A Reunion of Hearts

by Beth Wiseman

  When she turned into Esther and Amos’s driveway, her heart sank. There were buggies everywhere. Ruth forgot Esther and her mother had a group of women coming today to work on wedding preparations for their childhood friends, Ben and Annie. Even though the wedding wasn’t until October, an Amish wedding was a big deal, and there was a lot to be done, just like weddings in the outside world. This was the last thing Ruth wanted to be around, but she was sure her sister and the other women already heard her pull in the driveway.

  She shuffled toward the front door, which was open, and as she stepped across the threshold, the breeze at her back, she inhaled the smell of cookies baking. Her mother was the first to greet her with a hug. Ruth told her last night at supper that she would be visiting Grace today.

  “I think everyone knows mei dochder, Ruth, ya?” Her mother waved an arm around the room.

  Ruth forced herself to smile as she glanced at the women. In unison the ladies and girls—about twelve of them—flashed a smile as if on cue.

  “It’s great to be here,” Ruth said, wishing she could get back in the car and head to the airport. But then she locked eyes with Esther, who wasn’t smiling. She knew Ruth well enough to know something was wrong.

  After everyone settled back into a conversation about the wedding, Ruth sat quietly, her insides swirling with anxiety, her heart pumping faster than it should. Occasionally, the women brought her into the conversation and asked an opinion about the meal to be served or items the bride and groom might need to start their lives. Ruth had known Annie and Ben all her life, and she wanted to be happy about this wedding, but her own marriage was ending, and the chatter was becoming torturous. But didn’t my marriage end five years ago?

  Every time the conversation shifted to anything about children, someone quickly redirected the topic. They didn’t want to say anything about Grace. Even last night with her parents, Esther, Amos, and Becky—her immediate family—no one mentioned Grace.

  Ruth wanted to remind everyone that Grace had lived, been loved, and existed. It was worse for everyone to work so hard at avoiding any mention of her. People back in Florida didn’t know Grace. Friends and coworkers listened, commented, and were generally sympathetic when Ruth spoke about her only child. But this was Grace’s family and people who knew her well, the diary keepers of the short life she’d lived. These loved ones held the fond recollections and happy memories Ruth wanted to take home with her.

  After what seemed like hours, Becky came bouncing down the stairs, her unmanageable blonde curls flying loose from her prayer covering, the way they’d done since Ruth arrived. Esther met her daughter at the stairs and whispered something in her ear. Becky walked directly to Ruth while the ladies continued talking.

  Becky whispered in Ruth’s ear, “I collect the eggs in the mornings, but I didn’t this morning because there was a snake in front of the coop.” She glanced around and saw that no one was paying attention to her. “Will you come with me?” The child reached for Ruth’s hand.

  Ruth glanced at Esther, who offered her a weak smile. This was surely Esther’s idea to save her, and Ruth was more than happy to oblige Becky’s request.

  Her niece held her hand tightly all the way to the chicken coop, then squeezed as she pointed with her other hand. “That’s where the snake was.”

  Becky’s hand trembled in Ruth’s, but the instincts of motherhood were still there. Ruth was equally as afraid of snakes, but it was her job to squash the girl’s fear. She squatted down in front of her beautiful niece.

  “I know snakes look very scary, and some of them are dangerous, but the only snakes I ever saw when I lived here were chicken snakes, and they won’t hurt you.”

  Becky sighed, then swatted at a fly buzzing their heads. “Will you be here for Ben and Annie’s wedding?”

  Ruth stood and brushed off her jeans. “Um, nee.” Again she slipped into her native dialect. “I’m only going to be here a week.”

  Becky pushed her lips into a pout. “That’s not very long.”

  “I know. But maybe I’ll visit more often.” It was much too soon to know when she would return. A lot of things could happen while she was here. She thought about the white envelope in the car that she hadn’t opened yet. Would divorce give her some closure and allow her to move on, the way Gideon had? Would it be easier to visit this place where she grew up? Or did divorce have less to do with it? Would the healing forces of time make things easier? She wasn’t sure.

