The Final Twist Untwisted Series Book Five

by Raine, Alice

  As soon as I stopped the car, Nathan jumped out, grabbed a couple of the bags, and made his way to the front door without waiting for me. Watching him go, I ran a hand though my hair, not sure how to deal with the silent treatment that I was getting.

  When I walked through the front door, I saw that the house looked much as it had when we’d last visited, but now the builders’ dust was gone and it looked and smelt spotlessly clean. I was keen to go and explore the newly finished kitchen, but that could wait. Right now, I had one priority, and he was currently stalking around the hallway with his shoulders hunched and a tight expression on his face.

  I drew in a deep breath and watched him for several seconds before deciding to try something he normally wouldn’t tolerate, but just might need today.

  I was going to try to top him.

  Right now, he was so closed off that I couldn’t see any other way of getting him to loosen up. Of course, it might fail miserably, and cause him to pull away from me even more, but I was lost for any other ideas to try.

  Holding my back as straight as I could, I strode towards him and took hold of one of his hands before turning for the staircase.

  ‘Come with me.’ I nearly added “please”, as I usually would, but managed to leave it off at the last minute so my words were more of a demand than a request. I needed him to follow me, otherwise this plan would nosedive before it even got started.

  At my words, and the slight tug on his hand, Nathan raised his gaze and made eye contact with me for almost the first time since his breakdown at our old house, but he remained rigidly in place. It was like tugging on a dead weight. ‘Now, Nathan, don’t make me repeat myself,’ I added, my tone as firm as I could make it. He continued to stare at me almost blankly for another few seconds, then, to my surprise, he gave one small nod and took a step to follow me.

  Holy crap, it’s working! I was sorely tempted to tell him off for nodding and not answering me audibly, but I sensed that might cause him to withdraw again, so I stowed my cheek away for later.

  Walking with purpose, I led him up the stairs, through the master bedroom and straight into the bathroom, glad that I had accurately recalled the room layout and not ended up getting lost.

  My heart was pounding by the time I let go of his hand, but I calmly set about turning on the bath taps. Then I turned back to him and jerked my chin towards him.

  ‘Take your clothes off,’ I requested, wishing that my voice held half the volume and demand that his usually did in situations like this. Just one word from Dominant Nathan could have my knees trembling and panties soaked.

  At my words, he frowned, seeming to finally catch up on my whole “topping from the bottom” thing. As his jaw tensed he very slowly shook his head.

  Shit.

  He’s saying no.

  What did I do now? Swallowing hard, I tried to imagine what he would do if the roles were reversed. After a second, I was still convinced that this was the way to go right now, so I crossed my arms over my chest, just as he would, and raised an eyebrow in my best impression of him. ‘Nathan, earlier you said you needed me. Well, you have me, all of me, and right now I want to take care of you like you always do for me.’ I licked my lips and pushed my luck by trying one more command. ‘Now take your clothes off.’ My tone this time was far stronger, and hopefully just what he needed to kick him into action.

  My man stood motionless for a second longer, his eyes fixed to mine, as he appeared to battle with my request. As he stood frozen to the spot I’d almost convinced myself that he was going to say no again. Then, finally, he blinked, and the corner of his mouth gave just the tiniest of twitches.

  Was he about to comply?

  His gaze remained locked with mine, and then finally he took hold of the knot in his tie and gripped it, his lips curling with that tiny smile again. My pulse jumped at the sight – it looked like I might have won the battle. He might still be stressed, but at least he seemed to be finding my pathetic attempt at controlling him amusing. Well, good. Amused was better than withdrawn and silent.

  Without breaking eye contact, Nathan pulled his tie free and looped it over the towel rail, then popped the first button at his collar open. Slowly, button by button, he began to undo his shirt, until it was loose and hanging open at the front, then he slid it from his broad shoulders before carefully folding it and placing it on the sink unit. I watched avidly the entire time; his firm muscles rippled with his movements, actually making my mouth salivate with the need to touch and taste him. His socks followed, then his trousers, each item folded to perfection and added to the pile, and I found myself fidgeting on the spot and really struggling with the role reversal of this scene.

  How he kept such a cool front when I was undressing in front of him I had no idea, because the temptation to rip my clothes off and leap on him was almost overwhelming.

  Once he was just in his boxers he held his hands out to the side and quirked an eyebrow. ‘Shall I dance for you now?’

  As tempting as it was to laugh, I didn’t. Instead, I shook my head slowly and unfolded my arms before placing my hands on my hips. ‘I said take your clothes off. That means all of them.’

  His eyes widened briefly in surprise, then, to my amazement, he obliged me by bending down and removing his boxers, which were also folded and piled on the counter.

  Wow. Submissive Nathan really was quite a sight to behold.

  I had no intention of making this a sexual scene, I wanted to reassure him, comfort him, and support him, but the sight of his erect cock bobbing free did at least reassure me that I was on the right track with my actions, no matter how strange they felt.

  Swallowing hard, I dragged my eyes up from his arousal and jerked a thumb towards the nearly full bathtub as I began to take off my own clothes. ‘In you get.’

