Kim Sawyer

by In Every Heartbeat (v5) (epub)

  Tears glimmered in Libby’s eyes. Another change—Libby never cried. He had no idea how to respond to Libby’s tears. “Stop that!” He pointed at her face as one tear slipped free and ran toward her chin. “Don’t be bawling like a baby. I didn’t do anything to you.”

  She shook her head, her chin quivering. “I’m not crying for me, Bennett. I’m crying for you. Because you just can’t see.”

  “See what?”

  “That God’s been with you all along.”

  He snorted. “Oh, yeah. That’s just as clear as a brand-new window pane.” Derision laced his words. He turned to storm away.

  Libby caught hold of his jacket front. Even though he wanted to pull away, something made him stay put. But he wouldn’t look her in the face. Her soft voice reached his ears, though, her warm breath touching his cheek.

  “I understand, Bennett. I didn’t see Him, either. Not until I tripped and fell into His arms. But He’s here, right now, loving both of us just like He always has. Our problem is we’ve been trying to find Him in the midst of our own selfish wants instead of realizing He’s waiting in the middle of where He needs us to be.”

  Bennett crunched his eyebrows. He blurted, “That doesn’t make sense.”

  “I know. It’s hard to comprehend at first, but once you grasp it, it changes everything.” She gave his jacket a little tug and he knew she wanted him to look at her, but he kept his face stubbornly angled away. She sighed. “Bennett, you said God never saved you. What makes you think that?”

  Hurts carried from long ago rose up. “You know why. My folks threw me away. Gave me to a bunch of people who didn’t care about me. When I ran off, nobody came after me.” He’d never forgotten the long-ago day when he’d darted out the door of the children’s home into the street, hoping—just hoping—someone would follow. He clenched his fists tighter, the remembered fear of that first night alone in an alley bringing a rush of hurt and shame. Why hadn’t anyone come? “They just let me go.”

  So quietly he almost didn’t hear her, she asked, “And who found you?”

  Bennett swallowed and refused to answer.

  “Aaron Rowley found you.” She bounced her knuckles against his chest. “Didn’t he? And he took you with him. Never once hesitated. He gave you a home, Bennett. Haven’t you ever considered that was God’s way of reaching down to rescue you?”

  “Wanted my own home.” He sounded childish, foolish, but he couldn’t help himself. He did want his own home, and his own folks. God hadn’t given him what he’d wanted.

  “I wanted a ma and pa . . .” Libby said, her voice turning sad, and despite his determination to stay turned away, Bennett couldn’t resist a quick glimpse of her face. Her eyes found his and held him captive. The peaceful acceptance reflected there raised a tide of longing. What must it be like to be as at peace as Libby was right now?

  “I still don’t understand why God said no to my prayers for Maelle to adopt me. A little part of me will always wish she had, because I love her so much. Maybe . . .” She tipped her head, recognition creeping across her features. “Maybe He said no because He wanted me to finally accept that I didn’t need Maelle’s love as much as I needed His. I’ll have to think about that.”

  She tugged his jacket front again. “But for now, there’s something I want you to do. Stop trying to see God where you want Him to be. Start trusting that He’s right where you need Him to be. And you’ll finally realize . . . He’s with you, Bennett, and you’re safe with Him.”

  “I’m so glad you’re going to be all right,” Pete said as he grasped the iron footboard of Jackson’s hospital bed. Now that Maelle had finally agreed to leave Jackson’s side and get some rest at the hotel, Pete had a chance to spend some time alone with Jackson.

  He hadn’t begrudged Maelle the privilege of being with her husband, but he’d needed to see for himself that Jackson was recovering from the wound he’d received when he’d wrestled Gunter for control of the gun.

  He shook his head sadly. “So much for your promise that nothing would happen when you went to talk to my pa . . .”

  Jackson swished his hand through the air, then grimaced and pressed his palm to the bandage that circled his torso. “It’s just a flesh wound. Although I regret how much worry it’s caused everyone, I’m glad it happened. If it weren’t for being shot, the police might not have been as willing to believe me when I told them Gunter confessed to killing the clerk. This crease in my side gave me credibility.”