  After Ruth searched around the coop for snakes, she and Becky went inside. Her niece picked up a small basket and they collected the eggs. They worked quietly for a while before Becky spoke.

  “Why don’t you and Gideon live in the same place?” Becky stretched her neck up to look at Ruth. “Is it because your daughter, Grace, died?”

  Ruth blinked a few times. “I suppose that’s part of it.” She had no plans to divulge her marital issues to a five-year-old and hoped to redirect the conversation, but Becky spoke up again.

  “Mamm said Grace was beautiful and very smart and gut at numbers. Daed said a terrible thing happened to her and her mammi, but that it was Gott’s will for them to go to heaven.” She cocked her head to one side, frowning. “Do you think so?”

  Ruth had spent a long time struggling to accept that Grace’s and Mae’s deaths were God’s will, but she finally had. She learned in her support group that not everyone believed the way the Amish did. Part of Ruth would always be Amish no matter where she lived or what religion she practiced.

  “Ya. I guess I do.”

  When the basket was full, they secured the chicken coop and started back to the house, the last place Ruth wanted to go. Becky stopped abruptly, looking up at Ruth again.

  “Do you want to see mei garden? It’s not big like Mamm’s, but she let me do it by myself.”

  “I’d love to see your garden.”

  Ruth carried the basket of eggs, and Becky latched on to her free hand. “Will you tell me about Grace? She is mei cousin, right?”

  Ruth’s first instinct was to shelter the child from the tears that would surely spill. Instead she pictured Grace skipping across the yard and kicking her feet high in the swing to Ruth’s right. Talking about Grace would create happy memories of this time with Becky—a winning combination.

  “I would love to tell you all about Grace.” She smiled down at the precious little girl.

  For the next half hour, Ruth sat with her niece in the grass beside Becky’s small garden and told her about Grace. Her niece glowed the entire time, asked questions, and laughed at some of Grace’s adventures. She especially liked the story about how Grace taught herself to ride a unicycle.

  “Her daed found the one-wheel bike at a yard sale,” Ruth said as she finished the story. “Grace wanted to ride it to school, but she couldn’t keep her balance since she had books and a lunchbox.” She chuckled. “But it didn’t keep her from trying for over a week.”

  They were both laughing when a white truck turned in the driveway. Ruth’s mood sobered right away.

  Gideon.

  CHAPTER 4

  Gideon eyed all the buggies and wondered what he had interrupted. He considered leaving until he saw Ruth and a little girl walking hand in hand toward him. Gideon didn’t know the child, but all he could see was Ruth and Grace walking together. He blinked his eyes a few times to clear the image.

  He waved toward the line of buggies and the horses tethered to the fence side by side. “I must have come at a bad time.”

  “Esther and my mother are hosting a group of women to finalize plans for Ben and Annie’s wedding. If you’ve come to talk about the papers, now isn’t the best time.” Ruth glanced at Becky, who smiled.

  “Are you Gideon, Ruth’s husband?” The child still held Ruth’s hand as her expression dimpled.

  Gideon’s gaze met the little girl’s bright blue eyes. “Yes, I am.” It felt odd to admit he was Ruth’s husband since they hadn’t lived as husband and wife for so long. “And ar
e you Becky?” The child had Esther’s features, but he didn’t remember Ruth’s sister having blonde curls when she was young.

  The girl nodded. “That’s what I thought. You’re handsome like Aenti Ruth said.”

  Gideon glanced at Ruth, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes as she blushed.

  Becky stood up on her toes and grinned. “Aenti Ruth told me all about Grace. I wish I had known her. But she’s in heaven with Gott.”

  Gideon loved how Becky’s eyes lit up as she talked about Grace. His father changed the subject every time Gideon mentioned Grace’s name. The few folks he’d run into since he arrived seemed to steer clear of mentioning Gideon’s daughter as well.

  “She was very special.” He refocused on Ruth, her eyes looking somewhere past him. He regretted her abrupt exit from the cemetery earlier. It wasn’t how he’d wanted their first meeting to go. “Grace was very beautiful, like her mudder, inside and out.”