  In my haste, my undressing wasn’t quite as organised as his. There was no folding; instead, I bundled all my clothes into a ball and popped them in the wash bin before turning back towards the bath and coming to a halt.

  Instead of relaxing back in the water as I had expected, Nathan sat in the centre of the tub with his arms wrapped around his knees, staring at me expectantly as if waiting for me to tell him what to do next.

  Was this what I looked like when I submitted to him? Passive? Eager to please? Trusting? I supposed it must be. I wouldn’t want to switch roles like this often – it just didn’t feel quite right to me – but it was actually very interesting to see this all from the opposite perspective for a change.

  I couldn’t quite decide what to do first. Should I climb in behind him and encourage him to lay back on me and talk? Or snuggle into his chest in front of him?

  In the end, I did neither. The bath was bigger than usual tubs, almost oval in shape, with two Jacuzzi-styles seats moulded into the plastic at the back, but I decided to take advantage of the space and sit facing him.

  Before I tried to get him to talk, I wanted him to relax, and I knew that feeling really, really clean would do that for him. It was part of his obsessive-compulsive behaviour, but if it worked I didn’t care.

  Sex would probably relax him, too, but seeing as he’d had a pretty major breakdown earlier I thought it was most important to try to get him to talk to me, and sex with Nathan might be many things, but conducive to conversation it wasn’t. In fact, I was usually too exhausted to even slur a sentence after he’d had his wicked way with me.

  Without speaking, I climbed into the bath and set about arranging him how I wanted. I peeled his hands apart and placed them in the water by his sides, then encouraged him to sit cross-legged opposite me, all of which he complied with. Then I simply began taking care of my man. I squirted shower gel into my hands and soaped up his arms, shoulders, neck and chest until every body part above the water was covered in lather. Once I was happy with the bubbles covering him, I used a soft sponge to collect handfuls of water and rinse him off by squeezing it over his body.

  His hands were next. I took my time clean
ing them to his exacting standards, getting in all the creases of skin and using the file next to the bath to clean under the nails, too.

  It was a little trickier to clean his legs, as they were under the water, but I gave it my best attempt and used the sponge to help me as I worked my way from his hips all the way to his toes.

  When I’d finished, I wordlessly held the sponge out to him, hoping he might take it and reciprocate, as it would focus his mind on something other than troublesome thoughts. He did, but not before raising his eyebrows and giving me a tiny glimpse of a wicked smile.

  ‘I think you missed a bit.’ His gaze dropped to the water lapping by his groin and then rose to mine again, his pupils dilated with arousal.

  My cheeks flamed, but he was right; I had deliberately avoided that area. As tempting as he was – and believe me, Nathan naked, aroused, and wet was always a test of my self-restraint – I was determined to keep this non-sexual.

  For now, anyway.

  If we talked and addressed today’s issues, then maybe later we could progress things in that direction to further aid our relaxation. But not yet. As much as he’d like to believe it, not everything could be solved by sex.

  ‘I know. But this isn’t about sex,’ I murmured softly.

  Nathan’s nostrils flared slightly as he drew in a deep breath of understanding, but then he took the sponge from me and began to return the favour of washing me. He started with my arms and shoulders, then moved down to my breasts. Instead of avoiding them, he deliberately paid extra attention to them, the bastard. I didn’t allow my groans of arousal to escape, even though my beaded nipples would have made it obvious that his attention was very much enjoyed.

  Instead of leaning around me to do my back, Nathan actually shifted me around so I was facing away from him, and began to run the soapy sponge across the backs of my shoulders.

  My eyes had just closed from the relaxing sensations running across my skin, and it was at this point that he suddenly decided to talk.

  ‘I … I’m sorry for my meltdown earlier.’ I heard him let out a sigh, as if his first words had been a relief to get out. ‘I shouldn’t have snapped at you, but I was really struggling with my emotions. It felt like a pressure valve had exploded inside me.’

  I gave him time to see if he was going to continue, and when he remained silent I nodded. ‘I’d say that is a perfectly normal response to yesterday’s events.’ I didn’t try to turn and face him; I suspected that Nathan found it easier to express himself when the pressure of eye contact had been removed, but I did reach under the water and give one of his thighs a supportive rub.

  It was as if my contact reassured him enough to continue, because he blurted out a question so hurriedly it was almost as if he needed to expel the words from inside him. ‘I feel so confused, Stella. Do you think my father ever loved me?’

  God. What a question. Especially given what I knew about his childhood, and the relationship between his mother and father. I genuinely wasn’t sure Mr Jackson had ever been capable of love, but I had a feeling that wasn’t what Nathan needed to hear, though, so I desperately attempted to put together a tactful response.

  ‘I’m sure he cared in his own way, Nathan. I just think that maybe his thoughts and ideas were a little different to how we think and act.’

  Under the water, his hands settled on my hips and began to knead and massage the skin as if he needed the movement to calm himself. ‘Maybe. I thought I’d resolved how I felt about him years ago … But now he’s gone … I feel like all the memories have come flooding back. After everything he did to Nicholas and me … I … I shouldn’t feel sad. I can’t.’ I felt the warmth of his forehead on my back as he dropped it forwards and took several deep breaths. ‘But I almost do. I feel … I’m not sure, but it’s close to sadness and I hate that. He made my childhood hell, threatened you and Will, and hurt Rebecca … He doesn’t deserve my sadness.’