  Pete lowered his head. He was the son of a murderer; that fact hung like a boulder around his neck. “I still don’t understand why Oscar didn’t just tell the police it was Pa who did the shooting. He was ready to die rather than tell the truth.”

  “Oscar did what he thought was best.” Jackson spoke in what Pete thought of as his lawyer voice. “If your father had been arrested and hanged, who would provide for the family? Oscar knew he couldn’t take care of his mother and brothers and sister. He was willing to give himself for them.”

  Pete marveled at the unselfishness of his little brother’s choice. There was good in the boy—he only hoped a judge would recognize it. “What will happen to Oscar now?”

  Jackson sighed. “The murder charge has been reversed, thank God, but Oscar admitted to trying to rob the store. He’ll have to pay the penalty for that crime.”

  “But he won’t hang.”

  “No, he won’t hang.”

  Pete hitched his way to a chair in the corner and sat, relief making him weak. They’d managed to rescue Oscar from the hangman’s noose, but what of his ma and his other siblings? Gunter Leidig had disappeared. Although the authorities were hunting for him, Pete was certain they wouldn’t find him. He’d be a fool to return to Clayton, knowing the gallows awaited. His family was on its own now.

  “When Aaron and Isabelle get here tomorrow, I need to talk to them about quitting school.” Pete rested his hands on his knees, absently massaging the right one. “Now that Pa’s gone for good, somebody’s going to have to support Ma and the children. I’m the oldest, so it falls to me.”

  Jackson shifted slightly on the pillow to frown at Pete. “You’re planning to move to Clayton?”

  How he hated the idea of being away from everyone he loved. Libby’s face flashed in his mind’s eye. Leaving her would be the hardest. But it would be good for both of them. They’d be able to release their fruitless emotional bond and move on with their lives. Of course, if he didn’t enter the ministry, maybe they could find a way to bridge their differences. Strangely, the thought didn’t lift his heart.

  Pete held up his hands in a gesture of helplessness. “What else can I do? I can’t work full time and go to school. Somebody has to pay the rent and buy food and clothes for the kids. My ma sure can’t do it. She’s never had a job—she always depended on Pa.” Was it fear of Pa or her lack of skills that had kept his mother in that house, trapped? “Now she’ll be depending on me.”

  “What kind of job do you think you’ll find?”

  “Maybe I’ll work at the brewery.” Pete didn’t relish working in such a place, but it offered decent wages. “Or maybe I can find something on the docks.”

  “You think they’ll hire a man with a peg leg?”

  Even though Jackson spoke kindly, his words stung. “If they won’t, then I’ll find a desk job. Maybe in a bank, or as a store accountant.”

  “Without training?” Jackson shook his head. “You’re talking nonsense, Pete. Ever since you were ten years old, you’ve wanted one thing—to preach. Are you telling me becoming a minister doesn’t matter to you now?”

  Pete tapped his peg against the floor. He sampled the excuse he intended to present to Aaron and Isabelle. “What if . . . what if I told you I picked preaching because I knew I could stand in a pulpit with only one good leg. Preaching’s one job where having a peg leg doesn’t matter—it doesn’t affect my ability to speak.”

  “You don’t really mean that.”

  Pete stared
at the tip of his wooden peg sticking out from his pant leg. He sighed. No, he didn’t mean it, and he hoped God would forgive him for even making such a statement. He’d been called to preach by the God who’d preserved his life all those years ago.

  Becoming a minister wasn’t convenience for him; it was a response to the tug on his heart. He answered honestly. “No. I don’t.”

  “Then don’t give up your dream. God has a plan in all of this. Seems to me you’re trying to fix everything yourself instead of depending on Him. Aaron and Isabelle have taught you better than that.”

  Pete swallowed the lump of shame that filled his throat. “Maybe you’re right.”

  “Of course I’m right. I know everything—just ask Hannah and Hester.”

  Pete chuckled softly. Those girls were lucky to have Jackson Harders as their pa. Even better, Jackson thought he was lucky to have them.

