Tomorrow and Always

by Rachel Ann Nunes

  “I’ll tell the rescue squad,” Brionney said. For the first time, Jesse noticed she carried a cell phone in her hands. “It’s Malcolm’s,” she explained, seeing his glance. “He left it in the truck and it had service. I called as soon as we got here. Someone’s on their way already.”

  “Good.” Jesse felt relief wash through him. Brionney talked into the phone while he found the first aid kit under the seat. Three scared little faces watched him gravely. “It’s going to be all right,” he assured the children. “Don’t worry, but say a prayer.”

  “Is the bear gone?” Savannah asked.

  “Yes. He won’t be coming back, not ever.” He managed to dredge up a smile.

  Brionney took the phone away from her ear. “They say not to move him, that they’ll be here by the time you finish the bandages. I’ll show them where you are.”

  “You’d better wait for them inside the truck, just in case,” Jesse said, his voice low so the children wouldn’t hear. “I don’t know where the bear went.”

  Brionney nodded. “Be careful.”

  “I will.” He was always careful. He always thought things out before acting—except for this once, when he’d attacked the bear with a mere stick. Though he was safe now, he felt ill, and he knew the sickness wouldn’t leave until the incident was long behind him.

  Karissa had ripped open Malcolm’s shirt and exposed his left side where the bear had clawed him. With one hand, she pressed against her jacket that covered Malcolm’s damaged right shoulder. Already the blue material showed dark where the blood seeped through.

  Without speaking, Jesse opened the first aid kit. Karissa directed him to pour antiseptic over the claw marks while she worked to stem the blood oozing from his right shoulder. Her face crinkled in concentration as she pulled a bandage around and around and tied it off. “I think that will work.” She opened another package of cloth and likewise bandaged the claw marks. “These’ll have to be stitched. And there’s nothing we can do for his ankle. It’s too swollen to take off the boot. Maybe it’s just as well.” Her voice was still unnaturally calm, though tears crept out of the corners of her eyes.

  Malcolm moaned, but he’d lapsed into unconsciousness.

  “Brionney called for help. Someone’ll be here soon.”

  “The cell phone.”

  “Yeah. Malcolm left it in the truck.”

  They knelt in silence. Malcolm regained consciousness briefly, opening his gray eyes, then he was out again. “I want to give him a blessing,” Jesse said. Karissa nodded, not looking at him. But Jesse had left his keys at home, and the consecrated oil on his key ring with it. So he gave Malcolm a blessing without the oil, basically a prayer by power of the priesthood. After that, all he could do was pray.

  “What’s taking them so long?” Karissa said, her calm demeanor slipping. “He needs help.”

  “I’ll go get the blanket,” Jesse said. “We can move him down in it.”

  He brought the blanket but hesitated. Karissa was standing now, but moved with the cautiousness of someone who was broken inside. He recalled how she’d fallen during the bear attack. How seriously had she been hurt? Regardless, she was in no condition to drag Malcolm down to the truck. They would have to wait for help to come.

  Shouts drew his attention to where the mountain angled down in the direction of the parked truck. Soon three men came rushing toward them, carrying equipment and a stretcher. “Be careful of his right ankle,” Jesse said. They nodded and took over. After a brief examination, they gave Malcolm a pint of blood before trying to move him.

  “He’s stable,” one of the men finally said. “Let’s get him down.”

  On the way back to the vehicles, they passed a group of five men, all carrying guns. Jesse couldn’t tell if the guns used bullets or tranquilizers. “Which way did the bear go?” one of them asked.

  “I’ll show you.” Before he did, Jesse took aside one of the EMTs. “You’d better check out Karissa, too,” he said. “She fell. She doesn’t look good. She’s pregnant.” The words came out short and sharp with a staccato effect. Jesse wondered for a moment if they even meant anything.

  “I’ll take care of her,” the man assured him.

  Jesse nodded his thanks and went back with the hunters to where the bear had attacked. “She shot at him a lot,” he said. “It happened too fast to count. I don’t know if any shots went wild.” He didn’t see how Karissa could have missed any at that range. “Then he ran off that way.”

