me,” she said, forcing a smile. “Adria, I will not survive this birth. As difficult as it is for me to say it, Tarraby believes it to be true. The only way to save the child is to have him cut out of my belly, so I have decided to do that. It will hopefully save his life, but it will not save mine. I will not be saved if he is taken by force or if I naturally give birth to him. Either way, I will not survive, so I am making the choice for my child’s sake, to save him, and I must have your support. I must have your help.”
Adria was staring at her with big eyes but the tears were beginning to trickle. “It’s not possible,” she breathed. “Surely… surely something can be done?”
Lily shook her head. “It seems that there is nothing to be done,” she said, feeling pangs of grief even as she said it. “I suppose we could send for another physic, but he would take time to get here, precious time that could cost my babe his life. Do you see what I mean? If Tarraby is right, and Will believes he is, then there is no time at all. My son must be born soon if he has a chance of surviving.”
Adria blinked and the tears spattered, but she didn’t openly sob. All of the frustration and disappointment she felt at Lily and Marcellus had been pushed aside by painful grief for a woman she loved like a sister.
She was devastated.
“Oh, Lily,” she whispered. It was rare when she called Lily by her name. “I cannot believe this. It cannot be true.”
Lily squeezed her hand. “I wish it wasn’t,” she said. “I’ve wept over it, but not like I should because I feel such shock. As if none of this is real. It is almost as if I am watching someone else go through this, but then I remember it is me and I must make plans. I cannot leave this world without knowing my husband and children are taken care of.”
“And you are so calm about it!”
Lily sighed faintly. “I can either become hysterical, which will do no good, or I can focus on what needs to be done. I choose to focus. For now.”
Adria was struggling with her tears, struggling to stop weeping. “But what can I do to help?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Of course I do,” Adria insisted. “I will do whatever you wish, Lily. I will help however I can.”
Lily’s smile was genuine. “Good,” she said softly. “Because I want you to marry Will. I want you to become his wife.”
That stopped Adria’s tears in an instant. Her eyes widened and she bolted up from the chair, looking at Lily as if the woman had just grown a second head.
“What?” she gasped. “Me?”
Lily nodded calmly. “You are perfect,” she said. “You are from a good family and you need a husband. You love my son and my children know you and are fond of you. Will you not do this for me, Adria? It is the most important thing anyone could ever ask of you and I realize it is a great deal, but I beg you to consider it. Please.”
Adria’s mouth popped open and she gaped at her. So much shock that morning that she was unable to adequately handle. First the situation between Lily and Marcellus, then Lily’s health, and now this.
Lily wanted her to marry Will.
Adria couldn’t help it.
She fled.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“You told her what?”
“That I wish for her to marry you.”
&nb
sp; Will stood in the center of Lily’s chamber, dumbfounded.
It was mid-morning at Carlisle and, unfairly, the world was going on while Will and Lily continued to deal with catastrophic news. Everything around them was going on as normal and it hardly seemed right, but that was the situation they found themselves in.
And now this.
Lily had asked Adria to marry Will.
“Why on earth would you do such a thing?” he finally managed to ask. “You tell her what is happening and then you demand she marry me?”
Lily could see that his shock was turning to outrage, but she didn’t back down. “I did,” she said. “If you will stop posturing long enough to allow me to explain, I shall.”
“I am not posturing. Speak.”
Lily took a deep breath. “You will not deny me this last wish, William de Wolfe,” she said, becoming angrier than he was. “I am the one who is suffering through something horrific and unimaginable, not you. I am the one who will not see my next birthday, so stop acting as if you are the one being wronged. It is not you. It is me.”
She was shaking by the time she finished, spewing angrily, and he put up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I am sorry,” he said. “I am not trying to be difficult… but marriage? You want Adria to marry me? Why, in God’s name?”
Lily wasn’t going to let him off so easily. If she had any chance of bending the man to her will, she had to take a stand and make a good show of it.
The tears started to come.
“Because I want to leave this earth knowing that you are being taken care of,” she said. “I want to know that Atticus and Athena and Andrew have someone they can turn to, someone that cares for them. I want to see my family tended to by a woman I love dearly, one I know will be good to all of you. Is that so much to ask?”
Will’s outrage was gone, replaced by a distinct sense of remorse and sorrow. “Nay,” he said hoarsely. “It is not.”
“I want you to be happy, Will. Adria is a good woman and she will make you happy.”
Will didn’t even know what to say. It wasn’t as if he could fight with her about it. He didn’t have the heart. But he was still deeply shocked.
WolfeLord: de Wolfe Pack Generations Page 14
