Regina Jennings

by Love in the Balance

  Truly they were in very similar situations. Why had Anne married her schoolteacher? Had she fallen in love, or had her father pushed her toward him? At least Edward hadn’t been abusive. Molly slid her fingers through the silky fur and wondered how much of Anne’s erratic behavior stemmed from her treatment at Jay Tillerton’s hands.

  “One bad decision can change everything,” she said.

  Bailey dropped the second pelt to the floor and tapped his knife against the cutting board. “Are you talking about Mrs. Tillerton or yourself?”

  She buried her hand in the warm skin. Anne was a widow. Molly was an adulteress. No arguing over who’d stooped the lowest.

  Bailey arranged the cutting board, then jabbed the point of the knife downward. The rabbit’s carcass bounced into Molly’s sight before disappearing again. He sawed forward, his face grim, then set aside his knife and grasped the edge of the cabinet.

  At first Molly thought something was wrong with the rabbit, but Bailey wasn’t seeing what lay before his eyes.

  “Do you ever think of that last night on the road to Lockhart?”

  Molly blinked. How many times had she relived every moment of their time together, asking herself if it had truly occurred? So many hopes appeared realized that night, so many dreams attainable, but by morning nothing remained. Just the shame.

  Bailey continued, “Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened if Sheriff Colton hadn’t ridden up?”

  “Bailey, don’t.” She stroked the rabbit skin. “Now’s not the time.”

  “Might as well be now. Let’s hang out all our dirty laundry, all our bad decisions, and let the neighbors see. They know all yours, but mine are still hidden. I’ve got mistakes I repent of every day, but I can’t decide what I regret more—my behavior or our location. I loathe what I did to you . . . and at the same time I’m sorry I didn’t pull further off the road. I’m sorry we weren’t hidden better.” He pounded the cabinet top. “I’ve lain in that bed, in a parsonage, for crying aloud, and regretted I didn’t come back to the boardinghouse, climb in your window, and carry you off.”

  What could she say? She’d watched at her window. She’d searched for him the next day with promises of love and commitment, but he’d left her behind.

  “I thought I’d make you marry me,” Bailey said, “but I felt guilty immediately. Then I thought I’d do the honorable thing and go to your folks. What I wouldn’t give to change that decision. It was the biggest mistake of my life.”

  “You did right, Bailey. You turned around while you still could. Everything I’ve touched has been ruined. My dreams of freedom, of helping my family, even of having a career are destroyed. You’re all that remains unscathed. I’m glad you’re free. I wouldn’t want your fall on my hands, too.”

  “But if it wasn’t for me, you’d be cleared. Without my testimony Pierrepont would be in jail and you’d be justified. Instead, I’m holy and untouched, above reproach. And you . . .” He held out his hands and saw the blood on them. Turning to the basin, he lifted the pump handle and scrubbed like he was trying to take off his skin.

  “Some have shown me kindness,” Molly said, “but you can’t touch me with a ten-foot pole. You’ve got what I always wanted, and you can’t lose it.”

  Taking a towel, he turned to face her. “There’s nothing I have that I wouldn’t give you.”

  Molly looked into his dear face, proud to be his friend.

  “You have respect, and that’s something you can’t share with me. Even if you can’t walk on water, everyone here figures you’d float pretty well. That’s all I hear from my parents, from Nick, from everyone. ‘Bailey helped with this. Bailey said that. Bailey smote the rock and water flowed from it.’ With me, no one expected me to amount to much. I was never meant to be of any consequence, but you can’t disappoint everyone. They’re too proud of you.”

  “If they knew my heart they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. How can I be an example when I’m hiding who I am and what I want?”

  His eyes roved her face desperately. He’d told her that he wanted her before. He used to tell her every chance he got, and she’d taken him for granted. Now it was all she could do to stay in her chair and not run into his arms, but she was wiser this time.

  “What does God want for you? What are His plans?”

  “I prayed God’s plans involved you, but not like this. Not after you ran off with another man.” His chest rose and fell in long pulls. “I’m sorry, Molly, but people are always reminding me of what happened. It’s going to be hard to explain to everyone that . . . that I still love you.”