  “We’ll find him.” The hunters looked eager and ready. “We’ll let you know.”

  Jesse slowly walked back to the car alone, struggling under the weight of Malcolm’s guns and the picnic basket. Pillar Mountain was quiet now, with no trace of the attack except the dark stain of blood on the grass that Malcolm had left behind.

  “It could have been much worse,” he said. What could he have done differently? Not a thing, except to have brought his oil. Thinking of that gave him purpose. He had to get to the hospital.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Karissa watched as Malcolm sat propped up on the bed, his face darkening in anger as he listened to Dr. Fairfax. He wore nothing but a pair of white boxer shorts, though his chest and part of his stomach were almost completely covered in protective bandages. His dark chest hair was still visible near the top of the bandages and on the slice of naked belly, and the sight made him seem vulnerable.

  Karissa steeled herself against that vulnerability. Nothing else in Malcolm’s appearance—not even the heavy white bandages—so much as hinted at weakness. Except the dark chest curls that suggested intimacy.

  “I’m all right,” Malcolm insisted. “I just want to go home.” He swung his right foot off the bed, heavy with a calf-high temporary cast. The doctor had cut the mauled boot off his mangled foot to set it, and when the swelling went down, he’d need to put on a real cast. Karissa shuddered to think what Malcolm’s foot would look like if he’d been wearing his Nikes instead of his boots.

  “I’d like to give you a blessing,” Jesse said from his place near the door.

  Malcolm shook his head. “I feel fine. No use in bothering the Lord when I don’t need help.” After finishing all the stitches, the doctor had given Malcolm medication for the pain. He did act fine; maybe he really didn’t need help.

  “Are you sure?” Brionney asked. “Because your home teacher is waiting out in the hall with the girls.”

  “No, really. Thank you, but I feel fine. Like I said, I just want to go home.”

  Dr. Fairfax shook his head slowly. “You took some serious hits, Malcolm. I want you to stay overnight at least for observation.”

  Malcolm’s face flushed, but he heard the decisive note in the doctor’s voice. He gritted his teeth and hefted his leg back onto the bed. “All right, but tomorrow I leave.”

  “We’ll wait for you outside,” Brionney whispered to Karissa.

  Karissa didn’t reply except to nod. She’d expected to feel better once she learned Malcolm would be all right, but instead a growing numbness filled her heart, spreading to her entire body. Jesse and Brionney said good-bye to Malcolm.

  “Tell the girls not to worry. I’ll see them tomorrow,” Malcolm said as they left.

  Karissa clutched at the bed.

  “Karissa? Are you okay?” Malcolm’s voice seemed to come from very far away.

  Dr. Fairfax turned toward her. Karissa felt him touch her arm, but she was too busy fighting the sudden sharp pain in her abdomen. No! It can’t be, she wanted to scream. They took my blood pressure. They told me I was fine.

  “What’s wrong? What’s wrong with you?” Malcolm called out. There was frustration in his voice, a desperation that demanded an answer, but Karissa closed her eyes and the world went black.

  * * * * *

  She saw the bear again, and though she knew it was a dream, she felt the terror flood her body. The animal was larger than she remembered, its muscles strong and sinewy as it ran toward her. Her mouth opened to
scream, but nothing came out. Next to her Malcolm calmly smoked a cigarette, laughing openly at her fear. “I could save you, but I won’t,” he said. She backed away, falling over the rock. For long moments she thought she would never reach the ground, just fall forever. Then the ground came abruptly, knocking the air out of her and breaking something inside far more important.

  She scrambled for the gun in her dream, as she had in real life, her hands shaky and dripping with sweat. The smell of terror filled her nostrils—and also the smell of blood dripping from Malcolm’s body. In reality she had prayed at this point, and she did so again in the dream. “Father, help me please if You would. I know I don’t deserve it, but Malcolm and Jesse didn’t commit the sin, I did. Help me save them.” Surely she would never be able to hit the bear, but rather Jesse or her blood-drenched husband. But she fired six times, and each bullet found its way into the bulky body of the bear. Only one hit the animal’s head.