  Jackson yawned. “Not trying to chase you off, but I am tired. I’d like to get some sleep before the doc sends me home with Maelle.” He grinned. “If I know her, she’ll cluck around me like a mother hen and keep me from resting there. Do you mind . . . ?”

  Pete pushed off the chair and limped to the bed. “Not at all. You rest. I’ll come back and see you tomorrow.”

  “When are you going back to Chambers?” Jackson nestled his head against the pillow. Pete had never seen his usually neatly combed black hair so mussed. “I intend to meet Oscar at court next Monday and serve as his lawyer when he receives his new sentence. Maelle will look in on your mother and the rest of the family. Why don’t you return to school before you’re so far behind you can’t catch up?”

  “Another few days won’t hurt.” Pete softened the stubborn reply with a smile. “I want to see Aaron and Isabelle.” He needed their advice. “And I’d like to be there for Oscar—let him know he’s not alone.”

  Jackson closed his eyes. “All right, all right. But scat now.”

  “Yes, sir.” Pete headed outside and waited on the curb for a passing cab. He’d planned to go to the hotel, but at the last minute he changed his mind. Before he retired for the evening, he needed to make another visit. He waved down a cab and climbed into the narrow back seat. “Driver, take me to Branson’s Market.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Libby linked arms with Alice-Marie as they walked out of the Sunday morning service. Although Petey had invited her to attend the little rock chapel with him, she’d never accepted his invitation. Not since her weekend in Shay’s Ford had she sat in a church service. How had she managed to be away for so long? She smiled, still basking in the glow of meeting with other Christians, singing hymns of praise, and listening to the minister read from the Bible and then offer applications of the words to the congregants’ lives.

  Looking back, she’d spent a significant amount of time in church. Before they died, her parents had taken her; and then she’d gone with Mr. and Mrs. Rowley to the chapel in Shay’s Ford. Libby had spent more Sundays than she could count sitting on a wooden pew. She’d listened, but somehow she’d never accepted the messages. She’d been too busy trying to make God fit her idea of what He should be. Now that she’d realized that God knew best, she found a new joy in attending service. She couldn’t wait for Petey to come back so she could tell him everything that had happened while he’d been away.

  “Do you suppose Bennett will join us for lunch?” Alice-Marie fastened the top button of her coat and pulled her little felt hat more snugly over her coiled hair.

  “Bennett might skip church, but he never misses a meal,” Libby answered. “He’ll be in the dining hall, ready to be fed, I’m sure.” She only wished he would have come to service. The minister’s message, taken from the fifth chapter of Matthew, offered assurance that those who hungered for righteousness would be filled. Bennett needed to be filled, and Libby knew the best place to have his deepest hunger met was in God’s Word.

  She and Alice-Marie stepped to the side to allow another couple to pass them on the sidewalk. The man and woman walked arm-in-arm, slowly, their gazes locked. Libby’s heart stirred at their intent focus on one another. She and Petey had looked at each other that way across the barn floor on Matt’s wedding day. Would they ever gaze into each other’s eyes that way again?

  Alice-Marie’s giggle disrupted Libby’s thoughts, and Libby sent her roommate a puzzled look. “What’s funny?”

  Alice-Marie pointed at the besotted couple. “Do you see who that is? Caroline and Winston.” She giggled again, covering her lips with gloved fingers. “Bennett was supposed to take her to the drugstore for a sundae, but she refused to go. Because she went with Winston instead!” Alice-Marie shook her head. “Can you imagine choosing Winston over Bennett?” She heaved a heavy sigh, her eyelashes fluttering. “But I’m relieved. I didn’t like the idea of him spending time with another girl anyway.”

  A rumble echoed in the distance, and Libby looked up. Gray clouds rolled across the sky, hiding the sun. “We’d better hurry before the clouds decide to let loose. I smell rain.” Ducking their heads, they trotted the remaining distance. Just before they stepped into the dining hall, thunder growled overhead and fat raindrops burst from the clouds to pelt the ground.

  Alice-Marie grimaced. “I suppose we’ll be trapped in here for a while.”