  He was surprised how easily he made the comment. There was no denying that Ruth was attractive, but it was her heart that captured Gideon all those years ago. She was kind and compassionate, helpful but not overbearing, and she was happiest when she was with Grace.

  “Do you want to see mei garden?” Becky bounced up on her toes again, her grin bringing out her dimples again.

  Gideon started to answer, but activity on the front porch caught their attention. A bunch of women poured out of the house and started down the porch steps. Some were smiling and whispering. Gideon recognized most of the ladies, and they all greeted him on the way to their buggies. Esther and Ruth’s mother waved from the porch as the buggies headed down the drive, then walked slowly toward Gideon.

  “It’s gut to see you, Gideon.” Esther wrapped her arms around his neck as he told her it was nice to see her too. “I see you’ve met Becky,” Esther said after she eased away.

  “Yeah, I missed her this morning. She was out running errands with Amos. She’s a beautiful little girl.” Gideon smiled. It wasn’t just Becky’s blonde hair, dimply cheeks, and bright eyes that brought forth the compliment. The little girl had what he and Ruth used to call “the light”—it was a term they coined when they were dating and described a person who seemed to shine with goodness through the grace of God.

  Gideon saw it in Ruth when she was a little girl. She admitted to seeing it in him, too, when they were teenagers. After he and Ruth married and Grace was born, he could still remember the way Ruth held Grace in her arms for the first time and said, “Look, Gideon. She has the light.”

  Gideon saw only a hint of that light in Ruth earlier today. He wondered if she saw any at all when she looked at him.

  Ruth and Esther’s mother stepped forward next and gave Gideon a quick and gentle hug. He’d never been close to Judith, but mostly because she was a quiet woman who seemed most comfortable at her husband’s side. Gideon remembered Ruth being like that with him when they were dating and even early into their marriage.

  Over time, love changes and grows. Maybe Judith and David had gone full circle after raising their family and were back in the same place they started, happiest at each other’s sides.

  When Grace came along, Gideon and Ruth recaptured some of the euphoria of a new couple and also became a triangle of love. They were happiest when the three of them were together. When the triangle broke, Ruth and Gideon couldn’t seem to find their way back to the couple they were before.

  Esther touched Becky on the shoulder. “Come along, Becky.” Esther glanced knowingly at Ruth and offered a smile to her sister.

  Becky waved as Esther and her mother walked with her back toward the house.

  After they were inside, Gideon ran his hand over his beard, with no clue what to say to Ruth. He’d already hurt her feelings by letting her assume he was seeing someone. And he was, but he’d only been out with Cheryl a few times, so he wasn’t sure that qualified as seeing someone. Cheryl knew he was married but had been separated from his wife for a long time. Maybe he was just trying to justify the way he was drawn to Ruth right now?

  “I’m surprised you haven’t shaved your beard.” She raised a hand to her forehead, squinting to block the sun. Gideon stepped sideways, putting her in his shadow.

  “I thought about it.” He shrugged. “But I’ve had it so long, I just . . .” He’d held on to some of his Amish beliefs, and, in truth, it would feel wrong to shave.

  “Does your lady friend like it?” Ruth folded her hands in front of her, now that the sun was no longer in her eyes.

  Gideon hung his head for a couple seconds. If he denied he was spending time with someone else, even if it was only a few dates, not only was it lying, but it would be unfair to Cheryl. He liked her. “No. She doesn’t really care for it.”

  They were quiet. Gideon’s eyes were on his feet again as he kicked at the grass, his hands in his pockets. Eventually, he locked eyes with her. “I feel like there are things that need to be said, but you kind of threw me for a loop earlier when you said you didn’t think we needed to talk.”

  She stared at him for a while. “I’ll sign the papers, Gideon, so you can get on with your life.”

  He sighed as he scratched his forehead. “Ruthie, is there a problem with the papers? Is it money? Do you think it should be more?” He shook his head. “I’m confused. We can make any modifications that you want.”