  The bear turned to her and said, “Why did you kill me?”

  “I didn’t,” she replied. “You ran off.”

  “You killed me,” it said. “You didn’t even give me a chance. I would have loved you. I would have made you whole.”

  Karissa knew it wasn’t the bear talking then, but the baby.

  She awoke and found Brionney by her side, stroking her right arm. “Oh good, you’re awake.”

  “What happened?”

  “You passed out. From shock, the doctor says.”

  “I’m losing the baby, aren’t I?”

  Brionney’s smile dimmed. “It’s too soon to tell. You are bleeding, but there’s still a chance that everything is fine.”

  Karissa had known, but hearing it made the agony slice through the numbness in her heart. She turned her face away and sobbed. Brionney continued to stroke her arm.

  Malcolm appeared in the doorway in a wheelchair, pushed by Jesse and the girls. They greeted her somberly. Brionney stood, balancing her heavy body awkwardly. “We’ll leave you two alone.”

  Jesse pushed Malcolm closer to the bed and followed his family out the door. Karissa didn’t speak, but Malcolm reached out to touch her cheek and caught a tear on his fingertip.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  “I haven’t lost the baby yet.”

  “If you do, we’ll try again.”

  Karissa clenched her teeth together and took a hissing breath. “You were out smoking when the bear came,” she said, staring at him. And silently she added, Because you just can’t give up that filthy habit, our child will die. She didn’t say it aloud, though doing so might ease the hurt in her soul.

  There were tears in Malcolm’s eyes. “I didn’t know. Please believe me. I wish I could take it back.” His voice was soft and full of sorrow, and despite her anger and aching despair, Karissa felt her heart softening. She was glad someone had given Malcolm a gown, covering his bandages and the hairy chest. She didn’t want to feel anything for him—not pity, and certainly not love.

  Sometimes sorry isn’t enough, she thought. How well she knew that lesson! She made her voice calm and without emotion—anything not to give in to the brutal agony in her heart. “Please, I need to be alone. I can’t talk to you now.”

  His pain-filled face colored at her words. “What are you saying? That it’s over?”

  She didn’t look at him. “I haven’t thought that far,” she said wearily. “I just want to be alone.” If she talked to him now, she might say something she would later regret. Like she now regretted that long-ago decision. Besides, who was she to cast the first stone?

  “It was a mistake, Karissa.”

  “Please.” She stared at the bed, wanting to help him, but knowing she couldn’t. She was too angry. Too hurt. Too guilty. “I need time.”

  If he’d been able to walk, it would have made a great scene for a movie. He could have turned on his heel and thundered out the door, swinging his arms in wounded outrage at her words. As it was, he struggled to roll himself out the door, grimacing in pain. Karissa watched him leave, feeling numb. She had loved him this morning, or at least been committed to loving him, but now she didn’t know what to do.

  If only she wasn’t losing the baby. If only he had been stronger.

  Soon after Malcolm left, they brought a dinner tray and Karissa ate without relish. For the baby, she knew it was already too late.

  She slept again, and when she awoke she could feel that she was not alone. A blonde man sat in the chair by her bed, scrunched over with his head in his hands, his elbows propped on his knees. In the darkness and without the moustache, she almost didn’t recognize him.

  “Damon?” she asked.

  He started, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “I didn’t think you would awake till morning.”

  “Were you going to wait?”

  He smiled, and Karissa noticed the moustache had hidden a well-formed upper lip that made him more handsome than she remembered. Why had he ever hidden behind a piece of hair?

  “I have nowhere else I need to be. Jesse called Anchorage and told me what happened, and I flew in to see how you were.” He laid his hand over hers. “I’m sorry, Kar. I know how much you wanted this baby.”

  His sincere attitude brought a breath of relief to her soul. “Thank you, Damon. That makes me feel better somehow.”

  “I wanted to be here for you.”

  “You shaved your moustache.”

  He grinned. “You like it?”