  I truly didn’t know what to say. Losing your abusive father must be one hell of a weird thing to go through; the mixture of grief and relief so difficult to analyse and cope with. ‘ I was thinking about it in the car on the way up here, and I think I worked out why I’m so messed up over it.’

  I remained silent, hoping he’d choose to share with me, but not about to push him into it. ‘I always thought that maybe one day Dad would come to his senses and see that what he’d done to us as kids was wrong, but he never did.’

  And now he never could.

  Suddenly, I realised exactly what Nathan must be feeling, a complete loss of any tiny thread of remaining hope, but before I could offer him support he voiced exactly what was going through my mind. ‘Now he’s actually dead it puts to rest the final hope I had that he might one day turn out to be the dad I’d always wanted.’

  My eyes closed as pain for Nathan swept through my system. After all these years, all the time that had passed, he had still hoped that one day his abuser would turn into the thing he’d always wanted – a real dad. His dad. God, that was just so heartbreaking that my eyes stung and I felt a hot tear escape my eye and trickle down my face.

  ‘I hated you seeing me cry, Stella. I hate being weak, but my head felt monumentally fucked up. I think things are clearer now.’ Nathan snaked his arms around me and encouraged me to lean back into him, which I did. He enveloped me in the warmth of his body, and I raised my hands to hold his forearms in support.

  Clearing my thick throat, I swallowed and let my head fall onto his chest. ‘Crying is a natural way to vent emotion, Nathan. It’s not a weakness, and neither is asking for help.’

  Nathan didn’t give an immediate reply to that, so I stayed quiet, too, slipping my hand down his strong forearm and smiling as he made the first move and linked his fingers with mine.

  An idea sprung to my mind, but I really wasn’t sure how open to it Nathan would be. He was so different to when we’d first met – more relaxed, better at expressing his feelings instead of just clamming up – but this might still be a step too far for him. It was worth a shot, though.

  ‘Rebecca has mentioned that Nicholas sees a therapist sometimes, to help with his emotional issues … She said it’s been really useful.’ Instead of ploughing straight on and suggesting he could try it, too, I left the sentence dangling to see how Nathan reacted.

  When he didn’t immediately tense up or dismiss the idea, I decided to push my luck a little.

  ‘Maybe you could try a session with him? He would be able to help you balance out all these difficult feelings.’

  Nathan gave a grunt below me, which sounded neither positive nor negative, so I gave his hand a supportive squeeze which seemed to prompt him into talking. ‘Yeah, Nicholas has told me about him. Dr Philips.’

  A loud sigh blew across my shoulder and Nathan rested his head sideways so he could press his lips into my hair.

  ‘I thought Nicholas was weak when he first told me he was seeing him, but it really seems to have helped. I suppose talking to someone completely detached from the situation might be useful. Would you …?’ There was a long pause, then Nathan spoke again, his voice so quiet I could barely hear it. ‘Would you come with me?’

  At his words, I felt almost overwhelmed with relief and happiness. He wasn’t shutting me out; in fact, he was doing the complete opposite and actively inviting me to be a part of his recovery. This man was my everything, but maybe I was his everything, too.

  ‘Of course.’ Nathan gripped me tighter and I snuggled back into his embrace.

  The man wrapped around me might be a million miles away from the no-strings Dominant I’d initially got together with, but he was most certainly the man I had fallen head over heels in love with.

  Chapter Twenty Four – Nathan

  Tonight had certainly been … enlightening. When I’d first realised that Stella had been trying to take control of me, I’d nearly baulked and shut her out. Visions of my father forcing me to my knees had filled my mind, and my age-old mantra of no one can control me, I am
in ultimate control had immediately fought for space in my mind.

  But this wasn’t my father, this was Stella, and as I’d looked into her firm but supportive eyes I’d realised that she wasn’t trying to control me, she was trying to take control of the situation. An already fucked-up situation that I’d let get wildly out of hand by failing to regulate my emotions.

  Once again, my girl had managed to read me perfectly and respond in the exact way I’d needed. It fucking blew my mind that we were so attuned to each other, but we were. She was incredible; able to see inside my head almost better than I could.

  My mind felt clearer after talking it over, and although I didn’t feel indifferent to my father’s death as I suspected Nicholas might, I did understand why I’d had the strange collapse of my composure when it had sunk in that he was dead.

  He was never going to be the dad I’d always hoped for, but I wouldn’t let that hold me back. I would make it my life’s mission to be everything he never was. An amazing father to William and the best partner for Stella that I could.

  Jesus. I’m turning into a right sap. Rolling my eyes, I adjusted Stella in my arms and decided I’d had enough of the mushy crap for now. It was time for me to get our balance back on track; I wanted to be in control again. Needed to. And as much as I had needed her intervention earlier, I felt the inherent need to discuss it and make it clear that I didn’t plan on letting it happen again.