  She lifted her chin and did that thing she did with her eyes when she was mad. They turned to tiny slits beneath her furrowed eyebrows. “Gideon, I wouldn’t even know what to change. I know very little about divorce papers.”

  Gideon could feel his eyes rounding before he blinked them a few times. “What? Divorce? Who said anything about divorce? Is that what you want?” He stepped closer to her, frowning. “Ruthie, did you even open the envelope?”

  “No. But I’m sure however you chose to handle things is fine.” She shook her head. “I never thought I’d be a divorced woman, but then . . . I never thought . . .”

  We’d lose Grace? Or I’d be contemplating a relationship with another woman? Or that we’d be discussing divorce?

  “This is none of my business.” Ruth chewed her bottom lip. “But are you planning to remarry?”

  Gideon was still reeling from the mention of divorce. “Let’s get back to the papers . . .” He grinned slightly. “That would be the agreement you need to sign to put the house on the market.”

  Ruth raised both eyebrows. “It’s not divorce papers?”

  Gideon shook his head. “No. And, even if it was, I wouldn’t have given them to you at the cemetery. The agreement needs your signature, but if you think I’ve priced the house too low, we can talk about it. And, do we want to add electricity before we sell it? I wrote a list of notes.” He paused, trying to read her expression, thinking he saw a little relief when she took a deep breath.

  “I’ll look over your notes.” Ruth lowered her head as she folded her arms across her chest, then sighed before she looked back at him. “But is divorce something we need to talk about too?” She eyed him up and down, then gestured between them. “Look at us. We aren’t Amish, and most of the time, I still don’t feel completely Englisch. I don’t even believe in divorce.”

  When she looked back at him, tears were in her eyes, and Gideon’s emotions bubbled to the surface. He thought about their time at the cemetery earlier this afternoon, the bond he felt just holding her hand as they visited his mother and Grace. Now they were back to being strangers and talking about divorce. He wanted to know what life had been like for Ruth the last five years.

  “Maybe we do all of this in baby steps. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other. We visited our daughter today.” He paused to swallow back the lump forming in his throat. “And we need to sell the house and tie up any loose ends. I think we still have a couple hundred dollars in an old savings account at the bank.”

  She nodded.

  “And to answer your question, no. I’m not planning to remarry.”

  “Not yet,
” she said as she dropped her arms to her side. “But I agree that we can shelve any talk about divorce until we get these other things taken care of.”

  Gideon couldn’t stand it anymore. His heart hammered against his chest as he blurted, “Are you seeing someone?”

  “No.”

  He breathed a sigh of relief, even though her answer was curt enough for him to read between the lines. She was insinuating that she had remained faithful and he hadn’t. When she didn’t elaborate, he wondered how much of the last five years she would be willing to share with him.

  “Do you want to go on a picnic with me tomorrow? We could go down to Pequea Creek.” He raised a shoulder and dropped it slowly. “It’s peaceful there. It isn’t supposed to be too hot. We could look over the papers and . . . talk.”

  Ruth ran a hand along the back of her neck as she twisted her mouth back and forth. “Ok. I’ll bring the food.” She smiled a little. “If left up to you or your father to feed us, I fear the outcome.”

  Gideon chuckled, welcoming the shift in the conversation. “You have a point. Pick you up at eleven?”

  Ruth nodded, then tilted her head to one side. “Could we bring Becky with us? I’d like to get to know my niece while I’m here.”

  Ruth was setting boundaries. With Becky present, the conversation couldn’t stray beyond readying the house to sell and maybe a few details about how they’d each lived since leaving Lancaster County. They wouldn’t be able to venture into territory they weren’t ready for yet.

  “I’d like that. I’d enjoy getting to know Becky too.”

  Ruth smiled a little, but the light she once held was barely visible. “She’s a lovely child.”

  Gideon finally offered a quick wave before he started toward his truck. “See you tomorrow.” He was a little fearful Ruth would change her mind if he stayed much longer.

  He wondered if she’d made the connection about Pequea Creek.