  Molly sat, both feet pressed against the floor, both hands folded atop the rabbit skin. Her heart was leaping, but her joy was tempered by his angst. His feelings for her would cost him, and she knew she wasn’t worth it. In some ways, their love was better left untested. She wasn’t the same innocent girl Bailey had wooed before. If their relationship resumed, she’d be forced to face the personal consequences of her past. She would always be aware of his disappointment.

  He turned to the cabinet and threw the rabbit meat into the pot. “The sun is up. I need to get to work.” He filled the pot with water and showed her the correct seasonings to add. “Throw in some onions and celery. It’ll be ready by dinnertime.”

  She walked him to the door and placed the ledger in his hands.

  “Will you be back tonight to discuss the inventory list?”

  His gaze burned steady. “I intend to discuss more than that.”

  28

  Anne Tillerton spooned the last of the stew carefully. Had she not tarried so long, Molly would’ve thought her uncomfortable, but she was in no hurry to leave.

  “Sorry I’m so quiet,” Anne said. “Since you probably don’t care how my traps are doing or that I found cougar prints at the creek, I’m at a loss. What do women talk about anyway?”

  Molly folded her napkin and laid it on the table. “We talk about family. Tell me about yours.”

  “Not much to say. I don’t plan on ever seeing them again.” Anne stared into her soup.

  Maybe family wasn’t a safe topic. Molly wouldn’t want to talk about hers, either.

  “How about your farm? Your cattle were returned.”

  “And I sold them. What’s the use of feeding livestock as long as Michael James is on the loose? If I caught him rustling I couldn’t shoot him. No one would believe I had cause.”

  “Are you going to farm?”

  “No, I put a notice in the paper to sell out. I don’t know where I’ll go, but I’ll have enough to get started proper somewhere.” She swirled the spoon in the empty bowl. “It probably isn’t right of me to accept your hospitality when I’m leaving. You shouldn’t waste your time making friends with someone who won’t be around.”

  “Nonsense.” Molly rose and gathered the empty dishes. “Getting to know you isn’t a waste. Besides, you provided the food. Maybe you shouldn’t be wasting your hospitality on me.”

  Anne smiled. Her slanted eyes were enough to make her pretty despite her unruly hair. “I won’t forget how you came to visit me at the jail. That was right Christian of you. No wonder they let you stay here at the church.”

  “What else are they going to do with me? My parents don’t want me at home, and the only other person I’d want . . .”

  Molly thrust the bowls into the sudsy water. She had to get those thoughts out of her head. As soon as Nick found a position for her, she could leave Bailey with all the conflicting emotions he stirred up. Over time, perhaps she could prove herself and they could have a new beginning, the two of them. Or if Bailey decided to leave Caldwell County, they could go where no one knew them.

  “Someone’s coming to the door,” Anne said.

  Bailey already? Dinner had just passed.

  “Bailey? Are you in there?” a voice called from the yard.

  Molly’s mouth fell open. Reverend Stoker?

  She stacked the bowls and opened the door. The pastor obvio
usly wasn’t a poker player. She could’ve read the surprise on his face from across the town square.

  “Molly?” His brows lowered. “Where’s Bailey?”

  “He’s living at the mill. Father asked him to stay on as a night watchman, so I moved here.”

  Reverend Stoker crossed his arms. “This is the first I’ve heard about it.”

  Anne stood shoulder to shoulder with Molly. “Do you need me to stay?” Anne asked.

  “That’s unnecessary.” But she regretted her hasty answer as Anne slipped between them and made her departure.

  Stoker looked past Molly at the dresses hanging and the slippers scattered in the corner. “Why aren’t you with your parents?”

  “We’ve had some disagreements. They don’t approve of my new acquaintances, so Bailey thought it’d be nice for me to have a place of my own.”

  “He did, did he?” His forehead was creasing in deep furrows. “A place free from parental restraints where you could entertain?”