  “I do actually. You look younger, and more handsome, I think.”

  “I’m glad.” He paused for a second before asking, “How’s your husband?”

  “He’ll be fine. But to tell the truth, I’m finding it hard to care right now.” She knew her words must sound callus, even mean, but she felt relieved to get her feelings into the open.

  “You don’t love him?” Damon’s dark amber eyes bore into hers.

  “He should have been with me when it happened. Not off smoking.”

  Damon frowned and sat back in the soft chair. His warm hand drew away from hers, leaving it cold. “Now, as much as I’m not a fan of Malcolm’s, Jesse told me that Malcolm attacked a bear with his bare hands to save you. That shows courage. He could have run away.”

  “It should never have happened,” she insisted. “And now,” she began to cry softly, “I’m going to lose my baby.”

  He grabbed her hand again, leaning his face close to hers.

  “I waited for so long,” she continued through her tears, “and now Malcolm’s ruined everything. I know he didn’t mean for it to happen, but there it is. I’m so angry and mad and sad and hurt. I can’t even face him.”

  “I’m so very sorry,” Damon whispered. “I wish I could take it all away.” His voice was gruff, as though he was close to tears himself. “But things’ll get better, Kar. They will. And once things settle down, you won’t be so angry at Malcolm.”

  “Maybe.” She sighed. “Thank you for coming. I really appreciate it. You’ve been a good friend.”

  “A friend,” he repeated lightly, but his feathery eyebrows drew together as if in pain.

  “What’s wrong?” Karissa asked.

  A blank look covered his face. “I enjoy being your friend, Karissa. I’ll always be your friend.” He patted her hand in a brotherly fashion. “Why don’t you try to sleep now?”

  Karissa closed her eyes obediently. This time she dreamed again of the bear. She cried out, and Damon was there to pat her hand and to comfort her.

  When she awoke the next morning, he was still in the room, and so were Jesse and Brionney. “Has she had a blessing?” Damon was asking.

  Jesse shook his head. “We offered one to Malcolm, but he said he was fine. I was a little nervous to ask Karissa. I thought she’d ask if she wanted one.”

  Damon made an angry noise in the back of his throat. “Karissa isn’t Malcolm, not by a long shot.” He turned to the bed and found her watching him. “I’m giving you a blessing.”

  “But you don’t h
ave the priesthood.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  Karissa looked at Jesse, who nodded. “He was baptized several months ago. He just told us.”

  Karissa turned her gaze on Damon. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

  “I—I don’t know.” He cast an embarrassed glance at Jesse and Brionney.

  Karissa didn’t need to hear more. “But this is happy news! I may not be active, but I know the Church is true.”

  “Then you’ll consent to have a blessing?”

  “Of course, though I don’t know if it will matter.” She felt the indifferent mask slip back over her face. Will the Lord help such a vile sinner?

  Damon gave the blessing with a minimum of words. Karissa could tell by his voice and expression that he’d not felt any particular way about the baby. She had not expected him to do so; she knew everything depended on her.

  “Brionney, will you stay with me?” Karissa asked. The room radiated cold, reflecting the emotion in her heart.

  “Of course.”

  Jesse left for church, where he’d dropped off the little girls for Primary before coming to the hospital. Damon went with him, seemingly unmindful that his dress pants and short-sleeved white shirt were wrinkled from his night in the chair.

  “How long does it usually take?” Karissa said. “I keep waiting, but I haven’t felt any more pain. And the bleeding has stopped.”

  “It depends.” In Brionney’s eyes was the memory of her own tragedy. Karissa knew that her friend understood too well her thoughts and feelings, her denials, her thin hopes. “What does the doctor say?”

  “He’s going to give me another ultrasound today. To see if the heart is still beating. It was yesterday.”

  “We can’t give up hope,” Brionney said.

  “I don’t have any hope, not really. It’s as if all this time I’ve been waiting for something like this to happen.” Karissa met Brionney’s eyes and saw that they held a multitude of tears. Strange, she thought. My eyes are dry. The eyes of a sinner.