  Libby shrugged, unconcerned. “It’s warm and dry, and there’s plenty to eat.”

  As Libby had expected, Bennett was already seated in the dining hall with a full plate of food in front of him. He barely glanced at them when they approached his table. Alice-Marie planted one fist on her hip and pointed to his plate. “You couldn’t wait for us?”

  “You couldn’t hurry?” Bennett countered. His tone carried a hard edge. For the past few days, he’d been short-tempered and moody with Alice-Marie. Libby wondered why the girl tolerated his boorish behavior. Libby would have cheerfully tossed him to Caroline days ago.

  “We were in church.” Alice-Marie removed her hat and shook it until drops of water scattered. “Why weren’t you?”

  Bennett leaned over his plate and spooned up an enormous bite of black-eyed peas. “I don’t go to church.”

  “Maybe you should,” Alice-Marie said tartly. “It would do you some good.”

  He didn’t reply.

  Alice-Marie took a step toward the serving area. “Let’s go get in line, Libby.”

  “I’ll be there in a minute.”

  After looking from Libby to Bennett and back, Alice-Marie flounced away from the table.

  Libby slid out a chair and sat, leaning close to Bennett. “Are you still mad and taking it out on Alice-Marie? Because that really isn’t fair. She didn’t do anything to deserve it.”

  Bennett paused with his spoon aimed at his plate and flicked a squinty-eyed look at Libby. “I’m not mad.”

  “Then why are you so testy? You’ve hurt Alice-Marie’s feelings several times in the past few days. You even made her cry.” The protectiveness Libby felt toward Alice-Marie surprised her. When had she decided Alice-Marie was more than an annoying roommate? Somehow, over the past months, they’d become friends.

  He shoved another bite into his mouth and spoke around it. “Sorry.”

  “You don’t sound sorry.” Libby refused to back down when Bennett frowned at her. “Are you going to be nice when she comes back?”

  He grunted.

  She smacked his wrist. “Bennett!”

  Suddenly he burst out laughing. His eyes twinkled, and he gave her a boyish smirk. “If I’m not nice, are you going to bombard me with dirt clods?”

  Her irritation melted away as childhood memories filled her mind. How many times had she gotten even with Bennett for some misdeed, real or imagined, by hiding in the bushes beside the dormitory and assailing him with gathered chunks of dried mud when he least expected it? Many times, Petey had hunkered in the bushes with her, and it had taken all of their self-control to keep from revealing their hiding spot by giggling out loud as Bennett passed by.

&nbs
p; “I miss those days,” she admitted on an airy sigh.

  “Yeah. It was a lot easier then, wasn’t it?” Bennett glanced toward Alice-Marie, who stood at the food counter, her finger on her lips in great concentration as she chose what to put on her plate. His brows pulled low. “She wants me to go home with her at Christmas—spend a couple of days getting to know her folks.”

  Libby’s eyes widened. “I knew you were spending quite a bit of time together—Alice-Marie tells me everything. But I didn’t know you’d become so close.”

  “We haven’t. At least I don’t think we have. I’m not real sure what to do about her.”

  Maybe that explained his churlish behavior. He was trying to scare Alice-Marie away. She gave his wrist a squeeze. “Instead of being mean to her, why not be honest with her? Tell her you’re uncertain how to proceed.”

  He frowned. “That would work?”

  Libby laughed. “Why wouldn’t it?”

  “I dunno. She’s a girl. Girls are . . . touchy.”

  She laughed again. “You’ve never hesitated to tell me what you think.”

  “Aw, but everyone knows you’re not a normal girl, Lib.” The teasing tone let her know she hadn’t ruined their friendship by scolding him about his behavior. But he was wrong about her not being a normal girl. Even now, she carried the heartache of a girl deeply in love with someone unavailable to her. She wished she could spare Alice-Marie that pain.

  “Never mind about me. About Alice-Marie . . . promise me you’ll tell her you aren’t ready for a relationship beyond friendship.

  She needs to know before she gives you her heart. It’s a lot easier to fall in love than it is—” she swallowed, battling tears—“to climb back out once you’ve fallen. Don’t hurt her that way.”