  Oh dear. When he put it that way . . . “I’m talking about ladies like Mrs. Tillerton. Anyone who approves of me wouldn’t be accepted at my parents’ house. How can I demonstrate Christian hospitality if I’m exposing them to Christian hypocrisy in the same parlor?”

  But he wasn’t listening. “This won’t do. Considering your past . . . er . . . friendship with Bailey, I cannot allow you to live in a house that is under his care. Surely you understand, Molly. Don’t you realize how this will look to people?”

  “But I’m at the parsonage. Where better to minister to hurting people than on the back lawn of the church?”

  “I’m not talking about the women who might come here. I’m talking about the men. One man in particular.” Stoker limped to the edge of the porch, removed his hat, and spoke without turning toward her. “Bailey wants what’s best for you. He cares about you, perhaps to a foolish degree. I know you’re repentant over what happened, but we mustn’t let Bailey’s reputation be blackened.”

  Molly gripped the doorframe with stiff fingers. “I want what’s best for him, too. I wouldn’t hurt him.”

  “Ah, but you have, haven’t you?” He turned and the sympathy in his eyes softened his painful words. “You hurt him when you left. Now you’re back, and any connection between the two of you will stir up a hornet’s nest. I know you never intended to be in this position, but you have to think of him. What if God’s calling him into the ministry? How could he serve if his family was tainted?”

  A tainted family? Would even their children be judged for her mistake?

  Molly could picture a dark-haired lad taunted by his peers. A blond child crying because she wasn’t invited to a classmate’s birthday party. Was she dragging Bailey into a miserable future? Was she strong enough to stay away?

  She would for him.

  “I lost my job in Lockhart. Nick is trying to find me a position, but I haven’t heard from him, and I can’t go home. Bailey spends every evening there. As long as I’m in Prairie Lea, I can’t avoid him.” She hid her hands in her apron pockets.

  “I could refer you to an association in Austin. They might find employment for you there.”

  “But what about Mrs. Nimenko and Mrs. Weems? They were just beginning to trust me.”

  “I’m proud that you’ve befriended them.” He crossed his arms. “We should’ve done more to help those women all along. You’re leaving behind a legacy.”

  A legacy of care instead of shame? That was more than Molly had hoped for. Besides, in a city as big as Austin she’d find opportunities to get involved in, and hopefully there her involvement wouldn’t ruin anyone’s reputation.

  Once she was certain her family was secure, she’d leave. Her presence in Prairie Lea could only bring trouble to those she loved.

  “You’re awfully anxious, Bailey,” Mrs. Lovelace said. “Can’t wait to catch a big one?”

  It took him a moment to realize she was talking about fish. Mr. Lovelace was adding up the last of the accounts over dessert, but Bailey’s thoughts weren’t on the books. He was chewing over a more important matter. Should Bailey ask Thomas’s permission to court Molly? Molly might not accept his suit yet, but he wanted to do it right this time. Getting her parents’ approval would be a victory worth celebrating.

  The grandfather clock struck eight. If they were courting, he’d meet her here at her parents’ house. Everyone would know his intentions, and wouldn’t they be surprised? Bailey swallowed. It might be hard at first. He could imagine what would be said behind his back, but he was tired of pretending. He was tired of wearing a reputation that didn’t fit.

  “Have they found the James boy yet?” Mrs. Lovelace asked.

  “No,” Bailey answered. “He’s a fool if he’s still in the county.”

  “He’s still here,” Thomas grumbled. “And I’ll bet Russell knows where he is, too. I have to figure out how he is robbing me. It’s probably been going on for years. Once a scalawag, always a scalawag.”

  On second thought, Bailey wouldn’t ask for Mr. Lovelace’s blessing. He’d already gotten it once, and there wasn’t an expiration date that he’d heard tell of.

  When Mr. Lovelace finally handed him the ledger, it was all Bailey could do to keep from bolting out the door. He reined in his enthusiasm, complimented Mrs. Lovelace on the pie that Lola had baked, and took his leave, patting his vest to insure the inventory booklet was safely inside.

  What would Molly say? That morning she’d been reserved. She hadn’t refused his declarations, but neither had she returned them. His long strides lengthened in his rush to get to the parsonage. He knew his Molly. She loved him, but convincing her to brave the storm of gossip they’d kick up was going to be tough. Especially since his old methods of convincing were now banned.

  Reverend Stoker’s horse was tied to the church’s hitching post. Bailey halted. Maybe he should swing around the lawn. He didn’t want his business with Molly to be delayed any longer. He would split open like an overripe watermelon if he didn’t talk to her soon.

  He backtracked to the street and removed the inventory booklet from his vest.

  “Bailey, were you looking for me?” Stoker called through the open window of the church building.

  “No, sir. Are you looking for me?”

  “I guess you could say that, but you aren’t easy to find these days. Come on in.”

  Bailey tightened his grip on the ledgers, wishing he had the nerve to make an excuse. He straightened his hat. Didn’t matter much. From the sound of Stoker’s voice, he wasn’t going to get off the hook that easily anyway.

  His pastor sat on the front pew and motioned for Bailey to join him. “You can imagine the fears that overwhelmed me when I saw that Molly had moved into the parsonage.”

  Looked like this was a conversation he couldn’t avoid. Bailey sat on the second row and removed his hat. “You know me better than that.”

  “Yes, but I also know a young lady who has a history of bringing out the worst in you. I’m shocked you allowed her to live on the church’s property.”

  With effort Bailey eased his shoulders down. It’d do no good to get riled at Reverend Stoker. The man had always been good to Bailey, but he needed to see where he was wrong.

  “Her folks approved, but I should’ve asked you first. I’m sorry.”

  Stoker lifted his stiff knee and stretched his leg along the pew. “I’ll help her move home tomorrow, but it’d be better if you didn’t visit the parsonage until she’s gone. If people see you together, they’re going to question your character.”

  As well they should.

  Bailey laced his fingers together. No matter how godly he lived today, he still had a past. God had forgiven him and with that forgiveness came the responsibility to live honestly. Not everyone needed to know his doings, but someone should hold him accountable, someone who understood how weak he was.

  But how to get Stoker to really hear him this time?

  Bailey’s heart pounded, and he wiped h
is mouth. He was making things right with Molly, but how could he understand what she’d been through while he was still hiding his own failure? He had to speak now before he lost the gumption.

  “Pastor Stoker, you know I enjoy serving here at the church. I don’t think God will ever turn me into a preaching man, but that doesn’t give me leave to stray from His path.”

  “Um-hum.” Stoker rubbed his kneecap.

  “I’m honored that you and the rest of the church trust me to keep the grounds up and go on visits.”

  Stoker grunted again and pulled out his pocket watch. No time to spare.

  “If you have a minute, I would like your advice about a situation. There’s a young man I spent time with this week who told me a shocking story. I don’t know how to counsel him.”

  “Who is it?”

  “I shouldn’t say. I’d always thought him an honest sort. Trustworthy.” Bailey’s voice grew stronger as he found the story he needed to tell. He plunged ahead. “Turns out he’s sweet on this girl, but she has her reservations. He told me he’d tried everything to win her over. Candy, songs, poetry. She was interested but wouldn’t say yes.”

  “Someone here in Prairie Lea or in Lockhart?” Stoker’s brows met over his puzzled face.

  “That’s confidential, and you’ll see why. Not long ago he caught the young lady at a vulnerable time. She’d had a family tragedy, and she was feeling mighty low.” Bailey’s gaze dropped to the floor. He felt like he was disrobing in the pulpit. Naked for the world to see. “He thought that could be his chance. If he could ruin her, then she’d have to marry him.”

  Stoker’s legs shot off the pew and hit the floor. “I refuse to do the ceremony. You can tell him that. She’s under no obligation to marry him.”

  Bailey held up a hand. “Let me finish. He intended to compromise her. He got her alone, and then his plans fell through. Now, as far as God’s law is concerned, I don’t know what sin he’s guilty of.”